After three days of suffering a vicious migraine that my meds would not even touch, I called my neurologist for a cycle breaker. This is a steroid med pack (6 the first day, 5 the next, and so on). I put on my sunglasses and drove the short distance to CVS to pick it up and gobbled the first 6 in the parking lot like an addict needing her fix. It was only when I got home that I looked at the attached paperwork and saw this very Disheartening missive:
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| I am the Older Adult In The Combination |
Because I have reached The Magic Number, I'm now asked a bunch of questions I never got a year ago. Like Do you feel safe at home? (Honestly, I think every patient in the ER should be asked if they feel safe at home, don't you?) Anyway, so much for the whole Age is just a number philosophy.
Some of you asked to see my dress for Jared and Jordan's wedding. The photo isn't very good, but here it is:
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| Just imagine my head, arms, and legs poking out, and my feet wearing great shoes |
One more note about the wedding. Last weekend, Rick and I hosted the family along with Jared and Jordan's parents at the lakehouse before they had to fly back to Colorado. We talked more about the wedding, and I said I realized I didn't cry a single tear during the whole thing. Not one (and I had even bought waterproof mascara). Jordan said, "I know. I was watching you. You were so incredibly calm. But you were radiating Joy." I agreed. I said that I simply felt complete--contented and complete. I knew that everything was right and perfect about their marriage. I felt like I was watching the natural next step, the culminating event. I was just so happy.
Finally, during my Migraine Days this week, I was edgy and restless. I couldn't do much, but I didn't want to just sit in a darkened, silent room. I could read on and off, or watch television if it was something quiet. I found the movie Marcel The Shell With Shoes On, a film which had intrigued me a while ago, but I had forgotten about.
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| image credit |
It's a lovely little film with an endearing protagonist and a dear, yet important, message that resonated with me. And it expresses my philosophy about blogging, specifically the Comments section.
Over at Kyria's place, several bloggers spoke about not answering Comments at all, and others spoke about not checking back to even see if their Comments had been answered. To be blunt, I find that dismissive and rude.
In the film, Marcel reluctantly goes online to find his family. Instead of receiving help, he gets fans and followers. At one point, he says something like, "This is an audience, not a community." And that's what those kinds of blogs are to me. People who don't engage with their commenters are just looking for an audience, not a community. Wouldn't a Like button serve the same purpose for them? I don't know. I know that I choose carefully who I read and want to spend time with.
Thank you for spending time with this broken down, yet joyful, old lady who feels quite safe in her home (both of them).
Have you reached a Milestone Birthday, and did it come with some unexpected baggage? Have you seen Marcel The Shell With Shoes On? Do you cry at weddings? Chat with me (and everyone else!) in Comments.
Hello, sadly there are no comments as yet for me to chat with although I love to read them and engage. I not aware of having cried at a wedding but I haven't been to one in a while so maybe I would now?
ReplyDeleteYou migraines sound horrendous, I am not sure I could cope with them lasting three days, on the very rare occasions that I do get them (maybe once a year) I am a useless heap on the floor after three hours. I hope it is all gone for now.
We have TK Maxx here (UK) which looks remarkably similar to your TJ Maxx wonder if they are same thing and why the letter change??
Thank you for the link to Marcel with Shoes on, I have not heard of it, it looks just like my kind of thing.
I always feel like the birthdays that end in zero are a bit of a milestone whichever one it is, I am loving my age and all the creaks and brain fog that comes with it.
sustainablemum--Hello, and welcome to the Dept! I used to be very sentimental and tear up at a great many things. Not so much now. Perhaps that comes with age.
DeleteI've had migraines since I was 18. It's incredible what one can learn to fight through and cope with. I look at migraine as my adversary; it's already stolen so much time from me. I don't let it get away with much if I can help it.
TK Maxx and TJ Maxx are the same entity. In the UK they changed it to TK Maxx to avoid confusion or infringement with another retailer, TJ Hughes.
I'm like you in that birthdays don't set me off or make me feel old. I've never been coy about my age. I feel like every year is a victory and a testament. I hope I continue to have the grace to feel this way as I age. Let's try!
I had to go and look up TJ Hughes I have never heard of them! Thank you for enlightening me on the TK/TJ Maxx thing.
DeleteIt is so true that we can learn to live and cope with things, that is a long time to have had regular migraines.
sustainablemum--I think about people who fight through ailments far worse than what I have to deal with every single day of their lives. Perspective is everything. (But there are times I feel pretty sorry for myself when in the throes of a bad one, still.)
