Sunday, July 25, 2010

teaparty Prodigy Of The Week: Somewhere A Village Is...Never Mind

There is no way in hell I can resist it when the teapartiers peddle their crazy so blatantly as this, on the back of a (Japanese) Nissan Frontier pickup truck. Allow me to assist you by bringing you the signs' message here, its spelling and punctuation intact:


To which I can heartily reply, "You're goddam right they didn't! Uh...who didn't what now? And how long has it been since you took your medication?"

Listen, I am a creative writing teacher. I am all about Poetic License. But there is No Way that I am going to sit idly by and merely watch as some mouthbreathing heehaw uses USA as a verb. And I'm pretty sure that some deeply religious Christians--and Briteans, whomever they may be--may find that last sentiment a little offensive. Who is this yokel to say that they didn't whatever in God? Or, perhaps USA-ing is not the sort of activity lending itself to being done in His name.

But all sniding aside, a little history is a dangerous thing, and that's all this numbskull has rattling around in his airspace. I'm filled with questions, such as:

1. Just how new do you think state and federal taxes are?
2. Why did you use quotation marks around the word "taxation"?
3. Why is your spacing between words and random punctuation marks so erratic and random?
4. Exactly which "people" are we (or someone) to listen to? All people? Any people speaking about anything?
5. Why is only "Please" underlined? Is the rest of the message less pleading/emphatic?
6. Who is The Britean? What does he/she/it own and why did you leave it off the sign?
7. Why can't you seem to use an apostrophe correctly?
8. What didn't The Britean do in God since "USA" is not really a verb?
9. What is up with that last set of quotation marks hanging way off at the end, all alone?
10. What in bloody hell are you talking about?
11. Is it Patriotic of you to be driving a Japanese-made vehicle while displaying teaparty signs?

Finally, I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised by any of these Prodigies. After all, here are the Wise Words of one of their leaders in Washington, D.C. when speaking of the newly formed tea party caucus: "We are not the mouthpiece of the tea party. We are not taking and controlling the tea party from Washington. I am not the head of the tea party movement." Um. Okay, Michele Bachmann of Minnesota. Whatever. Good luck with all of that.

And them.

photo found here


  1. Your teaparty prodigy posts are always my best giggle of the week.

  2. Okay, seriously? I think think that second sign is still on the idea of taxation, like: Listen to the people, because the British didn't listen and we showed them and ... okay, I can't help you with the USA in God thing.

    Even more seriously? That hanging quotation mark is going to bug the crap out of me for the rest of the night. (It's as bad as—maybe even worse than—when someone does this.

    P.S. I take it back. What really bugs me is that thing that looks like a "slow-moving vehicle" sign out there on the pole in the middle of the water.

    P.S. Gah! I can't stand it. Here: ).

  3. And by "think think," I meant I thought really hard about it. Twice.

  4. This photograph makes it look as though the writer of the sign has decided to "end it all" by driving straight into the water. Maybe because he's an ignorant-ass fool who cannot spell nor form a decent sentence. Vaya on Dios, moron!

  5. This is NOT designed as a defense (because there really isn't one) but, I wonder if perhaps we can't see all of the two signs. Maybe there's more scintillating signage just out of sight which would make it all make sense. No? I didn't really think so.

  6. Ms. Bachmann is a mess. 'Nuff said. PS: A Live Oak is "live" because it stays green all year long. We Southerners are quaint that way...

  7. All right, Nance, there is NOTHING left to say. YOU have said it all and, very well I might add!

    I am seldom speechless but this is one of those times when someone much smarter than I has verbally taken a political troll to the woodshed and beaten the sh*t out of him for all of us.


  8. Nancy--You're welcome. And I doubt that I am "much smarter than" you are. Maybe snarkier.

    Melissa B.--You know, Ms. Bachmann typifies, for me anyway, the kind of crazy that the teapartiers wholeheartedly embrace. And her complete and total "I am going to organize a tea party caucus but not be about the tea party" is absolutely the kind of idiotic eyeblinking WTF lunacy that we sane, thinking people have come to expect from that group of nutcases. Let's just watch them put it all out there once and for all and make it a Yard Sale Of Wackadoo. At least C-Span might be worth tuning in to for a change.

