E=mc OOPS!

 

What the heck even happened to yesterday? This whole week has defied the very Concept Of Time. Heretofore, the days were neat little chunks with firm Start- and Endpoints. This week they all smeared into one another as if the ink was wet on the calendar and someone dragged her finger across it. 

As a result, I missed writing here yesterday. I did manage to get to most of your blogs, I think, and comment. Honestly, I feel a bit drugged and hungover. Let's pretend this is yesterday's post, and I'll be back later today with a better one. And no need to comment on this. Honestly, what on Earth could you even say? I'm just trying to keep my Promise To Myself for the month of November. 

See you later, and I swear it won't be gushing about the baby. That stuff has its limits, and you've all been More Than Kind. Terrific, even. I just need to get my collective shit together and hit Restart. Wow do I.

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Finally!

 

Whew! After so many agonizing hours (for Jared and Jordan, too! LOL), Theo arrived this morning with a little help from a surgical team. Everyone's fine and doing well.

I've already added his birthday to my iPhone calendar because that's what you do in a haze of Joy and Relief and Oh I Don't Know What. 

He's beautiful and sweet, and I can't wait to see him and hold him and breathe him in like the first spring breeze after a long, cold winter. 

I want to hold my son and tell him again how much I love him and how proud I am of him. And I want to hug Jordan and tell her what a warrior she is and how I love her for her strength and unwavering devotion. 

It's a Big Day. Theo is here.

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I Feel Like Tom Petty

 

The waiting really is The Hardest Part. For me, anyway. I remember only too well what Jordan's going through. She and Jared are hanging in there, though. To quote another singer, "Tonight's the night. It's gonna be alright." Thanks, Rod Stewart; I needed that. 

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Holy Cow! And Did I Ever Pay A Lot For Produce Today (But It Was Unattached, Ambulatory, And Mobile)

 Today's post has to be quick and easy. It's BDay--Baby Day. Jordan and Jared report to the hospital today where she will be induced. I'm distracted, and I just paid FIFTEEN DOLLARS for Brussels sprouts at the grocery store today. I had to buy a large quantity, and rather than pick through a big bin like a fussy old lady, I bought two big bags of prewashed and sorted ones without even looking at the price. That's how you know I'm not quite myself.

So! In order to make this a Fast Dash Post, here are a couple of things I noticed lately.

Goes with any decor!

This was from a recent Rural King ad. That's my go-to store for bulk quantities of birdseed and now raw peanuts in the shell. I'm not even interested in the idea of two breeds of cattle footstools. I just want to know why the ad felt it necessary to note that they were Deployable. The usual definition of deployable is a military one:  able to be moved to a place of readiness or usage. A more general definition of deployable is unattached, mobile, or ambulatory; able to be moved from place to place. Now, yes, those all can describe a Simulated Bovine Footrest, but must it be noted? And must such a highfalutin word be used? In a Rural King ad? (Oh, and how many do you want?)

This slogan does not inspire confidence.

This was the contractor who was doing some work on a home in my neighbourhood. This sign made me stop and think. Exactly what are they trusting in God for? Are they largely unskilled and have faith that He will help them do a good job? Do they not take a downpayment for materials and figure that the Almighty will provide? Do they bring all the stuff to your house, pray awhile, and hope that God shows up to do the work for you/them? I have so many questions. Too many to ever hire them, and as a Recovering Catholic and atheist, I feel like they just aren't my people.

Can you answer my questions--or make me feel better about overpriced Brussels sprouts--in Comments?

Some Things--If They Must Happen--Should Never Happen Indoors

 

This morning as I was reading the newspapers and my ever-inspiring Google News Feed, I came upon an article predicting the US winter weather for 2023-24. According to Science, my area of the country will have a warmer than normal winter with a lot less snow.

Hooray, hooray, hooray!

That is my kind of winter, and I could not be happier. Bring it on, Science, and let's hope you're right! 

I'll never understand the Kind Of People who say things like

1. I love snow.

2. Let's go skiing.

3. I hope we have a White Christmas.

4. Snow is so pretty.

5. I just love to go tobogganing.

These people are, to be polite, crazy. Have they ever driven in snow? Cleaned it off their car? Shovelled it? Gotten stuck in it? Had it ruin/cancel their plans? Walked in slush or salt that ruins your shoes/boots? Had to clear snow/ice off your roof? Gotten tired of ice, snow, and melted same tracked all over the place? Does snow on Christmas really improve it in any way? 

 My mother likes to say Olde Fashionde things about Snow and Winter to me all the Tyme. She claims that we need Snow, that it's bad if we don't get enough. I tell her that there are enormous areas of the entire world that never, ever get Snow and they do just fine. She shakes her head sadly at me and tells me that I don't understand. And then she says some stuff about Nature and I give up entirely.

Truly. I give up on SnowLoving People. Like the people at this place, which I heard about on TV this morning while Rick watched the local news. The reporter was very excited to tell us that during their FROST experience, the attendees will be snowed upon INDOORS. With real snow.

LIKE THAT IS A GOOD THING.

I was horrified. Even if I wore my battery-operated heated coat, there would be no way in hell I'd go to be snowed upon inside a building. That, dear friends, is my nightmare.

In Which I Reveal That Being A GrownUp Isn't Always Great

 

We didn't go to the lake this weekend. Instead, we stayed at home and did terrible, awful GrownUp Things like Fall Cleanup in the yard (Rick) and cleaning the stove, kitchen, and basement pantry and laundry area (Nance). It was No Fun At All, and now our backs hurt. And we both might be Just A Little Bit Crabby.

