I shall do my utmost to keep this post relatively brief--in the Dept. of Nance definition of the term, you understand--but there is so much clattering around in my cranium that I have to set it free.
Firstly, I could feel the breeze of your collective sigh of relief when Helen Mirren announced that My Crush, Daniel Day-Lewis, had won the Oscar for Best Actor on Sunday night. And then, I experienced the immediate vast, sucking vacuum of your collective gasp when he took the stage in his Audrey Hepburn-esque black skinny-pants and brown suede Oxfords a la Hushpuppies. I offer absolutely no excuses, for, as I have made it abundantly clear many posts before, My Man is an artiste who is not bounded by The Whims Of Fashion.
Besides, I blame his wife.
After all, every single one of you female DoN readers knows that, were it not up to you, your husband/boyfriend/paramour would be out there wearing a shocking ensemble of his own device that would only change when A) he got too fat for it and had to replace it with one exactly like it; B) it became so filthy that it stood on its own in the corner and it had to be laundered or replaced by an exact duplicate from a discount mart; or C) he borrowed another one from a friend. Do not lie to me! You know this is true! The wife is the X Factor.
Sadly, the evidence is all too abundantly clear. Ladies and gentlemen, I offer Exhibit A:
Urg.
How can DD-L be expected to fall into line, fashion-wise, when his Best Influence is dressed like some sort of Victorian streetwalker who appears to have been invited to a Halloween fete, the theme of which is "Harlequin Dog Show Birthday Party"?
Sigh. At least his hair did not have a ton of product in it like it did at the SAG awards. And he WON! Moving on.
It delights me beyond words--though you know I shall struggle to find some. La!--that the wise marketers at 7Up have seized upon the Untapped Bunny Market for their beverage. Over the weekend, I saw this commercial which featured enterprising bunnies who, at the end of the ad, have a bit of a gastric outburst. There is not as much Bunny Usage or Exposure as I would have liked, but it's a start, anyway.
Another bit of news that causes me squirmalicious happiness is this: A new American Research Group poll shows just 19% of Americans approve of the way The Angel of Death is handling his job as president and 77% disapprove. These are the lowest ever approval marks in the survey's history. #43 is often heard to duck questions regarding the "achievements" of his presidency by saying that it is for "history to decide." Well, you keep makin' it and we'll keep trackin' it!
Finally, I am at home and at my leisure today thanks to a Snow Day. We are getting 6-10 inches of the stuff, and it will give me a chance to catch up. I will not, however, be catching up on The Tie Report. It will be just too entirely tedious to watch three days of The NBC Nightly News on the computer screen and try to come to terms anew with Brian Williams' continued indifference to my sage fashion advice and spot-on critiques. Besides, if you've been keeping up either here at the sidebar or over at The Tie Report, you already know February's a lost cause.
That photo. That dress. Those shoes. I'm speechless!
ReplyDelete"Angel of Death," priceless.
"Squirmalicious" magnificent word choice...I must use it.
Oh my, how could I forget to insert a comment on the commercial! The bunnies are taking over...of course it's Easter season...hey, have they played the Cadbury commercial yet?
ReplyDeleteI did think of you when I saw DDL win the Oscar! I didn't realize how strangely he was dressed until now though. I was so shocked that he kissed George Clooney! That was odd.
ReplyDeleteAnd the bunny commercial, I mean 7Up, is so cute! I love how the bunny tries to hide the can. Enjoy your snow day Nance!
Yes...but...his face. I never got past his face. He is a beautiful man. DDL, of course, and not Chimpy McCokespoon, who always looks slightly uncomfortable. Okay, super uncomforable in a "I think there is something in my pants that shouldn't be" sort of way. I cannot believe he hasn't been run out of town or at least tarred and feathered by now.
ReplyDeleteand, I kid you not, my word verification for this post is "heyqt". I think blogger is flirting with me.
I'm so happy that you finally got to see the 7UP bunnies. Now and forever the sight of bunnies will remind me of you.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't too thrilled with DDL's hair actually. I little bit more length or combing or something was in order. The outfit was enough to make one weep. But I agree with Laura, he still has that face and those eyes!
Yes, Nance, Daniel Day-Lewis was the poor soul they were talking about when they asked this memorable line...
ReplyDelete"Did you ever feel like the whole World was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?"
And the brown piping around his lapels suggested that he had taken the jacket directly off the back of Christopher Plummer and rushed over from a performance of "The Sound Of Music"
And the wife's dress! It will be remembered in the annals of Academy Award gowns second only to Bjorn's!
Mr. Blackwell, where are you when we need you?
So, we were watching the Oscars, when they were scanning the audience at one point I said "Hey! Is that DD-L?" Yes, I did say "DD-L". And no one knew who I meant.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, we womenfolk are the X factor. Were it not for my moaning, my boyfriend would still be wearing the same very ragged sweatshirt every single day for the past 4 years. Ugh.
It's definitely the wife's fault unless it's my husband...in that case, it's his mom's fault. Harlequin dog show birthday party=Hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh.
ReplyDeleteWow, a snow day? We don't get those but I could sure use an "I'm getting sick and tired of this crap day".
I was looking at all the best/worst-dressed pictures yesterday online and I saw that DD-L and his wife were in the worst-dressed pile.
