This particular topic gave me a great deal of Trouble. I thought quite a bit about it while I threw some pasta sauce together and put it in the crockpot for tonight's rigatoni. I gave it some more time as I vacuumed (for what seemed like four hours), and I was still thinking about it as I folded laundry and changed the sheets on the bed.
Here's the thing: I don't have a Proudest Moment. Lots of Moments when I'm sure other people feel Proud--and justifiably so--I feel happy, yes, but sometimes I feel like "Okay, cross that one off the list," or "Yes! Just how I planned it!" Or I'm actually extremely Happy and Joyful, but I don't think it's a question of being Proud.
Let me explain.
At all my graduations, I was happy, yes, but for high school, I never expected NOT to graduate. And for my degrees, it was mostly relief and what I said above. I planned college so carefully and financed it by myself, working and carrying a small loan. I had a timeline. I was checking boxes and had a goal. Pride wasn't part of the equation; I was mostly relieved and ready to move on.
When I signed my first teaching contract for my first real job, Pride wasn't there, either. Relief was, mainly, with a small bit of Happiness. It meant (perhaps) job security, but more importantly, health benefits, and back then in the good old days, it meant Rick was covered, too.
There have been many Moments when I've been Proud of my sons. Many, many. I'm Proud of the men they've become, and I know that Rick and I had something to do with that. But that's not a Moment.
I'm very Proud of how my husband and I have always been a good team, no matter what. We've been through some very trying emotional times with some ugly family things on his side that defy human understanding. We've been through tough financial times with several layoffs. And there have been some medical setbacks along the way, too. I'm sure you all have had your share of some of these problems, too. Throughout it all, we've remained steady, facing it together, knowing that we can get through anything because we've weathered some pretty nasty stuff already and come out on the other side.
In a way, our lives are a collection of Moments, but not in the way people on social media like to portray them. In truth, the Moments are actually much smaller and on a continuum, and they blur together, forming a film of our Lives. Because Life is bigger than Moments, and it's fluid, too. It doesn't fit nicely into a little frame, but runs out of the edges like water.
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Beautifully expressed, Nance. That last line is pure poetry. And I think you nailed it on the concept of 'Moments'. It's less a question of Moments in life and more a question of Milestones. I suppose if one was awarded the Nobel Prize for a discovery that it took a lifetime to achieve, that might certainly be a Moment, but the vast majority of us spend our lives with our 'collection of Moments' as you say. And really, if you ask people what they are the most proud of, it isn't usually a unique Moment or even a Milestone. It is reaching whatever goals we have set for ourselves. Those who have raised children usually say that this is what they are the most proud of. Those who have not... well, there are other things that they are certainly proud of. If I had to judge my own life, as I do not have children, I would say I am the most proud of going to a foreign country where I barely spoke the language, with no job, and some meagre savings in my pocket and redefining my life forever. 24 years of forever. But that was a series of events and experiences that... "run out of the edges of the frame like water." (You should copyright that phrase. Seriously.)
ReplyDeleteI don't know you, but I love your response!
DeleteOrtizzle--Thank you, dear friend. So much.
DeleteYou gave a perfect example of what I was saying in my final paragraph. Your saga of living as an independent woman in a foreign country, full of moments with friends, discovery, work, and all it entailed was your Proudest Moment film.
Your life is a Treasure. I'm constantly awed, entertained, and enlightened by it. And proud to call you My Friend.
kathy b - Thank you kindly! It seems that you are also a blogger so I shall have to traipse over your way. Sidebar: You would not know this from my 'Ortizzle' handle (comes from my last name, Ortiz, and is a moniker some former students bestowed upon me) but my real name is Catherine, a.k.a. 'Cathy' for my family, so we already have that in common, lol. Except your spelling is so much more 'kool', haha. I always wanted to be "Kathy with a 'K'". :-)
DeleteMy dearest Nance, as I am fond of writing in emails: thank you so much for your kind, complimentary words. I must reciprocate by saying I am in awe of your life as well as your superlative talent as a writer. I know there would have been a big hole in my list of friends if you were not such a delightful, supportive part of it. XXOO
DeleteWell said Nance and I agree with you. If someone asked what I was most proud of in my life it would be my children of course. The rest are things I'm proud of, happy about, or goals reached. Proudest moment is a different story. I really thought about it and the only proudest moment I can think of was when I was in kindergarten. I was selected to be the lion in our Dr. Doolittle show. I was the first to walk down the aisle in my lion costume, leading all the other animals. Now that was a really proud moment for little me. I can't remember why I just walked in the kitchen these days, but I somehow still remember that proud moment lol!
ReplyDeleteMartha--When you're a little kindergartener, that's a huge deal. (And I just know there's a lion pride/proud wordplay or pun in there someplace.) I'd have been bursting with pride, too.
DeleteI don't remember much from kindergarten other than Miss Osborne sitting me up in her big chair during naptime and having me read to the class while she worked at her desk. I was proud of that.
