Monday, July 18, 2011

You Are Too Much For Me, Politics, You SOB! I Wish I Knew How To Quit You! My Look At The republican Field, Such As It Is.

The field of 2012 republican presidential candidates is still growing
 Oh, those republicans.  Look at them.  No, seriously:  LOOK AT THEM.  What a sad little herd they are.  All the Serious (R)epublicans are, right this minute, peeing themselves and saying, "Holy shit!  Get out your checkbooks and see if we can get Colin Powell to run!"  Because, really, have you LOOKED AT THEM?

I mean besides the picture provided at the top of the post.

I have, and it is, as my son Jared would say, a dumpster fire.

Nothing but unmitigated glee was in my heart the day Michele Bachmann formally announced her candidacy, for I knew that this was going to be a Sarah Palin/Christine O'Donnell Hybrid Run For The Flames.  That poor woman--she has no idea just how stupid she really, really is. I honestly believe that the media declared her the winner and lauded her performance at the "first big debate" in order to give her a false sense of security and encourage her to make more of her stunningly idiotic pronouncements.  It did not take long.  From declaring nine-year-old John Quincy Adams a Founding Father to saying that she wants to take the country back "from the people all across the nation," Mrs. Bachmann just keeps on proving that anyone can graduate from Oral Roberts with a degree in something.  Or that Minnesota voters just elect women who are somewhat attractive.  And, apparently, liars and hard of hearing or mulishly stubborn, as is showcased in this interview with the astute and patient gentleman, Bob Schieffer, in which she was confronted with her PolitiFact record and simply refused to answer his question multiple times. Need more Crazy?  Click here.  My prediction?  Pretty soon, she'll realize that she's in way over her airhead.  She'll do a CopOut Dropout and use this excuse:  "The constant negative media scrutiny and invasiveness was beginning to harm my family, including my TWENTY-THREE FOSTER CHILDREN.I cannot risk harming them or their privacy, which they deserve.  For their sake, I am reluctantly withdrawing my candidacy. Blah blah blah."  In the meantime, enjoy the show.

Poor Tim Pawlenty.  What on earth is he even about? ; No one, not even he, knows.  This Baloney On Wonderbread Factor is something that the media glommed on to right away, and poor Tim can't shake it.  He's just The Nondescript White Guy Without "It".  He's No Sizzle And No Steak.  And he can't get history right, either.  I saw that way back on 21 February of last year. That was when I took the governor to task about his lax interpretation of the Declaration of Independence and his bullshit parroting of republican doctrine. He basically said Nothing.  And now, when the media is magnifying that Vast Void, he is trying on a bunch of new personalities, like Peter Brady.  But he just sounds goofy and we all know it's just more Porkchops And Applesauce.  He won't last long; the media have already pronounced him DOA after Iowa, which is patently ridiculous, especially in light of the fact that Bachmann is leading there, but all the same, he's a goner, despite his cool, new, urban-chic nickname (yet it, too, has...unfortunate associations).  "T-Paw" is Toast.

"Don't Call Him A Washington Insider" Newt Gingrich is still hanging on, but even he isn't taking it seriously anymore.  This is the candidate who blamed Patriotism for his marital infidelity.  A man whose outstanding balance at Tiffany's is more than most people's net worth.  This guy goes on vacation and his whole staff just says, "Hey, everyone, now that he's gone, whaddya say we quit? Grab your coffee mug and I'll meet you outside in...say, five minutes?"  But let me tell you:  When Newt first announced he was In, I watched him on Meet the Press.  He got down and dirty and bashed Paul Ryan's Almighty Plan and told it how it was.  I was impressed.  Until a few days later.  That's when he caved to Limbaugh and his minions like all the other republicans and had to sob and placate and walk it back like a penitent supplicant.  What a load.  Newt won't go far, but he might be just enough of a sonuvabitch to stick around for a few primaries to be that sonuvabitch.

