Pages

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Dept. Of Nance Endorses...



Despite tremendous pressure from all quarters, the Dept. of Nance is withholding its Official Endorsement of a Democratic Candidate for President at this time. Ohio's Primary is not until March 4th, and there is still sufficient time for all Buckeye State voters (and Marylanders, and Virginians, etc.) to carefully and thoughtfully consider both viable candidates for the Highest Office In The Land. (Huh? "Other party?" What "other party?") Far be it from me to exert any outside pressure upon anyone still considering his or her choice at this time, especially when both Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are scheduled to be in Cleveland, Ohio, debating the issues at Cleveland State University, moderated by Meet the Press's Tim Russert and/or Brian Williams, of NBC Nightly News fame.

I am still seething over the incredibly archaic practice of these ridiculously front-loaded primaries in which first, a couple of states are fussed over and "frontrunners" are declared; then, a few mores states get to decide who half of the country gets to vote for. Finally, on a "Super Tuesday," the remainder of the candidates are fodder for that half of the country, and when the rest of us get to cast our ballots, it's like the dingoes in the Outback snarling over the bones. What the hell kind of system is that when a field of more than a dozen is cut back to five before everyone even gets to vote? It's time for a National Primary.

But I digress. Sigh.

Despite the fact that I will not endorse a Presidential Candidate at this time, the Dept. of Nance is happy to give its Official Endorsement to the following:


The Novia Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever. This dog is my new favorite dog to watch for in all televised dog shows, replacing both the Boxer and the Bernese Mountain Dog. It has a very lovely face and demeanor, and looks placid and friendly. It's unusual and has a cool name, and as a bonus, is Canadian. I read up on it, and it has a life span of 14 years and is good with children. Also charming is its proclivity to "round up and herd smaller pets."






Nutella. This is, quite simply, an orgasm in a jar. I thought I had gotten over this chocolate and hazelnut spread about a year and a half ago, but it's not so. I cannot have it in the house and feel safe. On a graham cracker, on a banana, or just on a spoon...excuse me. I'll be right back. Or not.



L'Oreal Voluminous Mascara. I cannot live without mascara, yet I am cheap about makeup because I think most of it is a scam. Clinique, Lancome, all that crap that is in the big department stores--I used to use it and lament the big bucks it cost me. I always came back to the drugstore brands, and later I was vindicated by Paula Begoun (author of Don't Go to the Cosmetics Counter without Me) . My eyelashes will never be without this product. I am vain; I know it and I'm not going to lie. This stuff is about $7.50 a tube. Sometimes Walgreen's puts it on sale for $4.50, or on a BOGO. I stock up like it's chocolate.


Bunnies. Cutest animals ever on a consistent basis. Whether they are full-grown or babies, bunnies are always cute. They are grossly underutilized in advertising media. I will never stop championing their cause. As a matter of fact, I may start putting a daily or weekly bunny in my sidebar until someone finally gives Bunnies Everywhere their due. Bunnies--Not Just For Easter Anymore.




Lay's Classic Potato Chips. This is the World's Most Dangerous Snack Food. I have been known to threaten severe bodily injury just for the folded ones.






Pilot's Precise V5/7 Rolling Ball Pen. Teachers everywhere know what a pain it is to find a perfect grading pen. This is it. It is smooth, fine, and does not tire after grading eleventy billion horrid essays about "How the Salem Witch Trials were a test of Puritanism." Plus, it has the added benefit of the little window in the barrel to (A) show the level of ink and (B) allow you to tell a student that it is filled with the blood of former Creative Writing II students.


Project Runway. I hate reality television on principle because it isn't reality. I mean, how many times are you ever stuck on an island or dared to eat pig testicles or paired up to samba with a has-been prizefighter? Exactly. But Bravo TV's Project Runway (aka PJR) is a creative show full of talented young designers who have to cobble together clothes that show their design point of view within a shockingly short time limit and with a new challenge each week. It also forces very disparate personalities to work closely together, and this is fun to watch. Add to that the fact that I love to listen to gay guys snipe at people and critique fashion, and I'm in heaven every Wednesday at 10 PM EST. One designer recently eliminated actually quipped, "Life is too short to have on a bad outfit." Words to live by.

I'll be watching the Interwebs closely for all of your endorsements, DoN readers. Isn't Democracy wonderful?

22 comments:

  1. I just did an endorsement post a few weeks ago. It didn't involve any politics though...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lancome bronzer and Cargo bronzer--worth the price.

    Right now I'm using Maybelline Volume Express mascara, but it smudges more than Lancome Hypnose.

    I like Revlon eyeshadow. Lasts forever.

    L'Oreal lip gloss (Color Juice) is all I've used for years. I used to always wear lipstick and now I can hardly bear it.

    Cover Girl foundation (TruBlend) is amazing. I've tried lots of foundations over the years, including big bucks ones, and Cover Girl remains my favorite. I like their stick concealer too.

    Mineral makeup? Blends nicely but makes such a freakin mess. Won't use it anymore.

