Five On Friday: Where I've Been, What I've Been Doing And Reading, and Always Abraham Lincoln

 

found here

Goodness! June is practically over and I'm just now showing up here. Absolutely ridiculous. Let's jump right in and get caught up.

1. We just returned from a 3.5 day jaunt up to Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, Canada. It had been over a year since we had last been, and our wine cellar showed it. The drive up was...difficult. I was in some pain and had had no meaningful sleep the night before. I admit that I was worried about taking the trip and how I'd do on a ride that long. Luckily, we always seemed to find a stop just when I needed one to stretch. As usual, we stayed in the same little inn and visited our favourite winery where we bought So. Much. Wine. I fretted about getting it all across the border--I always worry about being pulled over and put in jail or something--but it was fine. Will we try it with 7 cases again? Probably not. 

Our tasting there with my Canadian husband was, as usual, wonderful. Rick and I are wine nerds, and Andrzej goes into great depth talking about his wines, how he makes them, how they are aged (in oak [French, American, Slovenian], steel, terracotta, even concrete!), and lots of other oenological tidbits. Nothing makes me happier as I sip than to hear terms like sur lees, malolactic fermentation, terroir, and residual sugar. 

We ended up meeting another couple at the inn who were there during our stay once before, and the wife is an avid reader. We talked books, books, and more books at breakfast every morning. What a delight. And a movie is being filmed in downtown NotL--a screen version of the book Beach Read. It was fascinating to see all the cameras and crew members and to note what locations were being used. I was glad, however, to get back home--to my own bed, my own routine, my porch and patio, my herb garden, and my orange cat. Which leads me to...

2.  Piper, the aforementioned orange cat. He is 16 now, and he has started to show it more and more. He crackles when he stretches; he won't get up onto the couch or anything without help; he is yowling at absolutely nothing, even in the middle of the night. He was never this vocal when Marlowe, his sister, was still with us. I'm pretty sure he's lost some of his hearing as well. We do everything we must to keep him comfortable, including this:

Nothing like a backyard nap beside the pond

"Do NOT mow my spot!"

He loves being outdoors, and he especially likes the pond. Sam took care of him while we were in NotL, and Piper was fine. He continues to eat well and demand ice in his water. I was worried he'd be standoffish or accusatory when I got home, but 

That evening

I was forgiven. Clearly, though, he's letting me know that I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

3. And that's very true. Unfortunately, Jared has to have yet another operation on his foot. Back in February he had lisfranc surgery, but now a ruptured tendon has been discovered, one that has made it impossible for him to move his toes or lift his foot while resting on the heel. Surgery is soon, and we will be needed a great deal for childcare. Fingers crossed that this is The Last One and that his recovery is uneventful and speedy. Caring for Theo is always fun, usually very easy, but often very tiring for me. He is a busy, smart, and verbal toddler, and keeping up with him can be a lot. Do I love it? Yes! He recently has taken to calling me My Friend Nana. And hearing him recite passages from his favourite books is almost alarming. His memory is scary. I try to remember that and do what I can to make sure all his memories with me are good ones.

4. Speaking of Good Ones, I just finished reading Here, There, And Everywhere:  My Life Recording the Music of The Beatles by Geoff Emerick. Yes, I was on a bit of a Beatles nostalgia run there for a time. The writer was The Beatles sound engineer for the bulk of their albums and singles. Not only does he provide a great deal of insight into the band's (and its members') personality, creative process, rise and breakup, he also explains the whole inner workings of making recordings--the sound, the special effects they requested, the process, and how he came to be a sound engineer. I love books like this, ones that teach me something I have no idea about. Even the technical stuff was never dry or boring because he always explained it in the context of making The Beatles music their own. (Julie, I think Ted would enjoy this book very much.) I've since gotten three more books, Whistler by Ann Patchett, Land by Maggie O'Farrell, and the one I'm reading now, The Things We Never Say by Elizabeth Strout. I think I was sort of warned off of the Strout book by a blogfriend because it wasn't very uplifting or fun and it does deal with our current politics (pre-2024 election); however, I'm enjoying its thoughtful and perceptive tone and story. My Favourites Shelf is two deep with some stacked in front now. 

5. I also have a shelf devoted solely to books about President Lincoln/Mary Lincoln/the Civil War. Recently, Jared recommended a Netflix docu-series to me entitled simply Lincoln. It has three episodes and a cadre of elite historians including Doris Kearns Goodwin, author of the excellent Lincoln book Team of Rivals. The actor who plays Pres. Lincoln looks astonishingly like him, and the entire series is superbly acted and presented. Also included are many photos, some of which I hadn't seen before and found extremely moving. (And those of you that have been reading me here forever know how I get about photographs of some people.) Highly recommend.

Okay! I feel like I've caught you up. And on a Lot Of Stuff! But we can always talk some more in Comments.

A Pre-Christmas Quartet: Random Moments From The Dept.

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Some random moments from around the Dept. lately:

I.  My desire was unusually strong to get our Christmas tree up this year. I very much wanted the pretty lights and decorations which I especially enjoy in the quiet of the early morning. As usual, when we are hanging decorations, I get very sentimental about one in particular. It's a small, faded silver ball that was given to me my first year of teaching. One of my sophomore classes heard me fretting about not having any ornaments for our first tree as a tightly-budgeted newlywed couple, and they each brought in an ornament for me as a Christmas present. This little silver one was from a student whose family had nothing to spare; it was obviously one from their very own tree, and probably used for many, many years.  I still remember her name and her face from 45 years ago, and I always hang her ornament where I can easily see it. 

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II. Even though I have a Christmas tree up and there has been plenty of snow and cold weather (UGH), I am not ready for Christmas music. Honestly, I wonder if I ever will be this year. It seems that I can't find any that doesn't annoy me. Pianos are too plinky for me. Vocals start irritating and distracting me. Organ music makes me feel like I'm in a church or roller rink. Violins make me feel stabby. Jazz, after a while, makes me roll my eyes. And why is it that every Christmas album has some song on it that no one has ever heard of or is just awful? And, speaking of awful, can we just not with Baby, It's Cold Outside? Anyway, what Christmas music are you listening to that isn't terrible (or country) and won't get me Whammed?

III. Scene opens on living room. Nance is in the recliner; Rick is lounging on the couch. The television is on, tuned to the local news.

