Sunday, September 09, 2007

Why Daniel Day-Lewis And Ohio Are Really Irritating Me

This morning I got an email that irritated me on two levels: one, the fact that I live in Ohio and two, the fact that a certain famous person steadfastly refuses to do what I want. At present, I have no control over either of these things, so I guess you could say then that the email actually frosted my cupcakes on three levels. Damn. Now I'm really pissed.

Let me explain.

My oft-AWOL friend Carrie surfaced in order to casually mention that she worked the Telluride Film Festival over Labor Day, where she shook the hand of:

Daniel Day-Lewis. Personal obsession de Nance circa 1992-present. Ever since "The Last of the Mohicans" hit the cinemas and my mother called me to tell me to go see it just because the actor who played Hawkeye was "my type." I have stuck by this man throughout the past 15 years, despite his innumerable fashion disasters, all the while hoping that he would someday come back to me. And it has been work, people. Witness:

I think I've more than made my point. As you can see by the most recent pic provided by Carrie, he has not even attempted to improve. It's like he doesn't care. It's like he doesn't even know I exist! Daniel Day-Lewis is the single most compelling argument out there for the revival of the old studio system back in the Golden Age of the big movie moguls. Back then, places like Paramount and MGM owned their stars and those people never dared appear out in public unless they were glammed up and perfectly coiffed. It was in their contract!

Also, I blame The Missus. Rebecca Miller, a filmmaker herself (daughter of the late American legend playwright Arthur Miller and who used to be an actress also) is apparently all caught up in her "art" and doesn't care what her husband looks like. Hell, judging by the photo up there, and others I've seen, she doesn't care much what she looks like, either. These two are letting a major opportunity go by to be a real filmmaking tour de force as a couple: articulate, talented, and attractive, both behind the camera and in front of it. They could be the darlings of Hollywood instead of Runners-Up on Blackwell's list and mentioned on and E!.

Heavy sigh.Come find me, Daniel. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far. Come find me.

All of which leads me to my other source of irritation, which is living in Ohio. Where I never see anyone famous, ever. Let's face it. It's Ohio. Oh. Boy. What do we have here to draw the famous and celebrated? Oh, yes, we do have the number one amusement park in the world, voted as such for ten years in a row. I haven't been there in 22 years, and it's 45 minutes away from me. But we have the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame...AND MUSEUM! For which the inductees receive their awards and hold their New York City! Alas. Even our little presidential candidate isn't taken seriously here. I think you are getting my drift.

Here is a list of the famous people I have met. And by "met" I mean "have actually spoken to personally, not seen in a lecture or concert or sporting event or across a room and hollered at." Get ready. I do hope you are sitting down.
1. Otto Graham
2. Toni Morrison
3. There Is No Number Three. That's it. My list is over. I am an embarrassment.

Other bloggers have met wildly famous people. Ortizzle met a king and Paul McCartney. I have to give you hints to help you with the identities of the two that I met. (Hint: the first one is a former Cleveland Brown football player; the second, a Nobel Prize-winning author.) And now my friend in Colorado has had the luck to shake the hand of and probably chitchat with our shared obsession, Daniel Day-Lewis. At least he still looks like crap.

But the weather here sucks real bad.

Vintage Nance--Things That Make Me Giggle


  1. Anonymous5:20 PM

    Sorry I pissed you off. I seem to have a knack for it! Just for the record, there really was no chit-chat involved -- way too many people behind me longing for his caress. I'm sure I babbled something about being "a big fan of your work" and "thanks for coming". I don't even remember him saying anything -- probably "thank you" at most. And don't feel bad -- I'm pretty sure he's the *only* famous person I've ever met.

  2. Anonymous6:36 PM

    Ah, Nance, life just ain't fair, is it? You must have done something really lowdown in your past life, having been relegated to non-celebrity-cold-as-hell Ohio. And I can say that, having grown up in Michigan, home of the giant snotsicle. The closest famous person I ever got close to growing up was our local version of Bozo the Clown. After I moved to NYC, that famous person thing improved, but it was still freeze-your-nuggies-off cold. So now, I live in sunny Scottsdale, where famous people visit (but never go out in the sun) and winters are heavenly. Paradise awaits - you have an open invitation! I hear that even DD-L dresses for dinner out here!