Oh, Rick Santorum.  He would amuse me if he weren't so scary, like a rogue clown at the circus that hangs around the tent flaps and pops out to scare children but says he didn't mean to.  There's just something awful and unseemly about him. And his Google Problem doesn't help, really.  Yet, he brought it on himself.  He is rampantly, frighteningly, misogynistically, homophobically, unrelentingly conservative with all the tonnage that brings.  He is Sarah Palin's twin, really, except for the Roman Catholic part.  For more of Rick's Ravings, click here.  What really frosts my cupcakes about Rick Santorum, though, is that he's just so maddeningly dumb. He thinks he's being triumphantly sharp and clever and erudite, like this defense against abortion:  "The question is -- and this is what Barack Obama didn't want to answer -- is that, is that human life a person under the Constitution? And Barack Obama says no. Well if that person, human life is not a person, then I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, 'No, we're going to decide who are people and who are not people.'" Oh, Rick Santorum.  It's not even that you're being racist here. It's...well, wait.  This says it for me. How long for Rick Santorum?  We've already seen the end of this movie in the last presidential primaries.

Mitt Romney, bless him, at least has a brain.  When the WackJobs over at some Christian fundamentalist conservative exclusionary society hauled out their Naughty Things List, Mitt said no.  He said signing any oath or pledge or God Warrior Scouts For Jesus Promise was a non-starter, and that the document "contained references and provisions that were undignified and inappropriate for a presidential campaign."  That, the Brain Thing, and being a Mormon just lost Mitt all of the teabagger vote and there goes the republican base for the early primaries.  Add to that Massachusetts Mitt's Healthcare Albatross, and he just can't get a break. Mitt also made a lousy joke about feeling the pain of those without a job because he was also unemployed.  Wow.  Really?  This from a guy who most pundits agree lost the nomination in the last go-round because the perception of the (non-teabagger Christian fundamentalist God Warrior) republican electorate was that he tried to buy it. With his own moneyEntirely.  That, and he is a dead-ringer for the Muppet Guy Smiley, as I noted here in 2007.

I cannot even go on.  Herman Cain? The man's PAC is called "The Hermanator."  Ron Paul is getting to be like the old comedian Pat Paulsen or Lyndon LaRouche.  He keeps running for President of the United States, gets a few fans/supporters and a platform, and then what? ... Exactly. And of course the media are on High Alert S.Palin Watch.  Once she dropped the Paul Revere Quote and had to answer for that, she cut her summer vacation pretty short, didn't she?  Let's review that, though, because, well, it's just too wonderfully asinine not to wallow in its Snark Potential.  Remember, Sarah Failin' said that it was a typical "shout-out, gotcha-type question" that provoked this sad, gnarled, I-didn't-study-but-maybe-if-I-fill-up-the-space-the-teacher-will-just-give-me-credit-and-not-really-read-it, remedial second-grade response:
"He who warned, uh, the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms uh by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed."  Oh, and that "gotcha" question?  Ahem.   “What have you seen so far today and what are you going to take away from your visit?” Oh, bless me.  I would have Ever So Much Fun if she decided to run, but she's in the perfect situation right now.  She has all the power and no responsibility whatsoever.  She can peddle her Crazy to the Faithful with impunity and get paid for it.  If she falls out of favour with The Media Machine, she and her husband can go somewhere outdoorsy or significant and become amourous, have another child, and name it after the place wherein they did it.  That's how they named all the other ones, obviously.

The republicans would love to be able to pin their hopes on Jon Huntsman..if he had not already worked for President Obama.  He's sane, he's smart, and he's moderate.  But he's a Mormon.  Can he or Mitt pull a JFK ("it's not what church I believe in but what kind of America I believe in")--or should they, even--and confront the republican base with at least that One of their Many Prejudices?  Sigh.  Not worth it.  Huntsman can't be The One either.  He favours civil unions and, as I said before, he's Mormon and moderate.  He's already done.