    The Bug--Well, bless your heart for trying to prop them up, but I seriously doubt that there can be anything beyond what we see that will clarify any of this incoherent sludge in any way. I mean, like what could there be? Even if, in the second sign, the admonition was that the "Briteans" were the ones that did not listen, where was the sign maker going with "USA IN GOD"? And what is up with that lone little (") hanging there? Wow. You are kind overmuch, I think, but that's okay. Championing the weak is a Noble Cause.

    aplo--Maybe he stopped to toss a pole in the water or something. It is a bit of an odd setting for such an impassioned plea, isn't it?

    Siren--Oh, the single, lone, unmatched parenthetical mark. Sigh. Isn't it horrid? The lefty without the righty. It's like the navy blue sock that I refused for FOUR YEARS to throw away because I JUST KNEW I'd find its mate. I kept it in my drawer all that time. Finally, I got defeated/brave/disgusted/bold and threw it away. When one son moved out, I was going through his remaining detritus. FOUND THE SOCK. Sigh.

    But've hit upon the point of the teapartiers in general. They are marginally lucid here and there. BUT THEY ARE NOT COMPLETELY COHERENT AND GO OFF HALF-COCKED. They don't think things through; their politics are reactionary and therefore not sound for the long haul. They are driven largely by emotion and a bit of superficial knowledge that they co-opt from Faux News or some virulent internet site. A little "learning" is a dangerous thing, and it shows up in the tea party.

    S.--Oh, good. Glad to be of Service, dear lady.

  9. My favorite?
    10. What in bloody hell are you talking about?

    Well said, my friend. If you ever come visit me, I won't serve you the crappy waffles, OK?

  10. Where do you find this stuff!?!
    (Ignore crazy punctuation, please.)
    The last non-sentence will probably keep me awake for an hour.
    Sorry I haven't been commenting more; I've been following all your tea party posts, though.
    And laughing while I wince.
    I wish I could say we don't have such cretans in Canada, but we do.

  11. Mary G.--I make sure to post the link at the end or someplace in each of these Prodigy posts to credit the source. I don't want anyone to think I'm photoshopping or asking various associates of the Dept. to fabricate these things for me. Sadly, these are real Americans who have decided to put their defects On Display. Sigh. And please don't say that about CANADA and destroy all my dreams.
    PS. When you're gone, you're missed.

    J.@jj--LOL. Thank you. And I'll go you one better: I don't eat breakfast, so just get some really good coffee and save your expertise for dinner. (I'll help.)

  12. I hope you submitted this to the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks, lol. They could use this as an example of not only unnecessary quotation marks, but also... dare we create a new genre... the "dangling quotation mark" in honor of the dangling participle. Which leads us straight into listening to the people (that) the Briteans did (listen to). Because listening to the USA in God (who is teeming with USA because He is always on Our Side) appears to be the wrong path to take.

    Even I do not understand what I just wrote.

  13. Nancy9:59 PM

    Oh, I can't stop "laughing" at Ortizzle's remarks.

    I read it about 12 times and I still do not "Get it".

    The kindest "thing" I can say about the "Truck driving" sign painter is that it is almost "impossible" to believe that the sperm that "created" him beat out a million other sperm.

    Did I use sufficient "quotation" marks to qualify for the "blog" of
    "unnecessary" quotation marks?

  14. Nancy & Ortizzle--The two of you are scaring me. You are in danger of going over to The Dark Side. Please tell me that you had your coffee this morning. (And that you're having wine with dinner. Or a martini later.) Geeze, I love this place.

  15. Well, I, uhhhh . . . couldn't think of anything to say except: how did that cretin [or those cretins] get the poster boards to STAY in the truck; is there no prevailing wind? Double-stick tape? Staples or screws into the truck? Magnets? And my first thought was, "I hope the truck is sinking."

  16. sputnik--"I hope the truck is sinking"?! LOL. Never thought of that. Good one.

  17. Do you suppose they acknowledge the French pronunciation of "teapartiers?"


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