DeleteI remembered the TJ/TK Maxx thing from a British show or video, but not the exact retailer's name. You can thank a quick visit to Google for that tidbit.
I don't recall ever crying at a wedding. Funerals, yes!
ReplyDeleteI love that dress. Wrap dresses are so easy to wear and be comfortable in. I used to make a dress just like that---in style, not in the pattern or color.
I don't really understand bloggers who don't reply to their comments. Once in a great while I might slip up and miss one but I try really hard not to. I love the interaction and feedback.
Jean--You and I are of the same mind about the whole blog thing; but then, we're Old School Bloggers. Things do change, but I like the interaction and community, too. There are already enough other platforms for people to get their 15 Minutes Of Fame.
DeleteIf I could sew, I'd make a lot of wrap dresses, too. You're right when you say it was easy to wear and very comfortable. I really liked the hemline and the way it moved because of the wrap.
First .....your dress is amazing. Second ..... I don't think I've ever cried at a wedding (not even my own).
ReplyDeleteThird ---- commenting I try to email a reply back to everyone who has commented. I generally do not reply on the blog. I never figured anyone ever went back to see if they got a reply. I have posted several times (in general) that if you want a reply make sure I have your email address. A few have sent theirs. Some have not. I'll probably continue to go as I have before.
I do agree that the back and forth makes for community. It's what makes Instagram not as satisfying as blogging. I also don't understand people that tell me they have read my blog for years and I have no idea who they are because they have NEVER commented. (Some who were very clear that they were dismayed when I took a blog break.) :::sigh::: Can't please everyone, so I try hard to please myself.
Dee--I didn't cry at my own wedding, either. Not only was I terrifically happy, I was insanely relieved. I planned the whole thing by myself while taking a heavy course load in college and Rick was living in New Jersey. I was so glad it was finally going to happen.
DeleteThanks for the compliment on the dress. (And for only 20 bucks! LOL)
I know some bloggers respond via email, and that seems like a lot of extra work to me. It's awfully accommodating of you, but I do like the responses on the blog to foster conversation and community. I know that at least MOST of my readers come back to check because sometimes they reply to my reply or chat with one another. I feel like no replies on the blog has a quieting or deadening effect to that, at least for me.
Your last sentence has been a blog credo for a long time: My blog, my rules. In the end, you do what you want because it's your blog. It should make you happy to write there. When I need to take a hiatus, it's because I can't be my best self writing here.
Yep. I read every comment and every comment on a comment. In this blog, anyway. Great community.
DeleteMary--Thank you! I'm glad to know this.💕
DeleteP.S. Hope you are feeling better and that the new meds worked some magic.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I am feeling much better now. Fragile and a bit unsteady, which is normal after such a bad one, but the headache is gone.
DeleteThat's a lovely dress! And it looks like the joy that you felt at the wedding. So glad you found it!
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I didn't reply to comments with any regularity when I first started blogging, but you're right - it's a community and now I can't imagine not engaging. Also, I love Marcel, but I can't believe I've never watched the movie. Must fix that!
I hope you have a migraine free week ahead, and that if the steroids gave you extra oomph that you used the oomph well!
Bug--Marcel The Shell With Shoes On is such a simple but incredibly smart movie. It was a wonderful and gentle commentary on modern life and family/community. You'll like it, I'm sure.
DeleteIt's a funny thing about that dress--and thank you for the nice compliment about it--I added it to my order at TJ Maxx online at the last minute because it was so cheap. I had already found what I thought was going to be my wedding outfit, a really cool formal walkthrough jumpsuit in navy blue. When my order arrived, the jumpsuit fit perfectly, but the material was so heavy and hot. I knew I'd swelter in it. I sent it back but kept the dress as a backup to one that I bought but wasn't in love with. Then, as I said, the family made the decision.
The steroids have already kicked the headache, so I'm free of that. I just have the aftereffects of fatigue and some fragility, but that should dissipate in a day or two. The nice thing about the steroids is that they help my hand and foot arthritis quite a bit!
I hope you have a good week ahead, too. Hey! The Guardians have already clinched the AL Central!
So sorry to hear about the migraine problems; it is a horrible thing to deal with! I, too, have been known to gobble down pain meds in odd places.
