Time For A Cerebral Sweep: Cranial Clutter That Needs To Be Dumped

 How about a little Random This 'N That sort of post to clear out some of my Thought Nerfuls that have been bouncing around my brain? I need a sort of Cerebral Sweep, and I don't want to fuss about format much, either. Here we go.

Stuff I Meant To Mention Awhile Back

1. I won the Fantasy Basketball Championship for our league back in...March? I beat out 9 men for the coveted virtual trophy and bragging rights. I won't bore you with the details, but I do want to mention that I was without my core of stars for most of the playoffs, and I had to pull off miracles. 

2. Zydrunas's DNA results came back and he is a mix of pit bull and American bully breeds. No boxer in there at all, which surprised me. He could not care less about this info, and honestly, either could we.

The Politics

1. I have not missed a January 6 Hearing yet, and I watch with a mix of astonishment, smug validation, admiration, and frustration. And General Outrage. Liz Cheney and I have zero in common politically, and I can't see myself championing her candidacy for much of anything, but she is laying it down in these hearings. This Committee is outstanding in its preparation, presentation, and its command of the facts in evidence. The DOJ had better come through.

2. SCOTUS is breathtaking in its corruption. The ruling overturning Roe v Wade is a travesty; Alito's writings are almost insane. The fact that Clarence Thomas is still adjudicating matters brought before the court while his wife is implicated in the Insurrection taints any and all decisions (or even debates) he is involved in. A major correction is needed, and what shape that takes (expansion to match the number of federal circuit courts or losing tainted judges appointed by a seditionist president) should be decided soon.

3. Young Sorta-Democratic voters need to stop getting stuck on student debt forgiveness and understand that there are other critical issues facing them and their future. Or--failing that--they need to ask themselves, "Who is more likely to ever forgive my debt at any time, a Democrat or a republican?" and vote with that in mind. Duh.

Life In General

1. I am feeding a blue jay with raw peanuts in the shell on my front porch at home. Every morning, early, I leave them in a little ceramic dish on the table and watch as it flies in and grabs one. If the windows are open, I talk to it quietly. (I've even named it, Sassy.)  My next move is to be out there when it comes to feed, sitting still and quiet. I am working up to having it eat from my hand.

2. Rick is on vacation this week, so we are spending a great deal of it at the lake. Jared and Sam came down for boating and fireworks and brought Zydrunas. I spent most of the hour-long show lying on top of the dog, who was trembling with terror. Eventually, as I spoke to him and he felt my weight keeping him safe, he was able to relax and feel better. 

3. I planted dill from seed that I harvested from my dill last year. It did not come up. I have dill, however, all over the place where I did not plant it. It is everywhere except in my herb garden, where I planted it. Regardless, I have a lot of dill, so Yay! I've already made quarts and quarts of pickles.

4. I was reading names of 2022 graduates, and I love this one:  Mysterious Destiny.  Obviously, I won't give the student's last name, but how great of a name is that? And how very, very true.

  Talk to me of Things You Forgot To Mention, The Politics, or Life In General in Comments. And wouldn't you agree that Mysterious Destiny is aptly named? From the moment we take our first breaths in the world, little about our journeys here can be known. How different we all thought our lives would be right now, even five years ago! Mysterious Destiny's mother is a poet and a prophet.

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I'm Finally Thawed Out, So Let's Catch Up

 

Oh, hello there.

Thanks for waiting. It would seem I was semi-hibernating, waiting for the March Thaw. It has arrived, and gloriously so, here in NEO. We even hit 70 degrees and full-on sunshine one day. Every single mound of snow has melted, and on my now-daily-again walks, I have been greeted by eager crocuses. The red buds of the silver maples are swollen, and in some cases, have already burst into yellow fringe. In a single day, my daffodils and tulips suddenly emerged from the ground a full inch. March is a fickle lady, however; we may yet have more snow. My snow shovels will stay out of the garage and at my back door until April, lest I tempt the Fates.

So! Here's a little hodgepodge of what you missed in my world since I last checked in here.

1.  Walks:  It feels so liberating and rejuvenating to be back out on my daily walks. I was starting to get quite edgy and claustrophobic. After my two falls, I wanted to be absolutely sure that there was no ice to create a hazard. I will admit that the presence of some lingering Christmas decorations is irritating (Come on! It's March!), but I take deep breaths and make allowances due to the pandemic. After all, some people may need them for that last bit of--no! Screw that. Take them down.

2.  I Have A Graphic For That:

by Mike Luckovich

Let me just say that watching President Biden's speech last night reaffirmed for me the admiration  (and love) I have had for him lo, these many, many years. Could you feel the empathy? the sincerity? the authenticity? Did you feel--finally--that perhaps your government could possibly do the Right Thing by you and your family? As soon as the speech was over and we watched him walk away from the podium, Rick said, "Say it. Say it, Nance."  And I did. I said, "I love Joe Biden." Rick smiled and raised his wineglass. I am so grateful he is the President, and I cannot thank Georgia enough. 

My vaccine story is one of great fortune. Like so many Americans I jumped online and registered with several providers. Ohio's is a tiered system by age and special considerations, such as chronic illness and certain professions. I was in the third tier, which opened up on March 4. On that day, my brother Bob called me and told me he happened to be at a Sam's Club close by; they had 20 doses of the Johnson & Johnson COVID-19 vaccination, and he had signed Rick and me up, along with himself and his girlfriend and two of his friends. Our appointments were three days later, that Sunday morning. I couldn't believe our luck! The pharmacy called the next day to confirm and get information, and we got our vaccines Sunday morning without incident. To say I'm grateful is an understatement.

3. The Un-Dinner:  Rick and I have embraced what we call The Snack Board for weekend dinners. Neither of us has been very good about food lately, feeling bored and not having much of a taste for anything. On the weekend we like to keep things casual and simple, so we've defaulted to assembling trays of fruit, veg, cheese, crackers, leftover tenderloin slices, braunschweiger (aka goose liver), olives, or anything we find hanging about in the fridge. Sometimes I make some dip, like spinach dip, or sometimes I warm a little brie with fig jam. We grab some wine, and that is dinner. Other times, I toss together some sauteed onions, black beans, and refried beans, then pour some enchilada sauce over it. I top it with some shredded sharp cheese, then put it under the broiler for a bit. We dig into that with tortilla chips, and that's dinner.  Sometimes, after I've planned, prepped, and cooked a meal, the last thing I feel like doing is eating it. This feels more like grazing to me.

What's been happening with you? Are you vaxxed yet? Are your Christmas decorations down? Do you love President Biden's compassion and policy? Do you cook on the weekends? More importantly, did you miss me? Give me the real deal in Comments.

TGIF: The Pandemic, Political, Procrastinating, Polar Edition

It felt so strange to be away from writing every day! I think I'm having a sort of Withdrawal. In order to combat that, I thought I'd pop in for a quick post, a little TGIF nattering.

T:  Time.  As in, I am wasting a lot of it lately. My mornings especially have become like slowly spreading puddles of molasses as one hour flows into the next, with me in my robe and jammies, comfortably cozied on the couch or in my big chair. I sip my coffee (sometimes flavoured with various spices I toss in), read my paper and blogs, and lately, shop for Christmas presents online. Each hour, I say, "Eight o' clock is my Go Time," then "Nine o' clock is my Go Time," then "Ten o'clock is my Go Time," and on and on. Today, it seems as if Noon is my Go Time. Sigh.

