"Here," said the gods of Irony, "because you have been trying valiantly to be A Good Girl and stick to your Wellness Regimen, and because your hideous haircut has finally begun to Grow Out Into A Decent And Presentable Style, we are going to Screw With You."
And so it was that Tuesday, on my brisk walk, I fell face-down, full-length on the sidewalk. And in case you haven't ever done that, it really, really hurts.
Walking in our neighborhood is no mean feat. Our tree-lined sidewalks are a mishmash of old rocky concrete, recent cement, and original sandstone full of holes, waves, and sometimes grass; many of them are lifted by the roots of innumerable old trees that may or may not be around anymore. And an ongoing gasline project has introduced The Sidewalks That Are No Longer There, which are uneven mounds of dried mud and gravel allsorts. I try desperately to keep my eyes on my path, but after a while, I have to look up or I get dizzy.
The first thing I thought of once I reckoned with my sudden fall was my teeth, which a quick assessment told me were all there and intact. I carefully rolled onto my side and attempted to get up--slowly--so I could see if I had any injuries that would keep me from getting home on my own. I was lucky; aside from being scraped and bloody, nothing was broken or sprained. Once I got home--two blocks away--I could more fully see what I was working with:
1. Bloody--but not split--upper lip and philtrum
2. Scraped chin and cheek
3. Two scraped knees
4. One scraped elbow
5. Bloody skinned shoulder
6. Damaged prescription sunglasses
7. Wounded pride and vanity
8. Confirmation that Exercise Is Bad
It is important here to note that I Did Not Cry.
Not even when I realized that, for the next Eleventy Thousand Days, I will have a scabby upper lip and look like a female Hitler. I even kept a medical appointment FOR THE SAME AFTERNOON. IN ALL MY INSANELY BLOODY GLORY. And pain. (Holy crap am I sore. Everywhere.)
And people say There Are No More True Heroes.
It is to laugh.
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You didn't cry? Oh, you are a strong woman. I'm sorry that happened to you, so scary. Glad that overall you're ok.
ReplyDeleteAlly Bean--Thank you. It was a little scary. I am grateful that I didn't knock a tooth out. That would really have put me over.
DeleteI may not have cried, but I certainly would have had some choice words!!! Glad that you are healing up. I can't imagine what the doctor must have thought at first.
ReplyDeleteDee--You know, I don't think I even swore, which is entirely out of character for me. I was just so stunned that I fell. And embarrassed. And scared that I would be hurt far worse than I was. The doctor didn't even notice at first, busy looking at my chart, etc. She warned me how sore I would be in the next two days. So, so true.
DeleteCrap! I'm so very sorry! Mulder tripped me back in April, and I fell REALLY HARD on my knees, which exacerbated her to Unknown arthritis. Not the rheumatoid kind, the regular kind. ***Caution, swearing ahead***. It happened at the beginning of my walk, and I thought if I walked it out, it would get better. So we went for a shorter walk than usual, but much longer than I should have done. When, a good 15 or 20 minutes in, the pain was not subsiding, I will confess that I cried a bit and I called him a fucker. He just smiled his sweet smile at me, like, "Oh, yeah, you fell, but look, you're up! Remember when I pulled you into the pool fence a couple of weeks ago? Wasn't that great?"
ReplyDeleteCommiserating with you wholly here. I hope you do not have aches and pains for very long. I really do sometimes miss being 10 years old, and bouncing back so easily from such things.
j@jj--LOL! I think I was too surprised to cry and/or swear, and I had no one to blame but myself. Trust me, I would have unloaded on even a squirrel, gleefully calling it a fucker if it had had even a teensy bit to do with my fall. Poor fluffy Mulder, being called such a thing! LOL.
DeleteHey, I miss being 50--even 55--and bouncing back heaps better than I do now at 59 and still trying to regain my old strength and stamina Pre-D Deficiency Days. Or Pre-Menopause Days. Honestly.
And the arthritis thing--I get it and I have it. Thanks to heredity. Keeping moving IS usually the answer, but after a jarring fall, calling someone or something a fucker and crying is probably a better solution. Hee hee!
What a scary thing to happen! We go down so quickly, don't we. Any time I've fallen I've never once thought about my teeth. Thanks for giving me one more thing to inventory the next time I'm down. Glad you didn't break any bones.
