Goodbye, August. You Can Show Yourself Out

 

Goodbye, August. Be on your way and don't give September any ideas, unless it's for the beautiful blue skies, voluptuous clouds, and refreshing temperatures you've left as parting gifts. Other than that, take your leave and all your lousy vibes with you.

I've been struggling with a mystery condition for a while now. After any exertion my muscles suddenly become very weak. I start losing my balance; my feet will scuff the ground when I walk, causing me to trip, then fall. Sometimes, I can sense it happening; other times, I have no warning at all. My arms have no strength, and my hands shake at times with tremors. I cannot carry anything of much heft, and there are times I can't steadily put a drink to my lips. As you can no doubt guess, this has put an end to my daily walks; I haven't been able to take one for a month. 

I miss them more than you could ever imagine. And I am so very tired so much of the time.

This is eerily reminiscent of my Vitamin D deficiency in 2017, except that I've been supplementing D religiously since then. Obviously, these symptoms prompted a visit to my primary care physician, who ordered some labs and a visit with my neurologist. Her initial diagnosis is that my very high dose of Topamax for migraine prevention, that I've been on for twenty years, might now be just too high for my tolerance at my age. "I worry that we might be doing this to you, not a disease process," she said. My dosage of Topamax is extremely high--higher than what is usually recommended--in order to control my migraines. My neurologist--actually his NP--ordered more labs and stepped down my Topamax as a possible solution. Another possible diagnosis is myasthenia gravis; unfortunately, there is no definitive test for it, only markers to look for or rule it out in a big process of elimination. But my initial round of labs looked pretty good, at least from what I saw and could figure out on my own.

And, as is always the case it seems, I don't go back for a follow-up with my actual neurologist until mid-September after new labs are done next week. Sigh.

As so many of you know, Patience is Not My Gift. I'm angry and annoyed that I'm so limited. And that now there is so much more burden placed on Rick. Just running the vacuum can put me out of commission for an hour or more. He escorts me on short little walks in case I tire and begin to show signs of scuffing. Spending part of a day with Theo--holding him, playing on the floor, being active with him, a Very Busy toddler--makes me incredibly tired and sore, but that will always, always be worth it. 

In other news, August marks yet another year for Dept. of Nance. I've been writing here for twenty years now! It's astonishing, but even more astonishing is the number of you who have been here for so many of those anniversaries. Thank you, and a special Thank You to my Faithful Commenters, who engage in and encourage such a lively, witty, and intelligent discussion here. You're the best on the Internet, no doubt about it.

I'll write a more celebratory post soon, but I wanted to share this news with you, my friends and virtual support group. Thank you for being here, and thank you for writing over at your places. It's a joy to start my day with you every single morning.

PSA--No More Posts Via Email

 

image from LinkedIn

This is simply a quick PSA for those of you who had been getting my posts via email through Mailchimp. That service has ended. Well, it's ended for me, anyway; they're done offering it for free. Since I only have 200+ subscribers and I'm not really a b2b entity, they're breaking up with me.

I'm not aware of any other service that offers a freebie plan, so I guess you'll just have to stop by here and check in once in a while. I'm truly sorry for the inconvenience, especially since I don't publish on any sort of schedule. 

Updated:  I was finally able to reformat my layout and remove the signup for email delivery as well as my defunct Feedburner subscription. Everything should be shipshape now. (Except for the part where you still can't get me via email anymore like before.)

I'll be back soon. 

Clearing Out My Cranial Clutter: Drugs For The Elderly, The Dress, And Marcel's Philosophy On Blog Comments

 Let's start right in, shall we?

After three days of suffering a vicious migraine that my meds would not even touch, I called my neurologist for a cycle breaker. This is a steroid med pack (6 the first day, 5 the next, and so on). I put on my sunglasses and drove the short distance to CVS to pick it up and gobbled the first 6 in the parking lot like an addict needing her fix. It was only when I got home that I looked at the attached paperwork and saw this very Disheartening missive:

I am the Older Adult In The Combination

Because I have reached The Magic Number, I'm now asked a bunch of questions I never got a year ago. Like Do you feel safe at home? (Honestly, I think every patient in the ER should be asked if they feel safe at home, don't you?) Anyway, so much for the whole Age is just a number philosophy.

 
Some of you asked to see my dress for Jared and Jordan's wedding. The photo isn't very good, but here it is:

Just imagine my head, arms, and legs poking out, and my feet wearing great shoes

What you can't see is that the skirt is split at the side wrap with cascading ruffles, and the front is shorter than the back, like a cutaway. Here is a link to the actual dress online, but it's not that great of a photo, either. Regardless, there it is. 

One more note about the wedding. Last weekend, Rick and I hosted the family along with Jared and Jordan's parents at the lakehouse before they had to fly back to Colorado. We talked more about the wedding, and I said I realized I didn't cry a single tear during the whole thing. Not one (and I had even bought waterproof mascara). Jordan said, "I know. I was watching you. You were so incredibly calm. But you were radiating Joy." I agreed. I said that I simply felt complete--contented and complete. I knew that everything was right and perfect about their marriage. I felt like I was watching the natural next step, the culminating event. I was just so happy.

Finally, during my Migraine Days this week, I was edgy and restless. I couldn't do much, but I didn't want to just sit in a darkened, silent room. I could read on and off, or watch television if it was something quiet. I found the movie Marcel The Shell With Shoes On, a film which had intrigued me a while ago, but I had forgotten about.

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 It's a lovely little film with an endearing protagonist and a dear, yet important, message that resonated with me. And it expresses my philosophy about blogging, specifically the Comments section.

Over at Kyria's place, several bloggers spoke about not answering Comments at all, and others spoke about not checking back to even see if their Comments had been answered. To be blunt, I find that dismissive and rude.

In the film, Marcel reluctantly goes online to find his family. Instead of receiving help, he gets fans and followers. At one point, he says something like, "This is an audience, not a community." And that's what those kinds of blogs are to me. People who don't engage with their commenters are just looking for an audience, not a community. Wouldn't a Like button serve the same purpose for them? I don't know. I know that I choose carefully who I read and want to spend time with.

