Many, many years ago I was a person of absolutes. I used the words Always and Never liberally in my conversations, and I really meant them when I said them. So many things seemed so clear to me all the time. Distinctions were not fine; they were obvious and defined. I found decisions relatively easy and clear-cut.
In short, I was an idiot. And young. And lacked the wisdom and experience to know very much at all. As time has gone on, I've learned to stop using words like Always and Never. Instead, I say things like, "I can't imagine myself ever" or "At this point, it's my habit to".
As you can imagine, I've had to eat my own words many times. Here is a list of
Things I Said I'd Never Do, But Now I Do Them All The Time
1. Text
2. Use the word Text as a verb
3. Go out in public wearing leggings
4. Be okay with my kids having tattoos
5. Wear sneakers any time but for exercise
6. Let Rick go to the grocery store with me
I know, right?
Back in the early days of cellphones, I could not understand how anyone wanted to type on those itty bitty keyboards and pay for the privilege. It just seemed ridiculous to me. I hated all the stupid word shortcuts, too: ur for your or you're; l8 for late; cu for see you, etc. They irked me. Then! Students started using the word Text as a verb, and worse yet, they added tense endings to it. "He texted me that he'd be absent today." Aaarrgghhh. I swore I'd never, ever use Text as a verb, let alone pay for typing out messages on a minuscule keyboard. Not me! Oh, ha ha it is to laugh.
I held out on leggings for a bit longer, but not by much. Black leggings are my uniform, and you will never, ever pry them out of my grasp. I wear them 3.5 seasons out of the year, and I don't care if I have to use the lint roller every single time I step out of the house. It's worth it.
Tattoos are so mainstream now that my initial objections seem quaint and stuffy. I still wish my sons did not have them, but that's mainly because they are my babies and I remember them as that. All that beautiful, perfect skin that I knew every unblemished inch of. But their ink doesn't change who they are, and they designed meaningful illustrations, mostly of family emblems and symbols. Will I ever get a tattoo? I can't imagine a scenario in which I would.
See? I've learned to never say Never! How about you? Have you had to eat your words like I have? Or has it usually been your habit to avoid that situation? (I'm pretty good at this now!)
I have said never to crocs and Uggs - and so far, have held firm on that and plan to continue to do so. But other than that, yes, I've used always and never and eventually had to eat those words. That's the problem with being young and thinking you know it all....you can't see into the future. Unless it involves crocs or Uggs...then I'm pretty certain I would NEVER! ;-)
ReplyDeleteGigi--Oh, same! I hate Crocs and Uggs. I CANNOT IMAGINE myself ever wearing them. EVER. I want to hold that line FOREVER. Especially the Crocs. UGH. Every time I see them, I think, "Even if I have foot surgery or some other horrid condition, I hope there is some other answer for me than THAT."
DeleteI can identify with the “always/never” syndrome, although mostly “never.”
ReplyDeleteWHERE I HAD TO EAT MY WORDS WITH REGARD TO A FEW “NEVERS” …
—VOCABULARY IN SPANISH
As a Spanish teacher, my personal pet peeve with new words in technology was the habit of creating a new Spanish word by just altering the original English word, e.g., email = emilio Eventually I caved because the formal Spanish equivalents were just too long and cumbersome. Compare:
to text = (a) enviar un mensaje de texto vs. (b) textear
Even the Royal Academy of the Spanish Language eventually accepted textear because it became so mainstream. Or, as one of my professors used to say: “Academics make the rules, but the common people create language evolution.”
—NO LEGGINGS
I had a similar experience to yours. Several years ago, when I discovered how utterly comfortable leggings were, I said good-bye to pants, or at least buying any new ones. Except for work, and even then, I often wore leggings (with nice, long blouses) during in my final years. Didn’t seem to bother anyone, least of all my students. During the winter months, half the girls showed up wearing pajamas and Crocs. 🙄 (Speaking of crocs, those are still on my "never" list!)
— AS A YOUNG ADULT, I SAID I WOULD NEVER EAT BRUSSEL SPROUTS, ARTICHOKES, EGGPLANT, or KALE. Well, that sure changed. Except for kale, which I still can’t stand.
— DRIVE A CAR WITH AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION
But you already know about that, lol. I love my new “retirement” car. And I adapted much more easily than I thought I would. Only had a few incidents of confusion in the early days when my left foot, not used to being out of a job, prompted me to step on the brake pedal and the accelerator simultaneously. In case you’re wondering, that produces: zero movement, of course, and a sound you never want to hear a car making.