It reminded me of when I was a kid. Every Saturday we used to have to clean our room. I shared the big converted attic with my two sisters, and we'd take the better part of the morning to completely clean and dust the whole room, including clearing off the steps going upstairs and cleaning out from under the beds. The latter job was my little sister Susan's. My older sister Patti used to fashion a garment out of a garbage bag for her with holes for her head and arms and send her under there with a little plastic cup to collect dust bunnies and general crud. After we were all done, my mother or father would come up and inspect. "Looks great!" they'd say. "Don't you feel good now that it's all done?"

My answer then and now would be, "Not really. I'm glad it's done, but I don't feel good, per se. I feel crabby and sore. I feel a little bit cheated out of the day. I feel like this sucks." Now, did I say that out loud to my parents? Oh, heck no. Actually, I don't remember saying anything. Probably an answer wasn't required. Those kinds of questions from parents are largely rhetorical.

Anyway, it was a sunny day today, and I was inside doing Necessary Adult House Stuff. At least it was only 47 degrees, so it's not like I would have been basking in the sun out on the boat or anything. Besides, we've already pulled and dry-docked the boat. 

Interestingly, the ice cream truck came by this afternoon, playing its music, driving slowly down our avenue. I was momentarily confused and tried to think back to the last time it showed up. Maybe early September, I'm guessing, if not late August. It had no takers, by the way.

Probably I should have run out there and stopped that ice cream truck. After a day like today--feeling petulant and way too much like an old grownup--I could have used both a childlike moment and a reward.

I Need To Tell You Something

 This is a difficult post for me to write, so I'm going to start right in and not worry too awfully much about structure and correctness. It's important for me to share this so that I can avoid awkward questions later on and truly share the Joy to come.

Many of you recall that three years ago, almost to the day, (I was writing every day then, too) I wrote a post titled The Best Thing That Happened To Me This Year. In it I wrote about my eldest son Jared moving out of his apartment and into the home of his girlfriend and her three children who went on to call me Nana. A few posts throughout the subsequent months referred now and then to my grandchildren. I love them dearly.

Sadly, Jared and their mother became increasingly unhappy. There were too many obstacles to overcome. They separated, and Rick and I tried to stay in the kids' lives. It was very difficult, but I persevered, especially with the (then) eight-year-old. I would always respond to her FaceTime and text. I got her and her brother and sister birthday and Christmas gifts. Soon, I began to see her confusion that we were not invited to family gatherings for occasions. She would text Are you coming? Are you on your way? I knew that this little girl didn't need more upheaval in her life, what with a biological father, two sets of grandparents already, the father's girlfriend and her children, and her own family. And what would happen if her mom became serious with someone? More grandparents? It was time to let her go. Luckily, she was becoming busier and busier with friends and summertime/school activities. Our contact was becoming less and less frequent anyway.

My grief at losing them--especially her--was overwhelming. I didn't feel comfortable sharing it. It seemed ethereal; as if the Having and then the Losing weren't real. I carried it heavily for more than a year. Now, it's lighter, but very much there.

I wanted to tell you this because I have Important Joyful News. Jared is getting married to a wonderful woman named Jordan in September. She is perfect for him. Even more Joyful is that they are having a baby on Monday. We already know it's a boy. Chances are that I'll be referring to all that here at some point, and I want to be able to do so without confusion or questions.

It's a little bit painful for me when people say, "Oh! Your first grandchild!" Because, you see, I was very much a grandmother to three children already who called me Nana with genuine love and respect. Even people who know about the other three say this, and I know what they mean. I know they aren't trying to be hurtful or dismissive. Perhaps I just need more time.

And none of this mitigates my Joy for this brand new grandson. Or for my son and his wonderful fiancee. 

Thank you for being the kind of people to whom I can tell this story. I appreciate you.

I'm Worried About The Pandas' Mental Health

 My Google News Feed really dumped on me today. It was bad enough wading through the tragic events in Gaza, the barrage of intensifying bad behaviour among republicans in the House of Representatives, and another road closure in my neighbourhood, but did it have to tell me about how China is cruelly using their Pandas as a bargaining chip?  As always, no need to click over to the article because as I said so many years ago, when there is a Panda story, I am all over it. That is my vow to you.

As some of you may know, China refused to renew our Panda Lease on three Pandas we had here in the US (Tian Tian, Mei Xiang, and Xiao Qi Ji housed at the National Zoo, DC). They were bid a tearful farewell when their lease was up about a week and a half ago. Previous to that, Pandas living happily in San Diego and Memphis had their Panda Visas cancelled, too. The only remaining Pandas are in Atlanta, and their lease expires next year, at which time they're also headed back to China. 

Previously, Panda Leases were perfunctorily extended, but since diplomatic relations have gotten a little strained, the Chinese decided to Pull Their Pandas. President Xi didn't like that the US shot down his spy balloon; he didn't appreciate then-Speaker Pelosi's visit to Taiwan. Basically, Xi said, "Hey, just for that, we're taking back our Pandas!"

He's a tough guy, that Xi. He was, however, moved to find out that Americans, especially children, went to the zoo to say goodbye to the Pandas. That evidently softened him up a little. “Pandas have long been envoys of friendship between the Chinese and American peoples. We are ready to continue our cooperation with the United States on Panda conservation,” he said. Translation:  Make nice here if you want some Pandas, Mr. President.

This Panda Diplomacy has gone on since 1972 when Nixon made his historic visit to China. Since then, China has gifted nations with Pandas as a sign of friendship and good diplomatic relations. And when the nations displease them, China yanks those Pandas back. 