G: Gobsmacked. Here is a picture of me on Wednesday.

You likely did not know of it because I do not live in New York City or Chicago or Miami or Los Angeles (the only cities in the United States, according to Major News Outlets), but we here in NEO had a massive winter storm. In its wake we were left with 14.5 inches of snow. That is OVER A FOOT OF SNOW for those of you scoring at home. It started as rain, which meant lots of slush and ice first. It was heavy and wet snow. I could not even shovel, which I usually love to do. It took Rick two and a half hours to snowblow our driveway and clear the bottom detritus left by the snowplow. And all of it will still be here until July, probably.

I:  Irritated. I had to go to the grocery store yesterday. I had not been shopping since before Thanksgiving, and we were out of some key items. Unfortunately, it was busy, as it often is on the third of every month. This meant I was confronted with an unusually high number of Idiots who: wear their masks UNDER their nose; pull their masks down to read labels; pull their masks down to talk to someone RIGHT NEXT TO THEM; hover right behind or next to me rather than say, "Excuse me" or wait their turn. In addition, as I was helping to bag my groceries, the cashier suddenly said to me, "Ma'am, where does your order end?" I was confused and asked her to repeat herself. "Which items are yours?" she asked. I looked at the end of the belt and saw that some pushy woman had already begun loading her stuff on the belt, INCLUDING HER DIRTY PERSONAL BAGS, WHICH HAD FLOPPED ONTO SOME OF MY GROCERIES. Let's just say that I restrained myself as much as I could, but let her know I did not appreciate her rudeness, breach of the rules, and lack of respect for my health and safety.

F:  Forward.  As in Looking Forward and Moving Forward. I may have mentioned that I keep a Countdown To America on my whiteboard. It is the number of days left until the Inauguration of President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris. (When the pandemic lockdown began in our state, I used the whiteboard to record a happy thing each day. I called it "Today's Yay".) 

I'm trying hard to look Forward to Christmas, but I'm just Not Feelin' It. I feel happy picking out presents for my grandchildren and children, but the prospect of putting up our tree right now simply feels like Work. I hope I get there; I truly do. 

Happy Friday to all of you. I missed you! Talk to me in Comments.

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November Post #9--I'm Freestyling And Talking About President Joe Biden And Vice President Kamala Harris

Topic #9 is supposed to be My Best Physical Feature. To be honest, I have no earthly idea. There have been times that I have walked by a mirror or store window and not even known my own reflection. I have an odd perception of what I look like. So, I'll let someone who knows me answer this one, perhaps. The whole idea makes me uncomfortable.

Besides, don't we have something more Important and Wonderful to talk about? I'd say that we do!

How many of you smiled and took a full, deep breath just seeing that picture?

Here's another reason to smile.

While this election should never, ever have been as close as it was (and that does make me shake my head in wonder and dismay), I choose to see it as a full repudiation of Chaos, Incivility, and Corruption. The individual wallowing in the White House and tarnishing the Office of the Presidency will continue to do so, but his time is thankfully limited. His bootlicking lackeys can bluster and blow right along with him, but It Just Doesn't Matter. His cult can drive their gas-guzzling trucks with their flapping flags up and down the highways and dirt roads, but It Just Doesn't Matter. He can tweet in all caps about stolen votes and fraud and taking it to the courts (or Court), but It Just Doesn't Matter. He's Out, Gone, Done, and in his own obnoxious word, Fired.

I, for one, feel lighter. Joyful-er. Safer and more secure. I can be Proud of being an American again. Pretty soon, I can watch the national news and not roll my eyes at yet another stupid, outrageous, or infuriating spew of crap coming from the White House. I can, perhaps, retire my #Resist.

Wasn't it uplifting and affirming to listen to a President speak about caring for the country? One who said he was humbled by the trust we placed in him? Who spoke truly lovingly about his family and his wife? Who spoke of unity and not division? My heart was so full as he spoke. I could feel years of stress and pain begin to slough away.

His partnership with President Obama may very well be the way he will view his relationship with Vice President Harris. Since she joined the Senate, she has been a standout. Her questioning of Kavanaugh was masterful and still riles the old white guy republicans in the Chamber. She will be a Force in that office. What a vibrant, vital, and welcome replacement for smarmy, duplicitous Pence.

One of 45* 's ghostwriters said that 45*'s favourite strategy is to create so much chaos and trouble that the other people simply become exhausted and give up. 45* himself said, "I am a whiner and I keep whining and whining until I win." Well, our democracy doesn't work that way. As President-Elect Biden's campaign manager said, "The United States government is perfectly capable of escorting trespassers out of the White House."

How I'd love to see that!

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Politics For The Concerned

Yes, I'm still here. September has been...uninspiring...and I have to tell you, I'm not feeling particularly Chipper, Centered, or Grounded lately. I'm leaning on my Coping Mechanisms (walking, journaling, reading, meditating, weekending at the lake) and referencing this article more than a few times. As my favourite doctor, Dr. B. Neurologist Extraordinaire says, I am a great observer and know my body well. It is telling me that I am in need of Gentling (and if that's not a word, it should be) and Radical Self-Care (and that's a term I'm borrowing from my buddy Shirley). 

It's not something I'm going through alone; I know that. Those of us who are Concerned Persons feel a sense of desperation and endlessness at times. That sense of being directionless. Those of us who care about others, not just those whose skin colour, race, sex, or gender match our own, feel a sense of almost constant outrage mixed with sadness. We feel a shadow of panic as we see the representatives of our elected government not only enable criminal and immoral activity, but encourage it with impunity. I know I feel a sense of dismay and profound disappointment when I see evidence of support for those people proudly displayed in campaign signs and flags in my own community. I wonder at their embrace of such cruelty, bigotry, and degradation.

I don't even have to mention the stressors caused by the pandemic. We're all living them, unless we subscribe to the Magical Thinking of the deniers and nihilists who are making it worse for everyone by selfishly refusing to follow safety protocols. We all miss our Former Lives, but not nearly as much as those who have died from the virus, alone and afraid, miserable and suffering. We who are Concerned Persons don't simply dismiss them and deny them. We mourn them and know or know of them and recognize the senselessness of their deaths. They weigh on us, and we grieve them.

The current resident of the White House supposedly rode in on a wave of disaffected voters who felt unrepresented. These so-called Flyover State Voters were sick of being ignored; they were tired of Coastal Elites calling the shots in Washington. Is this really what the middle of America comprises, a herd of racist bigots who flock to facebook to spread hideous conspiracy theories? I can't even begin to express my shame for Ohio, which has become more red and gun-happy than Texas. And thanks to savage gerrymandering, it will remain so for this election. So much for the reputation Midwesterners had for being so welcoming, kind, friendly, and...well, you understand. 

Excuse me for seeming jaded; I feel the same way about so-called Christians, too. Let me just leave that comment there. I'm sure you understand what I mean.