Ortizzle--I have tried SO hard with kale. It just tastes like dirt to me unless it's drowned in bacon grease or something else unhealthy.
DeleteYay for your modern retirement car! Rick also tries to drive my Prius with two feet, and my car actually flashes a warning on the screen. I helpfully read it out loud with expression every time. It doesn't seem to matter.
What about all the men whose name is Emilio? How do they feel that their name means email?
I really do want so badly to say NEVER with regard to wearing pajamas in public and ever wearing Crocs. Every time I see either of those things, I get irrationally irritated, and in the case of pajamas, downright angry. I mean, who was the person who started wearing pajamas in public and normalized it? Why was there no penalty? Ditto with wearing slippers in school/other public places. Grrrr.
I would like to say that I am a Live And Let Live kind of person, but we all know I am NOT. Not when it brings about the downfall of Civilized Society.
Kale:
DeleteI used to try chopping it very finely to add to a salad. No dice. The texture and the bitter taste still dominate.
Men named Emilio:
Never knew a single one when I lived in Spain, although I did know a few men called Emiliano. But, yeah, it would have been tough for Emilios back then. That term eventually died out in favor of “correo-e”, a shortened form of “correo electrónico,”= electronic mail. Which is kind of funny, because when I learned the word email, originally e-mail, of course, I never really thought about the “e” standing for electronic. Kind of like “iphone.” Lots of theories on that one, although I think one of the standard explanations is that the “i” was for Internet.
Jammies & Crocs:
The whole pajamas thing in public thing is just the limit. I think the college girls I taught got into the habit during the last few years I was teaching because they probably wore them at home when they attended “internet classes” for a year and a half during Covid. They were rarely on camera, and if they were, it was just a head shot. So that habit may have started as a carryover when we returned to campus in the fall of 2021. I still think it looks slovenly in public. And, yes “The Downfall of Civilized Society” is very appropriate. 😂 Wait till those college girls graduate and go on a job interview. Pretty sure they’ll scrounge up a power suit and suitable footwear, lol.
Tattoos:
I agree about the health risk. Something about that ink going into my pores… yikes. From an aesthetic standpoint, they seem kinda creepy when they use mostly black ink.
P.S. - I am not a fan of tattoos, but I pretty much tolerate looking at them on others except when they are all over their entire body. I often wonder if I would have gotten a tattoo if they had become popular when I was young. I don't think so, but... possibly a very small one.
ReplyDeleteOrtizzle--Ink in general doesn't bother me, but I still get a little twinge about it when I see lots of ink on women. It seems terribly anti-feminist of me, and I truly don't judge a person for it (my son Sam is heavily inked on one arm and one leg), but I think about eventual Regret, which may be stronger for a woman than a man.
DeleteIt's interesting to think about, whether or not I'd have wanted a tattoo if they were popular when I was younger. I am very, very risk averse, so I would say Probably Not.
So relatable. Example: there's no way to get through parenting without hypocrisy.
ReplyDeleteP.S1. I'm stealing the word "alwayses."
P.S2. This past May I got my first tattoo; I now have four, lol. I love them.
DB--You know, you're so right. We were always unfailingly honest with our kids, but when I think back on all the escapades I had in high school (and I was one of the more straight and narrow types!), and then think of all the expectations I had for my sons' behaviour, it's mindboggling.
DeleteYou may have the word alwayses and use it in good health.
I've heard that tattoos are addictive. My sister wants to get hers removed!
There are only two things I've consistently said "never" to:
ReplyDeleteThe first is having children. Never. Never ever! Throughout my whole life, whenever the topic has come up, I've had strangers give me a knowing look and say, "Ahh, you say that now, but when you get older..." But what we know, and they didn't know, is that I am wired differently.
The second is moving back to Ohio. It was a great place to grow up, but I could not live there as an adult. Never. And you can take that to the bank.
I was a "never having children" person too & thank goodness my husband is in agreement! My mom used to be sad (until my brother gave her grandchildren) but she ended up believing me. She had a bet with her best friend (the friend thought I'd cave) & she ended up winning the bet. Ha!
DeleteMikey--More and more people are choosing to be childless, and for a variety of reasons. I've even heard some very honest people say, "I don't want to share my stuff" or "I have really nice things and I don't want them to get ruined". I'd much rather people NOT have children than have them and regret it and take it out on the kids or be miserable.