China also gets all the Pandas born to their Pandas in other nations. I feel bad for those little Pandas, raised in another country and shipped off to China. They don't know the language! Everyone looks different than what they're used to! It's a culture shock!

Maybe we should tell Xi Jinping thanks, but no thanks. It all sounds traumatic for the Pandas, young or old. Maybe China should just keep their Pandas to themselves.

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Forbidden Fruit

 No, this isn't a grocery store post although I keep meaning to tell Julie that blueberries are $2.99 a pint where I live and are mostly from Mexico, Peru, and Argentina. Sorry I forgot, J.

This is actually a Self-Pity Post about feeling old and a little pathetic. I'm going to get very Share-y right now, and I need your support. 

Here goes.

I have a little crush on 

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Myles Garrett of the Cleveland Browns football team. I find him very attractive; moreover, he likes Elton John music, writes poetry, and studies dinosaurs. Look how cute he is. 

Additionally (oh, it only gets worse!) I have a continuing Thing for

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Timothée Chalamet and his perfectly sculpted chin and cheekbones. I know absolutely nothing about him except that I think he should use the French pronunciation of his first name, not the American (even though it would sound sort of sing-songy, so I guess I get why he doesn't). I don't even watch his movies. I just find his whole head incredibly beautiful.

Both of these men are only 27 years old. I am old enough to be their...(where is Mikey to do my math!?) ... well, certainly their mother. Could I be their grandmother as well? Give me a moment--no Mikey. 

-*-*-*-*-*-*

Holy crap, yes. Yes, I could be. If their mothers were only 18 when they had Timothée and Myles, they would be 45 now. That means I'd have been 19 when I had them. It's a bit of a stretch, but certainly possible. 

Sigh. It's just pathetic. And a little creepy. But here's the thing. The man I used to have a Major Crush on now looks like this

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That is what is left of Daniel Day-Lewis. For your reference, here is what he used to look like when we all I fell in love with him lo! these many years ago

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Just saying. Daniel Day-Lewis turned 66 this past year. I'm all for embracing your age, but yikes! Don't tell me he couldn't look way better than he does.

In the meantime I'll appreciate these Cute Men from afar despite the fact that they could call me Nana. How about you? Tell me you have a Forbidden Fruit, too.

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My World Today

 

I'm so late with a post today, and honestly, I don't have much to say about anything. It's important to me to fulfill my promise to myself and write here every day this month, however, so here we go.

*Haircut!  Susie called me back this morning and booked me in at 3:15 today. The drive was actually pleasant with no traffic. I saw a brand new herd of cows in a field where I had never seen any before. This time I dropped 20 bucks at Susie's. She gave me an eyebrow wax, too. 

*There's a house two blocks away from mine that decorated for Halloween in late August. They draped spider webs across their bushes, hung bats on their doors and windows, and set out both carved and painted pumpkins. Other houses started fairly early, too. By the time October came around, I started getting disoriented. Had I missed Halloween? Why was it taking so long? Last week, they started decorating for Christmas. Along with their Halloween decor. So amid the bats and webs and rotten/rotting pumpkins are a shiny Santa and Christmas tree on shepherd hooks and some garland. It's like a Holiday Yard Sale.

*I'm going to the grocery store tomorrow morning. I can either drive to the slightly nicer store about 10 miles away, or I can zip over to the okay store across town. The nicer store has better produce and I know and like the cashiers. The okay store is closer and I know the floor people. It also has a better closeouts selection. It's a decision I make on the road, totally dependent upon how I feel at that precise moment. (Do I feel like slumming, or do I feel like hobnobbing with the hoity toity?)

That's a glimpse into my world for now.  (It's way past time for cat cuddling, and Piper just let me know by forcing his enormous body between me and my laptop. He almost made me lose this entire post by kicking his back paws at my keyboard to shove it out of the way.  Priorities!)

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Meet My Superhero

 Looky looky what I got!

That's 10--count 'em--10 packages!

Ten packages of Biscoff were sent to me via Amazon. My superfriend Mikey in California sent them to me after reading my post. Unfortunately, my cookies were waylaid. Mikey sent me a text on Friday asking me if I "got the cookies." I was confused. He told me he ordered some Biscoff to be sent to me and that Amazon had confirmed delivery on Monday. I assured him that they never arrived and, had they done so, I would have thanked him immediately. 

He was understandably irritated that his surprise was ruined. He contacted Amazon and got his refund. He said he would try again, and I told him it wasn't necessary. I was just so pleased to be in his thoughts, and I truly didn't want him paying those ridiculous prices, either.

Today I was out hanging up a block of seed for the woodpeckers on my front porch. I heard someone say, "There you are." It scared the hell out of me. I turned around to see my neighbor (the rather shitful one) standing there with a box. "I took this box to work thinking it was my books. I opened it and discovered it wasn't. Hey, I guess even they get it wrong once in a while." I took the box and thanked him for bringing it over. "It came about a week ago," he said. I thanked him again (although why, I don't know--my name was clearly on the box, as was my address) and he lumbered on home with nary an apology.

Inside the open box was my case of Biscoff, of course, from Mikey. I took the box in and it reeked of smoke. So did the carton holding the Biscoff. That box had been open a while, marinating in cigarette smoke, probably sitting in his house. Luckily, my Biscoff wrappers did not smell of smoke. I sent Mikey a text immediately informing him of the situation.

"Another batch is being delivered today," he informed me. "They shouldn't stink of cigarette smoke."

And there was! OMG SO MUCH BISCOFF!

That's 20 packages of Biscoff, for those of you scoring at home!

