Piper

 Sixteen years ago I adopted this pair of siblings from our local pet rescue. They were the last two left from a litter of porch cats. Their shelter names were Dusty and Nike, but once I chose them, I renamed them both using my usual method of looking directly into their eyes and letting their names come to me. Piper and Marlowe, each so very different despite being brother and sister, adapted almost immediately to our home and family. 

Piper became very ill in the next week or two, and he had to be taken to the vet where he was given fluids under the skin and diagnosed with FHV-1 (or FVR), a lifelong illness that would flare up now and then, especially after any stress. I left there feeling very sad and overwhelmed, but resolute in my desire to keep him. I had become attached almost immediately, and nothing could make me return him to the shelter or give up on him. Rick was dispatched to get jars of baby food meats, and I stayed up practically around the clock, feeding him small amounts and making sure he drank water. Happily, he recovered and began to thrive.

That tummy! 

Thrive might be an understatement. Piper was never shy about food or about taking a big nap on my lap. He continued to ... expand regardless of being placed on diet food. He and his sister were simply big and tall cats, and I often wondered about their heritage. Yet despite his size, Piper's feet remained dainty and almost laughably tiny for all of his size elsewhere.

Probably because of my intensive care of him early on, Piper became extremely attached to me, both emotionally and physically. He followed me everywhere, earning him the nickname of PuppyCat. If Marlowe was in my lap for a cuddle, Piper would simply walk on top of her and take her place, regardless of any negative or violent reaction on her part. If Rick dared sit with me or show me any affection, Piper would be right there, complaining and shoving his way between us. I belonged to him and him alone.

After Marlowe passed away last year, Piper became even more attached, if that were even possible. He grieved the loss of his sister, his constant companion. He got some comfort from his PuppyDog and from being allowed to sleep with me at night.

I got one for Zydrunas, the granddog, too, but it no longer looks like this one.

A little over a month ago, Piper started yowling in the nighttime--a lot and often. I also noticed that he wasn't hearing me--or anything, for that matter--even the vacuum. I also realized that he wasn't seeing much anymore and was relying on scent to locate his wet food when I set it down. He often wandered the house, scared and confused. I took him to the vet and learned that, overall, he was physically doing well but was suffering from feline dementia and symptoms of aging, including arthritis. It was terrible to hear his joints crack. After some advice and research, I made sure nightlights were on in key places so that he could navigate more easily, and I made his food available 24 hours a day since his appetite was sporadic. In addition to his supplement for FVR, I gave him feline glucosamine, hoping to ease his arthritis pain. His gait became more laboured, and the yowling did not abate. Despite regularly losing sleep and worrying all the time, I was determined to do whatever necessary to accommodate him. Chronic stress and fatigue didn't help my own condition, but I was determined to be there for him. I found he relaxed and very much enjoyed being outdoors with me, especially in the back yard near our little pond.

Of course there is ice in his water!

Sadly, his condition did not improve, and neither did mine. His FVR flared, too, worse than ever despite having been on an l-Lysine supplement. I called the vet again and requested an appointment; I was hopeful that there would be something more to alleviate his stress and calm his yowling. I hated seeing him so lost, confused, and fearful--like a lost child. I'm sure you have already guessed that Piper did not come home with us after yesterday's appointment. 

It was a heartbreaking decision to let him go. I am weeping as I write this despite knowing that I did the right thing. He was merely existing, and that existence was a profoundly altered one. He was taking no pleasure in anything anymore--he even refused going outdoors. He was almost gone from me; I was missing My Piper so much already. Our veterinarian was incredibly kind, gentle, and supportive, telling us at every moment to take as much time as we needed. When it came time to leave him, I wrapped him up in the exam room fleece blanket. I had felt his paw, and it was cold; I couldn't stand to leave him that way.

Piper is my last pet forever. Not only can I never go through that again, I am also considering my age and health. I would be possibly leaving this Earth before that pet would, and I cannot bear to think about that. I know I gave Piper a very good life, and I'm forever grateful that I could do that. My memories will be comforting and happy, two words that describe him perfectly.

As I said before, when we adopt our pets, they are ours for better or worse, and we love and care for them in sickness and in health...'til death do us part. It's a sacred yet unspoken vow, and they depend upon us entirely. I'm glad I did not fail Piper.

This is the last photo I have; he joined me in the front yard briefly on Wednesday.