Monday, October 01, 2012

It's Like Looking At A Roomful Of Vegas Showgirls

Here in the Midwest we are often considered staid, provincial, even boring.  We owe our very existence to two rather pedestrian and mundane industries, agriculture and manufacturing.  Midwesterners are perceived by Left- and Right-Coasters to be unsophisticated and lacking in style.  We shop at WalMart and eat spray cheese.  We think Dr. Phil is God and Rosie O'Donnell should just admit that no one wants to hear about It anymore and go away once and for all, especially now that Will & Grace is canceled.  And if that Michelle Obama shows up in a sleeveless dress one more time...!  It's fine if she's looking to do a Playboy, we say, but her husband is running for President of the United States!  Thank Goodness Mrs. Romney has a little more class and modesty.

But not all Midwesterners are so modest and retiring.  On one of my walks I discovered a house whose tenant put her...jugs right on the front porch.

You can see she's got quite a rack out there.  I figured, what the hell.  I'll take a picture; it'll last longer.

Nice rack of jugs. 

More jugs...and wow!  Just noticed on either side of this rack...what a crock!

So much for the Midwestern Modesty.  The nights are getting much colder here in Northeast Ohio.  I can't imagine how those things will hold up once it frosts.


  1. I have an empty growler on my front porch. It was there to remind me to water my tomato plants. I still didn't remember and they died but the growler remains.

  2. Mikey G.2:13 AM

    We're having a heat wave here in San Francisco, with several days of 80-85 degree weather. And it's HORRIBLE! It's usually significantly colder than this, so houses were built to keep the warmth in. This means that during a heat wave like this, it gets really, really hot inside, and there's not too much we can do about it.

    Although lucky for me, even in liberal California, I don't have to stare at my neighbors' jugs. That's just nasty.

  3. fauxprof12:54 PM

    Here in the far northeastern corner of the Midwest, instead of jugs, I have geraniums that Just. Won't. Die. They are scraggly and unattractive, and I want to put out my fall door wreath and buy some pumpkins and chrysanthemums. Yet the geraniums live on, and I can't bring myself to do them in. At my age, I identify with them, and admire their tenacity. There's a lesson in there somewhere, or maybe a metaphor.

    Maybe the geraniums can coexist with the pumpkins; after all, the seasons can be mutable, here in the far northeastern corner of the Midwest. Akron is just a state of mind.

  4. fauxprof--My brilliant red geraniums are hardy and gorgeous. I don't do Fall Decor, so they stay where they are.

    Perhaps you can relocate them to the backyard/porch? Or, failing that, how about:

    1. Cut them back and put them in the basement and see if they'll winter over and be ready for next year.

    2. Buy some craft picks of jack o' lanterns, ghosts, and arched black cats and place them in the pots. Instant Halloween Geraniums!

    3. Buy really big, bossy pumpkins that hide the geraniums and relegate them to the back row.

    4. Invite my husband to your house. He is merciless and ruthless and unsentimental with vegetation. He junks plants left and right with no regard. Someday, I will tell you the story of our hostas and his weedeater, but until then, read this.

    Mikey--You know, this summer, that temp range would have been relatively cool in NEO. How goofy is that? Today, though, very decent. 60s, but cloudy and rainy off and on. Very...SFish!

    TPatti--I had to ImageSearch a growler because the only non-animal one I was familiar with was the iceberg variation. I'm assuming you mean the juglike beer bottle? My brother, a beer can collector from aeons ago, had one that used to contain Grolsch. He was largely unimpressed with the contents, but liked the bottle.

  5. I'm somewhat envious of those jugs, but I don't really need them. I have enough trouble with the my own jugs...

    We have a pet geranium that we bring in every year - it's 6 years old now! We tend to let it just go hog wild in our spare room all winter & then trim it back in spring when we put it outside again. It had its best year ever this year - apparently it's been waiting for 90 + degree days All Summer Long.

  6. fauxprof3:07 PM

    Nance,thanks for the link to your successful houseplant saga. It totally lifted my melancholy mood. No house plants for me, I fear, due toa small, elderly and contrary cat whose philosophy is "If you don't want me to have it, then it must be food."