Weatherman:  Temperatures will remain in the upper 30s, near 40 degrees. Rain will move in, followed by a wintry mix and then more snow. Wind gusts will be strong--

Nance:  Rick! Go hook up the hose.

Rick:  (turns to look at her with fear and disbelief) Whaaat?

Nance:  Go get the hose and spray the front and back yards. I want to be able to see all grass before it snows again. Just once. Even for a minute.

Rick:  (looks at her carefully; he is gauging her level of seriousness) Nance. I--

Nance:  Rick. If I really, really needed you to do this for me, would you? Would you go out there and spray down the yard so that I could see grass if I absolutely had to?

Rick:  Yes. Of course I would. But in the back yard. I don't want the neighbours to see me and think I'm nuts.

End Scene.

IV.  My longtime readers know I have a Cow Obsession. I've loved them since I was a child, and I still dream of owning one (yes, a real one). My kitchen has a black and white Holstein cow theme, and I might be the only woman alive who isn't offended when someone says, "I saw this cow and thought of you." On Saturday, I saw Theo and we talked all about his Christmas tree, and then we talked about mine. I told him, while counting off on my fingers, "Theo, Nana has 1-2-3-4-5-6-7 cows on her Christmas tree! What do you think about that?" He looked at me, shook his head, and said admonishingly, "Nana! Too many cows, Nana." And then he just leaned back and laughed and laughed. 

Everyone's a critic, you know?

As I'm writing this, the grass we finally saw is already covered in the snow they predicted. It's flying thick and fast, propelled by those high wind gusts. No, I will never think it's pretty, and I do not care whether or not we have a white Christmas. More and more, I like the idea of the kind of Christmas my Vacation Cow ornament looks like he's celebrating. That gives me an idea:  maybe I need to look for some reggae Christmas music. That, as they used to say, just might Be My Jam.

Oldies But Goodies: My Past In Concerts

 

My younger sister often goes to concerts. She and her husband drive to nearby states to see their favourite bands and she sends me video clips. I haven't been to a concert in over a decade, and that one was in a private box at The House of Blues in Cleveland. I was the guest of a big shot on the board who is a former student and was also my financial adviser at the time. It was the perfect situation for me because I didn't have to worry about people standing up in front of me, people dancing around next to me, or people holding up their arms or their phones in front of my face. 

I've wisely stopped going to concerts because I know that they are simply not the place for me. I'm not going to pay big bucks to listen to thousands of people sing along and annoy me in other ways. I'd rather stay home and listen to music in comfort.

In my youth, however, I did go to concerts, and thankfully, I didn't have to pay exorbitant prices. At the risk of all of you furrowing your brows and repeatedly asking Who?, here is at least a partial list--in no particular order--of

Concerts I Have Attended

1. Eric Carmen

2. Seals & Crofts

3. James Taylor

4. Harry Chapin

5. Genesis

6. Peter Frampton

7. The Cars and Wang Chung

8. Phil Collins

9. Rod Stewart

10. Rod Stewart and Stevie Nicks

11. Stray Cats

12. Michael Crawford

13. Trans Siberian Orchestra

14. Aretha Franklin

15. B.B. King

16. Neil Diamond

It's entirely possible that there are more and I can't remember. 

Seals & Crofts was my very first concert. My best friend and I were huge fans, and her parents took us to see them at the Ohio State Fair. I was in probably 8th grade, and we were both so excited. Eric Carmen was my second concert. He was a Cleveland boy, frontman for the group the Raspberries. He went solo and had the big hit All By Myself. He played at a local high school's theater, and my older sister and I went. I was 16 at the time. You aren't the only one wondering why these acts were playing at such relatively obscure venues.

There are a few of these on the list that I saw more than once, like Genesis and Rod Stewart and Phil Collins. A few were concerts that weren't chosen by me, like B.B. King, Neil Diamond, and Stray Cats, but I went and had a great time. The Aretha Franklin concert happened after a Cleveland (then) Indians baseball game. Aretha arrived in a big Cadillac that drove right onto the field. She had a huge entourage, and I have no idea what all those people were doing because they sure didn't sing with her. 

There are some concerts I would have loved to have seen:  Elton John, Queen, Tina Turner, Carly Simon, and Earth, Wind and Fire, among others. Heartbreakingly, I had plans to see Elton John, but that was the year I got very sick with mono and strep. He played Cleveland without me--an Official Elton John Fan Club member!

My older sister actually saw The Beatles in concert in Cleveland. Can you even imagine?

What are some of the concerts you've seen? Do you even know who these acts are?

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Take A Load Off Your Brain: Visit My Grocery Store And Get A Music Lesson

 

Sometimes, you just need a Diversion--a Respite from all the strenuous gasping and concern and metaphorical hand-wringing brought to us by the agents of chaos that we, The Sane Ones, did NOT elect. I'm hoping this brief post provides a bit of that.

~*~My Grocery Store, Soon To Have Its Own Special On HBO:

These are actual photos taken by Me of actual signs in my funny grocery store's Closeouts Section. I hope it never, ever changes.

If you cannot see it, the sign says SEQUENCE DRESSES $2.99

You can see what a HOT DEAL these Fabric Lanters are. Or are they Fabric Lantens? 

Do you have five bucks lying around? You can score a set of Blue tooth Earbubs made by Sentry. Or maybe they're a Blue tooth Earbubs Sentry (although I'm not sure what that would be). Either way, a Hot Deal! And NEW!

Listen, I'm still wearing the cute denim sneakers I got there three years ago for $3.99. Their signs may be awful, but the Closeouts department has great stuff, usually Target merch.

~*~Mom Goes To Music School

 Last week, Maya wrote about talking music with her teen. Well, my two sons are way past being teens, but I had my own conversation over text with them about music last week, too. Rick and I were in the car, and Lose Yourself by Eminem came up on my playlist. (I love this song.) I got curious about its genre, so I texted Jared and Sam:

                                                   

*Fetter is Jared's nickname for Sam, after the hip hop artist Fetty Wap. Not sure how it came about.

Let me tell you, I listen to a LOT of hip hop on the boat when the boys come to the lake. A. LOT. Theo dances to all of it. And just a heads up, if you haven't already, don't watch the video to the song Knife Talk. It's...really disturbing in a crazy, avant garde sort of way. 

~*~

"These are the times that try men's souls," Thomas Paine wrote in 1776. "Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph." Resistance is not futile. What we say and what we do matters. Every act of Kindness is a defiance. Paine also reminds us that, "'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death." 