I told Mikey that I love him forever and that he is my Superhero. He also Did Math for me and told me that "it was only $22.48 for ten boxes. So as evil as Amazon is, it's a cheap way to get Biscoff, and proof that Biscoff doesn't need to cost $5 a package." 

Listen, I'll take a Superhero who does my math and buys me cookies any day. As a bonus, Mikey FaceTimes me from wonderful locations around the world as he travels. I think he only has 17 countries left, and then he has been to them all. (And I've been to a lot of them with him, in a way.) He's the best.

Biscoff is back on the menu at the Dept. for the forseeable, and I will be judicious and prudent. I don't want to have to break up with them like I did with Cheetos, or feel icky about them like I do with Original Lay's and now Peanut M&Ms. I can't do that to Mikey, Superfriend and Superhero. 

Haircuts Anonymous

 

Hello, my name is Nance and I need a haircut.

Like many of you, I have horror stories galore about Bad Haircuts. Many of them reside here, at the Dept. of Nance archives. I suffered through haircuts that my hair absolutely hated. Haircuts that were the result of my own impetuousness (I actually told my stylist once to "Go ahead and do what you think is best"). One haircut actually sent me back for two recuts; that's how awful it was. Sometimes, I recut my own hair, or had Rick do it, pointing to swaths of hair and directing him where and how much to cut.

At one point I broke up with my stylist and found another, but she's 45 minutes away, down the road from the lakehouse. Susie is terrific. She does exactly what I want. She listens to what I say. What's more, she's quick, efficient, and get this:  a shampoo, haircut, blowdry, and style costs me $15.  Including the tip. And I tip well. Tell me that's not worth it to drive my Prius hybrid 45 minutes each way for that!

However.

You know how you keep meaning to make a hair appointment and then, when you've finally had it with your hair and you say, "That's it! Tomorrow I'm making that appointment!"? What happens the very next day? You have a Tremendously Good Hair Day, and you think, Hey! My hair looks awesome. I can wait a little longer for that haircut. So you do.

Two days later, your hair looks like crap. And no matter what you do, no matter how much product you spray and gel into your damp hair, it's hopeless. But, it's almost the weekend, and you're busy and the salon is already closed. Oh well.

And the next day, your hair rebounds! You look great! "Okay," you say. "Now this is more like it!" And you ride that Good Hair Look for another day or two until WHAM! You've washed your hair, added the volume spray, blown it out, and in five minutes it's flat against your head like you've just take off a hat after a ten-mile hike in 90-degree heat. Great! Because you're actually going someplace Where People Are! 

This is where I am right now, today. And Susie is closed tomorrow. I absolutely have to stop procrastinating and Get. A. Haircut. I cannot live like this anymore.

Thanks for letting me share. 

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Beatlemania

My Google news feed has gone into Beatles Overdrive lately. It's obviously in response to my interest in the release of Now and Then, the song touted as The Last Beatles Song. I followed its story and awaited its release and streamed it the moment it became available. I was actually sitting in my car in a parking lot, and as I listened, the moment became a sentimental journey of sorts.

I practically grew up on Beatles music. My sister, seven years my senior, was in the throes of Beatlemania during her teen years. We shared a room, so I was surrounded by The Beatles' pictures and music. She even went to their first concert in Cleveland. I remember watching their performance on The Ed Sullivan Show with her.

We cleaned our room every Saturday listening to Beatles music (and The Hollies, The Association, The Bee Gees, and Simon and Garfunkel). I learned the lyrics by heart. I loved the B side of the 45s just as much as the hits. 

My Google news feed decided I'd want to read this article, which purports to rank all 214 Beatles songs from worst to best. Of course, I had to read it even though it was bound to be patently absurd and ridiculous and completely subjective. 

And it was.

Oh, sure, the author wrote a lot of footnote-worthy, researchy info after each title in order to sound smart and justify his rankings, but here's the thing--it's still just a list of his personal preferences, and it should be taken as such.

I don't think I could list my favourite Beatles songs like that. I like so many of them and for different reasons. And at different times. But here, in no particular order, are some of my favourite Beatles songs:

1. Eight Days A Week:  Love the ooo-oohs in this. And it's so bouncy and fun. 

2. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds:  The lyrics are so interesting. The music is arresting. It's so deeply unusual.

3. Eleanor Rigby:  These lyrics always haunt me. Such a portrait of loneliness. The voice of McCartney is so plaintive.

4. Paperback Writer:  The story moves fast, the music moves fast; it's almost like a Beatles rap. I like the falsetto and the call-back.

5. A Day In The Life:  So innovative. You can enjoy this and respect the artistry at the same time. 

Critics had a lot to say about Now and Then. I just enjoyed being able to have a chance to listen to The Beatles again, and it was more of a sentimental appreciation than anything else. Technology can never truly recapture The Beatles, but this song was an awfully good try.

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Do You See This?

Sometimes when I go shopping, I wonder if I'm the only one who sees stuff like this. I also wonder if employees put these things out on the shelves just for fun. I mean, everyone deserves to get their kicks during the workday.

Here's this, from Closeouts in my funny grocery store:

Okay. I'm not exactly sure what this is, but I can positively say that it is NOT a Trio Of Li'l Mice. 

And then I saw this Bargain at Marshalls on Clearance:

Hey! I'm sorry, but since you waited so long to buy this Italian Macaroni Product Made In Italy--and that's not redundant at all--you now pay the Special Clearance Price, marked down up to $5.00. You know what they say, "He who hesitates...yada yada yada."

And, no, I didn't buy either one of them.

