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Sunday, November 05, 2006

Interim Progress Report: Nance

Interim Progress Report:
I'm not working up to my potential at all. I'm a smart woman, but I seem to be getting in my own way for some reason. When I look at my future, it is bright, but if I don't start applying myself, that future begins to look dimmer and dimmer. I know what I have to do, but for some reason, I'm just not doing it. I just don't seem to be engaged...even when I know that it's in my own best interest to be. I can't seem to get motivated, whether it be by intrinsic or extrinsic means.

Basically, I have a bad attitude lately. I just don't feel like doing anything. Anything at all. Oh, and there's plenty that needs doing, believe me. Let's start with my schoolwork. I have a stack of 65 essay tests over Act IV of The Crucible that need to be graded. I've already held them over from last grading period. They've been ungraded now for over two weeks. Students have been asking, legitimately, about them. "I'm still grading them," I answer them honestly. Because I am. I've already graded 32 of them. It's taking me forever. I have to read them carefully, correct them, and comment on them. Then score them. AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! I HATE IT.

Moving on. Housework. The bathroom. Do you have dark-haired people in your house? Because that makes cleaning the bathroom a distasteful job. And by "distasteful", I mean "hairy." We are all dark-haired except for Sam, who is light-brown with blond tips (my little metrosexual!). And my husband and eldest have beards. And my almost-black hair is long. My bathroom is one big hairpit. And because of styling products and a blowdrier (blowdryer?), there is, sometimes, actually hair on the wall. I often harbor a secret evil wish that my sister would lose her job so that she would come clean my bathroom for money. That is how bad my attitude is. But I would pay her eleventy billion dollars.

Two words. CAT HAIR. Why is it not invisible? Why can they not...oh, I don't know...hold it in!? I want to have friends over this weekend. They are dog people. They do not have cat hair all over their draperies at every conceivable level. They do not have cat hair, period. Oh, don't try to make me feel better by saying, "Nance. They have dog hair! It's an issue!" Not the same! Not the same! Not the same! Their dog does not climb on the back of the couch and drag its entire body across the draperies at scalp level! Their dog does not poke its body into every godforsaken drapery opening to see out of every godforsaken window in the entire house and leave a wadcoating of hair 4 inches deep in one day while they are away! You cannot stop cat hair; you can only hope to contain it for the 4-6 hours that your friends are in your home. I hope my sister gets fired in the next three days so she and her Electrolux can come over....BAD NANCE!!!

Basic home maintenance. I feel like my usual fastidiousness (read: borderline manic OCD) has become, well, not so much anymore. I used to come home and, as I walked from the back door to the front room, clean as I went. I threw away detritus, put stuff in the diswasher, tossed the boys' possessions on their steps up to their room, straightened up the living room, grabbed the mail and newspaper, etc, all before even hanging up my coat. Then, went into the bedroom where I would change out of my teacher clothes into my transitional outfit, hung up my school clothes immediately, made the bed, and went into the bathroom to pop out my contacts and clean up in there. Everywhere I went, I cleaned. Now, I feel like I'm just overwhelmed anymore. I look at the Pit of Disorder that is my home and just murmur something about "I can't do it anymore." What a lousy, defeatist attitude. Perhaps I need to consume one of those new energy drinks with the badass name.

Personal appearance. Oh no, you say, well-acquainted with my vanity. Call 9-1-1. If Nance is allowing her personal appearance to suffer, then she needs Bad Attitudes Anonymous. Let me just say this: I have not bothered to wear earrings for two weeks.

I know. I was letting that sink in. This is Code Red. DefCon 1. Or 5. I forget which is higher.
This attitude thing is serious, I told you.

Someone call my sister.

10 comments:

  1. plain jane5:12 PM

    You know, for "eleventy billion" dollars you could actually hire a pretty good housecleaner--and-- your sister could keep her job.

    Sounds like burnout to me, don't ask me for the cure, I have household (but not work) burnout, and don't have a clue what to do about it. Big help, huh?

    ReplyDelete
  2. No earrings for TWO WEEKS! Oh my gosh, next thing you'll say is that you've stopped wearing lipstick and then I'll have to fly all the way from Brussels to Cleveland and stage an intervention.

    Once when I was in a middle of a meltdown about the collision of personal and professional obligations, the stress of working with a one- and three-year-old in the house, and back to back visits from my in-laws, my boss, a wise and wonderful woman, sent a three woman cleaning team to my house and had them clean it top to bottom. They cleaned my light fixtures, my refrigerator magnets, the inside of the microwave and every corner of the house. They even changed the sheets in the baby's crib.

    Call a cleaning service and do it now. Worth it, no matter what the price! Just ask your sister, she'd agree!

    ReplyDelete
  3. plain jane--
    Burnout in my profession is THE bad word. I've been avoiding it assiduously. I'm hoping it's just fatigue.

    V-grrrl--
    Believe me, I've been courting the idea of a cleaning/maid service for years now, but it just feels like the ultimate selfishness and "waste of money" to me. After all, cleaning the house is really something that can be accomplished myself, the little voice says. And I'm the absurd type that cleans for the cleaner unless it's my sister. Sigh. I am irredeemably ridiculous.

    ReplyDelete
  4. What's happening here is that you are becoming me. You do not care about physical appearance, you don't want to clean, and you hate cleaning out the sink. These are all things that you holler at me for.

    I'm just saying.

    --Donnage

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow, the no earrings for two weeks sounds serious! I mean, I think I might have gone one or two days after surgery without earrings, but that's about it. I hope your sister comes to help soon!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Maybe curiosity can kill the cat. Your curiosity as to how much better life would be without cat hair!

    By the way, I got a blog.

    ReplyDelete
  7. anali--

    I sucked it up yesterday and plugged in a pair of silver hoops to match my belt buckle. Sigh. I knew I was rockin' the outfit & accessories, but I just didn't care.

    i.h.--

    I already know that my life would be an absolute breeze without cat hair. And check your comments. I just christened your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  8. jared--

    Are you trying to depress me completely and totally? Or are you just trying to get me to holler at myself for the entertainment value?

    --mommy

    ReplyDelete
  9. Nance,

    You don't have to have a RELATIONSHIP with the cleaners, just call in three Merry Maids for a one-day stand. Y'know, a cleaning menage a trois.

    ReplyDelete
  10. v--

    why, oh why must you live so far away? your pep talks would be wonderful accompanied by you. and a martini. and a plate of chocolates.

    ReplyDelete

Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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