ReplyDeleteAnd I, too, love the dress. I did not cry at my daughter's wedding because I was too busy running the d***n thing. She and the groom were both in grad school in England, but were being married in Canada in the short break between lecture end and summer research season. So mother ran the quite elaborate show with coaching by transatlantic letters, lots of them. (pre email, this wedding) The ED is a perfectionist. One letter dealt solely with tablecloth colour and placement. I have a video of the mother of the bride frantically racing around the reception corridors, full page list in hand.
The marriage lasted seven years. You do not want to know that, I am sure. ED is now happily unmarried to a partner she has had for 25 years and counting. Mother is quite content.
I do tend to write posts in your comments. Um, should I apologise?
Mary--Never apologize for a long comment. I don't mind at all. Anyone can blog on my blog if they're chatting about the topics.
DeleteI've always been a Perfectionist, and Rick maintains that it's part of the reason I have migraines. He thinks if I could Let More Things Go, I'd be less prone to them. He may be right, although my biggest trigger is weather.
Wedding planning is such a Big Deal. I look back now and wonder why I made such a big deal out of so many small things. I'm sure your ED does as well. I'm glad she's happy and content now, and that you are as well. And I can recommend the dress for comfort and price!
Dearest Nance,
ReplyDeleteLove the dress!!! And for $20? Incredible. I can just imagine the stunning, stylish shoes you would have picked out to complement the dress, especially knowing how much you love shoes! I remember that from a blog post of years gone by. On the thrift side of this, I am thinking there may even have been some shoes in your collection that looked great and saved you some $$$. Or did you splurge? If you did, I bet you still found a bargain, lol.
The Wedding: I get why you didn’t cry. It truly was so perfect in every way. Jared and Jordan seem like such a solid couple, and I wish them all the best on their new journey with baby Theo.
Very intrigued by Marcel, the Shell with Shoes On. I would like to watch it, but can’t find it on Netflix. I did see it on Amazon Prime, but you have to pay to rent it. ☹ I might cave and just pay anyway.
Don’t know if my last birthday was a ‘milestone’, but for the record, I turned 72 in August, just 3 months after retiring. It did not come with unexpected baggage, which is to say that there was the usual baggage that comes with age, lol. Mainly, Mr. O. and I have been dealing with major dental work over the last couple of years. My last semester of work was beset with a few bizarre injuries and both of us getting Covid. I was the “Typhoid Mary” in this scenario who very likely caught it from my students who were dropping like flies last spring. For now, things are more or less under control. I am so sorry to hear about your recent hideous migraine experience, and hope you’re feeling better finally! I can’t even imagine the pain!
Forgot to comment on in your previous post: Congrats on 19 years as a blogger! I have thoroughly enjoyed being a follower for 18 of those years. Me personally: I had to give up blogging many years ago because work duties were just too overwhelming for me to continue writing on a regular basis.
That’s all for now except to ask if you got the email I sent a week ago (finally!). Not expecting a response, of course, especially with all your migraine issues. Just wondering if the email address was OK. 😊
XXOO
Dearest Ortizzle--Yes, I did get your lovely email! I will respond this week. You know I love our correspondence. The migraine definitely took me out of commission when it came to things I wanted/needed to do.
DeleteI've thoroughly enjoyed having you as a friend/contributor to the Dept. for so long! I remember you helping me design and code a bit here and there, too, and it was much appreciated. Perhaps you might find your way back to writing a blog once you've settled into retirement mode. Perhaps not; you may find other pursuits that occupy your leisure more rewarding.
It sounds like you need to use the initial stage of your retirement to truly rest and relax and gather your health. Even though you and Mr. O are feeling more on an even keel, it's hard to overestimate the value of less stress and being able to enjoy a gentler routine. I will say that you look absolutely beautiful in the photos you sent me. Certainly not 72! I don't believe that.
Marcel is on MAX, formerly HBO Max, formerly HBO. Sam is kindly sharing his subscription with us. If you wait, it will probably be on Netflix at some point. I was completely charmed by it, and was impressed by how smart it was. Isabella Rossellini voices Marcel's grandmother, and she is magnificent.
I almost wore my black with white Swiss dots Mary Jane heels for the wedding--believe it or not, they matched the dress so well. BUT--since retirement, I've worn low, comfy shoes and my feet simply would not fit comfortably in them for the long haul. They were a half-size too small, I think. So I found a pair of Franco Sarto black ankle strap heels with pointed toes that felt like slippers, truly. And they cost only about 35 bucks on clearance.
Sam and Jared both splurged on truly extraordinary shoes, though. I was so proud!
Thank you for all your kind and thoughtful comments always. I so look forward to hearing from you here!