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Three On Thursday: Is November Still Here? Let's Talk Food

 

It's only November 9th, and I'm already feeling the Pressure and Panic of posting every single day. This is a completely spontaneous post; I have zero idea what's coming out of my brain and fingers here, so buckle up. Let's go.

1. Dave's Killer Bread:  Are you aware of this product? I fell in love with it over the summer, specifically the 21 Whole Grains and Seeds variety. It makes fantastic toast, and it has become my go-to lunch. Sometimes I just use a butter-olive oil spread, and sometimes I make avocado toast with sliced tomato. Other times I use a bit of marmalade. Two pieces of Dave's bread and a large cup of decaf and I'm good. It's quite a good source of fibre, so it's been lifechanging in that regard. The biggest drawback is its price. I cannot believe I pay $6 for a loaf of bread. But so worth it.

2. Stonewall Kitchen Orange Cranberry Marmalade:  This is the aforementioned marmalade that I use on my toast. My BFF Leanne introduced me to it when I last visited her in Maryland. It's so addictive--just the right balance of of bitter and sweet. She was kind enough to not only send a jar home with me, but to also tell me where she got it (the At Home store). Luckily, there is an At Home near me, so I can go get some whenever I need to. Good thing, because Rick discovered he likes this marmalade, too, and he is quite generous with it on his English muffins. It, too, is pricey, but I like to feel I deserve this indulgence. It's not like it's a $10,000 diamond necklace.

3.  Dinner Blahs:  It's almost 3PM, and I have no idea what to make for dinner. Moreover, I actually don't want to make dinner. Nothing sounds appealing, either, from freezer, pantry, or carryout. I've already made dinner every day this week. Why must I do it again? But here's the thing:  if I don't make/have dinner, I'll get increasingly crabby and fussy and downright petulant by about 7PM. Nobody wants that. So...! It's time to forage about in the cupboards, freezer, and pantry and see if anything at all inspires me (and quickly, too). And how annoying was it to keep reading the word Dinner over and over again in this paragraph? Sorry!

That's three, and that's Thursday. Will I make it to Friday? That's too far ahead right now. Let me figure out din-- this evening's meal-- and I'll get back to you.

Cloudy, With A Chance Of Cats And Self-Checkout (We're #4/5!)

 

Today it's Novembering all over the place outside and I'm feeling chilly and a little bit fussy. It's grey, windy, we had a little rain, and even though the thermometer jumped up to 55 at about 3:00, it feels much colder. My head is threatening to start something with me, so I'm hydrating and preparing to take a migraine pill if necessary.

I already went to the grocery store this morning, where I noted with dismay that they installed brand new Self Checkout stations. One of the many reasons I love my odd little grocery store is that there were no Self Checkouts. All purchases were scanned and totalled by friendly (and sometimes quirky) cashiers, many of whom I've gotten to know pretty well. The chances of me using Self Checkout there are slim:  too many items in my weekly shop, and I'd miss talking with Sunshine and the other cashiers.

When I got home, the little black cat was curled up under our Japanese maple again. We have a lot of strays in our neighborhood, especially at this time of year, and for some reason, they love our back yard. And they're all gorgeous cats, too--certainly worthy of being someone's pampered pet. This one is a longhaired cat, black with coppery colour hair underneath and beautiful amber eyes. When our porch furniture was out, it often slept curled up on a cushion.

So sweet; it fits just right.

I spend a lot of time worrying about this cat, but I cannot begin taking care of it. I have two cats, and they are The Last Cats Forever. I have sworn A Sacred Oath to myself and Rick. And all dark-coloured clothing and all the stuff in my house that is continually covered in cat hair. Besides, it may very well be that it is already Someone Else's Cat, but they allow it to run amok. I wish they wouldn't; I feed birds in my yard, and this cat cannot be depended upon to only menace chipmunks.

Anyway.

It is not a hospitable day for me or for little black stray cats that I have named Nairobi in my head. 

Is it Novembering where you are? Do you have stray cats in your neighborhood? Don't you think stores should give you a percentage off your groceries for using Self Checkout?

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After All, Joy In The Morning

 

This morning I had to get up and get going early. Thanks to the time change--and do not get me started on how stupid it is that we're still doing that in the 21st century--the cats stomped in an hour early and expressed their indignation that I'm still in bed at 6:45 AM WHAT AM I THINKING? Normally, I can gradually awaken at 7 or 7:30 with minimal feline interference, but since their stomachs did not Fall Back, it's going to be a while before we can get back to a routine.

Anyway.

I had an obligation this morning, and I also had to get gas in the car. My morning routine was hurried and a bit frantic. How were we so low on towels? I quickly got a load into the washer and made a mental note to do my own laundry as well. (I was dangerously close to resorting to my Third String Underwear--you know those--one with almost no elastic, one pair of maternity and the youngest kid is now 35.) With little time to spare, never knowing what stage the many construction projects would be in around my neighborhood, I zoomed out the door.

Naturally, I hit two reroutes in the construction zones and had to wait an extra five minutes while an enormous dump truck maneuvered around a crane. I practiced using profanity as all seven parts of speech. It wasn't that difficult. Then again, I've been honing my craft for decades.

While driving on a particularly scenic road, one I travel often, I saw something that released all my tension and negativity. It gave me such Pure Joy, and it was really nothing much at all.

A man was mowing his lawn, a large property, with a riding mower. Sitting up front with him, encircled in one arm, was a large dog. I could only get a glimpse for a moment, but what I saw was a snapshot of complete contentment and companionship. It looked as if those two had done that together for years. They were mowing toward me, and I saw both of their faces. They looked happy.

