*Warning: This post may contain strong language. I'm feeling snarky and I'm not in the mood to self-edit. I just might "go there." Okay.
I'm feeling real frustrated. (I'm not gonna lie; it is That Time, and that probably has a lot to do with it. Sorry if there are a few of you that feel I'm oversharing, but guess what. My blog, okay?) I've spent the entire school day giving a major test to my students that I totally prepared them for. I told them what was going to be on it. And as one class was taking it, I was grading the previous class's "efforts."
Whatever.
They are sucking big fat rocks on it and I am pissed. So I am now locked into a downward Snark Spiral that is, for now, boundless. Basically, I'm IRKED AT/ABOUT EVERYTHING.
Allow me:
1. My hair: I did not share with you that right before my Hideous Surgery, I had a Major Life-Altering Haircut. Three times. I had it cut. Then recut. Then re-recut. And recently, I had it cut again in a very short, choppy style that, apparently, my hair hates. Consequently, my hair looks different every single day. This is...difficult for a control maven such as myself. Do not attempt to recommend a Hair Product to me. It will work one day and not the next. Trust me. Today, I had a Good Hair Day. Yesterday, not. Tomorrow...who the hell knows?
2. Rick: The laundry is piling up. This is traditionally his job, which he cheerfully took on a few years ago and has, apparently without warning, decided to wantonly abandon every so often. There have been days when I am forced to wear my third-string underwear. You know what I mean: the stuff that is Emergency Level DefCon 1. One step above maternity underwear. Okay.
3. Mysterious Animal Inhabiting Garage: Why? There is no food in there. What is it? Raccoon? Skunk? Feral Cat? Something is in there and we cannot get rid of it. We are fastidious re: garage and garbage cans, yet Pig Pen People next door never put lids on garbage cans and have used grill utensils on their deck at all times, yet have no animal in garage. It is getting in because the door needs to be lowered. Rick is aware of this, yet has not yet done anything about it. See #2, and add this to it.
4. Right Foot: Intermittently, my right foot sprouts an almost-bunion for no reason, making some of my adorable shoes painful. Then, it will go away. WTF is up with this bullshit? Shoes are part of my Fashion Image. Come on!
5. Pen Theft: Pens on my desk in my flamingo coffee mug are disappearing. Roommate Andrew is NOT a suspect, but our aides and ill-prepared and lightfingered students are. This is unnecessary and unacceptable, especially since I keep a container of "rental" utensils at the ready in the room. I hate thieves.
6. Newspaper Delivery Guy: This a-hole has one mission in life and this it is: to take out my Boston fern. At least twice a week I find the Cleveland Plain Dealer lying amid the fronds and dirt of my now supine fern and fern stand on my porch because this moron has to launch the newspaper from his car window like he's up for the Cy Young award. Someday, I'm going to take the day off and lie in wait with my BB gun and take out this guy's windshield. Bet me.
7. House: As in the TV show. Which used to be excellent and now basically sucks. This show went totally downhill when House fired his team and then began the quest for the new team. Actually, come to think of it, it really started its downhill trend when they did that stupid show with the cop who got all over his case about the drugs and then went after Wilson and the hospital and tried to get House fired. At any rate, it's now become a very mediocre show that I watch for two reasons only: Hugh Laurie who I have a major crush on, and Jesse Spencer whom I have become almost unhealthily obsessed with lately. Yikes.
8. Project Runway: This season is terrible. I hate every single person on it. But I reserve a special hatred for Kenley, who really, really irritates me. She is socially autistic, rude, obnoxious, breathtakingly overconfident, untalented, and really, really needs to have her adenoids removed. Wow. I am such a bitch about someone I don't even know and will never meet. Okay.
But she was rude to Tim Gunn, and that, in my book, means war.
9. The Ongoing Dinner Drama at The Dept.: Oh My God, how much do I hate this? It was bad enough when other people lived here, but now that it's just Rick and I, it's even worse. He is just as ambivalent about dinner as I am half the time, and there is nothing Grown Up about eating potato chips or Nutella for dinner. And nothing ever "sounds good." It's just so fricking hideous and terrible. I'm sure we are both so vitamin and mineral deficient now at the age of 49 that we are going to have osteoporosis and die bent-over at the age of 55. The only good thing about that is that IT MEANS MANY MANY LESS YEARS OF FIGURING OUT A GODDAMN DINNER MENU.
10. Stupid Errors in Student Papers That Are, Apparently, Never Going To Stop Despite My Endless Efforts: High school students are completely unaware that there is a singular noun meaning "one adult female person." To them, "women" is both plural and singular. There is, and never has been, any such word as woman. The germane event in Massachusetts of 1692 was the Salem Witch Trails, which, I imagine, were the paths followed by the convicted spellcasters to the gallows. I could go on and on and on, but then I would have to shoot myself.