Thank you for spending time with this broken down, yet joyful, old lady who feels quite safe in her home (both of them). 

Have you reached a Milestone Birthday, and did it come with some unexpected baggage? Have you seen Marcel The Shell With Shoes On? Do you cry at weddings? Chat with me (and everyone else!) in Comments. 

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

When I was in junior high and high school, I used to write my own Excuse For Absence notes and sign my mother's name. I had her full permission, always. She rarely wanted to take the time to do this herself, so she was happy to have someone else do it. Trying to get all of us to eat something in the morning and get us out the door to school was enough of a project without adding to the process. It is entirely possible that I wrote my brother's and sister's as well. Anyway, consider this post my Excuse For Absence from this space for the last four months.

In May I celebrated a milestone birthday, becoming an Official Old Lady. Thank you all (in the USA) for your contributions to the government coffers so that I can be a Medicare recipient (even though it took many irritating phone calls and one morning of standing in line in the cold sleet to prove to a clerk that I was worthy).

June found Rick and me in Niagara-on-the-Lake again, celebrating with our friends at our favourite winery and restocking our cellar. I started looking in earnest for a dress to wear for Jared and Jordan's wedding in September, a mission which proved to be nearly impossible. My requirements:  long or 3/4-length sleeves, lightweight, not clingy or tight, not black, not high-necked; and harmonious to the wedding colours of burgundy, gold, navy, pumpkin. 

The whole family spent Independence Day Weekend at the lake house. It was wonderful. Theo loves the boat, and we had so much fun together. To make it even more special, Theo said Mama for the first time ever! Once he realized the power of saying it, he couldn't stop. July ended with me actually finding my dress--two of them, in fact. The family came over one day, and I let them choose between the two. They all chose the same one. (It was the one I liked the least.) Here's the best part--I got it online from TJ Maxx on clearance for about twenty bucks. 

Another note from July--Unfortunately, in this month I also had a terrible fall. I was on a 6-foot fiberglass ladder on our new concrete patio taking a bird nest off the gutter. The ladder failed--it actually split near the bottom--and I fell about 5 feet. I never lost consciousness or broke anything, but when I felt my head, it was wet, and when I looked at my hand, it was full of blood. Luckily, I always have my phone, and it landed right next to me. I called Sam, who was at home three doors down, and he came right over to take me to the ER. I ended up with a mild concussion and five staples in my head. Thank goodness they didn't have to shave any hair off! It didn't take me long to recover at all.

View from my bed in the hallway, parked in front of this

In August we only made it to the lake one day. We were so busy with wedding things and babysitting Theo, who is such a happy, goodnatured baby. Rick finally got his insurance settlement from his accident three years ago. It was less than what we had hoped for, but at least this case is finally over. If Rick were younger, they said, the amount would have been more, but because he is 65, the lingering effects of injury won't have as great of an impact on the (shorter) remainder of his life. Insurance companies, huh? Nice.

Rick mowed, we took a boat ride, and then ate ice cream for dinner before going home.

On September 1st Jared and Jordan were married in the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. The ceremony was a very personal one, a perfect reflection of them both. I did a reading from Jane Eyre, a favourite book of theirs (and mine!)--an excerpt from Chapter 27, a bit of Mr. Rochester's impassioned speech. Their vows, which they each wrote themselves, were poignant and funny. And at the reception, Jared and I danced to "I'll Stand By You" by The Pretenders.  Sam gave a heartfelt Best Man speech that made everyone know what a strong and special bond he and Jared have and just how seamlessly Jordan fits into it. It was such a joyful day. Oh, and Theo came down the aisle pulled in a wagon that gave Jared and Sam countless rides around their neighborhood so many years ago.

The next day we picked up Theo and brought him home with us for a few days while the newlyweds went on the Bourbon Trail for their mini-moon. I was catapulted back into my past, caring for a baby again, waking up at 5:30, making bottles, feeding, diapering, bathing, strollering, and watching the magic of a baby's body completely relax and give in to sleep in my arms. Sam came over every day at lunch and after work, much to Theo's delight. They are completely smitten with one another. When it came time to take him home and deliver him to his other grandparents, awaiting Jared and Jordan's return, I felt a real sense of loss (and exhaustion!). 

😢I miss that little boy.

This is a long-winded post, and I'm leaving lots of stuff out, mainly some Not So Good stuff. We all have those things that knock us off our moorings and take us out of ourselves for a time. The important thing is that we celebrate and remember The Good Stuff. 

As of August, I've been writing here for 19 years. A few of you have been with me for the whole time, and the sheer math of that astonishes me. You are dear friends to me now, and I'm grateful to have met some of you in person. I feel a sense of connection and camaraderie with my regular Commenters and Writers, too. We are a loyal and supportive clan, and I look forward to spending time with each of you every morning as I start my day. Now, I feel like my Real Life is back, and I am, too. Thanks for reading, and thanks for your affirming presence. Never forget that words are a beacon for many.

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I'm Back

 Where have I been?  Nowhere, really. You all know I'm a lackadaisical blogger at best, and my Writing Mojo just sort of wandered off and stayed gone. Summertime is Lake Season, so I spent every weekend at the lakehouse, on the boat, hanging with family, and doing Lake Stuff. When I wasn't there, I was at home, where it felt busy all the time.

What have I been doing?  Nothing exciting. I put up some pickles and some pickled jalapenos and giardiniera. I made a lot of pesto. I knitted a baby blanket. I provide care for my mother one week a month at my house, and I shuttle her around to her various doctor appointments. With football season here, we meet up with the boys and their lovely ladies at the local brewery for Football Sunday Pregame, then go to either Sam's or Jared's for the game(s). And now that basketball is underway as well, I've picked my fantasy team and won the first week.

Why am I back here--writing--now?  I'm going to see if I like it or not anymore. November is traditionally the Old School daily posting month. I'm not joining in with all the worky NaBlo...stuff, but I'm determined to try to post daily. I'll see if I need Theme Days or whatever to help me (I do like Structure) as I go. Right now, I'm simply saying Hello. If it all starts to feel like a chore, then it may be time for me to say Goodbye to the Dept. It may have already served its purpose. I suppose I'll find out.