Resist.

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Life Goes On, So Let's Ketchup: Good News, Good Music, Good Dog

 So! November. I put a lot of miles on my walking shoes last month. It's amazing how therapeutic it is. Walking was my way to cope with The Results. I'm not going any farther than that--no need to bring everyone back to that mindset. Let's just say that it's way worse than I felt after Gore, Kerry, and Hillary combined, and as a political activist of many years, I'm cocooning now. Please don't judge. (But do read this; it's enlightening.)

Back to Walking:  I used to walk in silence, appreciating the ambient noises of my neighbourhood. For some reason, however, I began to get bored and frustrated. I didn't feel energized. I began using my earbuds and chose music for my sojourns, varying my playlists among the music I grew up with and loved in my earlier life. Now I feel so much more spry, briskly striding to The Beatles, Genesis (whose catalog is excellent for walking), and an eclectic mix of artists from Aretha Franklin to Bruce Springsteen. I still carry dog biscuits in my pocket, just in case, and even in this cold weather, I'm out there (thank you, Rick, for my heated coat).

Good News:  Sam and Emily vacationed in Hawaii and got engaged. Emily has been part of our family for years already, so we couldn't be happier. Theo had his first birthday. He celebrated with Jared and Jordan in Pittsburgh, where he visited the Children's Museum. On Thanksgiving Day, J&J hosted. Some of her family came into town from out West, so we all got to celebrate Theo's birthday together as well as have a terrific feast. Jared made his first turkey ever (he brined it), and it was tremendous. So much to be Thankful for!

More Good News:  Rick semi-retired in November, going part-time, but at his full salary. His boss is so kind and generous. As of January 1st, he will officially be retired. Rick has been working since the age of 15 and mostly in construction, so I'm very happy for him. The boys are, too. Sam's first reaction was, "Dad. Mom lives a very quiet life. And she really likes it. Just saying." That boy knows his mother! And it is true that it'll be a big transition for Rick and me both--it already has been. His part-time schedule is Mondays and Fridays off, so we are already navigating what shared space and shared time* look like. (Sam has also lamented that he will be the only one in the family who has to get up and go to work, a singularity that he feels keenly.)  *I will always walk and go grocery shopping alone. 

Random Splotches:  Here's where I use up what could be short blogpost topics, mainly because I might forget them later.

*I think Heaven & Earth Grocery Store is going to be a DNF for me. I find myself annoyed and disconnected when I read it. I'm over you, James McBride, once and for all. Nothing personal.

*There's a new Beatles doc out, but it's on Disney+. I don't have that. I guess I'm going to have to pay 10 bucks for a month just to watch that one thing. There's no free or cheap trial because I already have Hulu. I'm going to have to swallow my disdain for Disney and pay it. Sigh. (But I still love Winnie the Pooh. Oh bother.)

*Speaking of Hulu--if any of you have watched the last season of Only Murders in the Building, were you as disappointed in it/its quality as I was? I thought it was terrible and jumped the proverbial shark.

*I'm having a terrible, TERRIBLE time finding Diamond Crystal Kosher Salt. As in, nowhere around me carries it and I had to order it off Amazon. The box I got was clearly marked "Not packaged for retail. For Food Service Use." I feel like a criminal. 

*Finally, another Dog Show has come and gone, and still the Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever has not made it into the final round, let alone won Best In Show. The fix is in, and why Canadians aren't doing something about it is beyond me.

Thanks to those of you who kept writing in November. I appreciate you. 

Beatlemania

My Google news feed has gone into Beatles Overdrive lately. It's obviously in response to my interest in the release of Now and Then, the song touted as The Last Beatles Song. I followed its story and awaited its release and streamed it the moment it became available. I was actually sitting in my car in a parking lot, and as I listened, the moment became a sentimental journey of sorts.

I practically grew up on Beatles music. My sister, seven years my senior, was in the throes of Beatlemania during her teen years. We shared a room, so I was surrounded by The Beatles' pictures and music. She even went to their first concert in Cleveland. I remember watching their performance on The Ed Sullivan Show with her.

We cleaned our room every Saturday listening to Beatles music (and The Hollies, The Association, The Bee Gees, and Simon and Garfunkel). I learned the lyrics by heart. I loved the B side of the 45s just as much as the hits. 

My Google news feed decided I'd want to read this article, which purports to rank all 214 Beatles songs from worst to best. Of course, I had to read it even though it was bound to be patently absurd and ridiculous and completely subjective. 

And it was.

Oh, sure, the author wrote a lot of footnote-worthy, researchy info after each title in order to sound smart and justify his rankings, but here's the thing--it's still just a list of his personal preferences, and it should be taken as such.

I don't think I could list my favourite Beatles songs like that. I like so many of them and for different reasons. And at different times. But here, in no particular order, are some of my favourite Beatles songs:

1. Eight Days A Week:  Love the ooo-oohs in this. And it's so bouncy and fun. 

2. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds:  The lyrics are so interesting. The music is arresting. It's so deeply unusual.

3. Eleanor Rigby:  These lyrics always haunt me. Such a portrait of loneliness. The voice of McCartney is so plaintive.

4. Paperback Writer:  The story moves fast, the music moves fast; it's almost like a Beatles rap. I like the falsetto and the call-back.

5. A Day In The Life:  So innovative. You can enjoy this and respect the artistry at the same time. 

Critics had a lot to say about Now and Then. I just enjoyed being able to have a chance to listen to The Beatles again, and it was more of a sentimental appreciation than anything else. Technology can never truly recapture The Beatles, but this song was an awfully good try.

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The Soundtracks Of My Life

My life has a lot more Music in it lately. Jared included us in his Music streaming service plan, and being able to listen to exactly what I want to hear with no ads was revolutionary. Now I understand why both my sons sit for a few moments in the driveway after we said our goodbyes; getting one's Music set up is sort of a big deal.

Because I'm old, I immediately started a playlist of a bunch of songs I loved from forever ago spanning the 70s to the present. Do you want to hear Carole King or Carly Simon? I've got you covered. How about a little Matchbox 20 or Bruce Springsteen? Here you go. Eminem, John Mayer, Steely Dan, Sam Smith, Aretha? Of course. Jeffrey James or James Bay or maybe The Weeknd? Let me play Al Green first. And that's just a little sampling (I even have Milli Vanilli; I loved those songs) because I keep adding more songs to this big bloated playlist rather than make a separate one. Why make things workier than I have to?