I have had so very many. Each one a moment when something I have done has helped. Most such moments are not recognised by anyone except yourself, but you know them. So, yes, moments. I raised two healthy and successful women, and when they do something that is helpful, it echoes for me. But maybe I don't mean 'proud'. Maybe I mean 'happy', trite as that sounds. Satisfied. It got done.
ReplyDeleteMary--Yes, and that's why ProudEST Moment is such a bother. We've lived long and fulfilling lives. We've had lots to be proud of.
DeleteYour point of the moments being personal and often unrecognized by anyone but ourselves is so important. Many of our Proud Moments are self-fulfilling and personal, intrinsic.
Those of us with children are quick to point to them as Proud Achievements, perhaps our proudest. But as women, professional women, career women, we have separate identities as well. So do our children. Their achievements are theirs, in all reality. We can be proud of them, but the umbilical cord only goes so far.
I could not do what my daughters do That's why I said the daughters' achievements 'echo'. Agreed that you cannot take credit for them. Well, maybe for things like good tooth brushing habits or a good vocabulary or picking a fine father. But the good genes are ones you inherited and randomly passed on. The 'nature versus nurture' discussion is one of the ones I find absolutely fascinating and never tire of revisiting.
DeleteThis is quite difficult. I know that we never had gradation parties for our kids, because we EXPECTED them to graduate at minimum,.. Others in our extended families had parties with their hands out for gift money, every time they wet their pants, or so it seemed.
ReplyDeleteProud? Proud moment? I'm proud that I overcame my 15 years without flying in an airplane. I'm so glad I did. I'm proud that I have reconnected 5 of us from our work and we meet each week on Zoom. Someone had to be the coordinator. and I'm proud .....hmmmmmm....that well that all of us bloggers put ourselves out there for free , and we have these great exchanges and support for one another. It is somewhat of a soul bearing thing and you have to be willing to be very open and transparent . You do a great job of this Nance on your blog! I have blog friends who have been brave enough to enter their work in their state fairs. That's brave and proud and awesome!
kathy b--It IS difficult. Your list is the perfect example of the reason why. It's a LIST, not ONE THING. Not A Proudest Moment. You illustrate my point exactly.
DeleteOur lives are a continuum. We LIVE--it's an active verb. Our lives certainly do not stop. We go on and stack up our proud moments--look at all of yours! Being able to identify them is something to be proud of for some people, too.
I really appreciate your point about blogs, and how it's free content. I've never monetized my blog or had ads on this platform to do so. I appreciate the exchanges here in Comments, and encourage it. Thank you for noticing my honesty and authenticity.
I, too, love your last paragraph. That said, I didn't have any trouble coming out with my proudest moment. It was when I walked across the stage to get my college diploma when I graduated from college. It took me 25 years to get the piece of paper and I was very proud of myself.
ReplyDeleteJean--Thank you.
DeleteCongratulations on your college degree after a long and earnest effort. I certainly understand why you can claim it as your Proudest Moment! I imagine it is framed and hanging in your home, and will be in a place of honour when you move to your new one.
Dee--What an incredible achievement! A moment to be Proud, for sure. You did it all by yourself, and you "crushed it", as they say.
ReplyDeleteNo doubt a Proud Moment.
Like you, I didn't think I had one proudest moment, although, the first thing that popped into my mind was getting my divorce! I was unhappy for so long and it took a long time to feel that I could manage on my own and my children would not suffer. I felt brave and strong when it was done. Not necessarily a happy occasion but so needed. I was proud of the independence and peace that I gave myself.
ReplyDeleteEllen D--Thank you for this. I think you should be proud of this major life decision. It takes real courage to make such a life-changing decision and take into account so many variables. How often do women have to think of others before they can take care of themselves? It's a fact of our existence.
DeleteI'm profoundly sorry that you were unhappy for so long. That time in your life must have been heavy and dark.
You are brave and strong for making that decision. You gave yourself a monumental gift when you made it. You chose happiness and peace. You chose also to rely on yourself. I admire you and your strength, and I'm happy for you.
Well said Nance! I agree with so many of you about having a list of moments, and not "a" proud moment. I'm proud that I went to Zambia by myself (first time on a plane in the US - by myself, first time flying internationally - by myself). I was such a young twit - but I made it in one piece! I'm also proud of learning how to crochet using youtube, and there have been moments when I finished a piece when I'm in awe that *I* did that. But when it comes to some "let's put this in the newspaper" moment - nope. Ordinary life, lived in gratitude.
ReplyDeleteBug--Thank you.
DeleteWhen you look back at your time in Zambia (and getting there), can you sometimes not believe you even did it? I think it's a big deal.
You've made some lovely and intricately stitched things with your crochet hobby. Most of them you've given away. Your charitable heart is something to be proud of as well.
What I love is that we are all talking openly and unabashedly about things we're proud of. None of us is being self-deprecating or acting like we have nothing to bring to the table.
Your last sentence is in direct contradiction to my favourite quote, but I still love it. It sounds like an epitaph. Would you want it to be yours?