P.S. — I am certain that everyone in your blogging community appreciates you detailed, thoughtful responses to our comments. I agree that it's not about having "followers" — it's about creating community. (Insert heart emojis.)
ReplyDeleteO--Thank you. I do value my readers and commenters. I want them to know that, and that I value their thoughts especially. Sometimes, the world can feel lonesome for whatever reason. I want people here to know that they're among friends.
DeleteI am a commenter and not a blogger and I always appreciate a reply to my comment and check back to see if the blogger left one. I often read all of the comments and replies as it is fun and interesting. Sometimes I don't leave a comment if I can't think of anything original to add.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had medication to help you get rid of your migraine.
Ellen--You bring up such an important point. Many readers aren't writers themselves, and they're here to share thoughts without looking to have traffic at their own spots. They like to engage and get to know others through their thoughts as well. It's also sometimes affirming and nice to know that others feel the same way you do.
DeleteThanks for your kindness. I feel so much better today, thanks to the medication. It's a real life saver.
I agree with you: "...several bloggers spoke about not answering Comments at all, and others spoke about not checking back to even see if their Comments had been answered. To be blunt, I find that dismissive and rude." If that happens once, I overlook it BUT if that's the blogger's pattern then I never go back to the blog. I've said many times that personal blogging is 40% babbling about yourself, 60% paying attention to other bloggers.
ReplyDelete100%! When I blogged in the past, I was thrilled when other bloggers left comments on my posts, and I could not imagine not responding to those comments. I also stopped frequenting blogs where there was no interaction with the blogger. I used to call them "ego-bloggers," lol. Kind of like people nowadays who post incessantly on Instagram or TikTok just for the "likes" so they can be considered "influencers."
DeleteAlly--I think your percentages are darn near perfect. My blog isn't my diary; it's more like a newspaper or magazine column in that I take my life events and try to make them relevant to people in general. I think we all have so much in common, and I want to talk about it WITH my readers, not AT them. Like you, if I see a blogger isn't engaging with commenters, I just don't go back. I'm not interested or invested in them if they're not interested or invested in me.
DeleteOrtizzle--Yes! I feel like bloggers who don't respond to comments in any way are simply asking their readers to validate their genius or stroke their egos, too. And if the answer is, "I don't have time to answer comments", I absolutely do not buy it, period. If something is important to you, you will find/make the time. It's all about choices.
100% agree! ❤️
DeleteI almost always cry at weddings. It's the music, it gets me. I think I could be walking down the street past a wedding, and when the music starts swelling, I'm a goner. My husband and I had a Hindu ceremony, and the only music was before and after, and it was gentle, not that soaring music that gets me. So I did not cry, I was just joyous.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're on the mend from your migraine. I know (from you and Tobia mostly) how debilitating they can be. I get them occasionally, but mine are (thankfully) nothing like yours.
Your dress is lovely! And I vaguely remember hearing about that movie, I'm going to have to watch it. What platform is it on? Netflix? (I know, I could just look it up...I'm engaging in the comments though!)
J--Marcel is currently on MAX, aka HBO to you. LOL
DeleteI'm so glad that your migraines don't get to the point that they hang on for days. I don't wish them on anyone, truly. I haven't had to get a cycle-breaker in a very long time, and I have no idea what brought this one on.
I've never been to a Hindu wedding, but I imagine it is serene and beautiful. There are so many lovely rituals in the Hindu faith.
Thank you for the compliment on my dress. It was quite comfortable to wear, and lightweight for the temperature that day (81). I worried that it looked too casual, like a day dress, but they all assured me that it was perfect. In the end, Jordan and Jared got married, and that's all that mattered anyway.
Let me know if you watch Marcel and what you thought of it. I really want to know.
I can imagine how fabulous you looked in that dress, Nance! One of our favorite memories was going to a wedding of hubby's college classmates in NC on our motorcycle back in the day. I had my Diane Von Furstenburg wrap-style dress at the ready and as soon as we arrived at the bride's brother and sister-in-law's home, we hurriedly both got appropriately dressed. We then rode with them to the wedding and reception and then returned for the college buddies party at their house afterward. More tales came from those events of course but Smokey especially loved telling the story of how I whipped my Diane Von Furstenburg dress (yes, he called it that) out of the saddlebag and was ready to go in almost an instant. LOL I still have a photo of us from that event and it remains one of my favorites.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I still tear up at the thought of my own wedding (as I shared recently), I didn't cry that day. It was all about the joy. I love that you experienced that at Jared and Jordan's wedding.