ReplyDeleteI did see DD-L on television, and the first thing I thought was "Is he wearing two hoop earrings? WTF?"
It snowed by us yesterday too, and although I really wanted it to be a snow day, no dice. :) I hope you enjoyed it!
ck--second snow day today! naturally, the downside is all this frikking snow!! re: DD-L--the earrings are a relatively new addition, since he did the wife's indie film. again, HER FAULT.
ReplyDeletesimplypink--any time i see random black & white, i think of those harlequin figures. as far as the "sick of this crap days", i call those "personal days." some of my colleagues call them "mental health days." either way, just take one.
jenomena--if you had voiced the hyphen, a la "hey, is that dee dee hyphen ell", they still would not have known. some people! they are just not showbiz savvy...
nancy--lol. i thought of that little saying too. and do you mean "Bjork" of dead swan dress fame? Or did i miss the year that the tennis player graced the red carpet? hee hee.
j.--i totally agree with you re: DD-L's hair. it is very "Buster Brown" at that length. I am, however, just thrilled that he is not sporting the shaved-head, concentration camp survivor look he had post "Gangs of New York". and did you see the new Bunnies Feature in my sidebar?
laura--oh, i know. DD-L has an incredibly dreamy face. and I don't mean "dreamy" in the teen magazine, 50s slang way. I mean it in the way that...oh, hell. nevermind. you already know.
anali--thank you for thinking of me! DD-L has already addressed the George Clooney kiss. He said, “He was the nearest fellow nominee. At the time, I was very proud to be included in that crowd of actors. And George is just so incredibly generous. I had to kiss someone. I kissed my wife. In the interest of parity, I kissed George.”
tera--feel free to use any of my goofy words. i'm already noticing my "eleventy" and "but i digress" all over the blogosphere. :-) and i think Cadbury has retired their bunnies, which is tragic. completely tragic. i may boycott them...or maybe not. sigh.
I did think of you as I was watching the Oscars and saw your man...I figured that you were drooling :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Snow Day part 2...are you getting that annoying phone call at 6am as well? Or maybe I'm just lucky because I have a child in the district.
Of course, I meant the tennis player! Bjork Borg. You must know him.He was in all the papers.
ReplyDeleteNo, actually that WAS a slip of a typo. I did mean Bjork of the swan dress fame ,only I didn't know the swan was dead, I thought that was Bjork.
I just knew you'd have a lot to say about DD-L. I could hear the cheers coming from Ohio. I really hope there's a viable explanation for the dowdy brown shoes--such as stepping in a really big puddle and replacing the original black pair--but I doubt it. His misguided spouse looks as though she started out with Carmen Miranda's hand-me-down dress and then ran out of time to change and covered it up with flocked bordello wallpaper. All that's missing is a tropical-fruit headdress. White shoes? Tennis, anyone?
ReplyDeleteErm...I would kiss George Clooney, too!
ReplyDeleteNance, you have much wisdom. It is all I can do to keep my husband from wearing wrinkled corduroys every single day. Or his favorite Mexican wedding shirt. Or three kinds of blue clothing (shirt/pants/socks) at the same time. I dare not look away for fear that he'll leave the house looking homeless. But even my husband wouldn't wear DD-L's suit with those awful brown shoes.
ReplyDeleteThe wife looks like a used gift bag with a double handle.
ReplyDeleteCrikey! I never saw her shoes! And his shoes! Ack!
ReplyDeletegina--the shoes especially are wounding me. sigh.
ReplyDeletev-grrrl--i maintain that, for her, if one removes just two of ANY of her egregious accoutrements, she is rendered presentable. try it: take away the shoes and the bows...voila. take away the hideous brooch thing and the shoes...voila. see what i mean?
a.b.--flattery will get you everywhere! bless your dear husband; at least he has you for Fashion Editing. poor DD-L has NO ONE.
j@jellyj--as would pretty much all of us, i'll bet. he's just lovely, and i find him witty, too.
sputnik--oh, my dear, get out your specs. the shoes are worse than white...THEY ARE BLACK AND WHITE STRIPED!!!
nancy--LOL. just having a bit of fun at your typing expense. and did you know the swan dress actually, literally laid an egg? seriously, it came with a big plastic egg that she was able to squeeze out of it. sigh. oh dear.
nina--i loved the second snow day! anytime my phone rings to call me out is much appreciated.
DoN readers...Daniel and his missus got fugged officially. Sigh. And those shoes of hers? As if striped weren't bad enough...they were CHECKED!!
ReplyDeleteDDL is a fashion plate compared to his other half. Holy cr*p. Each and every accessory she is wearing amounts to a nightmare, but the combo is enough to gag a maggot. The brown suede oxfords pale in comparison to the gift from the shoe closet of the Wicked Witch of the East.
ReplyDeleteSigh. There should be a celebrity version of What not to wear. These two could start off the pilot show.
Enjoy your snow day. I am so jealous.
Ortizzle--oh my. are your sensibilities really so frail as to be offended by typing the word CRAP!? you're too much.
ReplyDeletei just read that DD-L's tux was actually dark blue, as if that makes his brown shoes less egregious. the fashion writer's opinion was that it does. god bless him.