    The outside plants do well, since she is an inside cat. They somehow survive my clumsy ministrations, as my only claim to a green thumb is gangrene. I also have a husband who is fairly ruthless about garden matters. Any day now, realprof will be making noises about buttoning up for winter and putting the planters in the shed.

    Time to go to Amish country and buy some jugs?


  7. Nance,

    I have solved the problem of successfully raising a cactus plant in Pennsylvania.

    Listen carefully and take notes.

    Here is how you,too, can have a beautiful cactus plant in Ohio.

    The main thing to avoid is overwatering..That is the kiss of death.

    Watch the Weather Channel and when it rains in Phoenix,water your plant...I call it the Cantore method.

    When you see that poor guy standing up to his waist in water, then you take action. Not before!

    My cacti are outstanding..

  8. Nancy--Dearie, you gave this advice in the comments section of the post I linked to, above. I am glad to know, however,that your plants and Green Thumb credentials are still thriving!

    fauxprof--Oh, heavens! I even have posts about Amish country, thanks to my brother having a house in Ashland County where there are twice-yearly garage sales at the lakeside community. Someday, you will browse my archives during a fit of insomnia or boredom and find them and laugh and laugh.

    My cattens are indoor pets as well, and arrived well after my houseplant attempts. The previous cats were evil about plants, so I fully understand.

    Bug--You and The Professor have incredible skill with Growing Things. I am always envious when I see the pix on your sites. I tore out my tomatoes over a month and a half ago, and the green ones never even ripened on my counter or garden window! Whitefly decimated my garden although my jalapenos went nuts, as did my herbs.

    Your yarrow is magnificent. That geranium knows a good deal when it sees one--it'll stick around as long as it can!


  9. Nance,

    Am I losing it at last? Are my comment days over?

    Say it isn't so.....I thought I had at least another year or two in me, but my cup no longer runneth over with snarky remarks and/or puns all fun and glory or limericks that tell a story..

    I am a shadow of my former self.
    I wouldn't blame you if you had me stand at attention while you tore all the buttons off my suit, slapped my face and sent me away in disgrace.

    Can you find it in your heart to give this old age punster another chance?

  10. I have some nice jugs too, but I'm a modest Virginian and only display them on my hearth.

  11. I just KNOW you're dying to see a picture of my jug.

    Mikey G is right, the weather here was HORRID...over 100 for a few days there, which I HATE, though living about 40 miles from SF, at least we have a/c. Keeping the plants alive can indeed be a challenge. There's a neighbor down the way who has two very large planters in their yard, a very pretty blue, that I covet. They cost maybe $120 at the store. This person, in all of the 16 years we've lived here, has never had anything growing in the planters, but they look PERFECT to me for my growing avocado plant. I'm tempted to go up to the door and offer $20 for one, and see what they say.

  12. j.@jj--Oh, go for it. Here:

    J--Oh, hello. I'm J. from a few doors down, and I just love your pretty blue planters! You wouldn't part with one or both, would you? Of course, I'd be happy to pay you.
    (all said sweetly and with a warm smile.)

    Neighbor--Um, oh, how nice. Well, they came with the house, and we're not plant people. So...let me talk to my husband/wife and if you leave me your number, I'll get back to you.

    OR--the whole thing could go terribly awry and they'd think you were a nutcase. Your call.

    Now, as far as YOUR jug--that is the first Musical Pope Jug I have ever seen. Thanks for showing me your jug.

    V--And here I thought Southerners were eccentric and put all their crazy out on the porch! LOL. It's only 45 here in NEO today. I'm thinking of having a fire--first one of the season!--for coziness. Your jugs would get decidedly toasty, were it your house.

    Nancy--Don't you dare to leave the Dept. comments section! You'd be mourned and missed by everyone. As far as repeating yourself, hell, I think I've done it a few times in posts here and there.

    You add fun and laughs to the discussion, and you're terribly clever. Stay right where you are.

  13. Thanks, Nance.I appreciate your kind words. PHEW! Did you hear that, Everyone? I can Stay!

    Now, did I ever tell you how I know when to water my cactus plant?

  14. Nancy--NO! What cactus plants? I can't wait to hear all about it.

  15. LOL - I always love the conversations here. Sometimes I wish we could all meet at the Bob Evans in Washington (Ohio that is) - we'd close the place down...


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