And here's the thing:  nuts and bolts, my basic life has not drastically changed during this administration. My family all have been employed, we've been fortunate to have retained our insurances, we've escaped this virus thus far even though my husband and sons are all essential workers. As one of 45*'s supporters said, we can still gas up our vehicles, put food on the table, and get our booze on the weekend. I know we are incredibly and magnificently fortunate.

But as Concerned Persons, my family all know that It's Not Just About Us. It never is. It's about our Democracy. It's about our friends, our neighbors, our international family, and our status as a world example. It's about the people who need more than we do. It's about standing up for those who are overlooked. It's about adding volume to the voices of the voiceless. It's about righting wrongs. It's about being proud of what we stand for, what our President says and does, and what he or she represents to the world on our behalf. It's about Liberty And Justice For All.

This isolationism, this Only (White) America mindset is small-mindedness to a fault. I'm reminded of the quote by Thomas Paine, political activist and American Revolutionary, "'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death." Only one candidate in this presidential contest can claim true heart, conscience, and principles. As a Concerned Person, I can only hope that others see this and vote to restore heart, conscience, and principles to the White House.

I will be voting early, in person with mask and gloves, and I will be voting Democrat down the ballot. I am voting to send a message and I am voting not just for myself, but for my country and for those who need rights restored. I've had enough.

How about you?

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The Politics: Grab Your Helmet And Strap In

I have reached the End Of My Patience with anyone and everyone who is finding a reason to support the individual currently occupying the White House. There is simply not a single reason--not one--that will justify tolerating his presence there. I don't care what kind of defense is offered. I have heard them all, and the only one that flies with me is this: "I am batshit crazy and I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

Sadly, without using those exact words, that is The Number One Reason much of his base will cast their votes for him. We all know the Number Two and Number Three reasons. They are, in no particular order, "I am, to some degree or another, a racist, and I am afraid of losing my privilege and my place atop society", and "I am voting with my wallet, which is an extension of my penis."

It's not lost on me that these reasons may all be interconnected and blended into One Big Reason for many people. Fear is a great motivator. And fear-mongering has been a tactic of republican campaigns for decades. Or republicans in general. 45* and his campaign people are merely studying previous campaigns, both real and fictional (he got some of his pointers from the TV show The West Wing: "Let Bartlett be Bartlett"), hence his reliance on catchphrases like calling himself a Wartime President and harping on Law and Order, a la Nixon.

Another Reason, and one which I find so terribly frustrating, is for the Single Issue Voters, and that is abortion. A segment of the electorate will overlook a raft of egregious behaviour, a multitude of sins in a panoply of categories, if this individual purports to be against abortion.

Which leads me to this: is anyone truly, enthusiastically for abortion? That's not really what the issue is, now is it? I resent that the people who are Anti-Choice are called Pro-Life. What bullshit. I. Am. Pro-Life. I am all about Life. I am against the Death Penalty. I am, however, Pro-Choice.

But I digress.

I know of one 45* voter who said, "I wish he'd just shut up. And stop tweeting." Why? Why is this a dealbreaker for you? This is Who He Is. These are his words, and they are his thoughts. This is the man you voted for. If he embarrasses you, if his thoughts and words shame him and you, then what do you think of his actions? This same voter STILL HAS NOT MADE UP HIS MIND ABOUT WHO TO VOTE FOR IN THE GENERAL ELECTION IN NOVEMBER! He said, "I have to wait to hear from Biden."

!!

Really? Haven't you heard enough from 45*? Immigrant children forever separated from their mothers; staff now in jail; impeached; under active investigation by the state of New York for financial crimes; accused of sexual crimes and rape by more than a dozen women; mocking and disrespecting government leaders; a bungled and slow response to COVID-19 that cost more than 100,000 lives and he takes no responsibility; he threatens his own citizens with their military...the list is endless. What could you possibly hear that would be worse than this?

These people are Part Of The Problem, and I'm done being tactful and pleasant. All of them are getting Blunt Truth from here on out. I'm just Over It. And that includes diehard Bernie people who are whiny toddlers at this point. It's Blue No Matter Who and Go Joe. Don't you dare give us 2016 again just because you can't get your way. Step up and do the Right Thing this time.

My anger and frustration are minuscule and do not even begin to compare to what the black community is feeling and expressing since the murder of George Floyd. How can anyone view the recorded evidence of these episodes and not be shocked and outraged? I cannot begin to imagine the heartbreak of having to raise my own sons with a talk about how to behave when approached by law enforcement, knowing it could be a life or death situation. There is a cultural shift at work now that is long overdue. I'm heartened that the people are taking the initiative with commitment and resolve, knowing that there is no support from the White House for this important work.

Which leads me to this:  I became aware of a website and Twitter feed, Republican Voters Against trump. On the site, former republicans share brief video stories of why they will never vote for 45* again, and, in some case, never vote republican again. It reaffirmed my faith in human beings, especially after some of the stories I have read and seen in the news. Here is one former republican, Paul, whose story really resonated:



Please share this website with anyone who needs to be aware of it. Sometimes I listen to a video just to reassure myself that there are still some Good People out there who just made one mistake.

Stay engaged, stay safe, stay kind, but Stand Firm. Don't let the Bad Guys win.


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TGIF: The Piece(s) Of My Mind Edition

It's anyone's guess what will happen with this post. I'm winging it, just like Blogger and Feedburner seem to be with my subscribers and commenters lately. More on that later. How is everyone? Feeling Blue in The Good Way? Do grab a nice beverage and/or a snack and settle in. Let's begin.

T is for Transitions: And Ticked Off. I'm angry that Blogger is denying any and all Commenters without a Google account. I could allow for Anonymous commenters, but then you'd have to pass the dreaded Captcha, which has gotten nearly impossible. Additionally, I get overrun with spammers. I've started to work with WordPress, but unless I want to pay for their service (which I don't), it's very limiting, clunky, and not very customizable. I am also aware that my email subscribers are suddenly not getting my posts via Feedburner, also owned by Google (who owns Blogger). It's apparent that I need to make some changes, but...I really don't have the energy.

G is for Giggles: Saw this decal on the back of an SUV the other day. Luckily, it was in a parking lot, so it wasn't a danger to photograph it. I found it very refreshing and self-actualized.

I is for Involved: It's so satisfying and encouraging to hear from so many people that they became much more involved in this midterm election process. I had family members who canvassed, phone-banked, put up signs, and wrote letters. I heard from friends who had never before done any campaign work, but this year they went door-to-door or stuffed envelopes. AND! You'll be glad to know that I flipped two red voters to blue. It's astonishing what some Actual Facts and Turning People Away From Facebook And To Credible Information Sources can do. (And some Disgust Of 45*.) Sadly, due to gerrymandering in Ohio, it is not a lot of help, but...baby steps. I continue my activism, now writing to voters in Mississippi for their special election, and awaiting any opportunities for Georgia's governor's race.

F is for Fall? What Fall?: I know many of you are reading this in the Icy Tundra that is your neighborhood or workplace. Did any of you ever get to open your windows to the Autumnal Zephyrs of October? Or even September? Or, like me, did you have your windows closed, airconditioning blasting because throughout September it was in the upper 80s and 90+ with matching humidity which continued through the first week of October, followed immediately by rain and temperatures in the 40s and 50s, at which point you turned on your furnace? I swear, I opened all of my windows to "Fall" one time--on a 50-degree day--solely to air out because I could not take feeling like I had been on a Perpetual Airplane anymore. And now, sn*w. Just. Stop.

