1. At the doctor's office, I sat waiting for someone to come in and put a new dressing on my infected shoulder wound. In bustled a young health aide, who, after finding the necessary supplies with some irritation, turned to me and said, "Okay, I'm gonna put a new bandage on your shoulder now." She stepped closer, saw the wound, and her eyes widened. "Damn! Oh, no. Sorry for the bad language. But oh my --what did you do? Turn around; watch your face. I'm gonna put the gauze on and then I have to use tape." We laughed, and I waited as she applied the pads of gauze and then, as promised, the tape. She applied one, then two; on the third strip, "Bam!" she said triumphantly and stepped back to survey her work.
2. I had to go to the warehouse club today to pick up a few Necessaries. In the specialty bread aisle, I got bogged down behind an elderly lady who was kind of In The Middle Of Things, having wandered off course. Suddenly, I heard It. There was no mistaking the sound, either. Nothing else sounds like that, really, when there's not little kids around trying to be funny or someone with a balloon or something. This lady absolutely had farted. Or worse. And it was loud. She just stood there with her cellphone, very nonchalant. Moments later, she turned to see me and let me pass. I sort of held my breath and moved along. About five minutes later, there she was again, blocking my path at the dairy cases, phone in hand again. Standing stock still. And...I heard it again! How is this possible? Is she just a Serial Farter? Is it an app or a text alert sound that one of her grandkids put on her phone and she can't change it? I know it's Not Just Me; I only heard it when I was near her. What is going on?
Any goofy stuff in your days lately?
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What did I miss? How did you hurt your shoulder?
ReplyDeleteThe farter must have been eating gassy foods. But it wouldn't shock me if there is an apt for that. LOL
Jean--I hurt it when I fell last week; it was mentioned in my previous post.
DeleteA Fart Noise app wouldn't shock me, either. But this lady using it--and in public, totally deadpan?--that's too wild for me.
Boy, am I getting flaky! I even commented on the post about your fall.
DeleteLet's HOPE it was a text alert or a ringtone!
ReplyDeleteOtherwise ..... hold your nose and boogie by quick-like!
Dee--I know, right? Trust me; I held my breath a little as I passed her by, just in case.
Deleteyikes! :(
ReplyDeleteHope you mend soon!
Silver Willow--Thank you; me, too.
DeleteUgh I would have ignored it and held my breath. Ick ick ick. Why is it a horse can poop and I can pick it up without a face or a flinch but human gas and such is so gross to me. And I WAS a nurse for a long time. NEver got used to antibiotic smelling poop from a baby either. How in the world did you not tell her to get out of the Dairy aisle. Certainly that caused her flatulence. UG
ReplyDeletekathy b--She was so impeccably dressed and so completely unperturbed that I was more struck by that than anything else, I guess. The irony of her being in first the bread aisle and then the dairy aisle, both possible causes of gas, was not lost on me at all!
DeleteI have to tell you a sad fact. When your digestive system reaches three quarters of a century or so, it tends to misbehave in the most embarrassing locations. Maybe a poker face and ignoring the whole thing is not a bad response.
ReplyDeleteI hope your shoulder heals fast and that the mad bandager continues to amuse you.
Mary--Well, I get that. I have always been a bit of an Inadvertent Belcher (very entertaining during class, as you can imagine), even in my Recent Youth (late thirties onward). No way to maintain a poker face during that, however.
DeleteI'm really hoping I get the same health aide at my follow-up visit. She was a stitch. She also told me a very dramatic story about reaching for her cellphone in the checkout line at Target, not being able to find it, and assuming it was stolen. She made a huge scene ("Oh HELL no! Someone up in here went and stole my PHONE! Y'all better shut this store DOWN right NOW and get some SECURITY up in here!") before she discovered it had merely slipped into the lining of her huge purse. Honestly, I was laughing so hard I was in tears by the time I left the doctor's office. I kinda wanted to give her a tip.
I suspect Mary G is right. My great Aunt often farts, sometimes loudly, and she is 94. I'm not sure she even hears it anymore, it happens so often. Perhaps that's the case with this woman...it is so much a part of her daily life that she doesn't even notice anymore.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, I am so very sorry to hear that your injury has become infected. That can be scary, and is truly adding insult to injury. Hope you are feeling better now, or if not, then at least SOON.
DeleteJ@jj--I kind of like the idea of this woman walking around, looking stylish, using her cellphone, and farting with aplomb. What the hell; it's not like she's ramming into me with her cart or hitting me with a cane.
DeleteI feel fine overall, thank you. There will be a scar, but I don't wear strapless or sleeveless, so I'm good. It's healing up pretty speedily now that the antibiotic is on board.