So!  For right now, I'm Back. Tell me:  What time of day do you write your blogposts? When your Inspiration wanders off, how do you get it back? And have you ever wondered about quitting your blog? Chat me up in Comments.

Cheers To Seventeen Years: The Dept. Of Nance Is 17

 

I just realized that the Dept. of Nance is Seventeen this month. It seems impossible, but I've been writing here for Seventeen years. Aside from marriage, motherhood, teaching, and voting Democrat, I'm hard pressed to think of anything else I've devoted myself to with that sort of determined longevity. 

Admittedly, writing here has not received the same sort of fervent attention all along that the other four above have consistently enjoyed. As my students used to say years ago, My Bad.(And that would be eleven years ago, by the way. I retired from teaching high school English in 2011. It's one of the many milestones recorded here at the Dept.)

Isn't that some of the value of writing a weblog--to have a timeline, a record of your life and your perspectives over the years? Sometimes a diary or journal can be too emotional and introspective. Here, under the gaze of intimate strangers, we can tell the stories of our lives without the asides, the footnotes, and the companion text.

Seventeen years have seen a great many changes in my life, and so many have been positive. Some of the positive changes have come from hardships and challenges. Others have come from hard work and perseverance, plain and simple. Still others have been luck--the good fortune of timing. Many have been because I was willing to learn from my mistakes. 

Within those Seventeen years has been some heartbreak as well. Most often, that heartbreak is having to say goodbye to people I have grown to love. Other times, it's letting go of expectations that are no longer possible. Sometimes, it's simpler than all of that. For someone as stubborn as I am, pure acceptance can be difficult.

And, I'm surprised to say that in these Seventeen years, I actually have learned some Patience after all. As so many of my LongTime Readers know, it has never been my gift, but I work hard on it every day. I'm learning to Slow Down--finally!--and that is helpful with finding my Patience. It may not be there for me every time, but I'm finding reserves of it more and more. 

Thank you for being with me here at the Dept. of Nance as I write about the world around me from my perspective. Some of you have been with me for a long, long time. Some of you have have joined me In Progress. I hope you all look forward to what I have to say.

Here's to more years ahead with fewer days (weeks!) in between. Again, thank you all so much for reading here. I value your presence more than you know.

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All About Me(me): The Spring Fever Edition

 

NEO is enjoying some very Un-Marchlike weather, and I'm revelling in Early Spring. Each day of my walk brings new Joys:  tufts of bright purple and yellow crocuses; clutches of sturdy golden mini daffodils; a sudden burst of a flowering tree; lawns transform into emerald carpets; brilliant blue skies highlight the red, burgeoning buds of the silver maple trees that line the streets of the neighborhood. I am impatient for my patio and porch furniture, even though I know the odds are stacked against me; we are likely still to get snow in April or even May.

All of this is to say that I am outdoors and not indoors, and not given to much discipline as far as writing here. So, I'm taking advantage of a series of questions (I'll customize them a bit) that appeared over at Ally's place not too long ago. It's Old School Blogging, and it's easy fun. Here we go.

1.  What's something you're looking forward to doing once you get your vaccine or things open up after the pandemic is over?

I'm vaxxed and hit my efficacy date. I'm still leery of going out to dinner, but we're looking forward to going to our favourite restaurant and plan to do it more often. We miss it! I'm really looking forward to not having to mask all the time, mainly because it irritates me when people wear them incorrectly and stresses me out.

2.  What simple thing made you happy recently?

Oh, so many! I am easily made happy, really. My parsley wintered over and is ready for cutting. Likewise, my chives. And so did my celery, which I started from the bottom of a grocery store bunch!

3.  What was your favourite subject and worst subject in school?

Advanced Writing and all math. 

4.  Which of your blogposts is your favourite?

This is impossible because my posts are like my children. But I will give you a few from my Archives that I love:  Personal Jesus, Flamingos: They Don't Teach You This In Teachers' College, Watching And Thinking Of Blueberries. The last one is the first of what became a five-part series. I love how the series developed, and I hope you read all five parts. Just search the title in my blog's little search box.

5.  Coffee or Tea? Beer or Wine? Hard stuff?

Decaf coffee (half and half and real sugar), but some mornings I drink tea. The tea is herbal only, and cannot be lemon. Hot tea with lemon was the drink I was given when I was sick, which was all the time when I was little, so I associate that with illness. I cannot drink beer, nor abide its smell. I drink both red and white wine--also rosé. I don't drink spirits much anymore, but sometimes a martini is a necessity--up, slightly dirty, bleu cheese olives. 

6.  What movie, if you happen upon it while channel surfing, will you always stop and watch?

The Birdcage, Napoleon Dynamite, Caddyshack.

7.  When shoe shopping, what's your biggest problem?

My left foot is almost an entire half-size smaller than my right.

8.  Ice cream cone or cupcake?

This is a no-brainer for me. I hate cupcakes. They are almost always dry and they are almost always a disappointment. The flavour might say "peach daquiri," but it will taste nothing at all like that. I will take the ice cream cone every time. Unless it is mint chocolate chip, then forget it. I'll go find a place to buy peanut M&Ms.

9.  What have you learned about yourself during this pandemic?

That I'm calmer and less prone to panic than I thought I was. That I can adapt and roll with things better than I imagined. And that I'm daily grateful that I am retired and not trying to teach during this time. Bless the teachers; I think of them every single day.

10.  Does your family think you're the eccentric one?

Oh, I'm sure they do about some things. I know they think I'm the curmudgeon because I don't participate fully in every single family function. That stuff wears me out. I just made up my mind a long time ago that, in some cases, like kid parties, I'm simply Not Doing That Stuff. I also do not eat meals outdoors, or go camping, or care to know all the extended relationships in the family intimately, which also makes me sort of the Oddity. I'm generally okay with that.

That wraps it up. I look forward to your Comments, as usual. And I hope Spring has found your neighborhood, too. 

