Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Welcome To Helpfultown, USA. Our Motto: If You're Not Happy, We're Not Happy!

Even though my plans are to leave it in the not-too-distant future, I have to admit it:  my town is such a helpful, nurturing little town.  For example, this billboard, strategically placed at the railroad bridge:
If you're even thinking about it, we can help.  Help with...?  But, in any case, the train tracks and height of the bridge there might just be all the assistance you require.  But hey!  Just a few yards away, if you level your gaze to a traffic sign, you get something a bit more catchy, a bit more...hip to help you work things out:

You know?  He was more than just a poser from South Texas and Miami; that Vanilla Ice really knew about Life.  Who knows how many people could be saved from Thinking of Suicide if they'd just Collaborate And Listen?

Or, if all else should fail, look down a bit more and to the side, where yet another helpful hint awaits.  Simple, basic, and to the point, sometimes it helps to just

...though your heart is aching...smile, even though it's breaking...when there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by...if you smile...

But let's say you don't.  You just cannot "get by."  Well, fear not, My Town Travellers!  Sojourn but a little longer--a block longer, across from a Walgreens, as a matter of fact--and find respite in

Could this place be any more accommodating?  We just want to help you to be The Best You That You Can Be!  Happy Trails!


  1. not into the topic this time, but appreciate the clever sign displays. :-)

    Happy Birthday 2 days early. Paint the town any damn color you please. :-))

  2. Mikey G.12:57 AM

    Pssh, if you think that's helpful, try my city. Our bridges have phones to use if you're thinking about suicide: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d5/Suicide_prevention_sign_on_the_Golden_Gate_Bridge_2.jpg

  3. Mikey--Oh, I know. I watched a documentary about the GGB once. It was heartbreaking. Did this post make you miss Your Hometown at all?

    didn't think so. LOL.

    Ortizzle--Thanks for the Birthday Wishes!
    Just to clarify: I found it surprising and ironic that all of these signs were within a block of each other in my town. They lent themselves to such a linear narrative that I couldn't resist.
    Hopefully I'll catch your interest with a post here real soon.

  4. "Better to laugh than cry!" over such, right? Love all the stuff on the sidebar right now. Happy Birthday Eve, Nance! I love eves of all good things. ;-)


  5. Ha! I like the signs & your interpretation of them - this ability to find ridiculous continuity is what helps keep us sane :)

    Are you MOVING? Or just getting away?


    And many more to come.....

    I loved this post about your wonderful little town taking such good care of its citizens..

    We use the Churchlady system here. One CL on every block to see that the Planned Parenthood Building stays padlocked and the pharmacy is always out of Birth Control Pills.

    See? We take good care of our people,too. In fact, a new law just went into effect recently which states that until they are 18years old, young ladies will need a prescription to buy a brassiere...

    Sounds about right to me. How about you? Do you agree that the Village Council always knows what's best for us?

    Our town motto is:

    "Collaborate and listen..Smile..and for God's sake TAKE YOUR PROZAK."

  7. Nancy--Do I think a town council knows what's best for us? Oh my. At this point, I highly doubt that a town councilperson even chose to run because he or she has my best interest at heart to begin with. Such is the level of my disillusionment with The Politics these days. Sigh.

    On another note, Thank You for the birthday wishes! I have been enjoying getting them all day. As a matter of fact, I am thinking of extending my birthday into tomorrow and Saturday in order to continue this lovely feeling of Good Will.

    The Bug--My plan has been for some time now to move out of not just my town but the state of Ohio. I cannot continue to endure the winters. And the political culture of the state. Both of them make me feel awful. There are some nice things about living here (and not just the ironic signage I see on my walks!), but my goal is still to relocate.

    Shirley gfe--Thank you. I loved seeing the implied narrative in these signs, and I was charmed--and heartened--by the fact that someone was witty and bold enough to put up those homemade signs where they did. I came across another one today in the same area. I was riding in a bigass van with my mom and aunt and one of their ladyfriends, so I couldn't take a photo. I'll walk over later on and snap it and find a way to use it. It was another wooden one with a dire saying, but funny. Love it. Glad to see some wry wit in the 'hood here.

  8. I watched The Bridge (the documentary on suicide and the Golden Gate Bridge) on the day you posted this. I thought it was a thoughtful and compassionate movie about a difficult and complicated subject.

    I had a friend suffering from severe depression who called a local suicide hotline. He told them he was thinking of suicide every day, sometimes every hour. The response? They could get him in to see a psychologist in THREE MONTHS. When they said that, he told me he laughed and it was the first time he'd laughed in weeks. The happy ending is he made more calls and got help and is doing all right now. The moral of the story is: having a suicide hotline is no help at all if you don't have real mental health services in the community to back it up.

  9. V--That's the same documentary I saw. I'm sorry about your friend and the response--or lack thereof--that he got. That is a sad and frightening story.

    On a lighter note, I am heartened by the witty signage that has continued to appear in my town. The fact that some Local Wit(s) have taken the bold initiative to put up these fun signs gives me a glimmer of hope. There are working senses of humor here after all, and a sense of the absurd and ironic. Another one appeared a blockk away, around the corner from the hospital, a little wooden one. It says, "Pills kill. Ask the Joker. Smile." I am now on a mission to find out more about these signs.

  10. I love the tour of your "helpful" town. It really allows me to see things through your eyes--in addition to your writing. I should try a short photo essay of my city without giving away where I live. Hmmm....there's a thought!


Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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