Friday, November 28, 2008

In Which I Ask The Age-Old Question: Who Is Dumber, Sarah Palin or a Japanese Zookeeper?

Sorry for the stretch between posts. Things got a little...busy at the other place. I think I've got things well in hand over there now, so I can breathe again and get back to running the joint here. Onward.

And I must also beg your indulgence while I bring up yet another story provided by our friends at, again involving our neighbors of the Asian Persuasion. And animals.

Because goshdarnit, as I said last week, "when there's a good Animal VS. Human tale, I'm all over it. That's my vow to you." And this one is especially dear to me because, as an American Public School Teacher, I'm really freaking tired of hearing just how goddam smart everyone else in the world is compared to us. How our schools are producing a nation of drooling, pantspooping idiots who are too stupid to know that "Africa" is not a country, but a continent. What? Sarah Palin thought that Africa was a country? Well...she is a pantspooping idiot. But I digress.

The story is this one, and the headline reads "Zoo Solves Mystery of Celibate Polar Bears." The dateline is Tokyo, Japan. Now we all know how smart the Japanese are. They can make an entire computer so small that it can fit onto the butt of a gnat. They have a rail system that runs entirely on human waste. They don't even use money over there anymore, just debit cards. (All of that is true. I got it from Wikipedia.) Anyway.
(the polar bear in question--look how dirty it is!)
It seems that three years ago, a zoo procured a polar bear cub, named it Tsuyoshi after a famous baseball player, raised it, and then in June, introduced it to its 11-year old resident female bear Kurumi and waited for a romance to develop. But, much to everyone's disappointment, nothing ever happened. Tsuyoshi never made any amorous advances at all, aggressive or otherwise, towards Kurumi. Finally, the zookeepers decided to find out if there was anything amiss.

"Earlier this month, zookeepers put Tsuyoshi under anesthesia to get to the bottom of the matter. That's when they made their discovery: Tsuyoshi is a female."

So! Let's review:
1. Japanese=way smarter than Americans, but
2. they raised this bear for three years
3. they thought the bear was male for three years plus
4. they had to anesthetize it to find out is was a female only after it would not mate with a female
5. they had the bear for three years when it was a baby (this, I think, bears repeating)

Yet, it gets better.

Tsuyoshi's "brother," who was adopted by another zoo, has also turned out to be female, Japan's Kyodo news agency reported.

Now! Let's recap:

1. Chinese college student breaks into panda enclosure because he wants a hug
2. Japanese zookeepers cannot tell the sex of polar bear they have raised for three years

Gosh, I feel smart!


  1. The AP caught your Tie Report! Wow!! I am muy impressed!!

  2. Anonymous10:20 PM

    Is this a trick question? Sarah Palin or a Japanese zookeeper. Hmmm. I’m willing to cut the zookeeper some slack. I mean, I didn’t know my beau was a football-addicted, couch potato just by looking at him. Clearly a little due diligence in the beginning would have gone a long way in both cases! Still funny though. BTW, where can I get a gnat-cam?

  3. Hey, polar bears are big and dangerous, even as cute little cubs...I wouldn't want to check!


  4. First, way to go on the BWTR coverage! What unexpected fun that must have been!

    Second, think about how much bigger a story this would have been if the mating HAD WORKED!

    Third, this is making me want to do research into how polar bears are put together. Most male mammals aren't shy about showing off the goods. Any quick trip to a zoo proves that over and over again. But now that I'm thinking about bears... I'm just not certain.

  5. Anonymous8:26 AM

    I left ya a note over at the T.R., what a thrill, and now you shall have a whole new following over there, the mind boggles with possibilities.

    Re: the couldn't work out the sex of the bears... I think the whole thing probably stems from the fact that male bears don't lift their legs to pee. That would no doubt have made the whole thing obvious a long time ago. I bet they now resort to DNA testing, ;-)

    WORD VERIFICATION: I HAD to put this because it is a legitimate word! In Spanish, anyway: cielo. sky or heaven, take your pick.