    Fortune Cookie

  3. Considering what a hick town Winnipeg is, I've met some pretty good people.

    I am saddened by DDL though- he can be so hot, if he just did something with himself!

  4. Anonymous9:01 PM

    Unfortunately, Day-Lewis' "Mohican" look was his best yet. I'm married to a long-haired man and I'm a long as it is neat and clean. The gray, bushy beard makes him look like his own grandfather. And one who might be homeless. Still...underneath all that hair...

  5. I hope Mr. Day-Lewis finds his way to you one day! I still didn't see Steve. : ( *sigh*

  6. Anonymous12:43 AM

    DDL: Well, Nance, he is 50. (Not that I am anyone to talk). But he made that movie when he was 35. So ya gotta expect a little grey. On the other hand, maybe he could take some lessons from George Clooney. Who is 4 years younger, but somehow I see him looking pretty spiffy when he hits 5-0.

    Vintage Nance: Fun! And funny. And the joke about the guide dog? The first time I heard it was from a student... who was blind!!! (I taught EFL to the blind for three years. They tell the best jokes about the blind. Incredible.)

  7. Hey, the other week when we went to the La Brea Tar Pits, we went to a place called The Grove and walked right past Danny Bonaduce!

    Just thought I'd rub it in.

    Although I've seen lots of stars, I have talked with ZERO.

  8. Anonymous8:48 PM

    Forget rubbing Bonaduce in! I'd prefer to rub him OUT......

  9. I feel your pain. I live in Kentucky, where there is nobody famous. Wait - famous people do go to the Derby. But we don't go to the Derby. So that's out.

    And Daniel Day Lewis? TOTALLY hot in "The Last of the Mohicans". Loved him. Lusted after him. The scene where he and the chick (what was her name??) are getting it on (they were getting it on, right? It was hard to tell) in the back of the fort before the big battle. SO HOT. But that is the best he has EVER looked. Even right after the movie, he looked skanky.

  10. Sheesh. I'm impressed that you still obsess over DDL when he is clearly ignoring you (and the screaming fashion sirens that surely must be going off at all times around him).

    I think the only famous person I've been close enough to talk to was Ann M. Martin (author of "Babysitter's Club" and "Babysitter's Little Sister" books).

    I have sat in on some "lectures" with famous people: Robert Redford (my favorite!), Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters, and a comedy show by some of the guys from Drew Carey's Whose Line. The cool part about those is that they're either free or close to free through OSU.

  11. carrie--but, if this is "the only famous person you've ever met" it's a big one! geeze. i may never, EVER get over this. the list of friends who have gotten to meet DD-L is ever-growing, and I AM STILL NOT ON IT.

    fortune cookie--be careful...i may show up! you know how i hate the cold AND humidity. arizona sounds like my kind of place. and hey--it's pronounced MEE-shigan.

    princess--this is my point! he has the best of raw materials. why is he not listening to me? it's like he can't hear me or just doesn't care! could it be that i'm not as important as i think i am?

    wordgirl--i prefer the hawkeye look to any DD-L look, bar none. everyone sighted does. mrs. D-L is clearly an idiot. or something. or just mean to me.

    anali--if i see steve martin, i'll send him your way if you promise to do the same with daniel. deal!

    ortizzle--i am 48, and i still care a helluva lot about my appearance. he can still look wonderful, IS MY POINT. HE JUST WON'T. and HIS WIFE WON'T MAKE HIM. i find that tragic.
    re: vintage nance--that joke still makes me laugh even just reading it. i am pathetic.

    gina--okay. you can have bonaduce.

    anonymous--i don't feel that strenuously, but i agree that bonaduce is NOT envy-inspiring.

