Sunday, March 15, 2009

It Was An Honor Just To Be Nominated, But Now That I've Won, You Have To Sit There And Listen To Me Ramble On And On And On And On And On And On And O

Holy crap. I am so stuck for a post this week. Don't even let me start to bore you with all the reasons why. I'm about to do something I never do, and that's compose a post on the fly--right here, right now.

I know. Uncharted territory. Live. It's what Jared would call "batshit ridiculous." Basically, I'm going to yank the random junk out of my head and shake it and write what falls out. Okay, so:

^*^J. gave me an award (which you can see at the bottom of my sidebar) and then promptly gave me a meme-esque task as part of the award. It's always nice when people recognize you for your work, and while I'd rather give a long, rambling speech like they do at the Oscars and wear something swanky and controversial, I like J., so I'll at least do part of the deal. I'm supposed to acknowledge 6 things that make me happy. I already did that, sort of, in my Pieces of Eight post awhile back, but here are a few more: 1. A good cheeseburger; 2. Lately, no snow; 3. When my husband thanks me each evening for making dinner. That's plenty for now. And I just have to mention that the spelling of the award (Kreativ) is totally killing me. Totally. I might have to get into the code and correct it. Seriously. How sad am I?

^*^Can I just say right now--and I am not judging anyone, really--that if I hear the words Facebook and Twitter one more time that I am going to stab myself in the face? Even our Cleveland news station has a brief segment on every damn night where they show some stupid photo and say, "Would you like to be our friend on Facebook? This is fill in the blank with some random name. If you'd like to be our Facebook Friend, go to yada yada yada dot com and yada yada yada JUST KILL ME NOW." Good heavens. Even the effing Congress of the United States of America was TWITTERING DURING THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES' ADDRESS TO THEM REGARDING SERIOUS MATTERS OF STATE. Has everyone, symbolically, returned to junior high? This is the equivalent of passing notes in study hall. There is NO ONE, and let me repeat that, NO ONE who I want to know my business all day long, day in and day out. There is nothing that cannot wait until I can make a discreet telephone call, emphasis on the word "discreet." What in the hell has happened to people? Are we so madly in love with ourselves to the point that we must overshare even the most infinitesimal minutiae of our lives? And to strangers? "Follow me on Twitter!" we urge those completely unknown to us. Privacy is a dying commodity, it would seem. I jealously guard mine.

^*^ How much do I love this article, which posits that in this time of economic and political stress, those of us who are spelling and grammar sticklers are really having a heyday as we struggle to seize control of something in our lives. (See my visceral reaction to my New Award, above!) I'm not sure that These Tough Times are really exacerbating my grammar and spelling fetish; it's always been there. I've always detested running across "I've got to loose ten pounds" rather than "I've got to LOSE ten pounds", and nothing sets my teeth on edge worse than the gratuitously used apostrophe: Fresh banana's rather than the correct Fresh bananas. And I absolutely want to shoot someone when he or she mispronounces or misspeaks an idiom such as For all intensive purposes rather than the correct For all intents and purposes. And students lead the league in this horror: would of , as in I wish I would of studied harder. Sigh. And I wish I would have changed majors and become an art teacher.
Naturally, the comments after the article are rife with snarking, sniping, and nitpicking as the smartypants people go after each other in a nastyfest of all-out grammar warfare. What fun!

Okay, J. Here are a few more: 4. Properly spoken and spelled English; 5. My Privacy; 6. My loyal readers, and I really mean that. It sounds contrived and convenient here, but it's true. No one wants to speak to an empty row of chairs. Thanks, all of you, for coming.


  1. Sorry I'm late, but arrived in time to hear the last 25 minutes of your acceptance speech. I loved the anecdotes you recounted about your pre-school days--very witty:>) Personally, I LOVED the dress. Truly. And if it comes with a cowbell, that's even better.

