Monday, August 31, 2015

The Final Top Ten List: Ten Television Shows I Miss

I'm not sure if this is true or not, but I feel as if I watch far less television than I used to. Not only fewer hours of television, but far fewer shows. I'm sure some of it is due to no longer subscribing to cable, but I think some of it is also due to what's being offered as well as my own changing taste. A great many shows I liked are gone, or they degenerated into a big mess, or they simply wandered off into the vagaries and obscurity of The Capricious Television Schedule, which I can't, for the life of me figure out anymore.

For my last List Of Ten Things to celebrate my tenth anniversary of writing here at the Dept. here's my

Ten Television Shows I Miss, For Whatever Reason

1. House
2. Mad Men
3. thirtysomething
4. Downton Abbey
5. The West Wing
6. NYPD Blue
7. Two And A Half Men
8. St. Elsewhere
9. ER
10. Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman

It's a certainty that there are scads of others, but let's deal with these before I concur with your choices in Comments.

1. I miss seeing Hugh Laurie. In any incarnation, and every single day. House got terrible there at the end, but again, worth it to see Hugh Laurie. Where in the hell is he? Won't someone put him in something that I can go and see? Immediately?

2. Netflix is on my Smack List since they did that stupid thing of breaking up the final season of Mad Men into two 6-episode segments and forcing its subscribers to wait for it. SO DON'T MENTION ANY SPOILERS; I AM WAITING. And then, when it is over, I will miss it even more terribly.

3. This show was on such a long time ago, but I still remember thirtysomething and its characters vividly. It was talky and real to me, even though some critics said it was all "yuppie whining."  I didn't feel that way at all.  It naturally declined in its final seasons, but it was still terrific. Hey! Is it on Netflix?

4. I know Downton Abbey isn't over yet, but this year is its final season, and I am already In Mourning. It's the best highbrow soap opera around, and so sumptuous to look at.

5. Rick and I watched The West Wing in its entirety the moment Jared shared his Netflix with us. It was wonderful. So smart and so much talent on that show. Surprisingly, it does not seem dated at all, and you can do worse than to look at Jimmy Smits and Rob Lowe, not to mention the lovely women in the cast.

6. Speaking of Jimmy Smits, he was in NYPD Blue also, but I always enjoyed the character of Andy Sipowicz, played by Dennis Franz, the most. He was so endearing and so human. The dialog in that show was tremendous and tough. I still use the phrase "get out in front of it" all the time to mean "admit something at the outset."

7. When the comedy Two and a Half Men first aired, I loved it. It was funny, fresh, and original. After the second season, it became tawdry and awful and relied solely on sexual innuendo and then outright sex for its comedy. I'm no prude, but I need something more intelligent. So sad, an opportunity and cast wasted.

8. St. Elswhere was another very human drama with comedic moments and a hugely talented cast which included, if you recall, Howie Mandel, among the others like Denzel Washington, Mark Harmon, and Christina Pickles. (He was really very good.)   Another one to look for on The Netflix!

9. ER was stocked with breakout stars like George Clooney, Julianna Margulies, William H Macy, and Goran Visnjic, oh, too many to name. I cried so many times while watching this show. And laughed. And got angry. It was just that good.

10. The absurd and hilarious soap opera Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman was one of the funniest things I ever saw in my life. I was only 17 when it first aired, and I can remember my father laughing and laughing while he watched it.  Mary Kay Place was incredible in that cast.

Which shows do you miss and why?  Let's reminisce in Comments.

Thanks for celebrating Ten Years of My Blog with me.  I hope we'll celebrate Ten More.  And I hope you'll continue chatting away on this and other posts in the series.


Exposing The Big Lie: Updating Ten Random Nance Facts

Without any further ado, here are the Ten Random Nance Facts again, with the explanations following, exposing The Big Lie.

Ten Random Nance Facts

1. I don't wear my wedding or engagement ring.
2. I have only mowed the lawn once.
3. I once referred to Mike Tyson as a rapist right in front of him.
4. I was almost kicked out of Monticello at the age of 43.
5. I am allergic to rum.
6. I sprained my wrist opening a multi-pack of Cracker Jacks.
7. I always signal my turns, even when backing out of my driveway.
8. I was called "an excellent writer" by Conan O'Brien on his TV show.
9. I have never seen a Star Wars movie.
10. I have never tried marijuana.

Let's see how you did.

