Friday, April 27, 2007

Why Brian Williams and Bill Clinton and My Husband Take Up Space In My Brain

It's strange the way the human mind works, and mine is no exception. As a matter of fact, mine works in such oddball and incomprehensible ways that I, at times, cannot even possibly explain its complex and twisting pathways, even to myself.

But, stuck as I am for a blogpost this week, I have to try.

I was reading my email, and in it was this astonishing comment from Ortizzle on my most recent Brian Williams Tie Report of 4-26:
Before you go psychotic, why not send him a beautiful, uh, say, forest green tie? I looked him up on Wikipedia: HIS BIRTHDAY IS MAY 5th! (When he will turn 48, by the way).

My first thought was: Omigod, my birthday is May 3rd and *I* will also be 48! This is some sort of cosmic sign that Brian Williams and I...but is this really how I want to be remembered: as the woman who became famous as the One Who Sent Brian Williams a Tie and Subsequently Was A Segment On The NBC Nightly News? But, how will I really be remembered? And do I really want all those people staring at me, remembering me anyway? I don't like people staring at me when I'm alive, let alone when I'm dead, and can't really do anything about it.

The rest of her comment said:
Anyway, you still have time. You could send it with an explanation of how you started the Tie Report, give him a link to DoN, etc., etc.

Well, that sounds really worky to me. It sounds like looking up the address, getting to the Post Office, which is always a parking and traffic nightmare in our town, and also like a bit of a pain. I'd have to carefully compose a really charming letter that would sound engaging, yet chiding, but without being too snarky. It sounds like at least two drafts, and I don't mean beer. And, remember, I have no online archives of The Tie Report, so I'd have to include hard copy transcripts, and some of them are...well, downright biting. Easy for Ortizzle to say, and honestly, she did offer to share any expenses (which was really sporting of her--I like her! I really like her! see Sally Field Oscar acceptance speech), but I'm just in this for the casual nature of it all. I fear commitment at this level; it's the man in me....

And speaking of men, I then branched out to: I wondered if perhaps I was starting to become a bit enamored of ol' BW on a more-than-style level. He's kind of my type: boyish yet intelligent, not traditionally handsome, and a sort of sardonic wit about him, especially last night at the MSNBC Democratic Candidates' Debate. At which, by the way, there was no appearance by Hillary Clinton's husband, Bill, who I will forever love, as all of my loyal DoN readers know. He was in Russia, but I don't fear for his health anymore. I recently saw him on tv and he looked great and said he was feeling fine. He said he would do whatever he was asked to do, and I'm assuming he meant by Hillary.

I think that's a great policy. More married couples should have it. If more husbands had that attitude, the divorce rate would probably be much lower. Personally, I don't ask much of Rick. Lately, it's been pretty standard: get in bed first so it's warm when I get there; get up first so I don't always have to be the one to make the coffee; decide what we're having for dinner so that all I have to do is make it. Is that so terrible? Basically three jobs:
1. Warmer
2. Maker
3. Decider
That last one...seems familiar....


  1. Nance, the birthday thing is way too cool!!! I am sure you will have no problems coming up with the perfect letter to accompany your gift! Good Luck!

    "...the man in me." How often have we said that...Ha! Classic! :)

  2. Whoa! Before you compose that letter, consider what Rick will think if you go through with it. Envision it. BW announces to the whole nation, "And finally tonight, I'd like to thank my intelligent and inventive groupie, Nance, for this evening's excellent green tie. So, Nance, I'll look for you right back here on Monday night." Is that how you want to spend your Warhol minutes of fame? Sounds like trouble to me. P.S. I recommend you send purple; he looks so good in it.

  3. Very funny. I think you'd best get on it right away. Opportunities like this must not be wasted!

  4. Yay for birthday excitement next week. Mine is on Wednesday, but we're celebrating it tomorrow. That means a trip to the casino, a nice dinner, and my first trip to a strip club! Sadly enough, the dancers will be females. But that still leaves my male strip club virginity untapped. Maybe on a downer sort of a day, we could both work on that ;)

  5. I personaly did not enjoy Brian's purple tie that was worn for the debates. It was a bit too girly for my liking. However, I did, and always do, enjoy the silky smooth sound of his voice. Yum!

  6. Anonymous10:52 AM

    It was a real surprise when I looked up Brian and saw that his birthday was imminent, and I also thought it was cool that he was the same age as you (I forget how I knew that but I think it came out in another post or comment somewhere), but now I find out that your birthdays are two days apart! Nance, that really did blow me away.

    And, of course, it is a sign. You really must do something. But you don't have to bother with the Post Office. There are other outlets right at your fingertips:

    Brian's blog:

    Brian's email:

    So... comment on his blog. Send him an email with a virtual tie:

    The world is just full of possibilities. And, apparently, ties. Your exquisite fashion taste should not go to waste. And really, you report daily on this man's ties. The commitment is already there. ;-)

  7. No love of ties or intelligent men is worth that post office. (I'm particularly bitter right now because I'm just back from there.) I think a nice card would be much more appropriate. I would be terribly nervous to mention the tie report. If he knew about it, would you begin to censor yourself in order to save his feelings? It just wouldn't be the same anymore. Mention in the card that you would like to see him in a green tie some night and see if he does it. That would be very exciting for both of you, without making it a big public thing. Ooh! I'm getting goosebumps!