    mrs. who--i am all over that with you. when i saw interviews with dd-l after the movie, i was totally disappointed. SHORT HAIR! SKINNY! but i forgave him because then he grew out for In the Name of the Father and looked hot again. Now...i just wanna smack him ALL THE TIME.

    jenomena--i've been to lots of lectures and been up close to people like david sedaris, vincent price, kurt vonnegut, even (ick)mike tyson outside a cavaliers game once, but i don't count those because i didn't MEET them/talk to them for a moment personally. robert redford is still a hot guy, primarily because he is allowing himself to age, unlike some hollywooders who are getting work done. rr is just letting it happen and looking his age and looking handsome.

  12. My son left this comment on the previous post by mistake:

    Hey, knock it off. We saw Mike Tyson outside after a Cavs game and you called him a rapist and I'm pretty sure he heard you. Also, you know a fantastic young sports columnist for Plus, it could be worse, THIS COULD BE DETROIT!


    Sigh. The part about Mike Tyson is only partially true. People were crowding around him, and I just expressed my distaste that so many people were making a big fuss over a convicted rapist. I may have said it a wee bit loudly. Maybe.

  13. I'll take The Rapists for 800, Nance.

  14. Well if his goal has been to escape his "pretty boy" image, he's been VERY EFFECTIVE.

    He dresses like a character in a children's show.

    This is why I love Colin Firth--not over-the-top gorgeous like Brad Pitt, not dangerous and sexy like Johnny Depp, just a smart guy with great hair who can make a buttondown shirt sing. Yum.

  15. DDL--one word. Yum. Yum. Yum. But that picture? Did the girls at see that yet? He looks like Fidel with a beard-'fro. And she looks like a clown in mourning weeds. If those buttons were any bigger, they could double as dinner plates. And nothing says "half-mad bagperson" quite like a patchwork hoodie.

    I've met three poets laureate and Barbara Kingsolver. But your Toni Morrison is worth more than those. I got to go to a non-PHC Garrison Keillor one-man-show, but failed to kidnap him and take him home so it doesn't count. I would argue that you should appreciate quality over quantity.

  16. My my Nance...I see why you are upset!!! What a striking difference in that man now! Hmph...Morris Chestnut had better not dare try that shit!

    I've met and actually spoken to Big Chuck and Little John (remember them?)...I think that's about it!!! LMAO @ you being embarrassed by not having a number 3...LOL!

  17. donnage--the mike tyson thing does count, i guess, but i don't know that i want to count it.

    i.h.--you could have tyson for a lot less. lol.

    v-grrrl--but obsessing over colin firth is so easy. like being a yankees fan. being a DD-L fan is like being a Cubs fan. it is WORK, and therefore it means more...! sigh. it's the martyr in me.

    sputnik--you know, i should go do a search on gofugyourself. i would be shocked if at least the pink ascot didn't get roundly fugged. as far as toni morrison goes, thanks. it is a big deal to some of us more literary types, but for the APOTS (average person on the street) it means nothing.

    tera--extremely local "celebs" like bc and lj do not count. i don't even put people like that on the list, or my list would be bigger. they are not "famous." holy crap. do you now not even HAVE a list? that would make me feel better, at least. but your life would totally suck. lol.

  18. This just in: DD-L was actually fugged, here's the link but you have to scroll almost all the way down to January 11. It's the pink atrocity pictured above, but he's with Michael Mann, I believe.

  19. LMFAO!!!!!!!!! Heyyyyy Nance, you play nice, or get your ass out of the sandbox!

  20. First, don't pick on my Detroit. Second., I saw Mikhail Baryshnikov perform this past summer, in Ann Arbor. We passed him on the street, on his way to a festival dinner. He's just about my height. He is still gorgeous.

    I'm still waiting for DD-L and spouse to show up in Ann Arbor, to attend the Arthur Miller Theater here.

    Russell Crowe was in town last weekend for a football game. (He's a fan. Who knew?) I didn't see him in person.


Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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