1. True. Because my skin is so highly acidic as well as allergic to the nickel in yellow gold, I had to get white gold rings. The rhodium wears off rather quickly, so it's just easier not to wear them at all. I don't wear any jewelry anymore.

2. True. Mowing is Rick's department, but I did it one time in order to say that I did it. I was not excited.

3. True. We were coming out of a Cleveland Cavaliers NBA game, and Mike Tyson had attended. He was drawing a crowd outside on the steps of the arena, which irritated me. As my family and I passed by, I loudly stated, while looking straight at him, "I have no idea why anyone would make such a fuss over a convicted rapist."

4. True. Turns out that, back then, asking about and making reference to Sally Hemings was not entirely appreciated. It was suggested to me that I might enjoy cider by the fireplace outside at one of the outbuildings.

5. True. I have drunk it both knowingly and unknowingly, and each time it has caused me to break out in hives, flush, and itch, and it makes my face swell up. It's the only booze to do so. (Thank goodness.)

6. True. Pathetically, this happened when I was about twelve, and I had to actually go to the emergency room. Can you imagine the embarrassment. Of everyone?

7. True. I like to feel that I am overcompensating for all of the jerks who never, ever use theirs.

8. True. In the heyday of my other blog, The Brian Williams Tie Report Archives, which enjoyed a lot of fame and international press, Brian Williams was interviewed by Conan O'Brien and he brought up my blog. He actually read several entries aloud and asked Williams about it. In the course of discussion, O'Brien said, among other nice things, that I was an excellent writer.

9. False. I've seen the first one. Wasn't Harrison Ford so adorable back then?

10. True. I was never even tempted, to be honest. Back in highschool, I was downright terrified, mainly because my dad's best friend was the Chief of Police in our city. And I simply had no desire. Still don't. Not a judgement, just a personal preference.

So there you are. Surprised?


Sunday, August 30, 2015

Today's Top Ten List: Favourite Summertime Dishes
Even though I love to cook, I don't do a whole lot of it in the Summertime. Yes, it's often too hot to heat up the kitchen, but Summertime is for easy living and lighter cooking. I also like to take advantage of seasonal foods when I can and my own herb garden as much as possible.

Here, then, are

Ten Favourite Summer Dishes At the Dept. of Nance

1. Strawberry Pie with Cream Cheese
2. Beer Can Chicken with Garlic and Herbs
3. Cold Tuna Pasta with Peas, Lemon, and Fresh Dill
4. Grilled Louisiana Shrimp Skewers
5. Grilled Flatbread Pizzas
6. BLTs on Toast
7. Corn on the Cob
8. Corn and Tomato Salad
9. Vegetable and Pesto Pasta
10. French Potato Salad with Tarragon

Every single one of these foods screams out Summer to me and my family.

1. June is Strawberry Time in NEO, and while I refuse to pick my own (too worky), I'm happy to pay for lovely farm berries at a stand. I make my own pie, my own glaze (not that fake blood stuff), and on the bottom crust, I smear lightly sweetened cream cheese. It makes a heavenly contrast and keeps the pie from getting soggy. So good.

2. Even though it has a decidedly Hillbilly Connotation, a whole fryer cooked this way is incredibly moist and flavourful. I stuff the half-full beer can with fresh herbs and five or six whole garlic cloves. Make sure to plug up the hole from the neck with an onion or potato and enjoy terrific chicken.

3. Such a nice meal on a hot day. I use small shell pasta, white albacore tuna, real mayonnaise, lemon juice and zest, a whole bag of frozen peas (don't cook them, just drain the pasta over them), and a ton of fresh, fragrant dill. You can go lightly with the mayo. There is plenty of flavour from the rest of the ingredients. Dash a little Old Bay in there. I do.

4. I love this marinade recipe I found and tweaked--whether it's "Louisiana" or not--and shrimp is so quick. It's got Red Hot, lemon, oregano, Old Bay...and it only needs an hour and a half to marinade and moments to grill.

5. This is our Saturday night supper almost every Summer night. Grilled flatbreads topped with my basil pesto, diced fresh tomatoes marinated in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, and fresh mozzarella. Period. I'd get more fancy, but why mess with what works and what Rick loves?

6. Tomatoes, tomatoes, tomatoes. I cannot get enough of them in Summer. When they peak, we eat BLTs. We'd eat them every day if we could, but that's not healthy. I insist on toast; Rick prefers not. We both agree that there has to be Miracle Whip. No lettuce on hand? Not a dealbreaker.