DeleteI believe you about Ohio. We have a comfortably low cost of living here, and that's a nice draw. However, politically it's getting almost untenable for me. If Minnesota didn't have such awful winters, and if my grandchild weren't here, I'd consider moving there.
I agree that things get more complicated and nuanced as we get older, but I can't recall any Nevers. I hated text abbreviations, but I didn't even notice the word text transforming into a verb. I did think I would never text as much as I do, but I was right about not being able to learn thumb-texting: I am a one-finger texter and it is slow and annoying. I was always okay with leggings as pants - I love that tweet that goes something like "If you say leggings are not pants I will fight you, and I will win because I will have full range of motion in my leggings". I try to see issues from more than one angle, but I sometimes worry that this makes me too wishy-washy. I'm curious about not letting Rick come to the grocery store with you - is that your husband? Is that because couples grocery shopping together is too cutesy? I am intrigued, say more!
ReplyDeleteBibliomama--I, too, have to text with one finger. If you saw my thumbs, you'd know why. They are stubby and fat because of a strange gene I inherited from my paternal grandmother.
DeleteLove the quote about leggings! Back when I was younger, I used to beat my brother at Indian Leg Wrestling; all my strength is/was in my legs.
Rick is indeed my husband of 44 years. I always did all the grocery shopping alone once I retired. I detest the men who grocery shop or accompany their wives at my grocery store. They clog up the aisles and act arrogant. I don't want any second-guessing or "help" doing what I do and how I do it. I am a professional, next-level grocery shopper. Now, however, because of my illness, Rick has to accompany me. He does not load groceries correctly on the belt, but he is learning. And I do like that he adds a few indulgences that I used to dither over. He is less of a cheapskate than I am, which is a big turnaround.
Interesting. My dad did all the grocery shopping for years, because he got home from work earlier than my mom and made dinner most weeknights, and retired earlier than her and did all the cooking - when they were visiting us before they lived here, he would take one of my kids and go grocery shopping. Now his mobility is bad and for a while he could still go grocery shopping because he could lean on the cart, but then it was too hard to get things off the shelf that needed two hands, so now my mom goes with him. He's the least arrogant aisle-non-clogger you'd ever want to meet.
DeleteBibliomama--My dad was also the grocery shopper when I was a kid. I used to go with him. Afterward, he often stopped at a bar called The Sands Lounge, where he got a short beer. I got a Shirley Temple. He was always heavy on produce, which my mother got irritated about. It put a lot of pressure on her to use it before it rotted.
DeleteYour dad sounds like a gem. He is a shining exception to the sort of men who populate my grocery store.
Lololol "In short, I was an idiot."
ReplyDeleteNever say never, as they say (but no one says anything about always. Hmm.) My biggest thing was after my dog Barkley died, and even when he was still alive (but old and sick), I said that I would never get another dog. Never. And my husband's cousin said "Yes you will" and I flipped. NO I WOULD NOT. I would never love another dog like I loved Barkley. And he said "No, you won't. But you'll love another dog in a different way." I was hosting them for dinner so I did not say FUCK YOU DEREK because I am a LADY and a nice hostess, but I thought it. Anyway. Barkley died on June 30, 2022 and we had Rex on October 10, 2022. So. That never didn't last too long. And it's true, I do not love Rex the way I loved Barkley, but I love him so much in a different way.
Oh, I really was. And I'm happy to admit it.
DeleteYou are more of a lady than I am. I have been a nice hostess and guest who still has said Fuck You at dinners. Once even at Thanksgiving to Jared's new father-in-law, but it was well-timed and partially in jest. Important to assert the hierarchy, you know.
Anyway, they should not have spoken to you in such absolutes whilst you were still grieving. That was insensitive. You were well within your rights to be sharp with them.
I'm glad you were able to open your (huge and loving) heart again to welcome a new dog. Rex is lucky, and so are you.
I laughed out loud at ‘In short, I was an idiot.’ HA!
ReplyDeleteI’ve been an idiot about so many things, I pretty much can’t remember them all. I wish I could think of some of my nevers, but I can’t right now. I will say that I saw NO USE for a smart phone, and of course that means texting as well, and now, here we are.
The grammar thing reminded me of my daughter’s ex-boss, who would say, “I had text him to ask about such and such…” and Maya’s head would almost explode. She tried so many times to model correct grammar, but the boss couldn’t hear it. And this woman went to UC Berkeley, which is deeply upsetting.
J--It feels good to admit our own idiocy, doesn't it? We are only human, after all, and destined to be imperfect our whole lives. Sharing our flaws makes us more relatable and brings us closer to others.