  2. Anonymous11:08 AM

    Properly spelled. Yes, yes, yes! And spoken. I posted this last week, but a student (kindergarten) described his home by saying, "I live where the train at". I rest my case.

  3. Anonymous11:20 AM

    I have mellowed out so much that I can't become sufficiently annoyed or outraged on any topic.

    Maybe it's healthier to be this way, but it sure is BORING.

  4. V-Grrrl--That's sad. Flatlining isn't even living.

    apathy lounge--Do you not read your comments? I was there and commented. Sigh.
    Aside from that, at least kindergarteners from disadvantaged demos have an excuse.

    dbso--er...okay. thanks. (is that shorthand for "your post was way long and i didn't have time/inclination to read it all"?)

  5. Anonymous7:45 PM

    Oh, Nance, you would have enjoyed speaking to my late BIL. He was the nicest guy in the World but was more confused about the English language than anyone I ever knew.

    He would say," When my wife,Mary Lou, had all her facilities we loved to go to the airport and watch the planes come down the runaway.But, we couldn't always go because she was subjected to awful migrating headaches."

    A friend and I were talking about Emily Litella of SNL yesterday.

    Gilda Radner was so funny when she would get herself and the "Weekend Update" audience all worked up because of Soviet Jewry or Endangered feces. Busting children also made her very angry and she could never understand why it was wrong to have Sax and Violins on television.

    I enjoyed your post very much and want you to quit snarking and sniping and simply say,"Never Mind."

  6. I too am confused by Twitter. Why do I give a flying fig what random thought occured to you in line at the bank or what the price of salami is today?

    As for "Batshit Ridiculous", that would be the length that your sidebar has achieved.

  7. I'll probably come back long enough to proof read my obituary.
    I think Twitter is a lifeline to some people but sadly addictive.
    And I love every word you write, edited or not.

  8. I've not tried twitter, and it seems like the depth of pathetic over sharing to me as well.

    I'm glad you came up with 6 things, and yeah, Kreativ bugs me too, which is probably why it hasn't made it to the sidebar yet. It will, as soon as you redo it. ;)

    Intensive purposes? Really? I've not seen that one before. Loose when you mean lose bugs the CRAP out of me, and one of my very dearest friends does it ALL THE FRIKKIN' TIME! Sigh.

    If you ever come out to Northern California, I'll take you to Stockton for an awesome avocado burger, with cheese. We could bring a bottle of wine even. It's worth going to Stockton, though nothing else is, except a visit with my Grandma & great aunt, and I may be biased on that one. ;)

  9. Daily sighting: cantelope. And at farm stands in fall around here, "Pick you own." Nance, keep on fighting the good fight! (But I'd read you IRREGARDLESS!) Poor grammar and punctuation are downright irksome. I have been rehabbing abusers of lay/lie and it's/its forever. But malapropisms and other such vagaries, like mondegreens, are quite funny and charming even while they make you slap your forehead. I once worked with a well-educated friend whose backwoods mother's language was incurable. She would ask that someone "shut the scream door," say she got her outfit "down to the Case-Mart," or "don't forget to put new candles in the candle lobster." She'd claim that Uncle Bud wasn't home because he was "coachin the boys playin the tuna-mint," and her word for eating utensils was "tools," as in "fetch and set the tools." I used to look forward to new reports.

  10. sputnik--do NOT make me come over there and light you on fire for that irregardless usage. that is one of my biggies. aaarrrggghhh! and in my old neighborhood, we might as well have called them "scream doors" because most moms used them that way all summer to holler out for their kids. LOL. PS--nice to see you here at the Dept. again!

    J.@jj--thanks again for the award. I do appreciate it. and watch how you toss that invite around; i have a friend in the Bay area who is after me to come on out, and you just might end up with me on your doorstep one day. (no need to lure me with wine, even, though that sounds just lovely!)

