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Sunday, November 26, 2006

Premature EjacYULEation



D isaster averted at the house today.

What was I thinking? I know the rules--hell, I made them! But it's a perilous time of year, this Wad O' Weeks known as The Holidays. This year, it arrived on October 1st! You know I'm right! The little boo-ghosts were jockeying for position next to Santa and Rudolph. Candy corn was nudging the candy canes. And as soon as the Marketing Mafia allowed us that brief, non-profitable moment known archaically and whimsically as "Thanksgiving," people stood outdoors in lines that snaked for fifteen football fields just to be able to...buy stuff.

Were things being given away? No. Were things being handed out gratis? No. Would these cold, ridiculous people who were in this ridiculously long line since 3 a.m. have to pay real money for things at the end of it that they would also have to walk around and have to find, heft, and stand in line for again? YES!!

H U H!?!?!?!?

But I digress.

My original point, and I do have one, is this:

Today, I took my mother out to a craft store so that she could buy something which I cannot mention here because it is a Christmas secret thing. While I was there, I found very charming, very serviceable coffee mugs with lids on them to keep the coffee hot whilst one is, say, working the Saturday Plain Dealer crossword puzzle or browsing the Sunday Plain Dealer sports section or ads and one does not wish to keep getting up and rewarming one's coffee in the microwave. I purchased two of them at the fabulous price of one dollar apiece. Later, when I brought them home, I called my sons and husband into the kitchen to admire and, yes, validate this purchase as 1. a great deal, 2. a great idea, and 3. very cute. As they returned to their activities, I busied myself making room for the mugs on the counter next to the coffeemaker. It was then that disaster struck:

Sam: (urgently from livingroom) Mom! Umm...What are you doing?
Me: (merrily, from kitchen) Making room on the coffee counter for our cute new mugs!
Sam: (triumphant) Wrong!
Me: What? Why?
Sam: Why?! You know the rules.
Me: Ohhhh. There's holly and...dammit. There are candy canes on this one!
Sam: Then no way are you putting them out.
Me: But the candy canes are so small!
Sam: Doesn't matter. It's not December 1st.
Me: I want a ruling. Jared?
Jared: (looks up from computer, instantly alert) Holly is seasonal, not Christmas. And same for snowmen, which are just wintry. How many candy canes? I can be flexible.
Me: The candy canes are small. And there are more snowmen and holly together than candy canes. Rick?
Rick: (groggily, from depths of recliner) Isn't tomorrow December 1st?
Sam: No! No! December 1st isn't until Friday. You people! You know the rules! You can't put them out yet. They're Christmas mugs.
Me: You're right. I'll just put out a couple of regular mugs to mark their place until Friday.
Jared: (chuckling) Like ghost runners, huh, Mom? Remember ghost runners? "Ghost runner on first!" Remember that, Sam?
Sam: You people are such idiots.

13 comments:

  1. Tell Sam I said quit being so damn whiny. Does he always refer to you guys as "people"? He seems to do it at work as well.

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  2. The post title and photo are just too funny.

    Belgians are definitely saving all their love for December. We often wait until mid-December to put up the tree.

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  3. Anonymous9:37 AM

    We have the same rule! Christmas Begins In December And Not Before. But I must say, even if it is still November, I totally enjoyed your Santa Clause photo...
    ~Julie

    ReplyDelete
  4. danielle--Sam had an underlying reason for whininess: he's sick. Tested positive for strep today. He's one sick puppy, really.

    v-grrrl--You wouldn't believe what I had to search for to match my title, which came first. The images I started looking for were...well, let's just say I modified, and you should be glad.

    jt--see above to v, and let me add that while I hate raising more martinets about The Yule Rules, it has become a self-defense thing.

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  5. Anonymous11:14 PM

    This semester has been so difficult for me that I've been welcoming any signs of Christmas. I actually wouldn't mind it if they started playing Christmas music in my office today, although that would never happen because half of the department is Jewish. But hey, I'd even take some dreidel songs at this point.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well tell Sam I hope he feels better and if he even THINKS about coming near me at work or school and getting me sick I'll....uhhh, well probably do nothing.

    I omitted from my first comment but will add now:

    Love the picture.

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  7. ih--can't jewish people just celebrate the xmas part of Christmas? Like the rudolph part? Isn't your office secular enough or inclusive enough to celebrate Chrismukkanzaa? I challenge you to get it going over there.

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  8. I agree with the rule on December 1st. When I went into CVS before Halloween and saw a Christmas Tree I wanted to scream!

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  9. anali--I think drugstores are the worst. Walgreen's was the same way. They are such holiday pushers.

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  10. One more day for your new mugs. I hope it was worth the wait! Around here, no decorations go up until Christmas tree day which is the 5th.

    But I disagree about the decorations in the stores. I love them all. The sooner the better!

    ReplyDelete
  11. j.--
    The new mugs ARE worth the wait. I was just thinking about them. And tomorrow's C'mas season will be ushered in with much noisome merrymaking: we are all going to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra in Cleveland. I refuse to believe your other comment and choose to think you are just picking an ill-advised fight with me. Don't make me come over there.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous2:18 PM

    I must admit that I love the early start of the holiday season. It gets me soooo excited! And yes, I'm proud to say that my Christmas tree was up and decorated BEFORE Thanksgiving. I'm a holiday junkie, what can I say?! I love the decorations, the music, the lights, the gatherings...everything!! And thank you, Nance, for giving me a pass (Fri. @ work) for having being one of "those people" just because I'm a faithful reader!!! Happy Holidays!!!! Nina

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nina--
    Hooray! You've officially become a commenter! And, Nina, you'd have been so proud of me ALL WEEKEND. First was the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert on Friday; Saturday was Christmas shopping all day and evening with Rick, and Sunday, I was out snagging major bargains at Walgreens (6 boxes of tinsel @ 39 cents each!). And the mugs are out and have been put to use. Fabulous.

    ReplyDelete

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