Okay! Let's see what happens once I put this Out On The Interwebs. As always, I'm everso glad to hear from All Of You.

Free-For-All Friday: The Slightly Subdued, Post-Migraine Edition Celebrating Simple Joys Of The Week

Last night our Canadian Friends sent us a bigass cold front packing icy cold winds and the first sn*w of the season. (Thank you, but really, you shouldn't have.) I woke up at 3AM with a banger of a migraine and today am pretty worthless. As I cower from everything but Rest, Hydration, and Warmth, I feel compelled to satisfy my Writing Responsibilities. Here's a Quick Rundown of some Small Yet Satisfying Happinesses that lifted my spirits this week:

1. Carly Simon On iTunes. I grew up listening to the music of my older sister Patti, who is seven years my senior. She was my idol, my role model, and my mentor in so many areas of Life. We shared the finished attic bedroom with my younger sister Susan for years and years, so I grew up listening to whatever music Patti did. This week, I downloaded two Carly Simon albums from iTunes, using free money from my many survey credits. They're in heavy rotation now with the two Beatles albums I downloaded last week (also for free!), and I'm really enjoying this musical trip in the wayback machine.

2. Fall Wardrobe. Cuddly sweaters, leggings, boots, long pants again--these are a few of my favourite things. I refreshed my fall/winter wardrobe with a few new pieces from TJ Maxx, but most of my clothes are in good shape and are basics that I can wear a long time without looking dated.

3. Soups And Slow Cooks/Roasts. I'm finally feeling like cooking and being creative in my kitchen again, and it's a pleasure to do it when it's not so hot out and I have more of an appetite. I made a really tasty (and easy) soup last night that Rick thoroughly enjoyed, and I plan on making many more. Sam finished the small leftover bit for his lunch today. I actually had a pretty good Cooking Week, for a change, taking advantage of my crockpot and the oven (since we've had such cool weather), and it's starting to feel like I'm getting back to my old self a little bit.

4. Democrats! Thank you, Virginia and New Jersey. Thank you so much.  Thank you for repudiating the Politics Of Hate And Ignorance.  Thank you to the strong, capable women who decided to run for office and make a difference right at the source.  And a special Thank You to Ashley Bennett, who served up one hell of a dinner in New Jersey.

I await your Comments on my Simple Joys and stand ready to Celebrate (albeit gently) Yours.

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The Dept. Of Nance Is Eleven

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The Dept. of Nance is Eleven! Trust me; that is far more astonishing a fact to me than it is to you. The Very Idea that I have been yammering on here for that long is almost as Crazy as the Notion that People Still Read Me. And often have Things To Say right back.

Incredible.

And so very Nice.

Eleven itself, as a Number, does not bring to mind anything I can use as a Theme, so I shall borrow a tired old construct and use the letters of the word ELEVEN and yada yada from there.

E is for Eternity. As in how long the Olympics from Rio seem to be lasting. This blog has seen SIX Olympics, starting with the Turin (Italy) Winter Games. I am absolutely certain that the Rio Summer Games are Eleven times longer. Rick has already complained that he cannot come home from work and unwind by watching Dr. Phil because our local NBC affiliate insists on having 90 minutes of news instead. And results are all over the Interwebs and aforementioned news, so unless the event is live, there is no point watching anything time-delayed. We already know the outcomes.

L is for Lists. I've done lots and lots of them on dozens of topics, both here and over at my now-defunct blog that I used to co-write with Jared, Stuff On Our List. Between the two of us, we've listed favourite pies, cakes, Christmas music, and most-hated songs played on the radio. We listed ways to turn around a bad day and Stuff That Is Dead To Us. In 2010 I listed my Five Most Dangerous Food Nemeses, and in 2016, they are still the same. But The List--you know The One--has changed a bit. I think it's almost time we Revisit that in another whole post.

E is for Elections. The Dept. of Nance is normally Very Political. While I make no secret of my Party Affiliation (Strenuously Democrat), I am so disgusted and disappointed in my country this year that I generally have refrained from The Politics this go-round. I have long decried The Wisdom Of The American People as nonexistent. This presidential Election proves it via the entire republican party and the media who had a major hand in creating its nominee, as well as the party faithfuls who continue to support and countenance him, even while they denounce his statements and sentiments. That they would sacrifice their entire country and its people in the name of a party victory or affiliation is revolting. And lest anyone think I am equating the republican nominee with the Democrat in any way, let me be clear: I'm With Her. And like Senator Sanders, I'm sick and tired of hearing about her damn emails. And all of it has caused me to break my Self-Imposed Ban Against Using The Eff Word. So there's That.

V is for Victory! The Dept. of Nance has long celebrated books, authors, poetry, poets, and all manner of writing and reading. It was with the Most Profound Sadness that I wrote about the deaths of some of my favourite authors like JD Salinger, Arthur Miller, and most recently, Harper Lee. Another Great Sadness was my inability for the past two years or so to read books. I mourned this loss so keenly; books were always a huge part of my life. Well, as of June, I'm back to reading as before! I'm so happy. And the book that broke the spell? My old reliable that I reread every June, Gone with the Wind.

E is for Eating.  In the early years of this blog, I wrote often about the protracted and terrible dramas our family enacted when trying to decide What To Have For Dinner. Unfortunately, though the characters are reduced by half, these skits are ongoing. Both Rick and I are bored with food a great deal of the time, and we are ashamed to say so, knowing that there are vast populations of the world going hungry. I try to snap myself out of it and, in bursts of Culinary Energy, create marvelous entrees to great admiration, but then back into the Slough Of Suppertime Despair I go.  Perhaps I need to take a Vitamin.

N is for Necessities.  When I first began writing here at this space, my Necessities Of Life were high heels, red pens, coffee, and martinis.  And, of course, the migraine drugs.  Now my Necessities Of Life still include the migraine drugs and coffee, but that coffee is half-caff.  I've pretty much traded in my martinis for wine because these days, I'm a very cheap drunk.  And I still have all my high heels, but I only visit them in the upstairs closet, like trophies in a case.  As far as red pens, I do all my editing and commenting on documents in a computer program, so those are another relic of a previous life.  (A friend just asked me, upon hearing that school started here this week, if I missed it. All things considered, the answer is still No. )  So, what are my New Necessities Of Life?  Migraine Drugs, Coffee, Wine, ... oh, that last one.  Such a Toughie.

Let's enjoy some cake whilst we mull it over.  Happy Eleven, Everyone.  I think there's enough.

image via Bing/Pinterest

What Do Catholics, republicans, And Chicken Pot Pie All Have In Common?

Fountainhead by Seyed Alavi

It's been a perfectly ghastly week, and I need to write to Feel Human again. All I have been able to do since Friday night is whimper, take drugs, lie down, and wonder for the eleventy hundredth time Why It Is That I Live Here in this godforsaken weather corridor. And why it is that Weather People cannot tell me what is coming, when, and for how long with any sort of reliability whatsoever. It all conspires to be mighty enough to make me say The Eff Word, almost, and I have been trying So Hard To Quit.