And can someone please tell me who is the Doodah advising Gov. Rick Perry?  Although considering how long it took for most of the republicans to wake up and really see Sarah Palin, I should not be surprised that he is considering entering this Clown Wagon Of Candidates.  This is the Texan who appeared at a teabagger rally and offered secession if Washington didn't snap to and behave itself while he was an acting governor.  I have to agree with my DemCrush James Carville who says, regarding a Perry candidacy, "He talks a lot and he's not very bright. And that's a combination I like in republicans."  Besides, America--think!  Republican, Texas...been there, done that.  At the risk of quoting Lord Help Me, Dr. Phil, "How'd that work for ya?"

 Right now, I have to say I'm not Entirely Thrilled with the Current President.  But run him up against any of these yahoos, and he looks like a winner.


  1. I've been avoiding all of this like the plague, preferring to stick my head in the sand and concentrate on summer fruits and swim meets. I can't say I'm sorry that I feel this way, but I can say that wow, I now feel up to date and in the know, having read your post. I confess that I didn't click the links...but I do know enough about the contenders to know that they're mostly bat-shit crazy, or else just unelectable, and you said. I wonder who we're going to get?

    I'm not thrilled with Obama either. But yeah, he smells pretty good next to this dumpster fire. (Love that one. Thanks Jared.)

  2. Palin's been ailin' and failin' since she decided to be a publicity whore and quit her governor's job for the Palin Family (un)Reality Show and as many book deals as she could muster. And Michele, ma belle, she's got to be this woman's sidekick. Imagine the two of them on the Republican ticket in a side-by-side trip down Memory Loss Lane.

    So here's my suggestion: they both need to hook up with Rick Perry (thanks for the state university budget cuts, Mr. P!) and have more rain dances ( Because if Rick doesn't succeed in becoming yet another D.R.T.G. (Dumbass Republican Texas Governor) in the White House, he could use some more Doodahs like Palin and Bachmann who could use their arsenal of history knowledge to help him re-write the school textbooks here so we all know that the whole bunch of them came from Intelligent Design. XD

    + + + + + + + + + + + +
    Very cool Word-Ver: "cryoke" That might just fit your entire Clownwagon of Candidates.

  3. You could not be more correct in your assessment of the republican candidates for President in 2012.

    I heard Reince Priebus lamenting the dearth of viable contenders the other day. He was looking over the slate moaning "Where is Harold Stassen when you need him?"

  4. Nancy--Stassen, indeed! Don't get me wrong, I'm not rooting for any republican, but honestly, this is ridiculous.

    Ortizzle--a cousin of mine was heavily involved in a campaign against the Texas Textbook massacre. She was even interviewed on CNN at one point. Seeing as how the Original Family are all repubs, I was so proud. Anyway, I'm off to see your link, but with lots of trepidation. I know I've asked it before, but WTF is it with Texans? What a bunch of wackadoos? (Present company and a few other blogfriends excluded, natch.)

    j.@jj--Oh, you should have clicked some of the links. They are hilarious. I found a few pretty funny things to show you, most of them pictures. The interwebs are a wellspring of humour and creativity. And, I know what you mean. I tried like crazy to get out of Politics, and I was successful for a long time, but Ohio's got really awful, and I had to get active again, and one thing led to another, and...sigh. But I am mightily sick of hearing the words "Debt Ceiling." What happened to the republicans taking over Congress so that they could focus on JOBS? Hmmmm....

  5. Ooh I wrote a speech about Lyndon Larouche & the lunatic fringe for my public speaking class. That was the same year I wrote one on Ronald Reagan. 1980 - before we knew what was about to hit us... Good times!

    The New Adventures of Queen Victoria comic strip had a series the week of July 4 about John Quincy Adams, the littlest founding father. Go here to see it: There's also a followup strip from today.

  6. YOU see the weaknesses in the lineup and I see them. The problem is that many Republicans are so blinded by their hatred for Barack Obama that they'd elect a monkey if he could wear pants and hold a pencil. THEY CAN'T see them. I will just say that-because I hail from the state which gave us one of the very WORST presidents in history, I fear that we will provide an encore to that event by sending Rick Perry. Talk about a dumbass! I fear for our future!

