Monday, July 10, 2006


Being a family of four drivers but only three cars has become exceedingly tiresome this summer. Especially when one of those cars is the boys' car, also known as "The Funkwagon." This designation comes because of the youngest son's job in car audio at Best Buy, where he used his discount to buy monolithic speakers and a stereo system that now make the Ford Focus unable to stow even a small bag of groceries in its hatchback. This same system produces a bass line so profound that it is arryhtmia-inducing--although it does provide a deep-muscle massage at the same time. Consequently, if this is the only car available at home, I refuse to drive it unless one of the boys first alters the stereo, and moves the front seat back into the front, and removes the litter of Pepsi cans, beef jerky wrappers, CDs, and hair products. Only then can I commit the horrible sin of moving the mirrors (!!!) and be on my way. Not worth it, usually.

So, Thursday, when I discovered that I needed the dreaded FHP (Feminine Hygiene Product), I approached Sam, who was off work that day and home with the Funkwagon.

Me: Sam, when you go cash your check, will you stop at Walgreen's for me?

Sam: Yeah. What do you need?

Me: Tampons.

Sam: (looks at me, disgusted) No! I'm not getting those.

Me: Why not? It's not like they'll think they're for you!

Sam: Mom. No.

Me: (teasing) I'll give you a note. It will say "These are for my mommy."

Sam: No. Mom. Come on.

Me: Jared would go. He gets them for me all the time.

Sam: Then call him. I'm not getting them.

Me: Sam! I thought you were self-actualized.

Sam: I am! Just not about that.


  1. Anonymous2:51 AM

    OK Mom, would you go to Walgreens and buy just a box of condoms and be totally cool with it?

    Yeah, see, feels weird doesn't it?

  2. I've never felt ashamed of getting tampons and such, but there is such a large assortment of shapes and sizes, that I ALWAYS buy the wrong one.

  3. v-grrrl: That depends...are the condoms for my son?

    neil: You're back! Hooray! Do what Jared does--rip the boxtop off the old box and take it in with you. What a kid.


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