7. There have been many, many times that Rick and I have made corn on the cob our meal. And then gone out later for ice cream. Hey, we are grownups now and we can do that if we want. There will only be Real Butter on the corn at the Dept. Ever. I always get a dozen. We never eat it all at once, but I use the leftovers for...

8. Corn and Tomato Salad is also an entire meal for us sometimes and a favourite leftover for both the boys if they happen to drop in. Fresh, rough-diced tomatoes and cut-off leftover sweet corn with a red wine vinaigrette. Period. Salt and pepper to taste. So Good.

9. Vegetable Pasta with Pesto is another use for leftover corn on the cob. And every other farmstand vegetable you cannot resist. I just made it for a big family dinner. You can saute or grill small zucchini, yellow squash, peppers, mushrooms, onions, eggplant, green beans--anything. Boil up your pasta (I used spaghetti). Toss the vegetables in the pasta, add fresh grated asiago or parmesan, and mix in basil pesto and a glug of good olive oil. At the last minute, add fresh halved cherry tomatoes and kalamata or ripe olives and leftover corn off the cob, and toss.

10. Tiny new red potatoes are wonderful for a potato salad. I boil them, then make a dressing with red wine vinegar, extra virgin olive oil, Dijon mustard, and garlic with my hand blender. I chop up some fresh tarragon and add it. The only other thing I add is sliced scallions. (Salt and pepper are a given for everything.)

Don't those all sound Summery? What do you always make when Summertime rolls around?

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Today's Top Ten List: Random Nance Facts--Spot The Lie

You and I have been together for quite some time now, some of us ten whole years. In many cases I have shared a great deal of my life, yet I remain a stranger to you. I'm sure some of you feel as if you know me quite well, and probably you do. Well enough, anyway. Today, I'm going to toss out some bits of trivia about myself, and hidden amongst the ten is One Falsehood. See if you can spot it.

Ten Random Nance Facts

1. I don't wear my wedding or engagement ring.
2. I have only mowed the lawn once.
3. I once referred to Mike Tyson as a rapist right in front of him.
4. I was almost kicked out of Monticello at the age of 43.
5. I am allergic to rum.
6. I sprained my wrist opening a multi-pack of Cracker Jacks.
7. I always signal my turns, even when backing out of my driveway.
8. I was called "an excellent writer" by Conan O'Brien on his TV show.
9. I have never seen a Star Wars movie.
10. I have never tried marijuana.

Alrighty! You have your mission. Find the One False Fact up there, and let me know in Comments. I'm interested to know why you think it's The One, too.


Friday, August 28, 2015

Today's Top Ten List: Things I'm Not Doing Anymore

Life is short, and let's face it: mine is probably more than half over. I'm not going to waste any more of the time I have left on things I don't like if I can possibly help it. 

Here, then, is my abridged list of

Ten Things I'm Not Doing Anymore If I Can Help It

1. Attend Kid Parties
2. Send Cards
3. Drink Bad Wine
4. Attend Baby or Bridal Showers
5. Clothes Shop for Myself at Macy's
6. Get a Haircut
7. Eat at Mediocre Restaurants
8. Be Uncomfortable in My Own Home
9. Use Any Electric Hairstyling Tool
10. The Dreadmill

1. Kid parties are loud and chaotic affairs which are, by definition, full of children. This is a stage of my life that I am thrilled to be done with and have zero interest in revisiting. And allow me to say that the amount of Actual Parenting that takes place in general Anywhere by the current generation of "Parents" is approximately a teensy weensy bit. If any. I think you understand my position here.

2. I hate all cards. I don't get the point. They are ridiculously expensive, and once you get them and look at them, then what do you do? I do not save cards. It's a terrific waste of money. Send me an e-card. Send me a text message. For a death, I write a lovely letter in which I share a remembrance of the departed and offer comfort and a specific service if I can. And do not get me started on Christmas Cards, which have become ridiculous in many cases.(My next-door neighbor used to mail a card to me. Why?)

3. As you all know, I am a collector, appreciator, and enthusiastic drinker of wine. I don't really think I am a Wine Snob. But I'm not going to drink any more crappy wine just because It Is Wine and people know that is what I drink. "I'll get you a glass of wine," someone says at an event. And I am sitting there with a glass of awful chablis or red something, gamely choking it down. Never again.