1 thing, 2 things, 3 things; no more things - PLEASE...1 thing - 2018 Valentine's Day was spent driving all over Lorain County looking for a new refrigerator; before the old one went to the great appliance retirement home; on Feb. 19 we found the frig of our dreams/within our budget...2 Things - The first 2 frig that were delivered and had something wrong with them...3 things - We are now on frig #3 and are expecting a service man sometime next week - Big Sigh...The first two frigs were black stainless with regular stainless panels for the frig and freezer doors...When the manufacturer offered to send us a new frig - after 6 months - because the parts needed to fix frig #2 were on back-order with a expectant date of 'God only knows', they offered to gives us a new one...The question the customer service person asked my husband was, 'Would you like us to send you out a new one?'...His response was, 'Let me talk it over with my wife', he wouldn't tell them what I want him to say which was, 'No, we want to keep this one that isn't working right'...
ReplyDeleteI am at the please point now - Frig #3, when you close the frig door, the freezer door pops open 'just a little bit' and then the frost detector detects frost and starts defrosting the frig...the first time we heard the defrost cycle we thought our kitchen was haunted, or we had a wounded animal in our kitchen...
As I said earlier in this post - Sometime next week, we don't have an actual time yet, a service rep will be out to see what our problem is...I'll let you know how this progresses, or not...
Sounds like you are on the mend, that's awesome...Have a wonderful weekend, my friend...
Denise--Oh, these damn refrigerators! You'll get tons of sympathy here about that subject, and not just from me. They're all horrid, and it doesn't matter how much you pay for them or how carefully you shop and compare. Ours has just started freezing everything in the produce drawers and bottom shelf AGAIN. (Something it did only a month after we bought it.) Sigh. My deepest sympathies. Bless your heart.
DeleteWhen she let you pass, she was just returning the favor...
ReplyDeleteSillyak--We both chose our words very carefully for this post/comment. ;-)
DeleteSure hope your shoulder gets better. Oh dear, that poor farting lady. I think such can be a problem for some -- one of agings treats in certain circumstances. I recall having an upset of some sort earlier this year when certain body movements caused a few to escape me inadvertently. Fortunately, think it didn't occur in confined spaces when I was in public, but easily could have. Thank heavens that problem got cleared up within a few days.
ReplyDeleteJoared--Each day I've changed the dressing, it's gotten markedly better. I can even sleep on that side now. Thank you.
DeleteThanks to the comments of a few people above--and now you--I've completely reformatted my outlook on the Serial Farter. I mean, there she was, nicely groomed and fashionable, acting completely nonchalant about zipping out some pretty audible gas. I'm kind of in awe of her now. What an attitude!
I think this is a good example of little things I never thought of when I was younger -- you know, in my fifties and sixties. I didn't realize anyone could ever have such a problem. We often never know until we experience the issue ourselves. This is one I was surprised to learn first hand. Of course, maybe the lady you saw was just boorish! ;-) We have to make those judgments in life about how and why people behave as they do. Sometimes we never know if we made the correct call.
DeleteHope I don't offend you with this tale but ten years or so ago I had an unusual problem on a lengthy redeye flight from east coast to west coast. I had been snacking on raw veggies, including broccoli, I had carried on board in a little plastic bag -- feeling so proud of myself that I would avoid sweets. In retrospect I concluded that had I been able to relieve some pressure I began to feel building after hours into the flight, I might have avoided my problem that began developing halfway or more across the continent. My two stranger seat partners were asleep by then, and I was in the window seat. I didn't want to disturb them since I was thinking all I was feeling would clear up. Not so, as I avoided producing the socially unacceptable sound and possibly offensive aromas. Instead, I developed what became a serious medical issue which ever since I've taken care to avoid having reoccur.
My last hour of flight was horrible though I had finally escaped to the rest room which offered little or no respite. I should have written airline officials about the unprofessional insensitive stewardess who started yelling at me but could have provided some help -- including some seating assistance which she finally did shortly before landing. She had been too busy focusing on talking to her colleague about her next flight going to Dallas. Once I was home the ability to sit in an uncramped position helped, but waves of periodic pain did not resolve over the weekend until I saw a specialist. He prescribed a med for what had not only created a condition but also had become an infection. And we all lived happily ever after........ ;-)
Joared--Goodness! Sorry you had such an unpleasant experience. Honestly, flying is truly a captive situation; very little can be done when you're trapped in a huge metal tube miles above the earth in the company of strangers and likely with no doctor on board. It's like a Flying Military State, really.
DeleteAt least during car travel, there might be an option or two, like stopping as soon as possible at whatever place is nearest.
What a nightmare scenario!