Saturday, April 03, 2021

A Is For Appliances: This Is How Far I Have Fallen

Here is a rather Sad Commentary about what my life has become:  I got excited because Rick bought me a leaf blower. I'll pause now while the Absurdity and Dismay wash over you like a Tsunami Of Pity.

Sigh.

Allow me to forestall your eye-rolling outrage about Leaf Blowers In General, too. Few things annoy me more than the cacophanous legions of Leaf-Blowing Men on Saturdays and Sundays, relentlessly walking up and down their yards and driveways, stalking leaves, herding them into swirling rows, and noisily guiding them all the way down to their curb lawns. For hours. For all the months of Autumn. Starting at 8 AM. And never, never ending.

I don't use my leaf blower like that. My leaf blower means I will no longer have to drag my vacuum cleaner out to the porch, wrangle the cord, lie on my stomach, crane my neck to see under the flap of the GFI outlet, and finally get it plugged in to vacuum the rug so that I am not surrounded by detritus. Or, snake the vacuum and its cord through the front door and let bugs in and perhaps a cat out. My new leaf blower is cordless and quiet. It sounds no louder than a hair dryer. It's wonderful.

I love it as much as I love my new vacuum.

I know; this is equally as pathetic, coming from me. I detest vacuuming. Everything about it irritates me:  the incessant noise; the fact that you never stop having to do it; the boring repetitiveness of it; the dragging around of a machine that only does one thing. Our previous vacuum was a nice little vacuum that did a great job. And! It had an automatic cord return that saved me the insult-to-injury of having to wind up a bigass cord after I was done doing a hated job. But recently, I noticed that the vacuum cleaner...wasn't. I was going over and over and over places, and cat hair and stuff was still there

It had to go. And fast. After a day of research, we got my new vacuum, and at that point I realized how how much of a slacker my old vacuum had been. It had been getting away with doing a half-ass job for years, and I had merely put up with it. This new machine makes my dining room faux Persian rug look like new. It plucks up the nap again on my carpets, making them feel cushy and deep. Its low profile gets way underneath furniture without me having to move it. It has suction settings! And no more sitting on the floor with scissors and pliers, ripping our long hair off of the brush roller; it has a self-cleaning roller that hair doesn't tangle around. It's almost the perfect I Hate To Vacuum Vacuum. 

Alas! It has no self-winding cord. And believe me, I do miss it.

I have a Love/Hate relationship with many of my appliances.  I've written here before about my infuriating can opener, which I still have. And let's not forget the time my icemaker attacked me, and yes, I still have that fridge, too. And, finally, my beloved coffeemaker, which, thanks to Rick, is still brewing after sixteen years. My old vacuum and Rick's heavy leaf blower did not inspire my love. They had to go. (But I still don't know why I have that damn can opener.) 


40 comments:

  1. Having the right tools to make a job you're not crazy about doing easier is a wonderful thing. Enjoy the living heck out of that leaf blower.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jean--So true! I still hate to "run the sweeper", as my mother calls it, but at least it's easy to see that I'm actually doing something. And I plan on having a long and happy relationship with my leaf blower.

      Delete
  2. We have a similar leaf blower & I love it (when I remember that we have it). It does just the trick getting leaves off of the deck. And I use it to blow grass off the walkways.

    We also have a Shark vacuum cleaner, but I think it's the next "lower" model from yours. It does ok. I mean, it's no old blue, but it will do.

    I don't think it's weird at all to get excited about appliances - if they do their jobs correctly they make our lives easier and I am ALL ABOUT an easy life! Ha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bug--I'll be blasting all kinds of detritus out of my way with my new leaf blower. I could not be happier. I will have the most pristine deck and patio in this town.

      I share your distaste for vacuuming and inefficient, clunky vacuums. My new vacuum could be easier to steer, but I'm so taken with its breathtaking performance that I'm making allowance for this small flaw.