4. All gift showers are tedious, trying events at which the women are marking time until they can safely leave without hurting anyone's feelings. Now they are huge, catered events in some cases, held at halls and arenas with ice sculptures and dancers. No, we don't want to play little games or win candles and pot holders and picture frames. We just want our cookies and a chance to leave. I will just be sending a gift to the house.

5. I used to shop at Macy's in my hometown all the time. Then, seemingly, it was taken over by aliens from the planet Sad-N-Dowdy. Last year, I walked in, and after a half hour of wandering all over the female clothing departments, I finally found a salesperson. I said to her, "What happened to this store? Where would I find clothes that are...I don't know...not this?" I'll spare you the rest, but suffice it to say that she could not help me and I have not been back.

6. Last year at this time, I got a short, choppy pixie, which after a week or so, I regretted steadily until about last week, when I finally liked my hair again. Then I went to get A TRIM. But the stylist did not do that, and she gave me A HAIRCUT instead. From now on, I am cutting my own bangs, and that is the only haircut I am getting for the rest of my life.

7. There is a lot of bad food served at restaurants, and it's depressing. I'd rather eat out a lot less often and pay more for a truly excellent meal. Most restaurants in our area are putting out food that is nowhere near as good as what I can make in my own kitchen, and with fresher ingredients. I'll save up and go to a pricier place, or get good Chinese takeout.

8. In the winter I don't mind wearing a sweater or snuggling up in a blanket if I'm on the couch in my jammies in the evening. In the summer I don't mind having the ceiling fan on. But I am not going to be shivering or sweating in my own home in the winter or summer, either. This is Civilization, and we work(ed) hard to have money to be able to have heat and airconditioning. Especially heat. I am not going to suffer in my own home.

9. From highschool through more than half of my teaching career, I was a slave to either hot rollers or a curling iron. I even had a curling iron with the metal hot roller bristle thingies! It's like my hair was my hobby or a Lifestyle Choice. Now, if it can't be accomplished with a blowdryer and a round brush at the most, tough.

10. I'm over it. Period. Dr. B., my neurologist, was horrified that I was even using a treadmill to begin with. And I hate it with a passion. (Hence my name for it, dreadmill.) It's no wonder that it used to be a prison device for hard labour punishment. I'd rather bundle up in the winter and risk a fall on icy sidewalks. I'm not kidding.

I can't wait to hear what you all are ready to cut loose and say "Never Again" to.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Today's Top Ten List: Hateful English Language Errors

Here's the thing: I might be retired, but I will always be a Defender Of The Language. It causes me actual physical pain--emotional pain as well--when I have to witness errors in The Language. The errors may be spoken or written; it really doesn't matter. They make me wince, and some are so terribly egregious that it's a Good Thing that I am generally opposed to personal firearm ownership. Succinctly, Everyone should be glad that I am not Packing Heat, or stupid people would be stacked up like cordwood.

I'm not talking about a typo here or there in Comments, or the general lapse now and again in subject-verb agreement in a particularly thorny complex sentence involving multiple interruptive phrases. I make those errors, too. I'm talking about easy things. Things everyone should have mastered way back in elementary school or junior high school at the latest. Sadly, however, as we all have seen time and time again, this is not the case.

Here is my

Top Ten Hateful English Language Errors

1. Loose instead of Lose
2. Apostrophe S to make plural nouns
3. Lead instead of Led
4. Women instead of Woman (and vice versa)
5. Saying SH for the S in words like Start, Stop, Straight
6. Saying Southmore for Sophomore
7. Omitting Apostrophes in Contractions
8. Not Using the Oxford Comma
9. Its/It's
10. I Could Care Less

This list has changed quite a bit since I stopped having to read and grade student writing.

Briefly, then:

1. This will never stop--never, ever--hurting my feelings. I honestly feel that knowing this one pair of words and its correct usage can determine someone's potential for serious intelligence. I honestly do. I wonder if I can be friends with anyone who cannot use/spell them correctly.

2. This. Another dealbreaker. I have seen signs like this before: Apple's and Pears $1.59 lb. How do they decide that Apples is the one that gets the apostrophe, but Pears does not? What is the logic?

3. At least this one is understandable, given that there is already a word, the metal, that is spelled and pronounced LEAD. I get it.

4. I am constantly astounded by the fact that these two words have become not only interchangeable, but identically pronounced. WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHO IS DESTROYING MY LANGUAGE AND WHY?