November Challenge Complete! Post 30: Why I Blog

Who knew I'd write a post every single day for the whole month of November? Certainly not me. (And please don't expect this again any time soon.) Today's post does mark the end of this Challenge, and the subject is Why I Blog

1. I enjoy having a platform.

2. I like exercising my Writing Muscles.

3. I value and appreciate the relationship I have with my Commenters.

4. I think the blog community is an important one.

5. I feel the platform of the blog has more depth and maturity than social media.

As I said in a previous Challenge post, I started my blog as a way to practice what I preached to my Creative Writing students, that writers write. I've continued it, however, far into retirement because I still find it valuable, interesting, fun, and rewarding. I'm constantly intrigued (and frankly, astonished) by the number of people who choose to read me, both on the site and by email subscription or feed. 

And I'm appreciative, of course.

While social media is more immediate, often self-centered, and brief, I like the thoughtfulness of blog posts. I like the fact that there is some time and effort that goes into writing each one (at least I put that into each one of mine). Platforms like facebook and Twitter are quick hits and fluff. I feel that blogs offer something of more substance. I view mine as my newspaper column of sorts.

Finally, I can't stress enough how much I love the interaction in my Comments section. I care very much what response my writing evokes; it makes every writer happy to know that their words have prompted a response, a memory, an action, or a thought. I feel fortunate to be able to know what those are on this platform, and to be able to engage right back is such a luxury and privilege. I've made some very good Virtual Friends on my site, and I'm grateful.

I'm also grateful for those of you who have read (and commented upon) all or most of these THIRTY posts this month. Your kind loyalty was such an encouragement to me. 

My question to all of you is why do you blog? Or, if you don't currently have a blog, why not?

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November Challenge #17: Why "Dept. Of Nance"?

 I started this blog a little over fifteen years ago as a way to Practice What I Preached. I always told my Creative Writing I and II students that the only way to be a writer was to write. It keeps your voice fresh and your brain primed for inspiration. Writers think differently; they perceive the world differently, just as photographers and painters see their world unlike you and I do. But it's not enough to see the world, they have to record it. Writing completes that connection; it is their way to make sense of their place in it. It is their Art.

Even though I wrote every assignment I gave right along with my students, I also felt I should be writing in my most natural narrative genre, the personal essay. The idea of having a site on the Internet appealed to me in that other people could see and hopefully react to my writing. 

I set out to make my blog a real reflection of my opinions, thoughts, and ideas. It was going to be my voice and my slant on a variety of topics. It wasn't going to be about any one thing. It was merely whatever I decided was under my purview at the time. That's why I chose Dept. of Nance. Whatever I wrote about was in my Department.

In 2007 I wrote a post about what it would be like if the Dept. of Nance ever became a real government department. You can find it here. It makes me laugh. I made a list of things I would immediately do in my First 100 Days, and I must say that I have to strike #5 off that list. I would, however, still like to have the Dept. of Nance become a government entity and help President Biden take care of some business. My Teacher Voice is still pretty commanding, and I don't put up with much.

What's the story behind your blog's name? If you don't have one, what would your blog name be if you did?

The Dept. Of Nance Is Fifteen!

...And they said it wouldn't last.

Actually, no one really said that. Maybe I did a few times, and a few times I almost did quit writing here. But here I am, Fifteen and hanging on.

By the way, I'd never go back to actually being Fifteen. It wasn't terrible, mind you: I was editor of the high school paper, had lots of friends, did well in school, and from what I remember, pretty much enjoyed my life that year. But Memory being what it is--soft and blurry and unreliable--tends to shield us from some Crummy Stuff. Fifteen is hard.

I taught sophomores for the bulk of my 30+ year career, and I know of what I speak. I loved teaching sophomores. They weren't as crazed as freshmen, not as caught up in romance or jobs as juniors, and not as lazy and stressed as seniors. (Yes, seniors are lazy and stressed at the same time. Trust me.)

In honor of my Fifteenth Anniversary here, I'm going to share some of the questions I get most often about my Teaching Career.

1. Do you miss Teaching?

The actual Teaching, yes. I really do. I especially miss sharing the wonderful American Literature poetry, novels, and plays I got to introduce and read along with my sophomores. I loved watching them grab onto the nuances inherent in them, the colour symbolism in The Great Gatsby, the importance of the motifs in The Catcher in the Rye, the huge humanity in the works of Walt Whitman, the subtleties in Arthur Miller's stage directions for The Crucible. I appreciated their dogged determination as they plodded through grammar and the real triumph on their faces when they suddenly grasped the formulas of complex and compound sentences and could identify them in real writing, like President Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. It was The Best.

2. Why don't you substitute teach or volunteer at a school?

First of all, subbing on the high school level in my district (and surrounding districts) is NOT teaching. It's the worst parts of being a Teacher: taking attendance, crowd control, discipline, boring worksheets or idiot lesson plans. It's like the first day over and over again. Volunteering at a school? Same thing. Not Teaching. I don't want to run copies for someone or make endless cutouts for someone or sit and grade papers. All of that is stuff I hated about my job--the Not Teaching Stuff.

3. Do you miss the kids?

Yes, I really do. I miss being around teenagers. My job kept me informed about What Was Cool, What The New Slang Was, and all the current important business in the world of The Youth. I also miss being around people who are just fun a great deal of the time. And who don't talk about problems, health, or politics. They were always refreshing and always interesting. True, they were often too focused on themselves, but once they got out of their own bubbles, they were fascinating to me. I taught in a huge high school with an enrollment of 2000 with a significant minority population and more than 60% of students qualified for free or reduced lunch. Many led lives I could not imagine. Many drove me batshit crazy. Many made me cry with empathy. The majority gave me great joy.

4. Why don't you...?

People are always tossing suggestions at me for other career moves. Why don't I teach at a (fill in the blank) program? Why don't I write a book about my career? Why don't I look into this or that? First of all, perhaps you did not get the Memo. I AM RETIRED. And I love how people act like writing a book is just a simple nothing. It's a lot of work, and in case you have not noticed, I have enough trouble showing up here on a semi-regular basis. I AM RETIRED. Besides, my career was not special in that it would make a wonderful book for anyone but me, and I have the Memories.