I'm so sorry that you had a migraine that was severe enough to warrant the steroids but I'm very glad you're on the mend. I gobble down Advil in the CVS parking lot immediately after I get my COVID shots because I know it lessens my side effects. I've had the pharmacist actually come out to talk to me about meds that are more risky for older adults. That was certainly a shock the first time it happened.
Some bloggers have actually deleted the comment feature all together. Why even become a blogger? I have cherished 99% of my comments over the years (I do not cherish the ones from folks from people telling me a recipe didn't work after substituting x for y or those sharing inaccurate information on celiac and living gluten free) although admittedly I have far fewer comments these days. As others have said, I don't return to blogs I've commented on and have not received a response. Why bother? I'm always shocked when I see comments--from either recently or long ago--on blogs when the reader was asking a legitimate question and received no response at all. Inexcusable in my opinion. You do an extraordinary job of replying to comments! Final thought ... I know you don't participate in social media (so smart!) and the reality is that you can't engage the same way there. I share on Facebook and respond to comments but I have to limit what I share and how I respond because there are crazies, frankly, and my control of my page is limited. So while it's more than an audience, it's not the same feeling of community that I had previously with my blog when that was the forum where everyone commented.
That movie is new to me but I will add it to my list. Thanks! I have gotten away from my enjoyable viewing and I need to return to it because it is always a much-needed break from real life.
Dearest Shirley--Oh, my friend! I love the image of you riding on the motorcycle in your DVF dress to a wedding! And I can just see Smokey's proud and pleased smile every time he told the story. What a treasure of a memory. Those are the thoughts that will constantly keep him with you.
DeleteI guess the bloggers who don't allow comments or who don't respond are just looking to put some writing out there, for whatever reason. But, as you said, I don't get it. I do know that some writers take the time to respond via email. Still, I like the full discussion right on the blog.
I initially shied away from Facebook because I didn't want to constantly be found by former students. I know there are privacy settings and all that, but it just seemed silly to join a social media forum and then spend time restricting who can contact me. And I have real problems with its owner and how he does business overall, and how Facebook has contributed to misinformation and conflict. I certainly don't judge anyone for using it; there are good and bad sides to everything on the Internet (and everything else). I just know it's not for me.
Thanks for all the kind, positive comments directed my way. You've been a light in my life, Shirley. I've learned so much from you.
Every one of your replies is always so heartfelt and moves me so, Nance. You are always a bright light for me as well! Thank you, always.
DeleteI have a love/hate relationship with Facebook and agree with what you have said about the owner and the way business is conducted. Much more hate than love. I have stayed on FB because of my gluten-free page and being able to help individuals (much more reach there at times than via my blog) and having a "business" page requires a personal page. Still, I think about ditching it very, very often.
Shirley--I know I've directed so many people to your blog for GF resources. They can always find your FB link there if they choose that form of connection/outreach. I like the fact that you've got so many great recipes at your blog for such a wide variety of gluten-free food, from desserts to pizza to Thanksgiving stuffing! Your presence on FB is probably a godsend for a great many people.
DeleteI love the dress (as GFE reminds me) it has a very DVF-wrap-style vibe to it, and you really did get it for a steal. I cry at lots of ceremonies, but usually not at weddings--it feels a bit inauspicious to as well.
ReplyDeleteI do have a question about the wedding! I have a class currently reading _Jane Eyre_, and I mentioned that you read a passage from Ch. 27 at Jared and Jordan's wedding, and now everyone wants to know all about the exact words. Are you up for sharing? No worries if not!
Sorry about the migraine, Nance. I'm thankful you have the powerful drugs to quash it, but I always thought migraines receded with age... So you're just proudly referring to yourself as an "old lady" now? OK! Me too. And I'm going to look up the Marcel movie and put it on my list!
maya--Oh, I'm thrilled to share! Jared and Jordan chose this passage because it perfectly summed up their feelings in every way.
Delete"What necessity is there to dwell on the
Past, when the Present is so much surer--the Future so much
brighter?"
"I have for the first time found what I can truly
love--I have found you. You are my sympathy--my better self--my
good angel. I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think
you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived
in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of
life, wraps my existence about you, and, kindling in pure, powerful
flame, fuses you and me in one.
"It was because I felt and knew this, that I resolved to marry you."