Gosh, I love seeing stuff like that. It always makes me smile and feel good. Dog heads hanging out of car windows, same thing. That sort of unabashed Joy can lift me immediately. 

I'm smiling now, just thinking/writing about it. I like a Joy that sticks with me. Even through two loads of laundry.

The Perils Of Snacking

Lunch didn't happen today. Nothing sounded appealing, and it began to Get Late. Getting Late is a dreadful horror to me when it comes to meals. I cannot abide Eating Late. Sometimes, Rick will come home on Thursdays, the day his boss buys lunch for everyone in the office, and say, "I had a big lunch, so I hope you're not ready for dinner anytime soon." When that happens, I hear ominous music in the background, not like when the shark is approaching in Jaws, but more like the theme from Unsolved Mysteries or maybe something from another dark and scary show.

But I digress.

I never eat breakfast--never have, even as a child--and I spent most of my adult working life not eating lunch, either. But in the last several years, I decided to be better and eat actual lunch, even if it was just fruit or toast.

Today, however, as I said, Lunch got lost in the shuffle of the day's tasks and my fussy appetite. So when it got to be about 2:30, I needed a little snack. Unwisely, I grabbed the 4-pound jar of peanut M&Ms and did not first scoop out a little serving in a separate cup, instead opting to carry the whole damn thing out to the living room and sit there, watching Judge Judy, mindlessly eating peanut M&Ms one after the other. Now I feel absolutely horrible.

This is the same thing that happened to me with Cheetos years and years ago. First, I binged on Cheetos; then, I rationed the Cheetos; then I made Rick hide the Cheetos; then, I had to permanently break up with Cheetos altogether. 

It was for the best.

I am currently On A Break from Lay's Original Potato Chips because of mindless snacking after skipping lunch and being unable to control myself. There is a bag of Sea Salt Pop Corners in the cupboard--unopened--because if I open them, I have no idea what might become of our relationship. (Have you tried them? They're unbelievably good. Try the cinnamon ones, too. Ridiculous.)

If I have to break up with Peanut M&Ms (aka The World's Most Perfect Food), I honestly don't know what will become of me. They were there for me when I couldn't eat anything else, literally, back when I was so ill and wasting away. They travel well. They crunch and provide chocolate and sweetness, but not too much sweetness. True, they added blue and took away the tan, thereby disturbing the fine balance of colour and ruining their original aesthetic, but I'm very close to forgiving them for that. 

Obviously, Rick will be hiding the Peanut M&Ms when he gets home from work shortly. I won't even have to explain. He'll agree to do it, and he'll look at me pityingly. And tomorrow I'm back to having a proper lunch. Whatever it may be.

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I Need A Big White Pen

This is Tim Misny--he'll make you pay.

This billboard is all over northeast Ohio. Every single time I see it, it's like having a cat hair in my eye. It's painful and annoying. My eyes roll and I scream inwardly (most of the time; sometimes I do it aloud), "-ly! -ly! -ly! Adverbs! Adverbs! Ever hear of them?"

Please tell me that I'm not alone in noticing or caring about things like this. 

It's a billboard! It's enormous. Come on! How did this happen?

 

Another Grocery Store Outrage: Move Over, Bananas

Of course you all remember how invested I get in the price of things at my grocery store, especially bananas. Since I'm not on anxiety medications, I've had to learn to roll with the capricious price increases foisted upon us by the pandemic and corporate greed.

I will say, however, that there is NO REASON for coffee to be as high-priced as it is. I have been monitoring the commodities markets, and coffee has done nothing but slide for the past year.

Just saying.

Anyway, my point, and I do have one, is this. 

I am breaking up with you, Biscoff.

This is outrageous and unreasonable, and I am not having it. Do you know what I used to pay for Biscoff cookies when I first discovered them? $1.98 a package. That was about one year ago. Then, sometime in the spring, my funny grocery store stopped carrying them. I subsequently found them at Target for $2.99 a package--and of course I was outraged--but I paid it (many many times), mainly because Rick discovered Biscoff and would polish off a package in one sitting. 

Suddenly, Biscoff disappeared completely. For months. When it reappeared, the price had shot up to what you see, above. I shopped around, but Biscoff was now ridiculously priced everywhere. So I did what I always do; I researched it. And here's what I found:

"'Responsible' price hikes and rising volumes earned Lotus Bakeries new record figures: for the first time, the Belgian company’s turnover surpasses half a billion euros in the first six months of a year. With turnover up more than 20 % to 501 million euros in the first half of the year, Lotus Bakeries speaks of a “new milestone”. ..Biscoff biscuits (+ 20 %)...advanced strongly. Net profit went up 15.9 %. The figures are better than what analysts had expected.

According to the biscuit baker, the strong results came as “responsible” price increases combined with an 8 % increase in volumes. The tariff increases the company implemented early this year to counter rising costs led to a double-digit price effect. Lotus Bakeries stresses that the price increases over the past two years were always aligned with actual costs, and were unavoidable due to unprecedented increases for raw materials, packaging, transport and wages, among others. The company claims that the price effect has now reached its peak."

Well, la di da, Biscoff people. Whatever. 

I'm just now okay with being gouged for bananas. I'm not okay with being gouged for cookies, even if they're as delightful as Biscoff. This is going to take some time, and maybe Forever. Breakups are painful and sad. It's a Process, and in the meantime, I need a Rebound Cookie. And some Support Outrage. 

Help me out in Comments.