    I've read Paula Begoun's books and even purchased her cosmetics and I hate to say this but, I disagree with her assessments A LOT. I still read her reviews, but take them with a very BIG grain of salt.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hee hee! I love it! You endorse BUNNIES! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I endorse pressure cookers. They've had a bit of a shaky past with safety issues, but lately they've been excellent.

    I also endorse the movie Black Sheep. No, not the one with Chris Farley. The other one that's a B horror flick about genetically engineered weresheep in New Zealand. An excellent production.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Well, who I voted for is no secret, but I do appreciate these other endorsements. I especially love the bunnies and nutella! : )

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think there should be one "Super Primary". Everyone in the nation votes on the same day. End story. My vote (or non vote) doesn't count from MI (as of yet). I am disgusted because all three of them are the same (Clinton, Obama, McCain). What do I endorse??? Hmmmm...the value of being able to get the heck out of Dodge this week.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I agree totally on the stupidity of our primary system, though I did hear one good argument for it, which was that it forces the candidates to go stump in some of the smaller states, and hear those folks' issues. But that turns out to not hold water, because those are only the early, early states. Blech.

    I'm 50/50 on the makeup, some stuff I get at Longs, some stuff I find is really better from Macy's, et.al.

    Baby horses are cuter than even baby bunnies to me, but it's about the long legs. Oh, and baby giraffes with those lashes...

    Clearly I may need to endorse a few things on my own blog soon. ;)

    And oh, speaking of witch trials, one of my ancestors died in those trials. Sad in a way, but I'm so removed from it that mostly I just enjoy saying, "Don't mess with me, I have a witch in my family". ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Nancy8:45 PM

    Nance,

    My best advice to you is this: RUN to Walgreens and buy 25 L'Oreal Mascaras and 100 Pilot Precise Pens. Why? Because whenever you find some product that you really like, they almost always discontinue it as soon as word reaches them that you desire to buy more....

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ask and you shall receive! I just saw a commercial that had bunnies of the most adorable variety breaking into refrigerators to steal 7 UP. The selling power of bunnies should not be underestimated.

    I'm on the bandwagon with you with the mascara and the Project Runway, but I'll confess I've never tried Nutella.

    ReplyDelete
  10. j.--trust me on the nutella. just be sure you are sitting down the first time you try it. and i cannot WAIT to see the new commercial! thanks for the scouting report!

    nancy--i hear you! i am still in mourning over the discontinuing of my lavender vanilla fragrance from Bath&Body. currently, i am trying--TRYING--to love their chocolate amber. sigh. it's not going all that well.

    j@jj--but, there were no witches in Salem. Of course, you must know that. Sorry, I just have such a sore spot after having taught the material for so long. The way the ordeal of those innocent people has been commercialized and trivialized just continues to inflame me. I want to go to the Salem/Danvers area but am worried it will just outrage me.

    laura--don't lose hope for the votes of MI and FL yet. there is no way that the DNC will say that thousands of American votes simply will not count. But I also must respectfully disagree: I just cannot see any single way in which McCain, a GWB twin, is anything like either Hillary or Obama.

    anali--i'm so glad to have another nutella convert, and i suspect you have loved bunnies all along. LOL.

    i.h.--they use pressure cookers on Iron Chef all the time, so they must be WONDERFUL. i cannot speak to the weresheep film, but i trust your cinematic judgment implicitly. erm...lol.

    ck--clearly, someone has to!

    v-grrrl--i read her book ages and ages ago, and i had no idea she had her own line now. never saw it. i just really think that most big name brands of cosmetics (clinique, estee lauder, shiseido) that charge exorbitant amounts of money aren't worth it. i swear by revlon and l'oreal, and i've used good old oil of olay moisturizer forever. i don't think you need to pay huge amounts of money for basically the same stuff under prestigious names. judging by your endorsements, neither do you. having said all of that, i haven't read paula begoun's reviews on anything since that book. does she have a website?

    ReplyDelete
  11. potu--haven't seen you around in ages! have you found THE mascara yet?

    ReplyDelete
  12. "i trust your cinematic judgment implicitly"

    I'd hope so. Gosh, you'd have to be a freakin' idiot not to like Black Sheep!

    ReplyDelete
  13. OMG, we are in total synch on so many levels:

    1. The need for a decent mascara (read: I stood in the wrong line when eyelashes were being distributed and got wispy, almost colorless lashes about .000001 cm in length)

    2. The Folded Potato Chip. (And I do not trust myself home alone with a bag, it's that bad. I can be standing in front of the most elaborate snack food in the world and I will hit the chips first every time.)

    3. Pilot's Precise: I owe that one to you. All of my students owe that one to you, as well. (Pilot's makes a lovely shade of purple, too, which I use for note-taking at grad school. Just so the blood doesn't run out, mind you.)

    4. Project Runway: Ya gotta love 'em. (The only person I don't like on that show is the snooty Heidi Klum. Tim Gunn more than makes up for it, though. He is very cool on so many levels. Now... have you ever watched "What not to wear?" I love it, but live in mortal fear of being turned in as a candidate any day now.