5. Do you remember your students?

Oh, yes. I remember a great deal of them. Some I remember by name. Some I remember by face. Some I remember only in a little scene or snippet. Some I remember in a combination of those. Several have become treasured and cherished friends. Still others are friends of my sons, so I see them or hear of them regularly. There are so many that I still think of from time to time. So very many. What is so wonderful is that they come into my life now and then. Most recently, we bought a car, and the saleswoman was my former student. She is still delightful and caring. That made it so much easier; I knew I could trust her. She showed me pictures of her family, and I was happy for her Happiness.

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I told many Teaching stories here at the Dept. of Nance while I was in The Thick Of It.  If you're interested, you can click the tags Classroom, Teaching, or School.

Thank you for reading here at the Dept. Thank you, especially, if you are a Commenter. Life for all of us is a question of Priorities and Demands. That you would take Precious Time to read--and comment!--means that you have prioritized me and my writing and thoughts. That means so very much to me.

I look forward to Sixteen.

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TGIF: Yes, That *Is* What Day It Is

Welcome to Friday, everyone! Here in NEO it's gloomy and rainy again, so a few outdoor projects are on hold. Some of these are the same projects I put on hold because of the ridiculous heat and humidity we had earlier this week. I am getting way better at this Patience thing. I'm also getting a little better at writing here more regularly, but let's face it: it's not stellar or profound stuff. Today will be no different, just a little TGIF.

T: Trying. I'm Trying to get back into knitting again this weekend. I haven't knit a stitch since my horrendous fall and subsequent injuries back in November. All of you knitter bloggers have gotten to me. Knitting has always felt very therapeutic and relaxing to me, too, so I've decided to grab up some yarn and needles and see how I feel. After all, I gave Reading another chance, and I've been so happy with that result.

G: Garden. We have such a teensy tiny backyard that long ago, we simply tore out the grass and had the whole thing landscaped into a garden area with ornamental shrubs, plants, rocks, and a small, natural-looking pond. Rick built a swing on a trestle, which is in a corner. Last fall I planted a whole bunch of daffodils and tulips, and they all came up. They were beautiful...until the chipmunks began to--one by one--chomp the tulips off at the base of the flower and leave them lying on the ground. What will this mean for next year? Will I get any more tulips? Will this be a hundred years' war? If only I had known, I'd have planted daffodils exclusively.

I: Impossible. I almost feel as if I'm in shock when I watch the news. How is it possible that this is my country, my government, my citizenry? There is so much open bigotry, ignorance, and hatred. I've heard it said that it was always there; it's just that it feels safe now to come out of the shadows. I get that, but there are no curbs or checks on this indecency. And it started well before this impostor took the reins. It began when Bush 43 crowed about his own mediocrity and sanctioned torture. And the architect of that administration is now working to get this one another four years.

F: Food. I'm so disinterested in food these days. Rick is, too. On the weekends we eat boards of cheese, braunschweiger, grapes, crackers, summer sausage, apple, crackers, and mini naans with our wine. Or we make huge salads and slice in chicken breast, a grilled steak, or some ham. And wine. As of this moment, I have zero idea about dinner tonight. Sigh.


I look forward to hearing from you. Enjoy your weekend and take care of yourself.

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Finally Risen From My Sickbed

Let me just say this, and you can certainly write it down and quote me if you wish: Life Is Not Fair.

I'll give you a minute because I know that's a stunner.

...

Okay.


I just want to go On Record with the following:

1. I wash my hands constantly.
2. I keep hand sanitizer in my car.
3. And I use it as soon as I get in after I've been anywhere.
4. I use the antibacterial wipes on all shopping carts.
5. If Rick sneezes or coughs--for any reason--I will not let him kiss me on the mouth.
6. And then I interrogate him sternly, "Are you sick? Are people sick at your work?"
7. I don't eat or drink after anyone. Ever.
8. If someone near me is sniffling, sneezing, or coughing, I hold my breath until I am well out of their space.

In spite of all of this, AND A VACCINE GOTTEN IN A TIMELY MANNER (Mid-September), I got the flu. A lot of the flu. A bigass bunch of ass-kicking, no-prisoner-taking, bitch-making flu. Was I sick? Oh, ha ha. It is to laugh. My already lousy immune system rolled over and played dead immediately, taking all my dignity with it.

It was only in the last few days that I have finally felt truly well and entirely myself. And been able to go on my entire walk. The whole thing was/is completely ridiculous and I could not be more annoyed. I couldn't do a damn thing!

But let's not say another word about it. Because that would be letting the terrorist win. (One positive--I lost about 10 pounds.)

Before The Episode I had plans for this blog and things I wanted to write about. That is still my mission. And I have Things To Talk About beyond that. I'm glad to be back.

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And They Said It Wouldn't Last--The Dept. Of Nance Is Fourteen!

It was with some Wonder and Astonishment that I realized the Dept. of Nance is Fourteen this August 2019. This will be my 795th post here, and I have to admit that I haven't an inkling as to what I'm going to write. After fourteen years of this, I sometimes feel like all the Good Stuff has been taken, you know? I've written about so many things--The Politics, two sets of cats (and their maddening hair), my teaching days, my long-suffering husband Rick, my martini-drinking days, and my two sons who are now men--that I marvel at how I can find anything at all to write about anymore.

This blog was originally started to fend off any feelings of Hypocrisy. I was forever telling my Creative Writing students that writers write, period. They write as a matter of course. I wanted to practice what I preached, so I started this site and began writing, at first every day or every other day. Then I became gentler with myself, allowed myself more leeway. (The Universe, as you all know, makes other plans for us every now and then.) But through it all, I did keep writing here.

Blogging in general hit a peak for a time, and some bloggers got famous, got book deals, and some monetized their blogs--kind of like how YouTube is now, but on a smaller scale. It seemed like everyone was into SEO and Personal Branding and Hits and Niche Blogging and yada yada yada. I simply didn't want to get that worky; I already had my career. And once I retired, I didn't want another one. My blog was supposed to be my pleasure. (And, hopefully, part of someone else's.)