Sometimes, though, I need some Music that's very serene and relaxing. I don't want words and I don't want a melody that my brain has to follow. I needed that desperately a few weeks ago, and thankfully, I found a ready-made mix called Mellow Cello. That led me to Yo Yo Ma, and I discovered that I have a deep appreciation for cello Music. It's calming and beautiful, and Yo Yo Ma's artistry is profound. 

I like that this service tries to figure me out and make mixes for me, too. Sometimes it does a pretty good job. Other times, it bores me to death or strikes out terribly. It also has a pre-made mix of something they named Yacht Rock, and I have no idea why it's called that. Do aging rockers really sit on expensive boats and listen to songs like Africa by Toto, Brandy by Looking Glass, The Pina Colada Song by Rupert Holmes, Into the Night by Benny Mardones, and Summer Breeze by Seals and Crofts? 

I will say that when Sam and Jared have joined us on the boat this summer and we drop anchor to do a little day drinking, they are in charge of the Music. They do not choose Yacht Rock. Instead, Sam brings his bluetooth speaker and fires up Hip Hop BBQ. This Music also gives my brain a break because I don't know any of the songs except for a few words here and there. Once in a while, I make reference to how many times the rappers/artists say "In da club," and the boys assure me that only Old School Hip Hop Artists say that anymore. I'll take their word for it because they would know and it's not my genre.

Quite often I'll simply tune into WCLV, the classical Music station, as I'm driving. I've discovered that there is a great deal of classical Music that I do not care for. Some of it sounds like they're throwing their instruments down a flight of steps. Some of it sounds like jazz, but with an orchestra. At times, violins irritate me. I've listened to enough Debussy to know that I don't like his stuff. 

I still like my Quiet, and it's rare that I play Music at home when I'm alone. I also don't play Music when I take my walks. It is, however, good to welcome Music back into my life. 

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N Is For Needles

 

A little while ago, my grocery store with the fun and astonishing Closeouts section suddenly burst forth a Crafts Aisle. I wasn't the least bit surprised; remember, this is the store that routinely offers all sorts of eyecatching items in its Closeouts department. I've previously seen the following:  air conditioners, recliners, sofas, cabinet doors, folding tables, dorm refrigerators, lamps, winter coats, bathroom vanities, Subway hats and aprons, a Benjamin Franklin bobblehead, and a bank shaped like a rhinoceros, among other things. I recently purchased a pair of (originally Target) animal print high-top tennis shoes for eight bucks. I mean, why not?

But I digress.

Anyway, this Craft Aisle was full of--among other things--Knitting Needles. If you know anything about knitters, you know that we cannot pass up yarn or needles. It's impossible to have too many/much of either one. I scored a nice set of 10" bamboo Needles, sizes 6-10, for only 99 cents. This pricing is very typical of my store, and some single Needles were two and three pairs for 99 cents. Many, however, were plastic, and that's not my preference. I did what damage I could and felt pretty good about it. Among the knitting Needles were also a bevy of crochet hooks, singles and sets, similarly priced. Just for a moment, I understood how hoarders must feel:  I hated to leave a single thing hanging there when the prices were so ridiculous and I knew someone someplace could enjoy them. But that is for someone else's inspiration.

And speaking of Needles, I had to make a small repair on one of Rick's shirts not long ago, which meant a bit of hand sewing. I waited until I had everything else done for the afternoon, gathered my materials, sat in a comfortable position, and talked myself into a Patient And Relaxed Frame Of Mind. Because I knew it was going to be at least ten minutes before I got the damned needle threaded. I wish I were kidding. I don't care how sharp my scissors are or how neatly that thread is cut. I can be as steady-handed as a marksman. It does not matter. I will be poking that thread all over the goddam place trying to get it into the eye of the needle. How in the hell do those of you who do needlepoint do it? What can I do to end my torture and pain? Help me, please.

One last Needle.  My grandson, seventeen in about a week or so, and I are both big Elton John fans. He was almost impressed that I was an actual card-carrying member of The Elton John Fan Club back in the early 70s. On a boat ride one summer afternoon, he shared with me some video he took of an Elton John concert, and we sang along with the songs. The last time he came over, I dragged out my Elton John albums on vinyl and let him look at them, see the cover art, the lyrics, and the photos of the band on the inside of some of them. "Do you play these sometimes, Nana?" he asked. I hated telling him no. Rick and I both have lots and lots of vinyl, and I miss hearing our albums. We really need to get a new Needle for our turntable. It can't be a difficult thing to do. I know so much music is available to me now on streaming services, but I want to listen to my old LPs. And for that to happen, we need to get a Needle. One little Needle, and all that music--Tina Turner, Queen, Earth Wind & Fire, ELO, and of course, Elton John--comes back to life. 

Talk to me about the Needles, both in my life and in yours.

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Fourth In The November Series: Songs I Currently Love

Let me say at the outset that I am Not A Music Person. Unlike my husband, who usually has at least one earbud in his ear whenever he is puttering around or mowing or trying to fall asleep for a nap, I rarely listen to music. I will put some on in the car now and then, or I'll play music if I'm preparing something sort of worky in the kitchen, but usually I like things fairly quiet.

Thirty years of noisy hallways, listening to the sound of your own voice talking about English, and paying attention to student presentations and discussion will do that to you.

Every once in a while, however, I hear a song or two that I like enough to download onto my iPhone and play in those rare moments when I'm in the mood to hear music that I choose. (Don't you get annoyed flicking around on the radio to find something? And no, I won't invest in Sirius. Why pay for something I rarely use?) I kind of go in spurts, listening to the same sort of songs or artists for a time, and then I don't listen to much of anything at all. And I'm all over the timeline as well, from the 1960s to today. What can I say? I'm very specific--yet ambivalent--when it comes to music.

Here then are the

Songs I Currently Love (Maybe Not Love, But Like A Lot At The Right Time)

1. Blinding Lights--The Weeknd:  This song could be about bass fishing for all I know. I don't listen to its lyrics, nor do I try to. I like its techno edge and its peppy tempo. 

2. You're All I Need To Get By--Aretha Franklin:  I heard this in a commercial and immediately thought, "Why don't I have this on my phone?" The original of this was by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell. It's good, but there's something about Aretha...you know. 

3. Lose Yourself--Eminem:  I do listen to these lyrics. They're wonderful, and the song has such a raw energy and driving beat. It's very energizing. 