DeleteJean--I'm glad I didn't break or sprain anything, either. Else, how would I have gotten to the hospital? I think I still had hold of my phone, but I would have hated to call an ambulance. The ER is only another few blocks from my house. LOL.
DeleteMy tears were from frustration, I think. I felt like my shoulder was JUST getting better from falling on it last year, and now another injury. All of the co-pays and tests involved, derailing my exercise plan, ALL OF IT. It's all better now, thank goodness.
DeleteJ@jj--I can well imagine that feeling. It seems that every time I am getting well and back on track, I get derailed by something, too. So glad things are looking up now. Let's keep them that way! Fingers crossed! (And do let Mulder in on that plan!)
DeleteOh NO NANCE!!!! What can your nurse friend do to help? ICE AND keep those areas very very clean. I hate to fall. SO GLAD your teeth are fine. I know they make a cream for reducing facial scars during healing. Did they mention it to you?
ReplyDeletekathy b--Thank you. I iced my face IMMEDIATELY, and it kept me from getting a tremendously fat lip. My vanity served me well. I did not see a doctor for my fall. My medical appointment was just for routine wellness tests. Right now, I have scabs on my face, so a cream isn't a good idea, is it? I know when I had to have stitches under my chin, the doctor recommended Vit. E oil and light massage, which did the trick. But with a scab...?
DeleteWow! I'm so glad you came out of that situation in surprisingly good shape, Nance! It seems that half a million people actually die in falls each year. Thank goodness you weren't one of them! I do know what you mean about being too shocked to cry or curse. It does happen sometimes.
ReplyDeleteShirley
Shirley--Nice to see you!
DeleteI'm glad, too, believe me. And grateful that I am short enough that I did not have far to go to hit the ground. ;-)
I am less sore this morning--Friday--but definitely have new bruises. And feel very Elderly at age 59.
Owie! I am so glad it was not worse. I have two agile and younger friends in casts right now from falls, so I guess I will congratulate you and praise your good bones. I am sure you hurt and am sending waves of sympathy.
ReplyDeleteHowever, you can tell everone you are a battered wife and watch your husband squirm. Unless he is going the cooking and pampering you, of course.
Get better soon!
Doing. Grrr.
ReplyDeleteMary--I'm glad my bones are not broken as well! I guess all that Vitamin D3 I'm supplementing is working. I am taking your sympathy; thank you very much.
DeleteI got a lot of odd looks at the grocery store, and not one person asked me about my wounds. I'm sure it would have been different if I were in a cast or had crutches. Perhaps a few were thinking about domestic abuse and wisely decided not to mention anything. Sigh. That makes me feel sad that it would definitely be something anyone has to consider, but of course, it certainly is.
It is disgusting that it has to be considered. I think I feel more angry than sad. I am dealing with the fallout of such an event lately and I want to shake the perp by the scruff of his neck like a bad puppy. And that doesn't even work for puppies.
DeleteI hope you can and will resume your walks with confidence and enjoy them, once you have healed. I resort to a foldable hiking pole on bad footing sometimes, but that makes me feel even older and more crocked up than I actually am.
Mary--I'm so sorry that you have had a personal experience with this issue. It's heartbreaking.
DeleteI want to resume my walks ASAP. Right now, I'm feeling a bit off in my gait. My left leg is quite sore and feels sort of "out of joint." I will start slowly and build back up. And may have to start by walking in the roadway first, unhappily.
Wow! Glad you didn't break anything. Hope you heal from this quickly and can find more even ground for your walking.
ReplyDeleteI have fallen walking across my driveway and managed to break my elbow. I've done a face-plant at a wedding that resulted in a smashed wrist. The list is short but each time was punctuated with enough cursing to make a sailor blush.
I bow to your grace in dealing with your mishap. You are a true super hero! Be careful out there.
Karen--Lovely to see you here! I like walking the neighborhood, and I hate to think I have to start walking in the roadway. Lots of other walkers and joggers do, but I dislike that. I haven't been back Out There yet; still trying to get my gait back. My legs feel stiff and sore and a bit "off." I'm taking it slow.
DeleteGosh, I really feel fortunate after hearing of your broken bones! I sure hope they mended without any lasting ill effects. And trust me: Grace had zero to do with my G-Rated reaction when I fell. Sheer astonishment took all words out of my mouth.
I do hope you have been well and happy. XO
Ouchy-wow-wow...I have taken a nasty face-plant...Though it has been years since it happened, the unpleassant memory still lingers...