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A Scene Of True Love, With Swirling

 

Scene opens on lakehouse kitchen. Nance is spreading pesto on flatbreads. Rick is opening a bottle of red wine. He pulls the cork and pours each of them a small amount to taste. Nance furiously swirls her glass on the counter before lifting it to her nose; inhales deeply. Rick takes a sniff of his and drinks.

Nance:  (slightly annoyed) You never swirl. I don't understand. 

Rick:  (mildly; he's heard this before)  I'm not a fan of the swirling. And sometimes, yes, I do swirl. But I know this wine. I know it's fantastic. I don't need to swirl.

Nance:  I know this wine, too, but it is possible to get a bad bottle. It could be from the end of the run. The cork could fail. And I like to fully appreciate the first taste. 

Rick:  I know you do. And you should. I just don't do all that.

Nance: (sighs deeply) Well, will you promise me something? If I get too old or frail or decrepit, will you always swirl my wine for me?

Rick:  Of course I will. I promise.

Nance:  And will you always pour it in the correct glass, too, even if I'm too senile to care?

Rick:  Yes. I'll try.

Nance:  And if I have to use a straw, will you make sure it's made of glass so it doesn't affect the taste and quality of the wine? 

Rick:  You know I will. Of course. 

Nance: (hugging him) Oh, thank you. You're the best.

End scene.

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May The Blue Jay Of Happiness Bring You More Than Just Peanuts

 Many of you may recall that I feed the blue jays. My Number One Goal was to get a blue jay to take a peanut out of my hand. It never happened, but that's okay. Every morning I feed raw peanuts in the shell to a dozen blue jays on my porch and it's wonderful. I sit on my couch and my cats lie at the door and watch while all of them swoop in and out. Of course, there's far more to it than just that, as there is to so many seemingly simple things in my life. I take what should be an Easy, Joyful Thing and find a way to Make It Worky. 

It never starts out that way. It starts out simple and innocent and easy. Then I read something and talk to someone and then read some more and pretty soon it becomes a Whole Production in which I involve others. 

At one point my brother informed me that he discovered blue jays taking eggshells out of his compost. "You should try giving your blue jays some eggshells," he said. I could not google it fast enough. Rick takes a hardboiled egg every day in his lunch. He now peels it with utmost care; my blue jays prefer large pieces of shell. Sam, my son who comes here for lunch, also peels eggs with gentle precision For My Blue Jays.

Not long ago, some particularly shitful squirrels began invading my porch during Blue Jay Breakfast Buffet. They were shameless and greedy. They took over both peanut pedestals and peed all over the place. I couldn't have that. In a burst of frustration, I sent Marlowe out the front door with a command. "Get 'em! Get those squirrels!" Marlowe ran right out and did her job. Then she installed herself at the porch post, waiting. A few blue jays swooped in; Marlowe merely looked at them. When a squirrel came up, she pounced at it. I was thrilled.

Unfortunately, Marlowe has since been fired, and so has Piper. Their bloodlust for marauding squirrels turned into curiosity and tolerance. It was pathetic and sad to see them merely sit and watch the squirrels wander past them and onto the peanut feeders. At that point it was up to me, and I traded my leisurely mornings for several of vigilance and Squirrel Terrorizing.

Lately, I've had trouble finding raw shelled peanuts at my grocery store. Whenever I did find them, I'd always buy a couple of bags. I was down to my last bag, and the store had been out for a while. I went to a different town, but still no peanuts. Earlier this week, I ran out completely. Panic set in. Still, there was one option. I got in my car and took a short drive.

Thank you, Rural King

As God is my witness, my blue jays will never go hungry again! That's 25 pounds of raw shelled peanuts right there. Those peanuts now live in a big tub in my basement and I couldn't be happier.

I know; it doesn't take much, right?

Sometimes, it's the Simple Things (That You Make Worky) in life that are the best.

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I'm Back

 Where have I been?  Nowhere, really. You all know I'm a lackadaisical blogger at best, and my Writing Mojo just sort of wandered off and stayed gone. Summertime is Lake Season, so I spent every weekend at the lakehouse, on the boat, hanging with family, and doing Lake Stuff. When I wasn't there, I was at home, where it felt busy all the time.

What have I been doing?  Nothing exciting. I put up some pickles and some pickled jalapenos and giardiniera. I made a lot of pesto. I knitted a baby blanket. I provide care for my mother one week a month at my house, and I shuttle her around to her various doctor appointments. With football season here, we meet up with the boys and their lovely ladies at the local brewery for Football Sunday Pregame, then go to either Sam's or Jared's for the game(s). And now that basketball is underway as well, I've picked my fantasy team and won the first week.

Why am I back here--writing--now?  I'm going to see if I like it or not anymore. November is traditionally the Old School daily posting month. I'm not joining in with all the worky NaBlo...stuff, but I'm determined to try to post daily. I'll see if I need Theme Days or whatever to help me (I do like Structure) as I go. Right now, I'm simply saying Hello. If it all starts to feel like a chore, then it may be time for me to say Goodbye to the Dept. It may have already served its purpose. I suppose I'll find out.

So!  For right now, I'm Back. Tell me:  What time of day do you write your blogposts? When your Inspiration wanders off, how do you get it back? And have you ever wondered about quitting your blog? Chat me up in Comments.

7 Samples Of My Summer So Far

 

Rather than run through a litany of excuses for my absence here of late, I'd rather jump right in and go for it. 

1. Random Photos--Signs: 

I ran across this first one on my way to pick up my mother for a doctor's appointment. Unlike the hostas, the cannas must be there of their own free will.

This is a front porch I pass on my daily walk. I keep imagining someone standing in front of their door, deciding whether or not to knock.