4. Stay With Me--Sam Smith:  This is a lovely and sentimental love song with a great deal of that blue-eyed soul. What a voice!

5. Born To Run--Bruce Springsteen:  A true American blue-collar poet. This is an anthem. Cleveland's most popular rock station used to play this at 5 o'clock on the dot every Friday to start the weekend. I play it whenever I feel lots of joy.

6. One Headlight--The Wallflowers:  This is just a darned good song. Julie from Thinking About mentioned it a while ago in Comments, and I immediately downloaded it. Every so often it wanders back into my playlist, where it has been lately.

What about you? What songs are you listening to lately, and what do you think about my playlist?

Holy Crap, We Are Old Now

Scene opens on the living room. Rick is in his chair, researching something with his laptop. Nance sits on the couch with her laptop open, reading the newspaper online. Behind her are perched the two cats, mildly interested in what lies outside the window. Maybe.

Rick: So if we have Amazon Prime, we have Amazon Music, right?

Nance: Yes. Which reminds me, earlier this week, when I was coming home from the store, I had the radio on, and--

Rick: (whole face brightens; looks doubly interested) I can't believe I just heard that.

Nance: I know, right? *I* was listening to the radio. Did you know you can change stations right on the steering wheel? I just discovered that. There's a little button right on board, and--

Rick: Haven't you been reading the book? I thought you said you would read the book.

Nance: I have been, but it's terrible. It's all over the place.

Rick: And it's vague.

Nance: Yes. It's vague. Anyway, I had the radio on, and Lose Yourself by Eminem came on, so I cranked it up.

Rick: (grinning and wholly amused) I cannot believe what I'm hearing right now. Go on.

Nance: What? That I like that song or that I cranked it up?

Rick: All of it. Go ahead.

Nance: By the way, you can crank it up using the same button that changes the stations. So, I'm blasting Eminem and doing some car dancing and it's really alleviating my stress from shopping, and then it's over. The next song is some boring song by Diplo and somebody.

Rick: Who? Who is that? I never heard of him.

Nance: Not important. Anyway, I don't feel like listening to that, so I switch stations and try to find something else. I find something briefly, then I decide to go back to the original station, figuring Diplo is about done. Next thing I know, here comes Eminem with Lose Yourself again!

Rick: What the heck?

Nance: I know! So I crank it back up and car dance like crazy. All I can think is that a lot of these stations are automated now. They don't even have DJs anymore, just preprogrammed lists and ads and it's all autopilot. It's probably a glitch in the program. So as I'm sitting at the light acting like some hyped-up senior from 2002 on the last day of school--in my Prius--I'm laughing and wondering if the next song is going to be Diplo again.

Rick: And?

Nance: I was already pulling into the driveway, but I actually sat in the garage and waited to see if Diplo was next. It wasn't. They must have fixed that glitch. But now that I'm thinking of it, I want that song on my phone. The Eminem one. I'm going to download it now. (looks at Rick, who is shaking his head and laughing) What?

Rick: Just...everything. All of it.

Nance:  I know. It's a lot.

End scene.

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Monday Meme: Nature

It's March, and as a lifelong resident of Northeast Ohio, I know this means Zero about the arrival of Spring. Point of fact--today's high was 21 degrees; with the wind chill, it felt like 3. There is a light dusting of snow on the ground with a threat of more most of the week. Still, I'm aware we're better off than our seasonal brethren in Michigan, Wisconsin, and most recently, New England.

March makes me weary. It's a long, sloggy month with an Identity Crisis. It's Not-Winter and it's Not-Spring. My father, surprisingly chauvinistic at times, used to call it the Women's Weather Month because it's so changeable. That always irked me, but I do like the idea of Nature being Female (although the term Mother Nature, not so much).

Despite Her many vagaries, I am a great appreciator of Nature (in part, due to my father), even when She does Her level best to irritate the hell out of me with things like snow in general, wind when I'm trying to sleep, squirrels badgering my birdfeeders, and mice breaking into my garage or, worse, my house.

Let's try and Manage March with a Nature Meme:

1. What part of Nature do you like best?
Trees, especially flowering trees.

2. What natural phenomenon would you like to see?
I'd really love to see a full display of the Northern Lights.

3. Is there an animal that you find awe-inspiring?
Lots of them. I recently spotted a bald eagle completely unexpectedly; that took my breath away. When I went whale-watching, I was awed. There is something about elephants that always touches me; they seem to have such an ancient, inherent dignity.

4. Have you ever ridden on a horse or any other animal?
I've always wanted to ride a horse. I've ridden a camel!

5. Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?
I love my granddog Zydrunas wholly and completely, but I am a cat person at heart.

6. Which version of (You Make Me Feel Like A) Natural Woman do you like best, Carole King's or Aretha Franklin's?
I'll always have a soft spot for Carole King's version. Her Tapestry album is part of the soundtrack of my life. But when I think of that song, it's Aretha I hear.

7. Are you a Natural Woman (or Man), or do you avail yourself of a little Help?
I get by with a little help from my friends Mascara and Tinted Moisturizer. I'm far too lazy (and cheap) to colour my hair since it would require endless maintenance, and I'm too scared (and cheap) to get any cosmetic surgery (hospital infection! complications! wasting money!). I've even broken up with Blush for the most part. (Do they even still call it that?)

Your turn. March forth in Comments.


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Monday Meme: Music

Monday, Monday...This day sneaked up on me like a little grey cat wearing lambswool slippers. It's gloomy and cold and cloudy and I'm trying to get Out From Under a tedious and picky editing job that is making me cross-eyed. I only have time for a few meme q's, so let's get to them!

1. What music are you listening to lately?

I've put my Carly Simon albums (Coming Around Again and No Secrets) into heavy rotation. I'm bored with You're So Vain, though, so sometimes I skip that song when it comes on.

2. What was your favourite concert that you attended?

Rick and I got all dressed up and went to see Michael Crawford in Cleveland back when he was just retired from being the Phantom of the Opera. (No, we were not the youngest ones there.) It was a beautiful, captivating, gorgeous night of lovely music. I still feel privileged to have heard him live.