So, I still have an old fashioned blog where I unwind for a bit in the old style way: I write deliberately and at length about something I want to share with others; I hope it sparks some discussion; I respond to your comments directly so that it's a back-and-forth chat that includes everyone. I don't see it changing anytime soon.

Thanks to all of you who join me here. I do sincerely love having you. And, just in case I've left any stones unturned in fourteen years, here are

14 Random Things About Me

1. I like ketchup on macaroni and cheese.
2. I own seven pairs of prescription glasses (and two of prescription sunglasses).
3. I don't wear any jewelry, including my wedding band.
4. My favourite music will always be The Beatles.
5. I might like salsa if it were served warm.
6. Country music irritates the hell out of me.
7. I'm not eating guacamole often enough to suit me.
8. I don't get the allure of Twizzlers. Or Skittles.
9. I buy dog biscuits for other people's dogs.
10. I'm a firm believer in naming pets with people names.
11. Wearing peach or yellow makes my skin look green.
12. I think the acting in most old movies is horrendous.
13. I love taking the dumb quizzes on Buzzfeed.com.
14. If I lived on Pleasant Street and it wasn't pleasant, I'd start a petition drive to rename the street.

Again, thank you for reading. And for commenting. It's been a terrific Fourteen Years. Let's go for more! Share some thoughts and your own Random Things in Comments.

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Today's Special: Nance--A Last Gasp Quickie July Post

Hey, July! You're not going to sneak away before I get one last quickie blogpost out there. But I'm tired and I have a little case of PVC (Post Vacation Crabby), so don't expect Profound Genius. Light, simple, and easy are my guideposts of the day.

As a matter of fact, I'm stealing this idea from Pretty Much Everyone. It's an Age Old Blog Meme.

Today, Nance Is

Wearing: Shorts and a breezy, gauzy tunic bought at H&M about twelve years ago. I keep clothes forever. It still looks great; two women at the grocery store complimented me on it this morning. Naturally, my Bobs shoes and my glasses matched my outfit perfectly. Some things I cannot give up.

Reading: The fact that I am able to answer this is still a source of Such Profound Joy to me! I just finished The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls and am about 50 pages into Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate. Undoubtedly, all of you have already read these, but that's the great thing about books--they wait for you!

Working On: In the knitting realm, I am knitting a pair of boy and girl teddy bear handpuppets. I am also continuing work on a shawl for myself. In the more cerebral realm, I am always at work maintaining my Zen.

Hearing: Unfortunately, the air conditioner, still. While I am terribly grateful for it, I am tired of it. If it is on, it means it is too hot to be outdoors for very long, which makes me resentful. I also hear the absurdly loud clock in my office, the tick-tocking of which is laughably cliche enough to be a sound effect.

Making For Dinner: An enormous salad, to which will be added the strip steak marinating merrily away in its bath of olive oil, balsamic vinegar, fresh garlic, and spices. Rick and I will share the glass and a half of red left in the bottle from the other night while we prep and grill, then open a fresh one with dinner.

Thinking About: How when I was a little girl, I had only a couple of dreams. I wanted to be a teacher and get married and have two children. I did realize my dreams; they both came true. As I got older, my dreams changed, of course. But being a pragmatic person, I didn't really do a lot of Big Dreaming. But I know the little girl I was would be astonished at where she ended up today.

Planning: Very little. It's Summertime.


Share your Today or just Chat about mine with us in Comments.

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I'm So Happy That My Phone Has A Camera And Here Are Some Pictures To Prove It

Sometimes, I think back to The Olden Times when things were Very Sad, like when my cell phone did not have a camera I could use easily. Now, I can snap pictures of tremendous Things, share them, and then delete them once they have served their purpose, like becoming Blog Material. A collateral benefit is that others take pictures for me and send them to me, too.

Isn't Life great? I'm glad The Olden Times are gone.


We are so Advanced now that some Beings no longer use words. It's true! Witness this ad, which has run for a few days now in the Rentals section of my Cleveland Plain Dealer:

I feel like I'm getting some of it: grand staircase; cable tv; party room downstairs; no phone or casual hookups; outdoor pool; references available upon request. The rest is self explanatory. If you can handle complex communication and don't have a pet, the rent seems pretty reasonable.


I, however, will be staying in my neighborhood, especially after what I saw in this next photo. The joy (and relief) I felt on my walk when I saw this sign just around the corner from my home was immeasurable.

Until I went to edit this photo, I didn't notice the rays of light shining down upon it from The Heavens Above. It's awfully comforting to know that The Universe is rooting for The Rest Of Us in 2020, too.


This last photo was sent to me by my dear friend Jeanine, who keeps a sharp eye out for such things with me in mind. This sign made my day; it is magnificent in its oddness and bossiness. I have never, ever seen anything like it. It defies explanation and logic in every way. I love it.

This sign mystifies me, and I am not over it. I struggle mightily to figure out exactly how driving at a regular speed or even zippily will affect a grieving family. Wouldn't it make more sense (but still be a ridiculous imposition, really) for the sign to read QUIET: DEATH IN FAMILY: THANK YOU? How slowly must the drivers pass by? Can they drive r-e-a-l-l-y s-l-o-w-l-y but blast "Old Town Road" or "Sucker" with their windows open? Perhaps it would be better for drivers to stop altogether and observe a moment of silence for this dead person, whom they do not even know, in a family they do not even know, who are, right now, attempting to BOSS THEM AROUND IN THEIR PERSONAL CAR ON A PUBLIC ROAD. 

Isn't it just The Best? I told you I'm not over it. This will take some time. I'll get back to you.

In the meantime, why not chat about these pix in Comments?