      Since I am home so much, even before the pandemic, and do the majority of Domestic Goddessing, I consider appliances my Staff. As you said, when they perform outstandingly, my home runs more efficiently and well.

      Delete
  3. Last year I went from a battery operated leaf blower that would barely last a round on one charge and would blow a little breeze at most. I upgraded to a heavy duty battery powered and love the way it blows now. It even has a turbo button for extra speed. Every guy and gal should have one. The problem is the dang thing is heavy and can give your elbow a workout. I too, use my leaf blower to sweep the front porch and back patio. Much better than trying to sweep it all with a broom.

    https://retirementcoffeeshop.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mitch--My new leaf blower also has a turbo button. The first time I found it, I swear it kicked me back. I reserve its use for Special Purposes. I have almost zero arm strength, and I have no trouble using this leaf blower. It's not lightweight, but it's not terribly heavy, even with the battery engaged. Of course, I won't be using it for long periods of time, either.

      Delete
  4. Wait... they make vacuums with self winding cords? That would be life changing, I need one of those in my life. I hate the winding and unwinding the cord part! Off to shop for a new vacuum now. Enjoy your new leaf blower and new vacuum, but please close the windows when you are using appliances so that officer neighbor of yours doesn't have to come arrest you for using profanity!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Martha--Oh, my yes. On my little Hoover, all I had to do was step on a little lever, and the cord raced right back into the machine, like a kid slurping spaghetti. Sigh. It was wonderful.

      I'm not sure he lives there anymore. And trust me, after the last four years of the former guy's administration, there was enough profanity slung around here to put me away for life.

      Delete
  5. Dee--Thank you! I know I will.

    No one is thrilled about how much new appliances cost. It's like paying ransom, isn't it? But getting a new dishwasher means an upgrade, and usually the elimination of a problem. That's a relief, at least.

    ReplyDelete
  6. My neighbor has a great leaf blower-vacuum combination that has a shoulder strap so he doesn't have to carry all of the weight in his hand. It has a vacuum bag to attach and he will climb on his roof and vacuum the leaves out of his gutters! It is a wonder to behold, I have to tell you! We still use rakes and old sheets to gather the leaves in our yard.
    I have a vacuum with a windup cord and clear view canister and I just love to see the dust and hair swirling around in there. I am always amazed at how dirty my house really is!
    I enjoyed all of your appliance stories very much! Lots of laughs! Thanks so much!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ellen--I've seen those leaf blower/backpack contraptions. They make the users look like Ghostbusters. Those people are way more serious about their leaf blowing than I will ever be. Rick climbs up onto the house and blasts the leaves off the roof and valleys whilst I cower in the house, hoping he is being careful.

      We use rakes and tarps and the leaf blower to haul leaves to the front as well. We don't even have any trees with leaves in our own yard anymore, but the people all around us do. It's astonishing how many leaves we still have to deal with.

      Isn't it terrific, the bagless vacuum? What a great innovation. Sometimes, I show the full cup to the cats and give them a little hell for all their hair in there. They could not care less.

      I'm glad you enjoyed my other posts (and my pain, LOL). My archives are at your service always.

      Delete
  7. I'm laughing at your excitement about properly working appliances, but I'm also nodding my head in agreement. I LOVE efficient appliances; they are so important to make our daily lives better. I get excited about my vacuum & coffee maker; don't get me started on my warming drawer. *swoon*
    In GA the Coach needed a leaf blower (we don't do our yard work in FL) and he was so excited to find a battery operated one. (it's fairly quiet) But, in our 'hood, you can't NOT use your blower on Sundays. Generally, I'm not a fan of rules, but this one sits well with me.
    Enjoy your quiet and lovely blower.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Suz--I used to have a warming drawer and never, ever used it. Clearly, I was unaware of its charms and potential.

      So, Sundays are designated Leaf Blowing Days in your Georgia neighborhood? I can only imagine the noise. Its only rival is power washing, and that drives me batty.

      I'm a big fan of rules if I'm the one making them. ;)

      Delete
    2. Oh crap. NO. No noise on Sunday.