3. What concert would you like to go to now?

None. I get irritated by the people who have to stand up the whole time and block my view. I don't like how the artists encourage everyone to sing when I paid huge money to hear THEM sing, not a crowd of fans. I don't like all the extraneous noise and people who act like goofballs. If I could go and NOT be subjected to all of that, I'd like to see Bruno Mars (because he's entertaining and cute). Maybe Elton John because I was supposed to go see him forty years ago, but I got terribly sick and couldn't go. But if he sounds really bad and forgets the words to his songs, I'd be so disenchanted and sad.

4. What music did you listen to in college/high school?

I was a huge Queen fan in college. I still love Queen, but that kind of music, I have to be in the mood for, you know? In high school, I listened to a little of everything, from Elton John to John Denver to Kiss to Cat Stevens to Blue Oyster Cult to whatever my sister Patti was listening to, like Al Stewart--remember him? That album might be my next free download. And once I met Rick, I started listening to a lot of Motown. A. Lot.  (It wasn't a Bad Thing.)

5. What about Rap Music?

Every once in a while, I can listen to some of it. Not very often, but there is some that I don't mind too much. I don't like ugly, hateful, disgusting, misogynistic rap music. I loved the new Eminem rap against 45*, just like I loved the last one he did against a republican. (Can you believe Eminem is 45?)

Your turn. I hope I don't end up feeling too much like an old lady.

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Free-For-All Friday: The Slightly Subdued, Post-Migraine Edition Celebrating Simple Joys Of The Week

Last night our Canadian Friends sent us a bigass cold front packing icy cold winds and the first sn*w of the season. (Thank you, but really, you shouldn't have.) I woke up at 3AM with a banger of a migraine and today am pretty worthless. As I cower from everything but Rest, Hydration, and Warmth, I feel compelled to satisfy my Writing Responsibilities. Here's a Quick Rundown of some Small Yet Satisfying Happinesses that lifted my spirits this week:

1. Carly Simon On iTunes. I grew up listening to the music of my older sister Patti, who is seven years my senior. She was my idol, my role model, and my mentor in so many areas of Life. We shared the finished attic bedroom with my younger sister Susan for years and years, so I grew up listening to whatever music Patti did. This week, I downloaded two Carly Simon albums from iTunes, using free money from my many survey credits. They're in heavy rotation now with the two Beatles albums I downloaded last week (also for free!), and I'm really enjoying this musical trip in the wayback machine.

2. Fall Wardrobe. Cuddly sweaters, leggings, boots, long pants again--these are a few of my favourite things. I refreshed my fall/winter wardrobe with a few new pieces from TJ Maxx, but most of my clothes are in good shape and are basics that I can wear a long time without looking dated.

3. Soups And Slow Cooks/Roasts. I'm finally feeling like cooking and being creative in my kitchen again, and it's a pleasure to do it when it's not so hot out and I have more of an appetite. I made a really tasty (and easy) soup last night that Rick thoroughly enjoyed, and I plan on making many more. Sam finished the small leftover bit for his lunch today. I actually had a pretty good Cooking Week, for a change, taking advantage of my crockpot and the oven (since we've had such cool weather), and it's starting to feel like I'm getting back to my old self a little bit.

4. Democrats! Thank you, Virginia and New Jersey. Thank you so much.  Thank you for repudiating the Politics Of Hate And Ignorance.  Thank you to the strong, capable women who decided to run for office and make a difference right at the source.  And a special Thank You to Ashley Bennett, who served up one hell of a dinner in New Jersey.

I await your Comments on my Simple Joys and stand ready to Celebrate (albeit gently) Yours.

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In Which The Dept. Cleans House And Debates Fear And Love In The Martial Arts

Act I, scene i. Rick and Nance are in the living room. Nance is on the couch, center, knitting; Rick is in his easy chair, left, folding his laundry. The TV is on. The local news is riffing on the pop news story about Earworms, the songs that get stuck in your head.


Rick: That happened to me yesterday at work. It drove Chad crazy. I kept singing "Kung Fu Fighting."
Nance: (not looking up) That would drive me crazy.
Rick: (making karate chops with a pair of tube socks) But Nance! Come on! It's like the song says--Everybody loves kung fu fighting!
Nance: (raises her eyes only, looks over at Rick) Rick. The lyric is "Everybody WAS kung fu fighting."
Rick: Well...why would everybody do it if they didn't love it?

Act II, scene i. Kitchen. A few days later. Rick and Nance are doing weekend cleaning, mostly Cat Hair Removal, and mostly in preparation for guests. Nance has already dusted four rooms and is gathering cleaning supplies for the bathroom. Rick is on his back on the floor, puzzling over a piece of packing material left under the (years-old) refrigerator.  (Reminiscent of this episode.) His phone is clipped to his belt, and it is playing his extensive and...eclectic music library.

Rick: (singing loudly) You don't own me/I'm not just one of--
Nance: I figured you'd download that.
Rick: Hey, at least I didn't download "Kung Fu Fighting." Did you know everybody loves kung fu fighting?
Nance: (using lyrics) Yeah, and those kicks were fast as lightning.
Rick: (starts singing) Everybody was--
Nance: (more lyrics) In fact, it was a little bit frightening. And there is the flaw in your theory, by the way. How can everybody love kung fu fighting if they are afraid of it?
Rick: Nance. Come on. For the same reason some people love horror movies, haunted houses, surprise packages, gambling, all that stuff. Lots of people love to be scared. They go for the thrill.
Nance: That's true. And valid. I hate all that stuff and I hate that song.

End.

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W Is For What I'm...

Working On. As I have said so many times before, I see myself as being on a Journey Of Continuous Self-Improvement. To that end I am always striving to better my character in many Arenas. Currently, I am Working On most Strenuously and to some Success: graciously accepting Compliments, never saying Never, defaulting to Kindness, being Quieter and Listening. For some of you, these things may seem quite Simple and Natural, and you may be saying, "I don't get it." Trust me, neither do I to a large extent, but that's why I have to Work At Them.

Weeping About. For some reason lately, I have become quite sentimental/hormonal and teary. This is extremely unusual for me and very unsettling. I find myself thinking of people no longer in my life and whom I miss terribly. In a few cases, I'm sure it's due to a lack of true closure; in others, the finality of death. Also bringing me to tears is the sight of the small Syrian boy from Aleppo, the victim of airstrikes. Even now, having to search for the image has brought me to tears yet again. One more--have you ever heard the song Cecilia and the Satellite by Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness? I love it, and yep, it's making me tear up, too. Sigh. When (and Why) did I get to be such a crybaby?

