DoN Takes a Look at Her Cabinet

For some reason, I started thinking about the men I've been obsessed with over the years. There haven't been a whole lot. I get to indulge my little fancies at school by hanging their pictures in my high school classroom where they are sometimes appreciated by my female students and goodnaturedly derided by the males. Here's my first official crush from my earliest days of teaching in the 80s:

Admit it; he's very handsome and nonthreatening. You saw "St. Elmo's Fire" and loved him. He was Billy, the bad boy who just needed someone to take care of him and save him from himself. Then he had the soft-core porn scene with Demi in "About Last Night" and you almost had the big "O" right there in the theater. Sigh. Heavy sigh. So cute. Still is.

Then, in the 90s--1992 to be exact--my mother called me and ordered me to see a film. I was reluctant since it had a bunch of Indian fighting in it, but she told me that the lead actor was "just my type." I went and saw it: "The Last of the Mohicans" provided me with my longest running obsession/crush, Daniel Day-Lewis.

There have been a few dalliances here and there. Notably,

only as Tristan; then only as Braveheart.

Then I discovered

who I'm pretty much still stuck on because Daniel Day-Lewis refuses to remember he is handsome and has good hair and currently looks like this:

In other words, like that smelly weird guy outside your vacation hotel who keeps saying "Havin' a good time? Need any maps tahday? Call ya a taxi? Howsabout some spare change on ya's?" I can't even defend him to my buddy Roger (whose hobby it is to abuse me for my longstanding amour) and say that he's doing this for a movie role because he's not. He just looks this way because he wants to. How sad is that? Doesn't his wife care? I mean, I would, and I'm not even an acquaintance. I've tried to quit Daniel Day-Lewis millions of times, but here's what happens. I show "The Last of the Mohicans" in my English class. And it drags me back in! I know he isn't Hawkeye anymore. I keep having faith that, one night, Daniel Day-Lewis and the missus will watch "The Last of the Mohicans" on DVD and she will turn to him and say, "Hey, Dan. Let your hair grow out for awhile. And let's make an appointment with the plastic surgeon to get that nose straightened out. It's time to re-establish you as a romantic screen hero." Mrs. Day-Lewis would be doing a lot of women and directors a big favor, let me just say it right here and right now.

In the meantime, I'll add . He's young, pretty, British, and aging well. Plus, he has a straight nose and has not yet embarrassed me by wearing bad clothes or a shaved head in public.