    Mary G--I think you and I should leave a nicely written obit in a safe place just in case we get a moron assigned to us when we kick off. LOL. And thanks for the kind words. (But I did go back and fix one teensy pronoun-antecedent agreement issue before I hit "publish", so I did a bit of editing. ;->)

    J.--Sigh. My sidebar is on my ToDo List. I need to trim up my Blog Refs and reorganize the ones who are sort of "on vacation", and probably I can lose the Inauguration Speech excerpt. It's hard to know what to keep in there, you know?

    Nancy--Oh, I loved Emily Litella. Her rant about Violins on TV was a classic. But, if I quit snarking at the Dept., there would go a vast number of my posts, esp. about the republicans. No can do. LOL.

  11. I woulda, shoulda, coulda, but I didn't, so there! For all intensive purposes, your Post on the Fly sure did Float My Boat. My superdy duperdy Pet Peeve has always been the word definitely. I think I have seen it spelled 6 ways to Kingdom Come, most recently as defiantly. Spell-check that sucker, if you dare!

  12. Congrats on the award! I can't deal with cutesy spellings either; e.g., Quik-Mart, Kombat. Hate the apostrophes used for plurals. In my acronym-filled world, they are often used. Others: yeah and yea confused, your instead of you're, alot vs a lot, it's vs the desired its. There are many more, but that's enough for now. What's really sad is since I went through menopause I actually have to re-read my own writing to ensure the wrong usage of something like their or there doesn't slip out of my hormone-deprived brain.

    I think the Facebook, Twitter, etc. obsession is because people are uncomfortable with being alone with themselves ... I have a FB account and have done a little there, but not much. (I did just add the latest post on my blog to bring more traffic and awareness.) Who has time to FB and "tweet" even if you want to do it? I like my privacy to a certain degree, too, and I like my quiet time A LOT. Oh, and those folks in Congress twittering during the presidents' address, I think they should be hung just as high as the AIG folks giving and/or getting millions for a failing company that we bailed out. Inexcusable.

    Jared has such colorful expressions. You got to love that in "kids." ;-)

    I'd say you did a wonderful job for writing a post on the fly!


  13. Oh Nance, come on by, I'm not kidding. I'm unemployed, remember?

    I saw a huge banner today for a new sushi restaurant that said "Grand Open". For non-speakers of much English, I will forgive much, esp. if they make a yummy spicy tuna roll. But the signmaker is in trouble, in my mind. Unless they, also, do not speak much English.

  14. Not at all, Ms. Nance. I read through to the very end. My comment was simply an attempt to be funny and pretend you actually had given an acceptance speech and thanked every teacher/mentor you'd encountered along the way. I even read about the controversal dress-it made a reference to cowbells in its commentary. Some days I'm funnier than others. This obviously wasn't one of them.

  15. Whenever my students do something to tick me off, I begin correcting their grammar. It KILLS them in the most enjoyable way.

  16. Mikey--are you allowed to do that in math class? LOL. (we in the ed. biz love to call that "teaching across the curriculum", btw...)

    dbso--sorry for the edge of snit there. didn't mean to be so brittle. sigh. i do appreciate your breezy wit, truly i do. apparently it's a case of what Rick likes to call "Nance Not Drinking Enough" coupled with Testing Week at The Rock. xxoo

    j.@jj--have you ever gone to the Engfish site? hilarious examples of mangled English found in China and Japan, if I recall correctly (been a while since I've visited the place). The menu translations are especially outrageous.

    Shirley--Thanks. You've hit on a few more of my nerve-janglers there, esp. the "yeah" thing. My kids use "ya" for it also! It's awful! I read their stuff and I feel like I'm some sort of Scandinavian rapper. And if I were President Obama, I'd get a jammer in Chamber and make it so no cells or Berries work!

    Melissa B.--How about "begging" for "beginning" in student papers? How the hell can they not see that error???? AAARRRRRGGGHHHH! (They are forcing us to be "definitely defiant!")

  17. BTW: Please don't forget Sx3 today...I'm doing a video, which is quirky enough to get everyone's creative juices flowing!


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