Wishing For. While I am everso grateful for airconditioning, I am heartily sick of it this summer. We have had to have ours On more than Off, and I crave some fresh air and more moderate temperatures with low humidity. How on earth do any of my friends in the Delta states or places where 90+ with high humidity as the norm survive? NEO is also in a Moderate Drought, so while our air feels like we are walking through a bowl of soup, our yards are crisp and hard and brown. I know, California--Old News to you--but here, we're crabby and outraged. And the Death Toll in my landscaping continues: two cedars, one Japanese maple, one lilac, one viburnum...one more and this will be another thing I'm Weeping About.

Wild About. As many of you might recall, we here at the Dept. are Cord Cutters, and have eschewed cable television for lo these many years now. Very few network shows are Destination Television for us, but we are crazy about Life In Pieces, which we find funny, smart, and quirky in just the right doses. We continue to be avid viewers of Orange Is The New Black and House Of Cards on the Netflix (thank you, Jared). I continue to mourn the absence of Hugh Laurie In Anything, and wish that House was on in perpetuity, no matter how awful it got. Isn't it a shame he isn't Doing Something, and Immediately? (And hasn't Modern Family gotten...really terrible?)

Wearing. No more high heels. Lots of easy pullover dresses. Camisoles forever, especially with breezy, loose, gauzy tops. My fleece blanket every evening on the couch, thanks to airconditioning. My hair long, past my shoulders. Makeup every single day, even if I stay at home. Perfectly arched eyebrows, waxed myself, thank you very much. No perfume. As much navy blue as I can find (which is damn little).

Well, that about Wraps It Up. Please share your W's in Comments.

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Letting My Storm Rage On From Frozen NEO, But I'm All About Happy

The question I chose for today is timely because the Oscars were announced last night in what was probably the strangest telecast for them I ever remember seeing.  Am I remembering rightly that one acting award was given at the beginning, and then all the techie awards and sort of "secondary" awards (like animated short, documentary, makeup) were then bestowed before any other acting Oscar was awarded?  I felt like Ellen Degeneres was underutilized, but I was so bored at one point that I found even her to be annoying.

Anyway, I'm going to use today's question to celebrate a sort of Festivus Tradition* I have regarding the Oscars show and the category of Best Song once I've answered it. (*The Airing of Grievances)  Off we go.

Have you heard the song Let It Go from the movie Frozen, and if so, do you like it?

Let me say that I set aside all of my anti-Disney bias and listened to this song with an open mind.  I also tried to keep in mind what it was, a movie theme song for The General Public, which meant it would be somewhat narrative, have a theme or lesson within it, and at some point it would reach soaring heights like an eighties power ballad, and the singer would raise her fist or hit her chest or something intense like that because she feels the music.  It's like what the coaches on The Voice tell their team members.

Okay, so I listened to it, but it was just meh for me.  Even U2's song didn't move me.  And the little duet by the girl in the red dress with her strappy shoes parked picturesquely next to her and the amiable looking guy with the guitar was unremarkable and made me think of Once, except that Once was way better. The only song I truly enjoyed was the Happy one by Pharrell.  (I also thoroughly admired his outfit.)  As a matter of fact, here is a link to the song.  I like it that much.  The video is happy, and his style is wonderful.

For years I've been saying that having all of the Best Song nominees sung or played during the Oscar telecast is a real timesuck and a drag on the energy of the show.  Just play a snippet of each one as they are announced before the winner is read.  They do that with every single other award except Best Picture.  Aren't we putting an awful lot of weight behind a category that is, at best, a pretty extraneous one?  Most Best Song nominees are not even part of the movie; they're played at the end while the credits roll.  Can you even name last year's Best Song?  I have no idea.  Can you name 2012's Best Song?  How many Best Songs can you even name?  I can name a helluva lot of Best Actors, Best Pictures, Best Actresses.  I can maybe, maybe name three or four Best Songs, and that's only because my buddy Roger and I used to have a seriously cutthroat Oscar Pool for about fifteen years.  We picked everything, even the shorts and foreign language films.

When is the last time you went to a film and said, "I expected more from that film.  The song at the end was terrible"?  Or, after having heard the list of Oscar nominees, sent a text to a friend that said, "Let's go see Mandela. Just got a nod for Best Song!"  Never.  Come on.

The running gag for all awards shows, especially the Golden Globes and the Oscars, is that it inevitably runs long, sometimes way long.  When will they do The Smart Thing and cut the performances of Best Song? Who is going to raise a serious objection?  Will musicians riot in the streets?  Do you think all the Hollywood headliners and the seat-fillers, who are starving and wearing three layers of Spanx or corsets and have not eaten anything but iceberg lettuce and green smoothies laced with  Benefiber for the past week will care?  Ha. It is to laugh.

I am more than happy to be The Bad Guy here and make this decision for everyone.  Consider it one of the many things I can sanction under the purview of the Dept. of Nance.

*NOTE*  Blogger and Feedburner are not making nice for some reason.  My email subscribers are suffering the consequences. I apologize, and I am doing what I can on this end.

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...Or You Could Try The "Put Finger In Ear, Sing La La La La" Method, Too

Pressure Busting Tip #3

Holy crap.  I opened up my newspaper this morning, and two--TWO--special toybook inserts fell out.  One was from Toys R Us, and one was from Target. (How could you, Target, my new fashion BFF?)  It's only November 3rd!  I don't know about you, but it all feels terribly bossy to me.  And if there is one thing to which I do not take kindly, that is being bossed. 

As part of my antidote to this kind of amping-up of Christmas by consumerist retail outlets, I have made a solemn pledge that my own children still follow to this day, and I now pass on to you.  Do not play Christmas Music until December 1st.  Oh, sure--you're going to hear it in stores now.  Your radio station is going to sneak a few in here and there, forcing you to change the channel.  But take it from me:  If you wait until December 1st, you won't be so sick of it.  You won't find it so tiresome.  The sound of it won't make you feel resentful and angry.  "Deck the halls" won't make you want to deck the kid bagging your Big Mac.  One of the most pleasant things in Life is having something to look forward to, no matter how small or trivial.  So hold off on "O Holy Night" until the first of December, and usher in a True Christmas Season with joy.