I used to cry at weddings because they moved me--I was much more sentimental in my youth. I could cry at lots of things, even some commercials if they were poignant! I used to cry every time I read To Kill a Mockingbird's last chapter aloud to my students. I cried every time I showed The Crucible film to them, too. Then a lot of Life Stuff happened and I had to be The Strong One, and the crying simply had to stop. It wasn't productive, and it often gave me a headache anyway. But I feel like it left me open for more Joy.
It's no secret that I'm 65. ( I mean, the math is available!) I'm sure that makes me an old lady to a great many people. It certainly does to the medical profession! And I always thought my migraines would stop with menopause, but they didn't.
You'd look fantastic in my dress. I think you should get one.
Wow. I am not a Jane Eyre expert, not well versed in her writing, only familiar. This is a beautiful excerpt. How great that it was read at their wedding. Love it!
DeleteThis is such a beautiful excerpt! Thank you so much for sharing! We're wrapping up the novel this week and I'll take a photo of them listening to this for you. We've talked a lot about fire so I hope they pick up on "kindling in pure, powerful
Deleteflame, fuses you and me in one."
Yes, a lot of stuff in books, and movies, and news makes me cry--a good reminder to treasure the people and good fortune I enjoy. Nance, if you cried at commercials--don't ever watch Asian commercials on YouTube--they can be tearjerkers!
Ernie and maya--The guests at the wedding were quite moved by it. My sister, a former English teacher, was hugging herself and in tears. You can't beat Mr. Rochester for passion, can you?
DeleteI think the last book that made me tear up was The Story of Edgar Sawtelle. There was a particular scene/passage in there that really got to me. Sometimes, I think it depends upon what's happening in my life at the time, too.
Jane Eyre is always a pleasure to reread for me, unlike the books of the other Bronte sisters. Maybe I'll give Wuthering Heights another try, though. It's been awhile.
maya--And thank you for your offer of a photo of your students listening to it. That would be so kind. I hope they're appreciating the book. It's kind of a Victorian soap opera.
DeleteOpe!! I forgot to take a picture. But I can report that they LOVED it!! They've been harsh on Mr. R all along, so I was glad to see them reconsider the beauty of his words.
DeleteMy current crop of readers are very turned off by the age difference and the resulting power differential (I've thought about other differences in power, but the age thing didn't really bother me; should it have?). They're reading _Wide Sargasso Sea_ next, so it's not going to get better for Mr. R, unfortunately...
maya--I'm glad that snippet helped them to see a different side of Rochester.
DeleteDo they not see why he is so bitter, having been misled about the mental health of his first wife and the burden it has placed upon him? How he felt so betrayed by love and circumstance, and how he feels the need to be sure of anyone's fidelity by testing them almost beyond what is reasonable? His wild impetuousness is the perfect foil to Jane's stolid calm and resolute integrity and rectitude. She's not really cowed by him--if anything, he's the one who keeps submitting to her power, despite the fact that she is, by virtue of her station, subordinate to him! That's really the most fascinating thing about Jane, really. She stands up to both Rochester and St. John when they each ask her to marry them, and she will not be moved. She was resolved to be independent even when it meant hardship. She really was a Victorian feminist! The age thing is unremarkable, especially during that time. And it shouldn't be an issue. Younger students give it The Eww Factor, I think, but again, it was commonplace in Victorian times (and earlier).
I have a great compassion for Rochester; I really do. He has a lot of money and women at that time would want him just for that. He can't be sure if a woman cares for him or for his fortune/property. He's been burned once--badly--and is still paying dearly for it. It has made his home anathema to him. (And let's not forget Adele, who may or may not be his child by another woman, who he is supporting regardless.) He has great difficulty trusting women--admittedly, he could have been a better judge of character--but he is doing right by his former paramours.
And the stilted manners and customs of the period make it hard for a temperament like Rochester's. I find him a little Holden-esque, actually.
Nance--wow. A number of serendipity/coincidences brought me back, and the last line was yet another. I've been thinking of Holden in relation to the crying at the movies thing (there's a scene in Catcher where a fellow movie goer is crying but mean to the child she is with) so to hear you mention him was like you were in my head :). I had just written about Marcellus and remembered you had written about Marcel...