    5. Nutella. Except that I prefer the Spanish version which is called Nocilla and (ready for this?) has a swirly vanilla-chocolate version that tastes equally orgasmic.) (I hope this doesn't attract porn-seekers to your site.)

    As for the lovely dog: Did you know that when people describe an animal they admire... it is usually because they share the same characteristics? (Go on, go back and sneak a look at all of those great adjectives, LOL.)

    ReplyDelete
  14. The folded Lays are the best. Let me rephrase that because it sounded kinky. I like the Lays Potato chips that are folded also. Plus they hold more dip. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I had no idea about the endless goodness offered by Nutella until we went to London to visit my BIL and his wife. Many. Years. Ago.

    We had tea every day with shortbread (OMG!!) cookies and a wonderful substance called "Nutella". Honestly, I would have willingly licked that stuff from the bottom of my shoe.

    You speak the truth, Oh Wise One.

    ReplyDelete
  16. My Circus Life endorses Chocolate Brown Suede(ish) Boots. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Blast! I had posted a comment, and obviously I forgot to make sure it posted!

    A few quick endorsements of my own:

    Bic Ultimates: I use these as my "work" and school pens, and I love them. I have had a lot of issues finding good ballpoint pens in the past because while the first package I buy is good, the second is inevitably suck. These have been good through two packages. The only problem is some of the pens leave "ink globs" which suck.

    Tuffy Auto Service Center, Grandview: Check my blog for the why on that one!

    Cover Girl Lash Exact Mascara: I love the definition this mascara gives my lashes. I'm definitely a drug store cosmetics girl (until they fail me, of course!).

    To comment on your endorsements: Lay's are great with PB&J sandwiches; I don't watch PJR regularly, but I do occasionally catch it on "marathon" and I watch it like a trainwreck; bunnies are always good; and the color of that dog is gorgeous!

    ReplyDelete
  18. jen--i haven't used cover girl anything in ages. i wonder why i quit...

    ck--no brand name or anything, just the color in general? i am currently in the market for new black dress boots. but i'm too damn picky. (so i hear.)

    ab--seriously, i'm surprised we don't need a permit or something. they could charge ten bucks a jar for that and all women would pay it. sssssshhhhhhhhhh. maybe i'd better shut the hell up.

    simplypink--welcome to the dept! good point about the dip, but i'm so addicted that i can't sully the purity of Lay's with any foreign substance. besides, it takes too long. i have to shove them in my mouth as quickly as possible.

    ortizzle--lol about the dog. sadly, though, i am not canadian. hee hee. but thanks for the rest, and i do have the tendency to HERD. and do you absolutely adore Christian in this season of PJR? i want to hang out with him and be fierce. i actually have a former student who is almost identical to him in EVERY WAY. this guy just came to see me at christmas and told me i should get a bob like jenny mccarthy and then to "stay away from Express this spring. their stuff is just trashy, nance. hideous. of course, you'll be able to pick and choose, but the belts alone are just tragic." i adore him.

    ReplyDelete
  19. but i bet you wouldn't mind being Canadian. and perhaps even have a lot of admiration for Canadians. Right? lol.

    PJR: Christian is the bees knees, and he knows it, and he is still endlessly entertaining. Here's one of the better YouTube clips of him which I love because he talks about "deconstructing" and "dying of barfness." Very hard to top that. http://tinyurl.com/2rnb9j

    ReplyDelete
  20. Nance I just love it!!! All except Lays of course, and I don't really wear mascara...wait, where was I going? Um...hmm, anyways I love this post...you just get a little taste of EVERYTHING here!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh my, it looks like I am going to have to try Nutella. Such ringing endorsements!

    I lurves me some id Bare Escentuals mineral makeup. I haven't found it to be a mess, and I've used foundations galore, and this is better than any of them. INCLUDING the Prescriptives custom-blend.

    Erm, almost anything from Trader Joe's.

    Chocolate covered pretzels.

    And for some reason, when there's a can around, I cannot stop eating Pringles. Which is why I don't buy them anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  22. gina--chocolate covered pretzels...they have to be of confectioner's quality, i.e., not just Choczels or another commercial brand. i have a local chocolatier here that makes absolutely incredible ccp's, but they are pricey. this means i rarely get them.

    tera--you don't eat LAY'S!? and you don't wear mascara? how on earth do you LIVE??? lol.

    ortizzle--i am absolutely in love with canada and, as you know, travel there often. i drink wine from the Niagara-on-the-lake region like it's my freaking JOB. and as far as Christian on PJR--OMG. I JUST FOUND THE WEBSITE THAT LIVEBLOGGED THE PJR RUNWAY SHOW AT BRYANT PARK, and while i will NOT RUIN IT FOR ALL OF YOU, JUST LET ME SAY THAT CHRISTIAN'S COLLECTION--THE PIECES THAT I SAW--WERE FIERCE. and there was an adorable picture of him as well. it continues to amaze me what one can find on the interwebs/the google.

    ReplyDelete

Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...