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Winter Cleaning: Also Known As Cheap Therapy

Let's play a little game. It's called Cheap Therapy. I get to dump a Whole Ton Of Mind Crap on you and toss my head junk out, and then in Comments/Brainstorms, you can clean out your Cranium Clutter. Doesn't that sound great? Here we go:

^*^My blog is currently blue to celebrate the Democratic Mandate Of November 4, 2008, AKA: The Day America Returned To Its Senses. I am not particularly fond of the color scheme, so I will return the Dept. to its regular appearance pretty soon. I just really needed to react on the Interwebs.

^*^Can I just start bitching RIGHT NOW about the onrush of The Holiday Season and how it is being shoved down my throat incessantly and how it started on...oh, like November 1st? Seriously, I get that the Economy sucks and that Consumer Confidence is at an all-time Low and that if I don't start spending my huge enormous monies that WE WILL ALL BE STANDING IN SOUP/BREAD/CHEESE LINES TOMORROW, but enough already! I am not yet ready to start You-know-what shopping, so back off my jock, everyone in retail! The fact that I ordered my Thanksgiving Turkey already is major. I usually talk about ordering it weeks before Thanksgiving but don't actually get around to doing it until about four days before. So, I'm all holidayed up, thanks.

^*^Did anyone else see Brian Williams on the cover of the Sunday (11-16) Parade newspaper supplement? Was that the dorkiest picture, or what? And the accompanying piece was terrible. Come on, BW. Do not tell me that you are so pedestrian about food. Food court food? Ugh.

^*^I found a CD on my desk at home by someone named "Missy Higgins." A couple weekends ago, Rick finally decided we should listen to it. After a few tracks, this was the conversation:
Me: This isn't too bad. It's sort of like Sarah McLachlan meets Anna Nalick.
Rick: And a little Sinead.
Me: Plus some Alanis Morrissette tossed in.
Rick: Wow.
Me: Really, then why do we need Missy Higgins?
Rick: Exactly. Time to thin the herd.

^*^It's been snowing here every day for three days. I repeat: snowing. And it's sticking. On the ground and stuff. Hideous. I can think of no good reason for it. I blame the republicans.

^*^Rick has a little crush on Rachel Maddow of MSNBC. I am so proud of him. He said, "I don't know. There's just something about her. She's so intelligent and capable and has such strength about her. I'm really attracted to strong, intelligent women like her." And yes, he knows she's a lesbian. He also told me after watching the interview with the Obamas on 60 Minutes, "Wow. If Michelle came in here interested, I'd follow her right out the door." Bless his heart. I would, too.

^*^I'm looking for the perfect pair of black dressy boots. I want a high heel, but not so high that I look like I'm into S&M. I want the boots to be up to my knees, but not covering any part of my knees. I want a little embellishment, but nothing flashy or whorey-looking. And I don't want to pay more than 75 bucks. Can someone please get on this for me and save me a lot of calisthenic malling? Size 8 1/2. Oh, and no patent leather. (See "whore" ref. above.)

^*^I'm giving up my short hair. Main reason: I. Am. Freezing. I never realized how warm my hair kept my neck and shoulders. Secondary reason: It consistently pisses me off. I cannot count on it. It is worky. My hair looks different every single day. Yesterday, Great Hair Day. Today, Okay Hair Day. Last week, several Total Failure Hair Days. Amount spent on new hair products: Enormous. Amount of satisfaction derived from success rate of new hair products: zero. Conclusion: might as well use Jell-O, Elmer's Glue-All, Minwax, or Vaseline. (Sidenote--Rick says, "I think your hair always looks nice." Sigh.) Okay. Maybe I have the order of Reasons switched.

^*^I keep thinking about getting a cat. I KNOW! Someone stop me. Now. And hurry. Jared says, "Mom, what is the big deal?" I say, "Jared, it's the hair. THE HAIR!" He says, "Mom, it's only an issue for you." Duh. Does he realize that statement speaks volumes?

Probably I should quit now and give all of you a chance. Vent away! Rid your brains of their burdens. OR--go ahead and psychoanalyze mine. Just be careful in there.

Back To Life; Back To Reality

It's over. I have returned. I vastly overpacked but wore all three pairs of shoes. My wardrobe was appropriate, but my hair (thanks to an abundance of humidity) looked terrible every single moment except for the first evening's play, where I considered asking them to keep the house lights up so that everyone could appreciate it--my hair, I mean--but decided it would be vain. After all, the audience had gathered there to see a professional performance of George Bernard Shaw's Mrs. Warren's Profession, not my coif.

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On the way to Canada, the following dialog took place:
Me: Hey, did you see that?
Rick: What?
Me: There was a guy standing on top of that water tower!
Rick: Did he have a gun?
Me: No...
Rick: Then don't worry about it.
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Approximately three blocks from our house, we discovered that we had left for our four-hour trip without amassing any CDs to listen to. Rick said, "Oh, don't worry. I grabbed some out of my truck." There was a long moment of silence as Jared and I absorbed this news. I turned to the back seat and exchanged a horror-laden glance with him. "What?" Rick said defensively. "Nothing," we assured him. But we knew what we were in for. Rick's musical taste is...eclectic in the extreme. And his CD collection consists of burned discs of not names, but graphics like a blue Sharpie cloud scribbled on it, or a red Sharpie cloud scrawled on it, or the dreaded blank CDs which are like reaching into a grab-bag and drawing out a prize wrapped in tissue paper: you have no clue what might be inside. Thus, we immediately instituted a Two-Skip Invocation Rule, whereby anyone in the car can invoke two skips. If a song comes on that a listener cannot abide, he or she can simply state "Skip", and Rick (who has audio system controls on the steering wheel--I know, how cool is MY NEW CAR!?) will simply skip that track, no questions asked. Well, let me tell you...we had a wild, unconventional potpourri of Earth, Wind & Fire, Keith Urban, Carl Orff, Wang Chung, Eminem, Wayne Wonder, Seal, Edwin Starr, The Cars, oh...the list is endless and incredible. He tried to sneak some Kid Rock and Alan Jackson in there, but I invoked. Oooh, baby, did I invoke. All I can say is, thank heavens for Blue Cloud Disc. Wait...or was it Red Scribble? Never mind.
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Things got a little sketchy at the border coming home. I am all about BORDER SECURITY. I really am. And I realize that, perhaps, four and a half cases of wine seems like a lot for just four people after only a long weekend. I do. But really, isn't asking, "What are you going to do with 50 bottles of wine?" kind of...dumb? And disingenuous? And did the Customs Officer have to preface his question with "Oh my God! That's like...fifty bottles!" Geeze.

Trying to make me feel bad.