Thursday, June 05, 2008

Reality Bites, And Someone In Marketing Really Should Have Thought Of That

So I look at the mail today and there's this huge blue envelope addressed to my husband and me. On the outside it says in big white letters: reality enclosed.


I'm thinking: This is not the best marketing tool. I mean, the last thing I need--really--is more reality. Now, it's not like I have this horrific Dr. Phil-worthy life or anything. But, come on. One thing I've got plenty of right now is reality.

1. Took EmilyCat, age 18 years, to the vet today. She is wheezing, coughing, and randomly peeing and pooping all over the place. Dr. examines her and Emily is a complete and total hissing evil bitch. Dr. says, "She is old. I could run a bunch of tests, but how much do you want to invest in an aging cat? Chances are she has urinary tract and kidney infections, but with her temperament, you're not going to be able to force a pill or dropper down her gullet three times a day. Let's see how she does in the next few weeks, then if you're both still unhappy, call me and we'll maybe make final arrangements at that time." We get home, and Emily pees on my snowboots in the basement which are two feet away from her pristine litterbox. Vet bill: $50.

2. Dinner tonight is all the foldy chips I can find from the bag of Lay's BBQ. I am disinterested in food. No one else is home for dinner.

3. It hit 90 today. I had school. In our 175-year old building. Which is un-airconditioned. Which would have been okay had it not been eleventy-billion percent humidity.

4. Got our "economic stimulus" (in reality, Angel of Death Bribery) check. In less than three days following, had to get new U-joint on Rick's vehicle, two new tires on Jared's, and received health insurance bill for Jared, who is no longer covered now on my policy.

5. I have a headache.

6. Gasoline here was at $3.96 a gallon for weeks. "Dropped" to $3.88 today and there was a bigass line! Perceived BARGAIN! Give me strength.

And this bank--who sent me the blue envelope--thinks that reality enclosed is going to get me all excited? Think again. If it said martini enclosed, then yes.


  1. Hahahahahaha! Well, since you put it that way...

    I was just in amazement today about the lines at the gas stations, gas was $ would have thought it was still $1.46, you know, like it was with the Angel of Death took office???

    Oh Nance, I so love it when you use the number eleventy in your posts :-)

  2. I'm not actually in the mood for reality no matter how it is packaged. Summer vacation is here! But really, what is going on with that bunny and the cookie? I can't stop staring at it. Those eyes are hypnotic!

  3. 1. Sorry to hear that the kitty isn't fairing well. But pissing on your boots...well. Maybe she could live outside?

    2.Eating in this heat is overrated.

    3.The new building should have air, yes? At least that gives you something to look forward to.

    4.Our stimulus check went to car parts as must be an Angel of Death Conspiracy!

    5.Have a Martini :)

    6.Have several Martinis. Then you won't be able to drive anyway!

  4. nina--she is too old to survive outside; also, she is completely declawed. my FISH could beat her up, let alone all the street-thug strays in the neighborhood. oh, and the new building will be completed the year i retire. sigh.

    j.--i know, right? that's why i didn't supply a caption. no need!

    tera--thanks. i try not to overuse it.

    everyone--i've had to delete two SPAM COMMENTS from this post for some reason. as you know, i do have word verification, but these effing sploggers must be attracted by the word "mar*eting" in my post title or something. I may have to change it if it happens again. i wish *I* had that kind of time on *my* hands.

  5. Anonymous12:12 PM

    Amen. Reality bites.

    Mr. V-Grrrl and I are so beaten down and conquered by Our Series of Unfortunate Events that we are on a mad cleaning binge, pretending that by scrubbing and ordering our personal space, our cosmic fate will change--or at least be more bearable.

  6. Anonymous7:58 PM


    At least you didn't have to spend your Angel of Death bribery check on something that said "MADE IN CHINA"
    Except,those tires on Jared's car. Were they American? Do they still make tires in the rubber capitol of the World, Akron?

    People here in PA are complaining about having to stimulate the Chinese economy with their check because nothing is made in America anymore.

    Now our Supermarkets are advertising a way to get around that. They want you to bring your check to them and they will issue you a credit card with the amount of your rebate on it and you can spend the whole check on food!!!!

    I think I just might waddle over and do that.

  7. Two more things. First, I love the bunny eating cookies!!! Second and most importantly, I LOVE the Obama banner!!! How on earth did I miss that this morning?

  8. 1. So sorry about kitty. And boots. :( That blows.

    2. What's wrong with foldy chips for dinner? What am I missing here? ;)

    3. Our blood money is going with us to Hawaii. Not the wisest place, as there are many other places it SHOULD go, and my husband just lost his job, but fuck it. We NEED a vacation after the year we've been having thus far.

    4. Headache - perhaps the heat? Hope it's gone now.

    5. Your gas is cheaper than ours. The cheapest I've seen lately is $4.31. Yeah, CA sucks.

    Reality truly does bite.

  9. j.@jj.--heavy SIGH. i am officially stealing your name for the "ecostim" checks. "blood money." love it. I promise to give you credit.

    nina--that cookie bunny is awesome, isn't it? i forget how i found it, but it is in the Top Three Bunny Pix Of All Time. i was surprised you missed my obama logo! thought you had the radar!

    nancy--gosh, i sure hope the tires are american. all Car Stuff is Rick's Dept., so i'll have to check.

    v-grrrl--i've been following your Hideous Saga; i'm so sorry about it all. you're way overdue for Pleasant Things.
    I hope they hurry.

  10. No kidding! Now, if it had said "Your fantasy life is enclosed" I would have opened that right up.

    $3.88 for gas?! Damn! I'm coming to your area for my next fill up! $4.15 (on a good day) here.

    Oh! And I Can Haz Cheezburger has a great bunny pic... did you see it?!


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