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Change Your Life: Fifth In A Series--I Tell You Where To Go And Ask You For Some Help

Before I try to change all of your lives with this week's Sentence, I want to ask you to help me with next week's post. We've reached the halfway mark with today's offering, so I'm ready to take a break or even call it quits and instead showcase some Honest-To-Goodness helpful sentences, sayings, tips, or tricks that have actually improved all of your lives in an authentic way. These helpers can be practical or philosophical, and they can be from any arena of life you choose:  cooking, driving, crafting, relationships, grief, whatever. All I ask is that you do NOT leave them in comments. Instead, please send them to me via email: deptofnanceATyahooDOTcom. I promise to corral all of them and put them in a post and share them with everyone, hoping that each reader will find some Sparkle Of Wonderfulness to make his or her life better in some way.

Again, no contributions via Comments. Email me your Helpful Wisdom, and I'll share all of them in a post next week. Okay, onward.

This week's Life-Changing Sentence is not the worst thing ever. I can actually see some people finding it to be a worthy philosophy, repeating it sagely to others, especially to adolescents in search of popularity.

Here is Life-Changing Sentence Number Five:

Go where you're celebrated, not where you're tolerated.

This Sentence reminds me of Rev. Jesse Jackson's or Simpson attorney Johnnie Cochran's rhetorical style--it's punchy and because it rhymes, it's memorable. (Can't you picture both of them saying this? I can.)

Its source is a motivational speaker and life coach, and the actual quote is "Go where you are celebrated, not merely tolerated", which makes a little more sense, but the sentiment is still implied in the above Sentence.

The philosophy here is good--to a point. It makes a lot of sense to avoid people who, quite simply, don't want you hanging around with them. As I said above, it's a valuable piece of wisdom to give to middle-schoolers who are desperate to break into the It Clique or sit at the Cool Table for lunch. They might endure some miserable conditions in order to do so.  Kids can be cruel and cutting.  Heaven only knows how this all translates to the various social media platforms. I am daily grateful that I raised my sons well before InstaTwitFace and WhatSnap.

As adults--and I know for sure I qualify since I turned (gasp!) sixty earlier this month--we instinctively know this already, but...do we, really? Again, social media and the internet at large have probably not brought out the best in lots of grownups. But overall, we do tend to go where we are wanted and where people are glad to see us. It's behavioral science at its core--the stimulus and response of operant conditioning.  We love a big greeting, a warm smile, a happy hello. Humans generally want to feel wanted.

As adults, however, we also know that there are times when we have to go where we are "merely tolerated." Sometimes we're caught in a less than desirable work situation where a coworker makes our lives miserable, but go we must. Still other times we have to go to a gathering of our spouse's family, perhaps, where our reception is a bit frosty. I'm sure you can think of lots of examples where we have to put in an appearance and Be Tolerated because it is The Right Thing To Do, our comfort to the contrary.

But by all means, yes, if you find yourself saying about Book Club, perhaps, "Hey! Why do I keep subjecting myself to These People?" and there is no Good Reason, jump that ship and don't even wave goodbye. Then Celebrate Yourself and your Freedom. You've made some space in your life for something better.

Here then is Sentence #5 one more time: Go where you are celebrated, not where you are merely tolerated. Did it "give you the power to go on" and "change your life for the better"?

And don't forget to send me your Tips, Tricks, or Words To Live By for an easier or better life to deptofnanceATyahooDOTcom to be included in next week's post. (And not in Comments.)  Thanks.

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Signed, Sealed, Delivered...Well, Sort Of

Some Smartypants Thinkerhead once advised that if you are ever angry at someone, you should write him or her a letter. In that letter you should state your feelings in great detail about the situation and really let loose all the anger and frustration within you. Then, says Dr. Thinkerhead, tear up that letter. In that way you have the benefit of the Catharsis without the Damage.

It's pretty decent advice, but I feel like it was given in Ye Olde Dayes, well before Ye Internete, so I'm going to update it a little, and dash off a few missives here. (Hell, I'm being Olde Fashionede as it is, writing Letters on a Blog.)

Dear Google Newsfeed;

Why, Google Newsfeed, why? Why do you insist upon including stories about things in which I have Zero Interest and have never, ever clicked on anywhere? I get why there are stories about Lebron James and the NBA power rankings in my newsfeed; I have a fantasy team and do a lot of research. I understand why stories about Aretha Franklin's tribute suddenly popped up. But I cannot fathom why stories about The Konas Brothers or the Jardashians or Kick/Noe Konas and his wife Chiyanka Propra* are a recurrent and prominent feature.  Trust me when I tell you that not only do I have No Interest in these individuals, I also have--now!--for them all an exponentially growing Anathema.  *(I hope, Dear Readers, that you can figure out who I mean. I am afraid to use their real names, lest Blogger, owned by Google, tells my Newsfeed--wrongly!--that I'm a fan.)

Why, Google Newsfeed, do you refuse to let me delete these stories to improve your algorithm? How much longer do you think I'm going to let you Be The Boss Of Me?

Your News Is Not Good News,
Nance


Dear Dog Breeders Who Advertise In The Cleveland Plain Dealer;

I get that Dogs are your thing and not Spelling. It might be worth thinking about, however, that One Never Gets A Second Chance To Make A First Impression.

Woof,
Nance


Dear FineLife Products;

I have...so many questions. What kind of salad component is a bottled or canned beverage? What in the hell is HOMEGATING? If this is a Salad Bar, why is there only one bowl of a salad-like foodstuff? And, finally (perhaps most importantly to some people), where are the bacon bits?

For The Good Life,
Nance

Waiting to hear from you in Comments.


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In Which I Discuss The Grief Of Television, SADness, Hitting A Dog In The Face, And The News

Listen, I'm kind of showing up here because I'm afraid that if I don't write something--anything--right now, I might never write a single word in this space again. That would be sad, I think, for me, so here I go.

It would have been a good idea, probably, if I had thought a little bit about this ahead of time, but then I would have shrugged it off yet another day, and soon it would be March, and who knows what would happen then?

Perhaps a couple of General Categories Off The Top Of My Head will help Break My Writer's Block.

1. Television: Oh, yes, I am one of the Philistines Who Watch Television. Or tries to. We gave up cable aeons ago, so we suffer through commercial/antenna TV and use streaming services. When a series ends on Netflix, we are bereft and have that terrible period of grief followed by The Terror Of What To Commit To Next. We just finished Broadchurch, which we loved. But, because the lead actor had such a rapid and heavy Scottish accent, we had to be like The Olds and put on captions.  Imagine our shame and dismay.  And do not get me started about how many times I lose both remotes in the folds of my blanket.