DeleteThere are so many linguistic proclivities that annoy the hell out of me. Some people do tend to drop the -ed from past tense verbs. It's more common among Black speakers, but it can also be a regional thing. The one that's really killing me these days is the people who refuse to enunciate the letter T when it's in the middle of a word. Instead, the simply stop the word there and pick up the next syllable:
Ro. En instead of Rotten
Pu. En instead of Putin
It drives me insane.
I can completely relate to this, although I have always love leggings. I also took to the smart phones immediately, but was so annoyed, and still am, when people use the shortcuts and/or zero punctuation. I remember being so angry when my older son would turn in homework in high school using those abbreviations and it would be accepted. My youngest had an online class where his teacher used them all the time as well - totally unacceptable!
ReplyDeleteWHAT? HOMEWORK? TEACHER? *head explodes*
DeleteMartha--Those teachers should have their certifications revoked, be fired immediately, and, if possible, be imprisoned for life. Not even kidding.
DeleteI am completely charmed by having an ENTIRE COMPUTER in my hand. Smart phones are amazing. What a huge improvement over the old analog flip phone.
Dang nab it. I posted a comment while I was on my flight, but I think the WIFI was wonky and the comment didn't stick. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteI'm really enjoying this list format for your posts. Great idea. Very entertaining.
I'm quite sure that my younger self said these same things about never and always. I can't think of very many, but one that I know of for sure: I'll never have an iPhone. Um, I say this as I type (well, I tried to type it on my iPhone while on the flight) on my iPhone (now my computer). Bah ha ha.
The only other one I can think of it that I once thought that I'd never prefer spending time with Coach's siblings to mine. Eating those words.
Ernie--Thanks. Lists are a fun format and wide open for ideas.
DeleteMy eldest son still vows to never have an iPhone. Everyone else in the family has one, but he refuses. He's always been a contrarian who likes to go against popular and trendy things.
Sometimes, our own family baggage gets in the way of a good time or is just too much stress. I completely understand. I'm glad you have an outlet.
Ditto on most of your list (1-4) and on changing my mind too. I still can't use contractions like "C U" but use abbreviations like LOL or LMK liberally. IDK what says about me!
ReplyDeletemaya--Oh, I use LOL and TTYS. And, because I'm old, I employ some standard emojis, and not ironically.
DeleteMy father used to quote the old Pearl Bailey song all the time and say, "It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind."
As I mentioned above, the only never that I have definitely held onto is never having children. I just knew I wasn't good mother material & really had no desire to try.
ReplyDeleteI remember the first ever text I tried to send - it took me 20 minutes to figure out how to send a four word sentence. I still don't use abbreviations - I write my texts like they're emails. It's how you know I'm old. Ha!
I like leggings pretty well (especially the ones with pockets) but I find that they're not warm enough in winter (now that I'm completely through The Menopause). I should find some flannel lined ones!
Bug--I won't wear leggings without the side pockets, either. It's perfect for my phone. When I was still walking, my phone kept track of my miles.
DeleteFor colder weather, I did buy fleece-lined leggings to walk in and shovel snow in. They're so warm. In the house, regular leggings are just fine, and if I need more, I grab my huge heating pad and put it behind me.
My texts are all properly punctuated and full sentences, too. Old habits die hard. LOL
I also said no to leggings as pants but now I wear them! BUT I feel the quality of leggings have improved. I remember a time when people were wearing leggings that were QUITE SHEER. I do not need to see your skin through your thin leggings. These days my leggings are quite think so there is no chance of seeing my skin.
ReplyDeleteI am afraid to share some of the other things I've changed my mind about for fear of being like burned at the stake. So I will say that I was previously a Republican and shared many of the views of that party prior to 2016. But in my defense, the pre-2016 Republican party was far different than the Trump-era party. Now I would not touch that party with a 1,000 foot pole. Leading up to 2016, I wasn't sure if I would vote for Clinton but came to see that a vote for an Independent party was potentially helpful for Trump. So I did a lot of self-reflection and completed some surverys where I would answer a bunch of questions to see what party my values/priorities aligned with. So I voted for Clinton 2016 and now consider myself a moderate Democrat. And my husband jokes that I'm more liberal than he is now (he's always been a moderate Democrat).
Lisa--I think you're right about the leggings of yore. Once they became "athleisure" garments, they became more substantial and suitable for public wear.