DeleteYes--the age thing is a knee jerk "eww" these days, with a side of suspicion for anyone trying to explain it. They do love Jane though, so that's good. I have compassion for R as well and think his love for Jane is the best thing about him. But I am a bit judgmental. Not so much about his attempted bigamy, as about him marrying Bertha for her fortune and then being unkind to her.
maya--I prefer to believe Rochester when he says that his father (and others) tricked him into marrying Bertha. True, he did initially seek her out to marry her for her money, but that wasn't unusual in those days among the wealthy classes, especially since there were such archaic laws designating who inherited. But he did develop real feelings for her, and he did keep her out of an asylum, which in those days would have been torture. And he did risk his own life trying to save her during the fire she set. I think I have a soft spot for imperfect men! (Do NOT get me started on Holden Caulfield, who I will defend to the nth degree. All that boy needed was his mother.)
DeleteThe Victorians are a constant source of fascination to me. What a strange era.
I always cry at weddings. I either anticipate what a lovely and full life the couple are going to have or I'm crying because I know it's a big mistake and it won't last. I also remember my own wedding and how happy and excited I was and it just always makes me well up. But somehow my thinking about whether or not a couple will succeed makes me think I'm even cynical about weddings. How can I stop being so cynical about everything?!
ReplyDeleteNGS--I'm not sure how you can stop being cynical about things. Therapy? After all, as F Scott Fitzgerald says in the last sentence of The Great Gatsby, "And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." We're all shaped by the events of our childhood and early lives, good and bad. Your cynicism may have its roots in something you're not even wholly aware of.
DeleteThe statistics are tough to bet on when it comes to marriage. I just don't think about that aspect. I err on the side of Hope. Maybe that's how you can start overcoming your cynicism. Temper it with Hope.
Sorry to hear about the migraine. I hope the meds worked. I laughed at the image of you swallowing the pills in the car. I've been there - not for migraine, thankfully. I remember when I was expecting Curly I had to have a different kind of ultrasound, because of my advanced maternal age or something silly. I delivered her a few weeks before I turned 36. I came home and was like, Someone get me a cane. Apparently I'm old. What on earth?
ReplyDeleteI don't usually cry at weddings, but I did get choked up when reciting my vows, 'In sickness and in health' - I got emotional contemplating Coach becoming sick.
The dress is so pretty and I'm sure it was even lovelier on. Thanks for sharing.
I've not seen the Marcel movie, but it sounds good.
I am with you 100%. I don't understand when a blogger doesn't respond to comments. I appreciate continuing the conversation and knowing other people's thoughts. I've actually had a blogger who DOES comment on my blog, but has lately made remarks that feel like a judgement, or, I don't know - like she doesn't really want to be there, mean spirited even. I'm contemplating blogging about the issue in general to say, This is who I am and why I blog and if this isn't for you, then why show up? I've had other readers remark on the situation so I don't think it's just me. So strange. I so enjoy blogging and this reader has made it less pleasant, wondering if my message has been misinterpreted or something. Self-doubt isn't a usual mode for me and it's really unpleasant.
Ernie--You had a GERIATRIC PREGNANCY! Don't you just hate that term? It's absolutely terrible and unforgiveable. Like you're 80 or something. I think if they call it that, Medicare should cover it. LOL
DeleteHow sweet and poignant that you teared up during your vows out of concern for your husband's health. That's just the most loving story.
As far as the rogue commenter, perhaps deleting the offensive (to you) comments when they appear is a solution. If the person leaves a comment wondering why, you can simply say that the tone/spirit of the comment made you uncomfortable. Maybe the person isn't aware how she's coming across; maybe she needs to hear how she's making you feel. In any case, the age-old blog philosophy always applies: your blog, your rules. And if everyone else is interpreting your writing just fine, it's not you.
My headache is history now, thank you, and I'm almost 100%. It's been a long time since I had a bad one like that. I wish your SIBO could be cleared with a cycle-breaker! Just wolf down some drugs for 6 days and BAM! Gone. If only, huh?
Nance, it's weird because she comments regularly, but more often than not - it's like she's phoning it in, and then a few times recently she commented something that was off putting. Sort of correcting me, maybe? But my post was light hearted and I wasn't in need of correction, if that makes sense? I do like your suggestion. It's well said.
DeleteErnie--I'm glad my suggestion could help. XO
DeleteThat is such a sweet little movie!
ReplyDeleteI have no problem when people ask me to state my date of birth. However, if someone asks me my age, I frankly have no idea. I always have to calculate, which makes me feel like I'm trying to come up with something people will believe ...
Bridget--I've had a couple of years like that. And I hated the birthday's ending in 9 because it always sounded like I was giving a fake age, trying to hold onto the previous decade. So Not Me.
DeleteMarcel...Shoes On really is a sweet movie, but I think it has some important things to say. It's a movie everyone can enjoy on so many levels.