In case you wanted to know what it is like to rise from a Days-Long Migraine Process and try to re-enter Real Life, I have found something that is a little bit similar. Here; try to read this:

“Things must change for our government. Look at it. It isn’t too big to fail. It’s too big to succeed! It’s too big to succeed, so we can afford no retreads or nothing will change with the same people and same policies that got us into the status quo. Another Latin word, status quo, and it stands for, ‘Man, the middle-class everyday Americans are really gettin’ taken for a ride.’ That’s status quo, and GOP leaders, by the way, y’know the man can only ride ya when your back is bent. So strengthen it. Then the man can’t ride ya, America won’t be taken for a ride, because so much is at stake and we can’t afford politicians playing games like nothing more is at stake than, oh, maybe just the next standing of theirs in the next election.”

I'd like to echo DNC Communications Director Mo Elleithee and simply say, "Thank you." But of course, I can't. This speech by 2008 Presidential candidate John McCain's selection for his Vice President is beyond bizarre, even for her. As she continues to struggle for relevance in any avenue of American life, let's hope that it's not only the Democrats who sympathetically shake their heads and back away, whispering sadly. (Can we talk about it later over cocktails and nibblies, having a guilty laugh or two? Heavens, yes.)  And no, I won't mention her name and dignify her.

You know, here's another shitful thing about Migraineus Interruptus. I was being Such A Good Girl about my exercise regimen, plodding away on my Dreadmill of Punishment and even switching it up by shovelling the driveway (I know!), and then, Migraine. Down for the count. Thank goodness I don't have one of those Jawbone or FitBit thingies that would beep or vibrate or nag at me to Get Up. Like I need that. I bet you anything a Catholic invented those damn things. "Don't you feel guilty for not getting up and getting moving? Did you do your 10K steps today? CHRIST DIED ON THE CROSS FOR YOU AND YOU CAN'T EVEN MANAGE TEN THOUSAND STEPS?!?!?!" I'm getting a Monday 5PM Headache just thinking about it.

I think we all Want To Do Better. I really do. Okay, well, maybe not a Certain Bob Evans Restaurant. My friends Leanne and Jim, who live in Southern Maryland, each got sick with a terrible cold. They merely wanted some nice comfort food and were too tired and ill to cook for themselves. They went to a nearby Bob Evans restaurant--slogan, "Down On The Farm"--and ordered right off the menu, nothing fancy. Leanne ordered the Chicken Pot Pie, described as "Slow-roasted chicken, carrots, peas, celery and onions in a rich cream sauce covered with a flaky crust." Here is the teensy picture from the menu:

www.bobevans.com

Doesn't that look good, even though it's pixellated?  I can see why she ordered it.  Sadly, that is not what she got.  Here is what she got:

www.tf?

I think that, after this, they are Down On The Farm all right.

It's snowing here again, despite the odds being 40%.  The forecast changes hourly.  I'm tired of hearing all the new terms for Winter Weather--Snowmageddon, Polar Vortex, Bombogenesis.  I'm starting to think that, here in NEO anyway, if it weren't for Sports or Weather, there would be no "News."

What a lot of Effing Bullshit.  (Strangely, that did not make me feel better.)  Do let's chat in Comments.

In Which I Catch You Up On All Sorts Of Things And Offer The Afflicted A Freebie (With A Side Of Salinger)

Welcome to December, Dearest Readers, a month for which I have the Highest Hopes. Before I begin with the actual Innards of this post, let me remind you that, Officially, you may set out your Christmas Mugs, put up your Christmas Trees and Other Yuletide Decor, and listen to all the Christmas Music your merry heart desires. Now that November has cleared out, it is Perfectly Acceptable and sanctioned by the Dept. of Nance.

November was a Massive Disappointment for me, and while it's a little early for Festivus and The Airing Of Grievances, I have a little bit of Random Business to attend to in this post. I know you'll indulge me.

1. The Medical. Yesterday was the first day I actually felt Well. My cold developed into sinus and ear infections, and I became so very weak and sad. Complicating matters was the fact that I am presently without a general practitioner, and I was in no shape to sit in a waiting room, alone, trying to fill out forms when I could barely sit up. My situation was dire, so I resorted to technology and downloaded the app Doctor On Demand. Within twenty minutes I:   had a private consultation with a doctor, was prescribed medications which were called in to a local pharmacy, and had a comprehensive write-up of my session to refer to any time I wanted. All for $40. All while I sat in my chair in my jammies and blanket. As much as I hate going to the doctor and sitting and waiting, this was worth it. And I was given a code to share with anyone I wanted, which offers patients a discount. Here it is if you're ever in a similar, non-emergency situation: ac68f0se . (No, this isn't a sponsored post.)

2. The Holiday. As you might imagine, being so ill made Thanksgiving difficult. Luckily, I live with a Superhero. Rick made everything except the dressing/stuffing, and that included the two pumpkin pies. The boys (and Zydrunas) came over early in the day to help out with things, too, so all I had to do was check on the turkey and eat. My oven soldiered through it all, which is good because when I called to get service, I was told that it would be Impossible--Frigidaire (aka The Great Satan) no longer makes any parts for that appliance. Just so you know, That Appliance is less than ten years old. I want to say Terrible Things about Frigidaire, but I have used them all up already. Since so many of you Gracious Living-ers are dying to know, we did not have a centerpiece on the table; I served an oaked Chardonnay and a Rosé, and no silver-polishing was necessary because we didn't use anything which required it. Zydrunas was angelic until Marlowe suddenly made an appearance, and then all bets were off for approximately the four seconds it took for the chase which ensued. (I didn't see Marlowe again until approximately 11 PM.)

3. The Government. I've kept calm and quiet here regarding all of the governmental bullshit over the past months because A) I'm trying to maintain my Zen, and B) it's pointless to get my undies in a bunch, but honestly, it's crap like this quote from Sen. Harry Reid--yes, a Democrat--that makes me want to zip down there and smack the entire Congress: “We have a lot to do. And there isn’t much time to accomplish it. I urge all senators to work hard to complete our work in a timely and efficient fashion. We may have to be here the week before Christmas." Can I see a show of hands from Every Single Person Out There who has/had a Lot To Do and had/has to work the week before Christmas all of the time? I'd like to quote the nitrous-addled kid from the YouTube video when I say, "Is this real life?!" If you want to make yourselves sick, go here and look at how little your Congress is working for you. These goldbrickers are rarely in session, ever. And many of these blowhards are the same snots who want to cut teacher pay because, according to them, teachers only work nine months a year. So when these Congresspersons tell you that many of the days that they are not In Session, they are still, in fact, Working, tell them THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT TEACHERS DO TOO! And teachers don't have paid staffers to help them. Not even ONE.

4. The Paid Cyberbully. Speaking of a paid staffer, let me say this about republican EX-staffer Elizabeth Lautner, the congressional aide who took to her TwitPinFace account to bully the President's teenaged daughters. It's the ugliest thing in the world to use kids for your own adult agenda. Why in the world would you ever, ever be mean and nasty to a kid simply because you didn't like his or her parents? It's hard enough in the world to be a kid in the public eye, and someone like Elizabeth Lautner just made it ten times harder. I'm not going to parse her objectionable comments because we all know what she said and what it meant. But picking on teenaged girls via social media is, to me, the equivalent of beating a toddler at Candyland. And I'm still waiting for a true apology because the one Lauten provided--after several hours of intense prayer, supposedly--was a non-starter, and every sincere person in the world knows it.