  6. Well...if you found it in Wikipedia, it MUST be true.

    Hopefully, everyone caught the sardonic nature of that comment.

    Especially all the students who are using it to do research.

  7. Perhaps it is a distant relative of Sarah Palin's who is the zookeeper or at least there could be some connection. (Everything unbelievably stupid has to be related to Sarah Palin, right? Sort of the six degrees of separation thing.) If she can see Russia from her house, Japan can't be too far off. You are probably well aware that she's pardoning turkeys these days. Yet another subtle indicator that she is ready for the presidency, after all, Nance! LOL (There was just that little tiny detail of the turkeys being slaughtered behind her afterwards ... as she strutted her stuff with her usual winks and "you know"s. Tina Fey, where are you?? ... I know, I know, you won't do any more Sarah Palin skits--too bad.)

    Those two female polar bears were probably pretty darn happy that they didn't have to put up with any males and their ... uh huh ... "requirements" and now, sadly, the jig is up.

    I chuckled over your dig at Wikipedia. I know how you hate it for the BS that's on it.

    Thanks for the laughs today!!

  8. shirley--You're welcome, as always. And it's not that I "hate" Wikipedia. I just hate that so many people use it as an authoritative source, especially my students when they "do research." Holy crap. I get into Wikipedia and make myself Daniel Day-Lewis's wife every now and again just to show them how easy it is to put something on there.

    Mrs. Who--Exactly! See my comments to Shirley.

    Ortizzle--My son's dog, a male golden retriever, does not lift its leg to pee, either. But here is the thing. If the zoo got this cub IN ORDER TO BREED, wouldn't they have done DNA or MADE UNEQUIVOCALLY CERTAIN THAT THEY HAD A MALE? Wouldn't they have anesthetized it AS A BABY, taken a good, hard look at that point, and then proceeded from there? Major brains at work at THAT zoo. Yikes.
    Re: word ver...I want to believe that the Dept. is heaven!!

    J.--thank you! it HAS been fun, in a very incredible way. it's nuts how many newspapers, online sources, even NPR's Morning Edition picked up the story. i'm very busy trying to keep up with things. i've been reading up on polar bears a little, and no matter what, this whole thing is really inexcusable from a scientific and zoological standpoint. they just really dropped the pun intended.

    j.@jj--actually, when they are cubs, they are very amenable to handling, as the keepers of Flocke (Elinor)in Germany demonstrated. Now that Tsuyoshi is 3 1/2, she's even more dangerous, but that's when she was finally anesthetized and sexed!

    Belleza--but you knew he was MALE, right? (for the cam, go to Japan. LOL)

  9. OOPS! Teresa B--Oh, gracias. I'd like to say "de nada", but that wouldn't be true! LOL.

  10. Anonymous5:58 PM

    I think we should check and see if Sarah Palin has a penis...

  11. Anonymous11:05 PM

    I'm still betting on the Japanese Zookeeper for smarts. Yeah...they blew their chance to identify "parts" correctly, but I'm assuming that someone who believes in abstinence only wouldn't be able to do much better.

  12. apathy lounge--your bet is duly recorded. and did you notice in news footage today that SP is wearing her "donated" clothes again? i thought they were in the belly of the plane, on their way back to the republican party. hmmmm...

    v-grrrl--you're on your own with that job. i never want to get anywhere near that close!

  13. VERY amusing! Nance I love how you do that!!!

    This also may not be the best post to mention that I was trying to figure out what "spooping" was before I reread the word 3 times to realize it was pants-pooping!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!

  14. tera--LOL. yes, i could have used a hyphen, but you know my proclivity for running words together whenever i feel like it! hee hee. i'm laughing WITH you, not AT you.

  15. Congratulations Nance!! I knew it was just a matter of time before the press came knockin' about the tie report! It's just too funny. Maybe you'll get to meet Brian and do an in person report.


Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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