The way I feel right now, I might anyway.
Nance,
ReplyDeleteGood for you, and lucky for your husband that you have such an open forum to really vent. Maybe I need one these here blogs, my hubby would probably be happier too. The laundry thing is never ending at our home. I am always impressed with the amount of things that need to be laundered, and I really love how some people (my husband) will pull his wet, clean things out of the machine and place his wet things into the dryer with all the clean dry things. It really is too much effort to use the laudry basket that is conveniently located a mere 3 feet to place these articles into.
Dinner at our house is always the what sounds good game too, however recently my noncooking/cook wannabe hubby things he has an opinion as to what I am making, or how I am making it. This from a man who thinks that dried italian seasoning should go into everydish.
Do you ever wonder what it would be like to go sans ovaries and be ambivelant for like a month?...O.k.,nevermind, that would probably require hormone replacement therapy and alot of chin hairs, which would definately not fit any womans fashion profile.
~Halley
Oh, really, I am laughing my ass off and I am sure the heat pump guys AND the plumbers in the basement are wondering just what the hell I am smoking up here at Crack House (which now has cracked pipes too--woo hoo!).
ReplyDeleteYou had me at third-string underwear. And then when we got to dinner drama, composing myself was just a lost cause.
v-grrrl--so glad that i was able to give you such a guffaw, esp. in the midst of all your House Issues. but honestly, can you not totally relate to some of this crap? and i hope you're happy about MY HAIR! you encouraged me to get it cut!!
ReplyDeletehalley--i am so fricking sick of The Monthly. why am I NOT DONE YET!? totally ridiculous. i actually had a friend say to me that she was "a little bit sad about menopause because it meant that that part of her life was over now." WHAT THE FUCK?! clearly, she was a little bit insane at the moment. sometimes i feel like i would pay a doctor eleventy thousand dollars to just get in there and rip it all out immediately. i don't even care how.
Nance,
ReplyDeleteI am sure for eleventy thousand dollars some wack job ob/gyn would be willing to do that. Perhaps if you saved your 5 thousand dollar a year tax credit for health care that dumb shit mccain is proposing, you could have this happen sooner. I am such a freeze baby, maybe the hot flashes won't be so bad...hmmm, something to think about.
I am so torn about project runway. I was just thinking that I really do love the show but just hate this season. At the beginning I thought it was going to be wonderful and I often find myself disappointed. There isn't any drama, other than stupid Kenley. We need a crier like aundrey or the lingere boy fron last season. Or we need someone so flippin good like danied v. that we cant help but to watch. And seriously, how could anyone with even half a brain be rude to Tim Gunn? He is so awesome!!!
ReplyDeleteI do like Korto. Hate Leanne's voice.
There is a special episode on Monday at 8pm if you didn't know.
I love Tim Gunn. That's about the only positive opinion I have about this season.
ReplyDeleteThe most upsetting parts of this post to me were:
ReplyDelete1. the hair
2. the students
I like to pretend that our education system isn't really going to hell, and that the problems teachers are dealing with today are just the same ones our teachers had to deal with when we were young. Clearly, I'm delusional.
Nance,
ReplyDeleteDon't shoot yourself. We've all been in some of the same spots.
Once I worked 13 days in a row and because I only have 12 pairs of panties I was in a jam. I looked like Ray Milland in "Lost Weekend" as I frantically searched everywhere,including the chandelier, for some panties, but I found none..
So, honest to God, I ended up going to work in a pair of Jockey briefs. I really drove carefully so I wouldn't get taken to the ER.
I had to fake a stomach ache so I could go home early because the Jockeys kept falling down to my knees, and when they did I had to double over as if in pain to hold them up as I ran to the ladies Lounge.
It was quite a day and because you always close the barn door AFTER the horse goes missing, I now own about 35 pairs of panties.
You mentioned having to wear your third string underwear. I truly understand that because I now have a very deep bench myself in the panty department.....
Hair is soooo difficult. I’ve been so annoyed with my haircuts lately. I’ve even been cutting on my own. I just got the name of new stylist and I’ll be calling this week.
ReplyDelete“Third-string underwear” … that really cracked me up!! Mostly it got to me because I understood!!
Animals … maybe it is a skunk and it will spray Rick into action … that will have him solving the problem and doing laundry!
Foot pain … oh no, seriously. Hope that resolves quickly.
Newspaper delivery folks are meant to invisibly deliver the paper so it’s in the right spot, doesn’t get wet, etc. We finally got a carrier who is fantastic. Because she’s a rarity, I tip her well. I love my daily newspaper, especially with no issues.