      Delete
  8. Oh I get it. I was highly annoyed when others were not as in awe of our new washing machine as I was.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bridget--Is it the kind without the center agitator? I dream about having one of those!

      Delete
  9. We have a cordless leaf blower that I love to blow out my garage. And my cordless vacuum is one of the things I can't live without. No more cords to get in the way or scuff up my baseboards. Now I only scuff them up by pushing the vacuum right on top of them. I am in love with them both so I completely understand your happiness!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Meredith--You get it. I told Rick I was bringing in the leaf blower to blow out all the hair and detritus in the downstairs bathroom. He was horrified. (I have since rethought this.)

      Everything should endeavour to be cordless, just like all cans should be ring-top opening. Why on Earth should we ever need a can opener? The technology is there, just use it!

      Delete
  10. I think we should start a #gofundNance for a new state of the art can opener!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anni--That can opener! Rick refuses to use it and uses the manual one. I continue to battle it, swearing at it lustily. I just don't understand why it's so blasted temperamental.

      Delete
  11. I was just thinking I need a new vacuum...I may have to investigate the one you got. Mine is old and doesn't really suck much (though the chore of vacuuming does suck big time!).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Vera--Vacuuming takes me forever. Rick can get the vacuuming done in 10 minutes.

      Vacuuming Sucks! LOL

      If you think you need a new vac, you probably do.

      Delete
  12. I have a central vac. Heavy hose, as it is a very long one to reach the corners, but it does a fine job and is not noisy. It will reach out to my screened porch, just. But I understand what your problem was, as we have had many iterations of shop vacs, old vacuums donated by relatives and other unmentionable machines. Even if it is a new machine, celebrations are A Good Thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary--The central vac is not common around here, but one of my colleagues does have one. I am not sure how I feel about it. I'd have to see it in use. Probably I could find it on YouTube, right?

      Perhaps I shouldn't even look. It may dampen my enthusiasm for my own vacuum, and I could not bear that.

      Delete
  13. Thanks for the link to your leaf blower. It might be just what I need so that I don't do what you were doing with the vacuum outside. In general I hate leaf blowers, but could hate them a little less if neighbors didn't use them on Saturday evenings when all we want to do is sit outside in the quiet. But no! Seems like that's when our neighbors use them most often.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ally--I hate them, too, and for the same reason you do. Ditto power washers. Every time we want to sit out on our deck at the lake and enjoy the quiet and the view, the guy across from us decides he has to power wash his entire house, deck, dock, and boat.

      It's terrible how much noise outdoor appliances make. And how inconsiderate most people are as to when they use them. Our next-door neighbor gets up at 7:30 on Saturday mornings and runs his weed whacker, lawn mower, power washer, or whatever. He's done by 9. Then silence reigns supreme over there. Grrrr.

      You're welcome for the link.

      Delete
  14. Not sure my comment went through. You made me laugh. we power washed the house so I was in those awkward ultimately painful positions , as you describe .
    I think you asked me what a ham, a modified ham is. It is just my way of saying deli ham instead of a whole or half ham for Easter. For just the two of us. it seemed a more practical way to have an Easter ham for two.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kathy b--Nope, not me who asked about your ham.

      Glad you were able to relate to this post and get a chuckle.

