Friday, January 20, 2006

K9 Jihad

Osama bin Laden addressed the American public again, this time via audiotape delivered to his producers at Al Jazeera studios. He warned us that plans for attacks within the United States were already underway. He went on to offer a sort of thorny olive branch--a conditional truce. The White House response: the equivalent of "the finger."

Bad idea.

Am I the only one suspicious about this news item that turned up in the paper today? How the heck does a 60-70 pound Labrador retriever just happen to fall off an overpass? And hit a car, killing the driver? Police questioned the dog's owner, and he swears he did not throw the animal. Hmmm....

Clearly, this is the work of Al Qaida. These bastards are recruiting pets to be suicide bombers now! (They've done their research, too! Labs are one of the most popular breeds for pets, according to the AKC registry.) These mujahideen breed the animals, put them in training camps and teach them to hate Americans, the infidels. Then the terrorist pups are sold in the U.S. where they are adopted by unsuspecting families. Later, as full-grown dogs, they hear Their Master's Voice, and a key word in Osama's message sends them into a pre-programmed frenzy. They run blindly off the nearest overpass or into interstate traffic. Death is the sad result.

Obviously, the collateral damage from this sort of pinpoint attack is relatively small. But the terror quotient is high. Americans love their dogs. Dogs are, simply put, doggone American. Pets are part of the American Way of Life. If we become afraid of our pets, then the terrorists have won!

I am at a loss as to why Homeland Security has not picked up on this. I have waited, in vain it seems, for the terror level to be raised to reflect this threat. Surely we should be orange by now. At least.

And let me just say this: I'm glad I have cats.


  1. Anonymous8:27 PM

    Emily is a ticking timebomb that Al Qaida would love to have working for them. Also...what happened to the dog?

  2. Emily, my aging cat, is too old and stupid to work for Al Qaida. And, LS my friend, since you are far too busy to click my kindly provided link and read the story (and forgot that I said the dog was a SUICIDE bomber), I will tell you that the dog died. You're lucky we're buddies.

  3. Anonymous9:26 AM

    Your teacher friend, Rebecca Ann, is sending people flocking to you left and right today, I'm sure. I admire teachers who can fix honors students (as my freshman and senior high school English teachers kicked my butt and now I love to write). Your theory here sounds more sound than many of our governments'. Don't let it get out, or it'll be taken seriously.

  4. Emily, welcome to my blog. And that extends to all of Boo's buddies from her Xanga spot. Her tribute is far more glowing than I deserve. She's a wonderful friend and phenomenal teacher. I hope at some point, Emily, you've gone back and thanked those teachers who gave you the love of writing. It would mean so very much.


Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...