    I.H.-- When you go to see the naked men, I'll be happy to chaperone! I know a great place in Niagara Falls!

  8. Rick for President!

    We need a new decider. And one with imaginative ties would be a good start!

  9. tera--sigh. are you nagging me right now? because it sounds like you are. do not get me started whining. ask rick. it's just not pleasant.

    sputnik--sigh. is anyone actually reading my blog? because i thought i wrote that i was NOT going to send him a tie or a letter. (and i have been bitching about how i am sick of his purple ties in the tie report for 4 months now.) but now, since you wrote what he might actually say to me on the air, and it sounds so wonderful--i'm imagining his voice saying it--i may have to reconsider.

    deezee--i'd feel better if someone else did it. and by "feel better", i mean "less work involved for me."

    ih--happy birthday early! what the heck are you going to do at a girly bar? whose idea was this? at least the casino will be fun, and with luck like yours, you'll probably win your tuition.

    nina--the debate was entertaining, thanks to The Loose Cannon from Alaska. He's the new Adm. Stockdale. wasn't he a hoot? as far as bw's tie, i didn't find it "girly." the only way i'd find any tie girly is if it had naked men on it. hey, ih...!

    ortizzle--i take back my comment to tera. you, my dearest, are nagging me. your husband must be a saint. LOL. i am almost giving in to you based upon your persistence and enthusiasm alone.

    j.--oh my dear! i would never place anyone's feelings above fashion. i do have my priorities.

    v-grrrl--don't get too carried away. i said those are the things i ask of Rick. those are not necessarily the things i get. but i do pick out his ties...for the once or twice a year that he has occasion to wear one.

  10. Anonymous4:15 PM

    I am a terrible nag.

    My husband is saint. (He is also very witty. See most recent post.)

    April 27th Cravat Caveat: Painfully true. Time for Brian to come out of his purple funk.

  11. Anonymous4:27 PM

    Well, of course, I meant to say "is a saint." But I kind of like the way it sounds in the erroneous version. More penitent, almost.

    Veyheev! (WVWWOR = Word Verification Word Worthy of Repetition)

  12. LOL! Yeah Nance, you're forgetting I'm "new" to the Dept., I actually did NOT read the report! Sorry for the agitation :)

  13. We did the casino this afternoon, and it was okay. I lost fifty bucks, but that's how much I was planning on losing, so it's okay. Then we did dinner at a really nice Indian restaurant. Then we did the strip club, which was actually much more fun than I had anticipated. The place we went to was a really relaxed environment, and the strippers were mostly pretty nice. We got seats on the catwalk, and everyone in our group got a bit of special attention at least once.

    It's really hard to describe why it was enjoyable, but it was definitely fun. There were eight of us, all math graduate students except one guy who does some sort of computer science work, and it was definitely a good group. There were a few people who weren't really opening up too much, but the four people on my side of the group were really getting into it and just having a blast. It was surprisingly relaxing, if that makes sense at all.

  14. Fun post. I may have to start watching the news so I can...never mind. I'll just come here for the tie reports.

  15. Oooh...we like the same men. Well in this case anyway. I have many categories of men. These two are in my "smart sexy sophisticated" category. And by two I mean Bill and Brian. Not your husband, who I'm sure is very attractive as well.

    I'm going to stop now.

  16. tera--a little agitation every now and then keeps me humble. :->

    ih--strip clubs, regardless of the sex of the stripper, are really not my thing. once, at a private party, they hired a male stripper. it turned out to be a guy i once dated. no kidding. it was...awkward.

    fringes--sometimes, i totally forget what was actually reported on the news because i am so focused on his tie.

    brookelina--i have several categories also. but, really, bill is almost in his very own category. and so is rick. lol.

  17. Anonymous1:16 AM

    4-30-07: You said it! From tie-dye to The Tie That Died. I think I would almost rather see another shade of purple than have to look at egg yolk yellow. (A drag queen Diana Ross, LOL).

  18. Happy Birthday Nance! I'm late reading this post, but it's May 3rd! Have a great day!!

    And I must tell you that I actually visited Mr. William's blog a couple of months ago and wrote all about your tie report. I keep waiting to hear something! He's got to find his way to your blog one day and do a report on it. How could he not?

  19. Ooops I made a mistake with the apostrophe s! Please forgive me! I meant Williams'.

  20. anali--thanks for the birthday wishes! much appreciated! did you really tell BW about the Tie Report? LOL. I cannot believe he hasn't already contacted me. Yet, perhaps this is why he is wearing all the spite me for my vituperative reports. Sigh. Hell hath no fury like an anchorman scorned...

  21. Yes I really did leave a comment on his blog! I still have hope that you'll hear from him. Or maybe more people need to write comments on his blog?!! Maybe one wasn't enough.


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