5. Shtart. Shtop. Shtraight. Exshtreme. Shtrict. Why are some people pronouncing these words this way when they are not spelled this way?  This phenomenon started at about the same time as the Vocal Fry and Uptalking. It is with great regret that I must name First Lady Michelle Obama a major  offender in this.

6. I don't hear it often, but when I do...daggers.

7. I blame lazy text messagers for this one, primarily.

8. Always use the last comma before the conjunction for items in a series. Always. How bothersome is it, really? Just do it.

9. Pretty much, I've come to the conclusion that being able to choose the correct its/it's is genetically predetermined. It cannot be taught. You either have it, or you don't.

10. This idiom will needle me until the day I die. Probably at my deathbed, some nurse or bystander will walk by and remark to another stranger something about the weather or the upcoming elections or the latest gossip, and the last thing I hear before I Cross Over will be, "I could care less." And at that point I will be too weak or sick or dead to say, "NO, YOU IDIOT. IT IS 'I COULDN'T CARE LESS. BECAUSE IF YOU COULD CARE LESS, THEN WHY DON'T YOU GO AHEAD AND DO SO? IT IMPLIES THAT YOU DO, IN FACT, CARE SOMEWHAT." How ironic, right?

So, tell me in Comments which Language Lapses irk you.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Today's Top Ten List: Ways To Turn Around A Bad Day

Sometimes, as my niece says, you "wake up on the wrong side of the day." If you don't manage it Right Then, you're in for a shitful, crabass, lousy twenty-four hours of feeling out of sorts. Other people might even have to Suffer. That's not Nice, and it sure isn't Fair. So Jared and I are here to help you with these

Top Ten Ways To Turn Around A Bad Day

1. Call your mother
2. Read something extremely nerdy about something you like
3. Make future plans with a good friend
4. Have a piece of pizza
5. Tell a friend you love him/her, and mean it
6. Clean or organize something
7. Bake something
8. Go for a drive
9. Go shopping
10. Wallow a little

And now Jared explains:

1. I’ve said it before: I don’t care how old I get, what’s going on in my life, or whatever, sometimes, I just need to call my mother. Sometimes, we will talk about what’s actually going on. Sometimes, I’ll just say “Mom, talk about something smart so that I know that people with brains still exist,” and she does just that. And it's perfect. She will say something, offer a bit of advice that we both know I won’t heed, and it STILL makes me feel better. She’s the smartest person I know, and it restores my faith in people immediately, frequently, and hugely.

2. I love NBA Basketball more than almost anything in the world. It is beautiful. It is fluid. And it is everything that all aspects of life should really be. I try to find the most intensely analytic and in-depth stuff about it that I can and read the hell out of it. Always makes me feel better. It's an addiction.

3. If I’m at work having a real bullshit Tuesday or something, I immediately send a message to my best friend in the office inviting her to get a drink on Friday. She almost always says, “Absolutely. I think we deserve it.” We do, goddammit. It gives me something to look forward to. It isn’t about the booze. It's just about having something to do with someone worth spending time with. No matter what happens during that single bad day, there’s a good chance it won’t jeopardize Friend Time at the end of the week.

4. This is easy. If you don’t get it, I can’t help you. Doesn’t even need to be good pizza. Just has to be pizza. If pizza doesn’t make your day better, just go to bed and stay there because you cannot be helped on that particular day. Pizza is great and awesome and not stupid or bad.

5. I’m very close to the people whom I bother to be friends with. Otherwise, why the hell have them, right? Sometimes, it's nice to call my friend Baker Cakes, or Matt or someone and just chat for a bit and hit them with an “Alright, dude. I gotta run. Talk soon; love you.” And they reciprocate. And it is nice. It helps to remind you that you have people in your life who you CHOSE to include and who you not only can feel that way about, but who also feel that way about you. No obligation there. Genuinely, two friends that love each other. Very solid.

And now me:

6. There's a bit of The Martyr in me, so if I'm miserable, I sometimes like to Go All In and really feel miserable. My theory is, I might as well reap a benefit, too, from all of this Misery. So I'll vacuum, scrub a floor, clean out a few cupboards, or tackle a major thing, like the hulking desk in the home office.

7. I don't bake often, so this has another side benefit, especially for Rick. Baking also requires more careful attention than cooking; I really have to measure carefully and use a mise-en-place. Pretty soon, I'm focused on that and not my irritation.