2. Seasonal Affective Disorder: My SAD, which is usually on overdrive right about now, is not so bad. I think it's because we're seeing more sunshine than usual; I'm getting outside more often; and Sam got me a Happy Light for Christmas, which I use on cloudy days. I'm also getting better at what my friend Shirley would call Practicing Self Care.

3. My Pathetic Life: Jared went on an Axe-Throwing Date for Valentine's Day. Yeah. You read that right. Apparently, it's a real thing. He sent us pictures of him throwing an axe at a big slice of wood that was painted with a target. He said he "had a blast" and "hit a couple of game winners." I sent a text back that said, "I would do terribly at that. You should see me just try to throw stale bread out the back door for the birds and squirrels." And it's sadly true. Not only do I have zero arm strength, my aim is laughable. Ask Zydrunas, who has been hit in the face by innumerable ricocheting bouncy balls that I have attempted to toss through the doorway, but have instead rocketed squarely against the wall on either side.

4. My Newspaper Is Toying With Me: My Plain Dealer had the following headlines today, which I will place here for you, exactly and without comment: That 1 Guy Makes Music With His 'Magic Pipe' and France OKs Lightsaber Dueling As Sport.

I hope I'm back, but I can't make any promises. February has been kind of a bitch.

TGIF: The Piece(s) Of My Mind Edition

It's anyone's guess what will happen with this post. I'm winging it, just like Blogger and Feedburner seem to be with my subscribers and commenters lately. More on that later. How is everyone? Feeling Blue in The Good Way? Do grab a nice beverage and/or a snack and settle in. Let's begin.

T is for Transitions: And Ticked Off. I'm angry that Blogger is denying any and all Commenters without a Google account. I could allow for Anonymous commenters, but then you'd have to pass the dreaded Captcha, which has gotten nearly impossible. Additionally, I get overrun with spammers. I've started to work with WordPress, but unless I want to pay for their service (which I don't), it's very limiting, clunky, and not very customizable. I am also aware that my email subscribers are suddenly not getting my posts via Feedburner, also owned by Google (who owns Blogger). It's apparent that I need to make some changes, but...I really don't have the energy.

G is for Giggles: Saw this decal on the back of an SUV the other day. Luckily, it was in a parking lot, so it wasn't a danger to photograph it. I found it very refreshing and self-actualized.

I is for Involved: It's so satisfying and encouraging to hear from so many people that they became much more involved in this midterm election process. I had family members who canvassed, phone-banked, put up signs, and wrote letters. I heard from friends who had never before done any campaign work, but this year they went door-to-door or stuffed envelopes. AND! You'll be glad to know that I flipped two red voters to blue. It's astonishing what some Actual Facts and Turning People Away From Facebook And To Credible Information Sources can do. (And some Disgust Of 45*.) Sadly, due to gerrymandering in Ohio, it is not a lot of help, but...baby steps. I continue my activism, now writing to voters in Mississippi for their special election, and awaiting any opportunities for Georgia's governor's race.

F is for Fall? What Fall?: I know many of you are reading this in the Icy Tundra that is your neighborhood or workplace. Did any of you ever get to open your windows to the Autumnal Zephyrs of October? Or even September? Or, like me, did you have your windows closed, airconditioning blasting because throughout September it was in the upper 80s and 90+ with matching humidity which continued through the first week of October, followed immediately by rain and temperatures in the 40s and 50s, at which point you turned on your furnace? I swear, I opened all of my windows to "Fall" one time--on a 50-degree day--solely to air out because I could not take feeling like I had been on a Perpetual Airplane anymore. And now, sn*w. Just. Stop.

Okay! Let's see what happens once I put this Out On The Interwebs. As always, I'm everso glad to hear from All Of You.

Cleaning Out The Cranial Clutter; Will You Hold The Dustpan, Please?

Time for a little Cleanout of my Cranial Clutter. Let's see what I can sweep out of the old cerebellum.

~*~Anniversary. Somehow, in all the Goings On of August, I completely forgot that the Dept. Of Nance had its 13th Anniversary. It's true; I've been writing here since 2005. I almost cannot believe it myself. Sometimes, I hop into my Wayback Machine (read my archives) and take a look at my life when I was teaching, in my forties, and raising teenagers. And I laugh and laugh at the things I Said I Would Never Do, many of which I am now doing routinely. Oh Life, how you smack us around and teach us to Be Humble!

~*~Eff Word. This week, my hair finally allowed me to go pick out new glasses, which I gladly did. The young woman (probably about twenty-five) who assisted me at the cheapo eyeglasses place was friendly and fun. As we chatted about Being Female and Our Vanity, she dropped two Eff Words, never batting an eye, zipping right past them with nary a concern. Another associate seated within earshot didn't even flinch. I am a Huge Fan of The Eff Word, but there is a Time and a Place, and that? Not It.

~*~Insomnia And Obnoxious Theme Song. I'm currently in the throes of another bout of Insomnia. Sigh. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I watch a few late night episodes of the original Will & Grace show, and I have to tell you, that show's theme song is absolutely the worst. Ugh. Nothing but hard-driven piano that sounds like it is being played by perhaps Herman Munster on crack. It's abusive. Why so awful? Why? I don't know what I feel sorrier for, that poor piano or my ears.

~*~Videotapes. I finally made myself clean out the cabinet housing our now-nonexistent videotape collection. Is it Really A Thing that the Black Diamond Classic Disney videotapes are worth money? And that the Fox Original Star Wars Trilogy Boxed Set is valuable too? Because I have the latter and five of the former. And they are available. Aside from that, I had Sam hook up the old VCR and I watched a few hours of the boys when they were little. My immediate response was to be overwhelmed with so much love--and an odd feeling of sadness. They were So Little. They looked so fragile to me. I hope I Did The Right Things. I know I always wanted to and tried to.

Catch me up in Comments.

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