      Delete
  15. I feel like the chores you hate the most need the best appliances, so they can be completed efficiently and you can get on with your life. I'll admit that your description of your new vacuum has me wishing we needed a new one, I am especially smitten with the idea of a vacuum pulling up the nap in our carpet and making it look newer. Our carpet is very old and needs to be gone from here, but I just don't have the energy to deal with it. Our house is small and cramped with me working from our bedroom, and the idea of trying to get new carpet in under all of it is exhausting. And if we had new carpet, we would really need to paint, at least our bedroom, which currently is in desperate need of paint. And if we painted, we really should get the stupid popcorn acoustic stuff scraped from our upstairs ceilings. We had them done a couple of years ago, and it looks so much better down there. Really, the best solution would be to pay someone to pack up our entire house, put everything in storage, and just take the dog and go on a long vacation somewhere, while people come in and scrape, paint, install flooring, and might as well put in new cabinets as well. Oh, and a walk in shower. That's my dream. And clearly, THAT is not happening, so I will just have to live with it all as is. But maybe a new vacuum would be a small start? And actually, it's been a couple of years since we had the carpets professionally cleaned, and that always helps a lot too. Sigh. Sloth is definitely a sin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. J--You are so sensible; I always like your perspective. Why suffer more through hated chores? Of course the best appliances should be employed there! You are brilliant.

      We are now dealing with years and years of ignoring the flaws and kind of half-assing some things around our home. Getting the lakehouse several years back added to our negligence, as our focus turned to it. Now we're facing some of the same things you are, like interior painting, carpet replacement, flooring, etc. I love your idea of packing it up, moving out for a while, and coming home to a redone home. Bliss!

      Delete
  16. LEAF BLOWERS: Well, I could certainly hate them less if they were no louder than a hair dryer. The guys who come around every week to do the landscaping on our condo property use these monstrous things that are deafening. (They congregate in groups of 2 or 3, all blasting away at once.) They changed their schedule recently to days when I am not doing online teaching, so that’s something because they used to be right below the window near my computer during class time. The ones at the uni are even worse: also monstrous things that are gas-powered, so you get the noise + the stink of gasoline walking across campus. They literally make me feel queasy.

    NEW STUFF: Of all the new appliances I have gotten over the years, my favorite is the fridge. We had a horrid old thing that was here when we moved into the condo; the original one installed in 1983! It was supposed to be white, but had yellowed with age, and was missing a glass shelf at the bottom. (My fault; I took it out to clean and foolishly used hot water while the glass was still cold.) I hated it with a passion. I researched fridges for a month before I found my stainless-steel model with the French doors and freezer compartments at the bottom. It was *not* an easy find; the space in our teeny tiny kitchen was barely the necessary width for the smallest model, and not a lot of depth, either. But I finally found one that was just narrow enough and extra tall to compensate. I told Mr. O. that we needed to remove a useless cupboard at the top of the wall so it would fit. He did. And it did. I was overjoyed. Also got a great price because there were no fancy extras, no ice-maker. I can live with that. To this day it still makes me happy every time I open it. Or just walk past it.

    Glad you found a new vacuum that works properly. It’s amazing how we can go for so long making excuses about an appliance that isn’t working the way it should. And all the time wasted! I bet you do the vacuuming in half the time, even if it doesn’t have the self-winding cord!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ortizzle--Oh, the commercial leaf blowers that the pros use are horrendous. And have you ever seen the riding leaf vacs? Or HEARD them? Even worse.

      I feel your pain about refrigerators. Each time we've replaced one, we've found it more and more difficult to get one that fits the space. And those teeny cupboards waaay up there above refrigerators? Who the heck can use those efficiently? They're only good to store Christmas serving pieces or other rarely used partyware. Best to knock them down and sell that stuff at a garage sale; you can use other dishes or stop giving parties. LOL

      HOWEVER--I cannot imagine living without an ice maker. Truly. I use mine many times a day since I only drink ice water. I even put ice in the cats' water bowl to keep it fresh. If I don't, they really bitch. I've created a monster with that one.

      Delete
    2. Oh, yes, the ridiculous teeny cupboards you have to stand on a ladder to reach. We rarely entertain, so I used that cupboard for storing 'emergency' paper plates, lol. The other great thing about my new fridge that I forgot to mention: the double doors make it possible to actually open then all. the. way. The old fridge door only opened partially because the distance between the fridge and the stackable washer-dryer facing it wasn't wide enough. Whoever designed the appliance spaces originally apparently just shoved stuff in but never actually tried to *use* it! I honestly think they installed whatever appliances were cheapest and literally build *around* them. SMH.