5. The American People. You know, I've covered this territory before, but holy crap, how pathetic are They? And don't say, "Nance, you are an American Person, you know!" Honestly, I am seriously starting to wonder. I really, truly am. Because It's scary. Look at the results of the newest CNN/ORC poll:

50% of Americans believe the GOP taking control of the House and the Senate next year will be bad for America
52% expect it to lead to more gridlock

68% Americans polled say the GOP isn't cooperating enough with President Obama
57% say it's Obama who's not cooperating enough with the GOP

44% of Americans view the Democratic Party favorably
50% view it unfavorably

41% of Americans view the republican party favorably
52% view the republican party negatively

Who voted in this last election?  Did they bus in a bunch of idiots who think that the earth is flat and that spray cheese is all the science they ever need?  I know I voted.  I voted SO HARD.  But thanks to careful gerrymandering, it's not going to matter much anymore. Take a look at Ohio's district map.

6. The Theory. As I've mentioned before, both of my sons have a Twitter account, and occasionally I stalk them (purely for amusement). I've often felt that Jared has a little Holden Caulfield in him, and that quality twinkled at me when I read this particular tweet:

Women always show up to a place like they're going to be there for a couple weeks.

(Oh my, Chapter Eight; Ernest Morrow's mother who leaves her goddamn bags in the middle of the aisle and her hands lousy with rocks! Sigh.)

******************

It's good to be Alive again.

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Feel Free To Adopt This As Your Mantra, Especially When You Need To Rally For The Holidays

Pressure Busting Tip #11
Even though I'm not a Wide Open Sharer here on the site, you still know quite a bit about me.  Like a lot of True Blue Democrats, I'm an unabashed liberal.  I listen to NPR.  I drive a hybrid.  I'm a conscientious recycler, and I like to support local enterprise.  Two weeks ago, I stopped at my favorite produce stand to grab whatever they had for the end of the season, and to get some of their honey.  Shirley, over at gfe--gluten free easily, is also a big proponent of honey.  She and her husband are honey producers, and when I visited there last year, she taught me quite a bit about sustaining local honey.  I use honey every single day, so I needed to buy big.  Unfortunately, Mary's stand had none.  She gave me the name of another beekeeper, but it was quite a drive, and I had other errands to do that day.  One errand was to pick up cider at an orchard just minutes away and, as luck would have it, they stocked local honey from the very place that Mary had written down for me.  I grabbed the Industrial Size and hit the road, feeling smug and saintly.  I had gotten what I needed and helped out bees, local farmers, the local agro-economy, and my health.  Holy crap, I was awesome!

But here's the deal:  deep down inside, I am full of bullshit some all a lot of the time.  Number one, I am retired and I have Almost All The Time In The World to run all over the county to do stuff like this.  It's almost never inconvenient to me.  I can spend half the day chasing down sustainable cat treats if I want. Number two, chances are if the orchard didn't have that honey, I'd have made do with store honey until Rick and I went on a long drive someplace or other and I happened to remember, "Hey!  Let's go get some farm honey."  Number three, we all remember that I am the one whose patronization of Amazon is what caused the demise of Borders bookstores nationwide.  I'm a bigass hypocrite.  And I know saying it doesn't ameliorate it in the least.  But--I did still buy farmstand honey.

My point--and I do have one--is this, Pressure Busting Tip #11:  Just because it was easy doesn't mean you didn't care.  Listen, if you can get online and get all your shopping done in one fell swoop and still have time to grab a glass of wine and watch Modern Family, then kudos to you!  You have this on lockdown.  My mother once walked into Target, grabbed a different little LCD handheld video game for each grandchild, a big package of AA batteries, and voila!  Done.  Toy part of gift = accomplished.  And all the kids loved them.  Like nuts.  You know what it means when something comes easily to you?  It means you are talented.  Do you think Mozart was great at music because he didn't care?  Or that Shakespeare could write plays as poetry and nail the human character so well because he didn't care?  Please.  We're good at this stuff.  We can do it.

We're awesome.

Ah, Politics! I Hardly Knew Ye!

I'm seriously thinking of giving up The Politics completely.  Truly, I am.  The past couple of years I've removed myself gradually, anyway--with a few relapses here and there--because it has all gotten to be so much noise.

Those of us in the Swing States (CNN currently lists them as Nevada, Colorado, Iowa, Ohio, Virginia, Florida, and New Hampshire; The NYT adds Wisconsin) are in a constant media maelstrom of Super PAC propaganda.  In the evening hours especially, political adverts are stacked one on top of the other in a relentless barrage of partisan garbage.  Every single commercial break in Ohio has at least one (and that number would be a blessing), but more often, there are three or four in a row.  I witnessed the same fusillade of campaign proselytizing in Virginia in June.  Virginians also have a Senate race to decide, as do Ohioans, so we both get an extra helping of PAC crap.

I don't even listen anymore.  Yes, I've read The Research:  I know that the reason the ads are so negative is because They Work.  And, yes, I was one of the ones who said that Pres. Obama needed to get tough and dirty with the republicans because that's how they played the game.  For the record, I still say that.

But, thanks to the Supreme Court decision in 2010, we're all on overload.  A modicum of relief is coming, however:  On September 11th, the official campaigns of both presidential candidates are suspending ads.  Additionally, the primary pro-Obama Super PAC has agreed to stop running commercials in deference to the day as well.  But I want more.

I want the ads to be confined to one political ad per candidate per commercial break.  I want the ads to run only three months before any election.  I want there to be Ad-Free Days during the week, decided by each network, and that can be decided locally or nationally; I don't care.  I think those parameters are more than fair.  I've stated no regulations here about positive or negative; none regarding the Super PAC's monies or whether or not they have to be traceable or local in origin.  That stuff is already a lost cause.

The Politics used to be Fun for me.  Now it's ugly and tedious and tiresome, like cleaning the basement or arguing with a friend.  Whenever I can, I get rid of anything that's not fulfilling me.  So, The Politics has to go.

Part of my disgust, I think, has been all my reading and research into President Lincoln.  He was far from perfect, but in his service to the country, he remained thoughtful and mindful of the country.  He knew that some of the advisers he had around him had personal agendas and personal animosity toward him, but he valued them for their common desire to preserve the Union and for the expertise they brought in achieving that outcome.  He was a man who faced many tribulations simultaneously in all facets of his life:  a country at war, the deaths of his sons, a mercurial wife, a rebellious Congress, an often melancholy spirit, a series of failures as General for his Army of the Potomac, the cruelty of a fickle public and press, but he worked tirelessly for the restoration of his country.

The irony that my favourite president is a republican is not lost on me.  Yet, one would have to search deeply and profoundly to find any similarity between the current republican party and the party of Abraham Lincoln.  I wonder if he would be able to call himself a republican were he to find himself alive today.

In the meantime, I'll absent myself from The Politics of today in favour of the politics of yesterday.   