8. Many times, my bad mood is a result of needing a Change Of Scenery. If I am back home, I get in my little car and zip off to Wherever, sometimes just heading out to a road I wish to explore or out to pick up a Little Doodad I think I need. If I am at the lake, I take the boat out for a leisurely cruise.

9. I detest the phrase "Retail Therapy." It sounds terribly cliche and sexist. Sometimes, however, I do go out shopping to get out of a bad day. But it's not for shoes, a purse, or clothes. I usually go to some Off-Price Bargain Outlet store and look for housewares or decaf coffee or chew toys for Zydrunas, who destroys them in fifteen minutes.

10. It is terribly important, however, to acknowledge and honor your feelings. You are having a bad day! You can't rebuke yourself and shame your emotions. One of my longstanding mantras is "Wallow a little and bitch a lot." By all means, then, first recognize that you are having that bad day. Or, as Stuart Smalley, alter ego of Minnesota Senator Al Franken used to say, "Face It, Trace It, Erase It."

Now, besides reading the Dept. of Nance (!), how do you fix your Bad Day?


Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Today's Top Ten List: Lies My Parents Told Me

Growing up, my mother and father told me all kinds of things. On balance, most of them were Very Good Things, and I listened to a great deal of them. But like most parents, they also told me a lot of things that were simply Not True. Sometimes they were Nice Things, sometimes they were Comforting Things, and sometimes they were Folksy Things that were passed down for eleventy generations or merely things that became part of their DNA once my eldest sister Patti was born and the Parent Gene was flipped to the On position.

Here then are the

Top Ten Lies My Parents Told Me

1. You're Prettier Than All Of Those Contestants
2. Just Ignore Him/Her And He/She Will Leave You Alone
3. If You Don't Bother The Bees, They Won't Bother You
4. You Don't Need Makeup/Only Whores And Streetwalkers Wear Makeup
5. Piercing Your Ears Is A Tragedy
6. It's School, Not A Fashion Show
7. The Best Thing For A Headache Is Putting Your Hands In Warm Dishwater
8. 8th Grade Is Too Early To Be Shaving Your Legs
9. You Think Too Much
10. We're Not Having Any Pets In This House

I know. Bless their hearts.

1. Both Mom and Dad said this every single time we watched any beauty pageant throughout our lives, and they said it to all three of us girls. We all rolled our eyes because it was Patently Absurd. Some of those women were gorgeous and had perfect bodies. We, ranging in age from Patti--seven years my senior, to Susan, five years my junior, could not possibly imagine how any of this could be remotely true.

2. Absolute bullshit, and almost every day in my family it was proven False by my brother, who terrorized me daily with taunts about my weight. I could never suitably retaliate because he was invincible physically and emotionally. We're very close now, but growing up was hell.

3. Someone needed to tell the bees. I suffered an unprovoked attack--twice--while minding my own business. I didn't even disturb a nest or flight pattern. Ouch.

4. I was in my sophomore year when my mother found my mascara and face powder. She immediately tattled to my father, who gave me a terrible lecture, including the above quotes. Ironically, in later years, every time I would show up at Mom and Dad's without any makeup, my Dad would ask, "Are you feeling alright? You look pale and a little wan." Sigh.

5. In the seventies, everyone was wearing cute earrings. Except me. I waited until I was eighteen and went to the jeweler to get mine done so that I could do it without parental permission. When Dad found out, he was devastated. Somehow, though, I managed to survive it. So did he.

6. As everyone in the universe knows, School IS a Fashion Show. It shouldn't be, but it is. Even as a teacher, it was still, for me, a Daily Walk On The Runway.

7. Oh, St. Patsy, you really thought you were the clever one with this. We all knew what you were up to.

8. No! No, it wasn't! Not when you are mostly Eastern European and your legs looked like gorilla legs and you had to dress for gym. I ended up surreptitiously shaving them while home alone after school one day and took off about a foot of skin on my shinbone because I pushed too hard on the razor. That's another story.

9. St. Patsy still tells me that I Think Too Much. I am not one to brood, but I do analyze. But not overmuch, usually. How is Thinking a Bad Thing?

10. Oh, this one was the biggest lie of all, perpetuated by my mother. For a complete list of the TEN pets "not allowed" in our house and the full explanation, click here and read the post over at Stuff On Our List.

Your turn. What Little White Lies did Mom and Dad tell You?


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