ReplyDeleteMy Friend, you have my utmost sympathy and compassion...
Sending, best wishes, warm thoughts, love, and prayers for a speedy recovery...
Denise--Thank you, my dear. I will take all of your Kindnesses and am Grateful For Them. It was a shock to my system, but I'm quite mobile and counting my Gratefuls for no broken bones or teeth! My Vanity and Pride are the biggest casualties.
DeleteYikes! That's just terrible! And I know from experience that it probably took a minute just to hoist yourself upright again (wait - that made it sound like you are too large to move - but I know when I fell a few years ago I just had to sit there a minute because I didn't have the wherewithal to get up).
ReplyDeleteThanks for educating me about my philtrum - I actually pulled out my mirror to make sure I have one. Mike and I laugh about how unobservant I am, but that takes the cake!
Bug--You're welcome for the Newfound Philtrum Awareness. Mine is a huge ugly scabby thing right now, but I'm hoping it will soon be itself again.
DeleteYes, I did take a moment or two to reorient myself and get back on my feet, taking the time to assess the damage. I was so astonished and annoyed that I had fallen! I mean, good heavens! I was only WALKING. I am still slightly outraged.
Been there. Done that. Let's neither one of us do it again tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteBridget--Got it.
DeleteOh, so sorry about your fall. I had a similar fall on our stone path and sustained your injuries 1-5 plus a very bloody nose. I also had the Hitler bloody mustache and the scab seemed to last forever. Someone once said you can tell if you are getting old by the way people react if you fall. If they laugh, you are young. If they run toward you with fearful expressions...
ReplyDeleteThank goodness you have the stock of wine to help you get through it all. And BTW: You ARE my hero.
NCmountainwoman--I was walking early enough that no one was around to react. (For which I was grateful, since I was so embarrassed. But that is a great formula, and it rings so true!)
DeleteIt has been less than a week, and my face scabs already feel eternal. Thankfully, no one has mentioned them, and I've been In Public plenty. Of course.
Even if you are jesting, I will choose to believe you and Be Your Hero! And I shall strive to maintain that status every single day. Thank you.
So sorry. Been there done that more than once. I had an interesting experience not too long ago. Many months ago, while dealing with a bad sacral joint, I got a calf cramp middle of the night, (when else?) Trying to quickly get up, my feet hung up on the sheets, and I fell out of bed, my arm knocking over an antique lamp (which was saved by the proximity to the wall) and cracked a rib on the wooden bed frame. OK, so that's gonna hurt for awhile. MANY months later, during a ct scan, in my latest attempt to bankrupt medicare, I was asked by 2 different dr's "Say did you break a rib recently?"
ReplyDeleteSillyak--Thank you. I've never cracked a rib, thank goodness. I cannot imagine the pain, and to have done it in the middle of the night like that--yikes!
DeletePlease don't drain The Social Safety Nets with your piddly little concerns. Suck it up and soldier on. We're trying to shore up the country here and Be Great whilst piling up a ton of debt and bailing out farmers.
Like you and Bridget - been there and done that. Not fun and most embarrassing. I was sore for weeks (sorry!!). I did end up going to the ER and felt compelled to announce to all that my husband was not a wife beater (my face was very, very bruised). I blame my shoes (slides) which I threw out and have never bought another pair. so sorry this happened!!! Hope you are feeling much better.
ReplyDeleteVera--We should form a Club and have meetings with wine and great food. It can be our reward. We can start off with our Testimonies: "Hi, I'm ____, and I fell flat on my face."
DeleteFeeling better and way less scabby, but the bigass road rash type scrape on my shoulder is looking pretty gross and infected now. I'm off to the doctor tomorrow to see what I need to do next.
I am so sorry to hear about your fall. That just plain and simple sucks. Hope you are healing my friend.
ReplyDeleteMeredith--Oh, thank you. I'm fine, really. Healing up and feeling not quite so annoyed and embarrassed, too.
DeleteWell, that's a fine mess you've made! What is it with you Buckeyes -- one of my Columbus friends fell flat on her face a year or so ago when she was visiting in New Jersey. At least you didn't have to be hospitalized. You just can't tumble around like you did when you were a child.
ReplyDeleteJoared--LOL! Consider me Admonished. But, truly, all I was doing was my usual brisk walk. It's all so ridiculous.
Delete