  7. I'm not a native Texan, and, no, I didn't get here as soon as I could, either, as a popular saying goes. That said, for every couple of wackadoos in this state, there is usually another person who is the polar opposite. Texas is eclectic if nothing else. Problem is, the right wing, ultraconsevative, tea-bagging ignoramuses are either now in the majority, or there are just more of them voting and running for office. *sigh*

    (I forgot to say before: I was so relieved when you put up this new post because the jelly-mold brain from last week was starting to get to me when I checked in for updates. Then I realized you just swapped it for a picture of Republican brains.)

  8. Ortizzle, Take Two--I apologize for the long time between posting. I have been "working" so that I can fulfill those pesky 14 days, and I heard of an untimely death of a dear but distant friend. I needed some time. I am not a good griever. Anyway, you are, of course, correct about TX, like any other state. And if you saw Ohio's governor on MTP Sunday and decided to judge me from his blustering, idiotic performance, you'd be nowhere near correct. At one point, after that moron got done pontificating, the camera cut to a shot of David Faber's face. His expression said, "Oh-kaaaay. Whatever THAT was all about. What a clown!" Priceless.

    S. Warehouse--Rick Perry hasn't a dead horse's chance in the derby. He may not even decide to get in, and if he does, he won't last long. Don't be afraid. This debt ceiling bullshit has really awakened a lot of people's outrage. The GOP is taking a major hit. Of course, will it last long? "Osama bin Who?"

    Bug--I have never heard of that comic strip. It's a hoot! Thanks for introducing me to it. I have never gotten over "Sylvia" being taken out of the PD, and to know I've never even had the chance at this clever, smart one is irksome. Good catch!

  9. The picture is priceless. Oh, and "dumpster fire" has become my new catch phrase. My friends were growing weary of "bunch of ass hats". I still sneak it in on occasion because it's just so fitting!

  10. Bellezza--I'll be sure to pass your admiration on to Jared. And that photo is wonderful, isn't it? And all I had to do to find it is to Google "elephant butts." I wish I could say that I Googled "republican brains" but,alas, that would be an untruth. But, hey, thanks for reading and thanks for commenting.

  11. Nance,

    It's Sunday morning and on "Meet The Press" someone had a wonderful observation from Winston Churchill who said:

    "You can always depend on America to do the right thing, after they have tried everything else."

    Andrea Mitchell had an interesting thought. She said that we are the only country in the World that HAS a debt ceiling. Why?

  12. Nancy--I was watching also. I have said the same thing A. Mitchell said since the beginning of this debacle. (Among other things that are incredibly inappropriate that involve terrible "lockerroom" metaphors and other things that make Rick cringe and delight Jared to no end.) Did you get the feeling that Hagel was writing a book about how social networking and the internet have changed politics in America and have ushered in the Next Wave? He was pretty one-note on that theme.

  13. I have always thought that Chuck Hagel was the type of moderate republican one could depend on to compromise or concede a point. He seems a sensible and articulate man.

    I wonder if he chose not to continue being in the Senate because of the many ways the attitudes of his fellow republicans have changed in recent years. I get the impression that he very much dislikes the current atmosphere in his party and opted out before he was also expected to follow orders from Grover Norquist and Carl Rove. I may be wrong but that is the impression I get whenever I see him.

    I hope you are correct and he IS writing a book. I would love to read it.

  14. Mikey G.3:37 AM

    Gosh, it's nice to be out of reach of all of the stupidity for a few weeks :-)

  15. I've been annoyed for most of this morning, so I must thank you for making my day with this post, Nance. I smiled and even laughed while reading it. "What a bunch of assholes," L said with glee as she noted the time of 12:54, beaming since drinking so early in the day is perfectly permissable.

  16. L--Hey, glad to see I helped your day along with a chuckle. And never forget The Bloody Mary--The Serious Woman's Breakfast. (Now, if you want to lighten things up, have a Mimosa!) I know, how useful I've become!


Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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