DeleteI was just reading an analysis of this election and the reasons why the Democrats who won did so. One of the reasons was that, except for Mamdani, the candidates ran on moderate platforms and did not make trump an issue. They spoke to economic hardship and other indicators that people are most concerned about, the so-called Kitchen Table issues, not cultural ones. Many pundits believe that this is the kind of platform that will succeed in the midterms.
You won't get burned at the stake here, at least not by me. I was a moderate Democrat until Bush won his second term. Then I became a liberal Democrat. I did the same thing you did, read, researched, took surveys. I'll vote Democrat because they align with my values, so much moreso than the republicans, especially now. You're right: they're no longer the republican party. Sen. Lindsey Graham was prophetic when he said on May 3, 2016, "If we nominate Trump, we will get destroyed...and we will deserve it."
Kari--We have evolved! Looking forward to your list.
ReplyDeleteI am getting my notices of your posts as an email subscriber, and so they are coming in to me later than it seems most of your commenters are getting them. But I am here, even if I am tail end Charlie.
ReplyDeleteIf I put on leggings, I would look totally awful. But, there may come a day.
Here is my biggest mind change. I am not afraid of death any more. When you are the mother of young children, as I am sure you know, your focus is on staying alive for them, being there for them, I guess. Now, although I am scared of how I am going to die - I do not want to linger, eh? - I know my kids are alright. My grandkids are good. They will all be fine without me. So, I am not afraid of leaving them. If this sounds morbid, I do not mean it that way. It is pleasant to be able to relax that fierce concentration on Looking After them.
Mary--No, I don't think that's morbid at all. I'm watching my mother, age 95 and the last survivor of her siblings, live in astonishingly good health, but with Alzheimer's. I am scared that it will be my story, too. I desperately hope not. I don't want to live that long, especially like that. I don't want to be a burden on others.
DeleteAffairs are in order. Everyone knows what I prefer. I'm in no way ready, but like you, my people are settled for the most part. I'm good.
As far as posts, I was trying to get them finished the day before, but it became overwhelming. Now I am doing them the day of, if that makes sense. So the time that they get published will vary, and the emails will go out sometimes the next day. I'm sorry, but I'm doing the best I can with my energy level. It may be that I can't do the every day post as I had hoped.
Don't, as they say, sweat the small stuff. Publish every day you feel like it and curl up with a glass of the good stuff otherwise.
DeleteI hear you on all of these! And the only tattoos I have are internal - where they have marked removed polyps in my bowels during colonoscopies. I guess you could say my tattoos are all shitty ...
ReplyDeleteBridget--LOL! Good one.
DeleteNance, my list is almost identical to yours, although I can say without a doubt that I will never get a tattoo. I DO wish my girls didn't mar their lovely skin with ink, but here we are.
ReplyDeleteI also thought texting was so stupid. I mean, why wouldn't you just call me? Today, if you call me when you could just text, I'm eye rolling!
I also thought digital cameras would not be a lasting trend. HA! I resisted giving up my Film Camera and Coach had to work hard to convince me to go digital. That is hilarious to me now.
BB Suz--I feel the same way now about phone calls that could be taken care of with a text. When my phone rings, I'm always so surprised.
DeleteYou know, I cannot remember the last time I took a photo with a film camera, let alone a camera that was not part of my phone--maybe 20 years ago when we went to Alaska? It's a little astonishing how fast I've adapted to tech each time it came along.
Tattoos are not my thing (and with all my health issues, I wonder if they'd have an adverse effect) but I don't care if others have them. My new DIL has some small ones that you can't see normally. I agree with others on no Crocs (although I love the leather croc flip flops, which are very hard to find anymore--they only make the vinyl plasticy ones now) and Uggs. Leggings remain too much of a snug fit for me, even at home. I prefer looser knit pants for casual relaxing. I love leggings for everyone else though!
ReplyDeleteBo has told me some things that he says I told him I'd never do or he should never do and I don't even remember them! I can't remember specific examples now but every time I say I don't remember that, he responds that it's ridiculous because he kept my no-no list in his mind for years. lol Makes me feel bad but what can you do? There's so much that just doesn't merit that kind of zany zeal so to speak.
When in doubt, I believe my sons. Jared has a scary good memory. I often issue blanket apologies and say I tried my best.
DeleteI detest Crocs and Uggs. I would only wear them if forced to by some horrifying foot deformity. I cannot imagine wanting to get a tattoo for myself, especially now. If Rick suddenly wanted one, I'd probably be surprised, but not shocked.