      Delete
  17. Nance, I had no idea that such leaf blowers existed. What a perfect solution for you! I wish all the world could use such leaf blowers. Our new neighbor, across the cul de sac, is obsessed with using his leaf blower--IN THE CUL DE SAC. He blows them every day and creates these hedgerows of leaves, again in the damned cul de sac. I am hopeful that our community's maintenance guys will come along soon for their spring cleaning effort and clear them out. But I'm not that hopeful. He's created more of a job for them than if he'd left the leaves alone.

    I'd never read that post about your can opener but I am certain that I have the same one. Yes, "have" not "had." Bo refused to use it so I ordered him a hand-held opener that leaves an un-cut edge. I had one of those for him and guests and he absconded with it in the past so that may happen again. LOL Anyway, I think about that woman being arrested for cursing "in public" and then I think about how my vocabulary has suffered during this pandemic and how my cursing has increased. Sigh. I sure look forward to reuniting with my dear smart friends soon!

    I tried a highly rated Shark vac years ago and the power head scratched my hardwood floor so I had to take it back. I wonder if that particular vac was an anomaly and I should try a Shark again. Many friends have Sharks and rave over them. My current vac just does not do a good enough job on the pet hair and I'm not interested in buying a Dyson pet vac because their ratings are no better than Sharks and their price tag is considerably more. The self-winding cord should be a requirement on all vacs, although I know that some vacs are so lightweight that they really don't have the housing to accommodate that feature. When I hired house cleaners a few years back, they all had some brand of backpack vac, which would frankly annoy the hell out of me. They didn't seem to be miracle vacs but just the act of vacuuming on a frequent and regular basis makes a difference of course. For me, having the mobile groomer come for the collies on a schedule once again also makes a difference in just how hairy my house is. Haha. I do sometimes fantasize about a pet hair-free house but admittedly, that would probably come with too much loneliness for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shirley--I'm with you: The last thing I want is to have my housecleaning apparatus hanging on my back. That would be too symbolic, and I would probably die from the Irony of it all.

      I have the magical can opener that leaves the uncut edge as well, and Rick uses it rather than the Devil Can Opener. I hate the manual one because it takes too long and makes my hands and wrists hurt. I guess it's six of one, half a dozen of the other/pick your poison.

      We had a Dyson (still do; it's at the lakehouse now), and despite their claims that "it never loses suction", it just didn't do that great of a job anymore, especially on cat hair. And when we got mostly Pergo floors at the lake, we switched vacs since the Dyson could lift its brush roller and our little Hoover couldn't.

      There's a mobile groomer in our neighborhood who visits the St Bernard regularly. The business is called Bubbles n Biscuits. Cute!

      Delete
    2. Ha! How right you are!

      Smokey would never wear a backpack leaf blowers either. They have been the thing for years but when I asked him why he didn't go for one, he said he didn't want anything on his back that could potentially catch fire. Made sense to me, particularly as it was gas powered. Plus, he smelled horrible after using the leaf blower and that was just after holding it while he used it. I can't imagine how bad he would have smelled after having one on his back. Either way, a shower was always necessary after using the leaf blower.

      Thanks for confirming my thoughts on the Dyson although I wish yours was an exception.

      Bubbles n Biscuits IS a cute name. With a St. Bernard, I'm sure I'd have the mobile groomer on a frequent visitation schedule!

      Delete
  18. Whether we agree or not appliances have made our day-to-day life easy. I am thinking of buying a similar leaf blower.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kajal--Oh, appliances have definitely made our lives easier, despite the inconveniences they may present from time to time. In some cases perhaps too easy. How many people do you ever see raking anymore? And I still prefer snow shovelling to snow blowing if the snow is not overwhelming, but in my neighborhood, I am in the minority.

      Enjoy the leaf blower if you end up getting it. I do very much enjoy mine.

      Delete
  19. Appreciate your appliance relationships! Think of what life was like before we had them.

    ReplyDelete

Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...