House. I agree, Nance. I only watch it now when nothing else is on I want to watch. It’s a shame. It used to be “must watch” TV and now it’s boring. I like Hugh Laurie, too, but his antics seem like same old, same old. Yes, the cop and drugs thing was way overblown. (I don’t even like David Morse after he played that role.) There is just no chemistry between House and the new folks. The Amber and Wilson relationship made no sense because there wasn’t real chemistry there either.
Can’t comment on Project Runway as I don’t watch that.
Dinner drama. It happens here, too. We went camping this weekend and ate wonderfully there, but as soon as we were home I fed my husband leftover Chinese and I ate chips and salsa.
Salem Witch Trails … LOL, but only funny to an outsider I know. My advice is focus on the bright students to get you through.
Don't shoot yourself, Nance ... we all need you here at the Dept!
Wow Nance!!!! I feel your pain...ESPECIALLY about woman vs. women! I mean what is wrong with these students.
ReplyDeleteHouse has lost my interest too...just as you do, I occasionally tune in because I just love me some Hugh!
And please get yourself some vitamins...we need you!!!
And hey, look on the bright side...it's "that time," so 3rd string underwear should be okay right now :)
P.S. If it makes you feel any better, when I accidentally pull off from the bank with a pen, I actually take it back...at the store too!
P.P.S. The language...Nance I didn't know you had it in you...Love it!
I asked what is wrong with these students yet, I didn't use a question mark (?) at the end...I feel so ashamed...
ReplyDeleteyou've never heard of the witch trails? come on, nance. get real. feh.
ReplyDeleteremember when i wanted to be a teacher? that was funny. thing is, i dont think i could put up with any more stupidity than is required of me on a day to day basis, let alone subject myself to it AND BE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT 5 days a week, 9 months a year. kudos to you, and ive told you that before. i couldnt do it.
really? pen theft? how about someone stealing YOUR GODDAMN computer?
go read my blog.
b-darts.blogspot.com
jpd--i still think you'd be a good teacher/coach. you learn to overlook most of the stupidity because it is expected and SOMETIMES you can defeat it. then there are days like the one on which I wrote this post. sigh.
ReplyDeletetera--LOL. i read it without the question mark, and it sounds better as a resigned sort of statment. and your point about the underwear made me chuckle. thanks!! now...as far as my language--you should hear me in the lounge first period. you would be SO proud.
shirley--i am so glad you brought up the amber and wilson romance. THAT WAS SO RIDICULOUS. it was bizarre, unmotivated, impossible, and just plain dumb. WHO THE HELL WROTE THAT? and now, the "wilson is gone" storyline is even DUMBER. first they screw up ER until i just don't give a damn, and now they totally scrap House. Pretty soon, the only thing left to watch will be shit like "Hole In The Wall." Then you'll HAVE to shoot me.
Nancy--Hell, woman! Just call off for the day! LOL. "Deep bench." Hee hee. I'm definitely using that.
j.@jj--is it just a coincidence that those were the FIRST and LAST items of a very loooong list? LOL. thank you for your empathy about my hair, which, by the way, did something TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TODAY. i am so ready to get a wig.
mikey--see, i knew it wasn't just me. this season is just NOT right. even Tim seems a little off to me. i still adore and covet him, but he's not entirely himself, either.
nina--i know exactly what you mean! no one is really, really good or really a neat person. i think korto is kind of interesting, but her stuff is all boring to me: halterish tops with a deep V and that's about it. they all bore me silly. jerell was starting to get pretty good, but he kept trashing stuff up and had a poor taste level. and leanne can't stop hanging taggy looking stuff off her clothes. GET OFF YOUR RIDE, DESIGNERS! STOP BEING A ONE-TRICK PONY. CAN ANY OF YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE FOR A CHANGE? AND CAN SOMEONE HAND KENLEY A FRICKING BOTTLE OF AFRIN FOR FUCK'S SAKE?
Monday at 8 is what, now?
halley-2--mccain is, among other things, an idiot. a 5K tax credit for health care is not even going to begin to cover an average health insurance policy for a year. as far as hot flashes, i hear you. it was supposedly 77 degrees today. at school, i had my little space heater trained directly at me all day. i was also freezing yesterday when the weatherman said it was 80. LIAR. right now, i am wearing flannel PJ pants, longsleeve tee, furry slippers. still freezing. a hot flash would be most welcome.
ReplyDeleteHey darlin, I'll come back in a couple of weeks and read this again so I can properly relate. ;)
ReplyDeletePS - I threw out all my maternity underwear moments after my last child was born. If I ever get to my "fourth string underwear", I'll be feelin a draft. ;)