Variation On The Thumper Rule: If You Can't Think Of Anything Smart To Say, Then Shut The Hell Up--The Political Version

Mark Twain once said, "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." So many people in politics would do well to have that quote tattooed upon their forearms or, at the very least, with them, visibly, at all times. Here are a few examples that I've been collecting lately for your consideration. Hey, everyone needs a hobby.

Case 1. Ideally, we want our leaders to be brilliant. We want them to be smarter than we are and not the kind of ...entrepreneur that puts himself through law school by posing naked for a hotsy-totsy publication. Or the kind that uses his historic (the first time a republican has garnered a Massachusetts Senate seat in over 30 years) acceptance speech to pimp out his daughter. Senator-elect Brown is not your typical republican in many respects--he is pro-choice, he supports his state's subsidized health care system--but he needs to smarten up. Here is a delightful quote that says it all for me: "I'm a history buff. I love the Museum of Natural History." Oh, boy. Come on, Scott. Do you even know what is in a museum of natural history? Heavy sigh.

Case 2. I liked Elizabeth Edwards and stuck up for her when people--male people in particular--said unkind and disparaging things about her. (Same thing about Barbara Bush, by the way, who I always liked until she opened her snobby elitist and out-of-touch yap about the Katrina victims.) You know, the snotty remarks about how she (and Bar) looked old enough to be her husband's mother, how Elizabeth was matronly, overweight, and all that crap. Then, as the media circus was finally settling down and she and her kids could just live their lives and she could focus on managing her terminal illness, Elizabeth wrote her bestseller and dredged it all up again. Okay, whatever. I say, "Stick it to the cheating bastard and make him squirm." But just as John "The Haircut" Edwards is finally facing the music, what is Elizabeth doing? Well, among other things like running a furniture store, she's giving an interview to POLITICO, in which she seems to make excuses for him. Oh, Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth. Here's what she told them about Babydaddy John-boy: "The things he wanted to do weren't going to be natural for continued public life anyway. He honestly cares about poverty." Hm. Well, it's nice that he cares about...something.

Case 3. Speaking of John Edwards. (In the interest of full disclosure, I used to like him. As a matter of fact, he was My Guy way back when. I saw him, as I may have said in a much-earlier election blogpost, as a sort of Kennedy/Clinton clone. Obviously, I STAND CORRECTED. The guy is a slimeball.) Anyway, does this guy strike you as a modern-day Reverend Dimmesdale from Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, or what? Remember him, the minister who got the Puritan woman pregnant, let her take the fall for him, stayed silent for eight years while she raised her daughter alone and was vilified by the community, and then, as he was dying, gave a pseudo-confession with his last breath, and was still seen as a Christian martyr by many in the community? One of Dimmesdale's midnight promises to his daughter Pearl is that he will one day legitimize her by standing with her and her mother. When Pearl asks if it will be the next day at noon, Reverend Dimmesdale says no, it will be another day: Judgement Day. In an eerily similar vein, here's a little quote from John "Call Me Rev." Edwards: “I have been able to spend time with her during the past year and trust that future efforts to show her the love and affection she deserves can be done privately and in peace. It was wrong for me ever to deny she was my daughter and hopefully one day, when she understands, she will forgive me.” Oh, PS. Little Frances Quinn Edwards-Hunter is TWO. At least she only had to wait ONE year for her father's acknowledgment.

So, yeah, I get it; I get that being under constant public/media scrutiny is tough. You can't filter your mouth nearly enough. But these? These are...just terrible. These people chose a public life. Now they need to choose their words, too, and carefully. Or just shut up.

Is Anybody Out There? Anybody At All?

Let me just say one thing right off the bat: I am operating under a whole new Priority System here. Priority One--remain vertical. Priority Two--maintain coherence. Priority Three--remember how it used to be and use that for incentive.

I can no longer count higher than three, nor can I remember anything more complex than three things at a time.

It was...exhausting last week. Trying to teach in 90+ degree heat was taxing enough, but add the noise of heavy construction vehicles about thirty feet away; the fatal shootings of two students in the neighborhood after hours; constantly changing class rosters (which means that no gradebook or attendance can be accurately kept yet); schoolwide picture day (students are walked down to be photographed from English classes, of course); a fire drill; heightened alert because of widespread text messaging that there would be retaliatory shootings at the school; and we are running at over 2200 students with more adding every day.
Friday could not come soon enough. Today was the first day I could scrape myself into some sort of coalesced blob capable of cogent thought and return to this space to explain myself.

So...hello!

Having said all of that, let's not talk about it anymore. I'm all fired up about other stuff, and before I can't sit up straight any longer, I want to share.

But first, Thank You, Brian Williams, for taking a nice vacation this past week. Your timing is impeccable. There is no possible way I could have even focused on your tie, let alone verbally embroidered a Tie Report a single solitary day. Naturally, this made a severely negative impact upon my Sitemeter, but honestly, big effing deal. It's not like the Jay Leno Show ever called me back or that each hit means ten thousand dollars. Feh.

A bigger hero in my life right now is Barney Frank. If the Dept. Of Nance was a television show, I would be all over myself booking him as my sole guest. Period. Forever. Right now, I am declaring him as my Smackdown The Stupid Mascot. Please tell me that you saw this wonderful performance by Congressman Frank of Massachussetts, in which he did what every single intelligent human being should do when confronted by these moronic shills for the Party of No when they start obfuscating the issue of healthcare reform with their baseless scare tactics. Why even begin to talk to these people? As far as I'm concerned, no more "Town Halls." It's clear that the Lunatic Limbaughean Fringe have co-opted these once vibrant and legitimate venues for sane discourse and turned them into the equivalent of a coffee klatch for kooks and crazy-peddlers. Self-respecting public servants, republican and Democratic alike, should simply say, "That's it. I am no longer disrespecting my office and my true constituency by appearing at these media feeding frenzies. My people know how to reach me to air their concerns. I anxiously await their feedback regarding healthcare via letter, phonecall, or comments via my website. I am eager to serve them, as I was elected to do, without media interference in this important debate." What a lot of bullshit.

And while I'm at it, I have a little message for President Obama, and this it is: BE THE LEADER. This sort of laid-back, make-nice, No Drama Obama is exactly what I was afraid of. You don't take a bigass thing like Health Care Reform and a nest of Pit Vipers like the sore loser republicans and say, "Okay, everybody, take a whack at this and see what you come up with and get back to me later. I'll see what I think and take it from there." Are you kidding me? THE REPUBLICANS WANT YOU TO FAIL SO THAT THEY CAN TAKE BACK A MAJORITY IN THE MIDTERMS. They don't care what you fail at, as long as it's something big. They don't care if it fucks up the entire country, either. They already did that, remember? Do you see them caring? Dear Barack--Come back from vacation early and smack some people around. Call in the Blue Dogs and remind them who is the President. And you'd better call in Howard Dean and have a conversation that matters. It's way past time for Big Talking with Big People. --Signed, Me, One of Those Who Had the Audacity to Hope for Change. Now bring it!

Another reason I thought I was in Hell this week--Two people who are still in the news and I still don't understand why: the hapless woman with eleventy billion children, the Octomother and the revered singer who died two months ago, MJ. (Can you tell I'm trying not to actually mention their names and add to their google hits?) How slow is the news, really, that these individuals are still part of it?