Nance, I love that my comments and the others on the post resonated with you and I want to say good on you for calling a spade a spade. I am like Ally and will dismiss it a couple of times if I don't get a response but then I stop making as much time for that person after a few instances. It is a community, and it should be a back and forth, a give and take etc. The only exception is if they always comment on my blog but don't respond to my comments on theirs I may be more lienient.
ReplyDeleteAlso I enjoyed reading through all of the above comments on your blog and do that regularly. Although I don't have time to follow everyone above, I enjoy seeing your community react and being a part of it!!
Kyria--Thanks for the vote of confidence. On occasion I will still read a blog now and then that I find interesting, but I don't leave a comment if the writer doesn't ever respond. I don't like wasted effort. There are a couple of exceptions I've made here and there due to special circumstances, but overall, that's been my philosophy. As you said, the give and take is what builds community. Without that, we're all just writing magazine articles.
DeleteI'm glad you're here! You bring a unique perspective to our discussions, and I truly enjoy reading over at your spot.
For sure! I definitely read a lot of things that I never would comment on, especially if they (a) don't comment back or (b) have a ton of comments. I mean, who could keep up with that? However, in that case I am not expecting a community; I am just trying to get info or entertainment. I think that is different than our little corner of personal blogging. I also often will skip a blog if it has a lot of ads. I know you guys use an ad blocker, but I think that you should not have to, and that the person with all the ads should also be considering their audience and it seems like sometimes they are putting money over quality/community.
DeleteKyria--I know of a few blogs that run ads for a bit of side income. Once in a while, one writer even asks her readers to click on the ads in order to generate more money for her. She has a loyal following and responds to comments without fail, and is probably the exception to the rule. And Ally Bean, a commenter here, often has well over 1-200 comments on her personal blog, but she answers every single one. She's probably another exception to the rule.
DeleteBUT--I just responded to Suz, below, and basically agreed with her (and you) that what we're looking for in the personal blogging community is a Relationship. I consider my Commenters my Friends. I know that if we would meet in person, we'd simply start chatting with zero awkwardness because we already know each other. We have lots to talk about and things in common. That's the value of our community--the Relationship that we've developed in Comments.
Nance, I'm so sorry you were dealing with migraines; I hope they're in the past now. I think it's terribly rude for someone to refer to you as an Older Adult. Wouldn't 'Wise Woman' be more appropriate? Kidding, but it's all how you feel inside anyway and I believe that you feel like a younger person, migraine's aside.
ReplyDeleteGoodness though, I've been asked, or have had it written in paperwork the Safe At Home Question. Yes, this is necessary, but it makes me sad that so many people are NOT safe at home.
That dress. I LOVE IT! My first thought: It's a wrap dress, I LOVE a wrap dress! They are so flattering. The print is lovely and perfect. Also, I'm so happy you are content and happy about Jared and Jordan (and of course Theo) In general, I am a cryer. At happy and sad occasions. I think I teared up for a minute at Lolo's wedding though; like you, we were so happy. And when I think back, I was so surprised that I didn't cry at my own wedding as I thought I'd be such a mess. Again, I was SO happy.
I remember my girls watching and giggling over Marcel; he's a doll of a character. It's all about community for me too and if people don't respond, then I tend to move on and give my time to those who want the same kind of relationship that I want.
Suz--The migraine I needed the cycle-breaker for is gone now, thank goodness. I will always be on medication to prevent chronic migraine and have been for decades. I'm so grateful for it. I used to lose 10 days a month at least to migraine before a neurologist put me on this med.
DeleteI do feel younger than 65 and far more peppy than a cliche Senior Citizen. I have, however, slowed down a bit (and it's noticeable) from when I was 40 or even 50. But I'm very stubborn and will keep doing the things I want to (with more safety in mind).
Yes, wrap dresses for the win. It really was flattering and comfy. It ended up being a good choice for the day, and I can thank my family for casting the deciding vote.
I wonder if you planned most, if not all, of your own wedding, Suz. I'm betting that you did. That can account a bit for your dry eyes. It's always nice to see your plans come to fruition. Joy mixed with triumph and relief!
You really make a good point here about blogs being Relationships for us. I consider my Commenters to be Friends. I just know that if I met them in person, it would be merely a formality--that we would just start gabbing without missing a beat. We've already had so much back and forth; we've already been in a Friendship/Relationship for years. That's what writing a blog is about for me. If another writer doesn't respond to my comments, then like you, I move on.