2. Random Photo--Grocery Store Find:  My funny grocery store has this on offer, and it's awful. 

Obviously, the reason this ended up in the Closeouts section of my grocery store is because it's supposed to read MOM IS WAY MORE FUN NOW THAT SHE CAN DRINK AGAIN. Because of the typo, it sounds really inebriated and illiterate, and no one is buying it. (I don't buy stemless wine glasses, period, but that's beside the point here.)

3. Speaking of Wine:  We had a jaunt up to Canada earlier this month and enjoyed another lovely long weekend and a new release party at our favourite winery. Our cellar is restocked and so is our Good Humour. The trip came at a very good time for us both, and we were so glad to reconnect with friends and places we love.

4.  Places We Love:  Lake season is in full swing, and we had a terrific Memorial Day weekend with the whole family, enjoying the boat, the house, fishing, and a fire. On Sunday we all went to dinner to celebrate the Springtime Birthdays at our favourite restaurant, which was a longtime desire of mine. It was such a Joy to see everyone around the table, having such a great time.

5.  Good Times:  The Asian Tree Lilacs are in bloom all along my walking route, and their scent is heavenly. Several years ago, our neighborhood streets were completely torn up with a major water/sewer project. So many mature silver maples were destroyed. But they were replaced with oaks and Asian Tree Lilacs, and I am grateful.  The blue jays continue to patronize my breakfast buffet, holding my cats in thrall every morning. I put a few peanuts on the window sashes and even on the welcome mat so that the jays come very close. 

6.  Knitting Stuff:  For my Knitting Friends--I finally got all those damn ends woven in on my mitred square blanket, and I knitted the last two squares. Hooray! It's kind of a  skinny-looking blanket, and it could really use at least one or two more rows, but not anytime soon. I'm now knitting a baby blanket. The pattern instructed me to do a long-tail cast on, but I hate those and avoid them at all costs. (123 stitches--nope.)  Instead, I did a knitted cast on. Will it matter? I'm thinking no, just for a baby blanket.

7.  Things That Matter:  Years ago, this was a far more Political blog. I am still very politically aware and active; make no mistake about that. My Politics have not changed in the least. I did, however, have to make a conscious decision to draw a bright line, keeping certain parts of my life free from politics so that I have more stress-free zones.  Don't mistake that for tolerance or acceptance. I'm sure so many of you are the same. 

At this point in June, way back when I was teaching, Summer still felt so young and new to me. Vacation was just starting, and I was energized by the possibilities of the weeks ahead:  so many books to read! so much time unpunctuated by bells and demands! so many evenings unencumbred by papers to grade and lessons to prepare and phone calls to make! Summertime felt brilliant and potent; each day was like a gift to be unwrapped. 

I hope your Summertime (one of my favourite words ever) feels like that, even a little bit, every now and then. 

Thanks for being here and waiting for me (like Walt Whitman). Chat me up in Comments.

Here's Some Stuff From My Head: More Dogs, A Racy Sign, and My Cheap Thrill

 

I'm just going to jump right in with some falderal since it's been so long and I still don't have anything of Momentous Importance to pontificate upon. 

At least that I feel like discussing at the moment. Certainly many weighty things exist Out There that I could get all Wound Up about, but no one wants that, least of all me.

Onward.

1.  I have met the following New Dogs since last we chatted:  a teensy terrier mix puppy named Rue; a floofy husky named Sterling; a black standard poodle named Molly. Only Molly was barky and slightly rude. This is the usual Poodle Response toward me, so I didn't take offense. 

2.  At my Super Fun Grocery Store, they had a huge paint buyout in the Closeouts Department. But even better, they made this sign:

If this sign were in any other store I went to, I'd be completely annoyed and rail about it to my husband and everyone I know. But because it is in my grocery store, I can merely laugh and be indulgently amused, like parents are when their kids mispronounce words in a cute way. ("Did you hear that? She said cabrella for umbrella! How adorable.") Probably if I saw this in, say, Lowe's, I'd be outraged and complain about it for days. ("How many staff and management pass by that sign every single day and no one has noticed or bothered to correct it!? How ridiculous.") I can't wait to see if it's still there this week.

3. It's no secret that I am easily entertained, and one thing that never fails to do it for me is the automatic carwash. There's just something about sitting in your car in the dark and having all that water and suds and those brush rollers all over while your car moves all by itself through the building. I love it. I used to take Jared and Sam through one all the time during our summer vacation. When Sam used to work at a dealership in the area, he knew that taking me through their carwash would make me happy, so he did it often. Now, carwashes are pricey. Back a hundred years ago, I paid four bucks for a wash. Not anymore. But I treated myself and got an actual Carwash Membership (and not solely for the fun of it; I have a black car, and I hate how dirty it gets and how bad it looks when it does). 

I go to a Mod Wash that's on my way to my mother's place and my grocery store. I can go every single day if I want (I don't), and it's like unlimited free rides at an amusement park for me. Today I got one of their free air fresheners, which smells like the worst fruit bubblegum on steroids, so I won't be using it, but when I flipped it to the other side, I saw that it was more than just an air freshener. Here's what it said:

Thank you, Mod Wash! I needed to hear that today, a day when I am running on very little sleep, thanks to shitful cat behaviour all night and a pulled muscle in my back. Not only do you make me unreasonably lighthearted, but you remind me that I've Got This! (As long as I don't put your freshener on painted, plastic, or varnished surfaces, or mind if my car smells like 1977.) 

It's the little things, you know? Regale me with your car wash feelings and anything else in Comments.

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