And, finally, come on--Brett Favre. Again. This "I'm retired--just kidding" bullshit is getting old. I hated it with Magic Johnson and, as a Cleveland Cavaliers fan, you know I hated it with Michael Jordan. Add to that the fact that fans and sportscasters alike act as if Favre is, well, a deity in a facemask just makes me sick. So, for those of you who need a reminder one more time, here. And, just so you know: once I retire, I will stay retired!

My vow to you.

Politics Inspire A Revival Of The Snarku! (All This, And A Long Weekend Too! Hey, That Rhymed!)

The Muse is upon me, Dear Readers, but I'm still feeling pretty snarky about a lot of things, especially the Political Landscape. This can only mean one thing: it's time to revisit the Snarku. For my longtime readers, you may recall this poetic form that I created back in the summer of 2007. For those of you who are new to the Dept. or who may not recall what the Snarku is, here's a quick refresher.


The Snarku retains the original syllabic structure of the haiku: the first line is 5 syllables, the second line is 7 syllables, the third line is 5 syllables. But, the Snarku differs in that it is 2 stanzas, not just one. This allows the writer/crafter of the Snarku to really build up and then blow off the head of steam he or she has about the topic being expounded upon. The only other "rule" of the Snarku is that by the end of it, there should be some residual sense of snarkiness.

Now then, let's get snarking, shall we?


To The Minority Party, In Hopes That They Recall Their Status

Hey! Republicans!
Remember THE ELECTIONS?
Reality Check--

Your way didn't work.
In fact, you broke the country.
Now let us clean up.


Their Sense Of Entitlement Is Breathtaking

Here's an idea
For all U.S. senators
pay your damn taxes!

Don't try telling us
"Oh, it was an oversight."
We're not idiots.




Take The Gloves Off

Bipartisanship?
Honeymoon's over, Barack!
(They're sore losers.)

We all saw you try.
Now it's time to kick some ass.
(We'll take down their names.)





Vanity, Thy Name Is John

What's with Boehner's tan?
This guy is from Ohio,
Capital of Clouds!

How vain is this man?
Foundation? The tanning bed?
Metrosexual!




Go ahead and get your Snarku on in the comments section. Or your plain old Haiku. You'll feel cleansed and poetic. Kind of like a...colonic for the soul. Or not. ?

Welcome To My America, At Long Last

(image from cleveland.com/darcy/)

"I leave you now and you will write it. You will interpret it. That's your right. But as I leave you I want you to know — just think how much you're going to be missing. You won't have George W. Bush to kick around any more."

Okay. So I took a bit of a liberty with that quote. The Angel of Death didn't actually say it, Nixon did. But it's timely and it's fitting. Despite W's overall demeanor during his Farewell Tour, he's been more than a bit edgy from time to time, and he's never been shy about maintaining that he'll be more than happy to have History be his Judge. He should--and probably does--know better. After a momentary fugue by the legitimate press, he has been judged all along. And it hasn't been favorable, Fox/Faux News notwithstanding.

I've said plenty all along, with lots of other Democratic bloggers, and I'm probably not done, but that's not what this entry is about. This post is about my elation, my glee, at what is to come.

For too long, we've celebrated mediocrity in this country, led by a buffoon who crowed about his C average to the graduating class at Yale. The electorate punched their ballots for a "guy who they'd like to have a beer with," and they glorified an anthem with the lyric line of "we'll put a boot in your ass/ It's the American way." This administration was a big, dumb, self-righteous bully who thought it could wreak havoc during the week and by going to Sunday service, ameliorate all its sins and start over again on Monday. We all got bossed around by a bigassed Hemi-driving, hobnail boot-wearing, gun-toting, Bible-thumping, loudmouthed, blinder-wearing heehaw who was born on third base and grew up thinking he hit a triple.

But it's over.

I'm ready to celebrate the Return Of Intellectualism. Ladies and Gentlemen, a person who knows how to speak correctly is taking The Big Chair. This is a man who has corrected his subject-verb agreement on the fly. With a collective pronoun subject. I. Know. This is a man who is proud of his education. He speaks in measured tones and uses the spoken word as a tool to motivate, not instigate and provoke hostility. Civility will be making a comeback. The press didn't call him No Drama Obama for nothing. So far, even Maureen Dowd's worst barb has been to say that perhaps Obama is "neurotically reluctant to make enemies" and "prefers seducing...antagonists." Oooooh. (And W. called her "Cobra?")

Whatever. I'm all excited. It's cool to be smart; I've always felt it to be so. I'm just glad that now the rest of my country will come out of hiding with their fancy schmancy books and newspapers and >gasp< poetry and wine and stuff! Are we Elitist? Maybe not anymore.

Come out, come out, wherever you are. It's lovely--reading, sipping a glass of nice vintage, discussing books or politics, being pleasant and polite. Starting tomorrow, it's The American Way.

Now, We Must

At last, my country again.

I Know Hillary Clinton, I Supported Hillary Clinton, And You, Sarah Palin, Are No Hillary Clinton.

Forgive me if I'm a little late to the party on this one. And, you know, I wasn't even going to say anything at first, but I find that I just cannot let this go. It's too much.

The vice presidential selection of republican John McCain is an insult to women everywhere. Giving Alaska governor Sarah Palin the nod was an obvious play for disgruntled Hillary supporters, the number of whom has been grossly overstated by the media since Barack Obama snagged the nomination.

How ridiculous.

Let me just say this: I supported Hillary Clinton. Sarah Palin is no Hillary Clinton, and women Democrats everywhere will not be fooled.

Women, Mr. McCain, are not interchangeable. When Sarah Palin, your designee, stood beside you, she invoked the name of two other women--political pioneers--and who were they? Elizabeth Dole? No. Condoleezza Rice? No. Geraldine Ferraro and Hillary Clinton, both Democrats. How will that play to your Conservative Christian NeoCon base? What was Mrs. Palin trying to say, Mr. McCain? Just exactly what party is she representing? How will that speech play at the RNC fundraisers or at the Convention? It won't. And the Family Values Voters are already cringing at the news that her unmarried 17-year old daughter is pregnant. (Let's all remember Governor Palin's vociferous denial of support for anything beyond abstinence-only programs in schools.)

Mr. McCain, I live in Ohio and I voted for Hillary Clinton. She stands for what I value and she has the fighting spirit I admire. Sarah Palin is in direct contrast with everything Hillary Clinton stands for, and therefore me as well: Sarah Palin would take away a woman's right to choose a safe and legal abortion, even in cases of rape, incest, and the health of the mother; she is against stem cell research, she opposes the use of birth control pills and condoms, even among married couples; she supports the teaching of creationism in the classroom--already declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court...oops; she supports drilling in the ANWR and is against the polar bear being on the endangered species list, despite the fact that the government has already done it...oops; she supports No Child Left Behind. I'm not sure what else she stands for, and I'm not sure she does, either. Her speech was...well, let's say...'scant.' We do know that her husband is a super snowmobiler and that she fought to cut property taxes. Yay.

But I digress.

My point is this: if the McSame campaign thinks for one moment that Doing The Math is this:

1 WOMAN = 1 WOMAN

THEN THEY ARE WRONG.