Let me just start right in by saying that I am immensely thankful for all of you that manage to write so often over at your spots. You are Miracles and Superheroes, and you make my morning coffee even more pleasant. Sometimes, I have to peer over a giant orange tabby head to see you, but it is always well worth it.
Speaking of giant orange tabby cats, I think Piper's behaviour was kept in check by Marlowe, or she was a sort of calming influence because since she has been gone, he has really become a loudmouth and a tyrant. I'm not used to being bossed around by anybody, let alone a cat, but it would seem that I am that cat's bitch. And I'm beyond sorry that I ever, ever put ice in his water the first time. Is there anyone else whose cat demands his beverage On The Rocks?
On the rocks. Sigh. Let's get this onerous part out of the way. After more than 30 different blood tests, an MRI, two EMGs, and a few doctor's appointments, I've been diagnosed with Epstein-Barr and Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (EB/ME). ME used to be called chronic fatigue, a term that you're probably more familiar with. The way it was explained to me is that the E-B likely came from my severe bout of mononucleosis when I was 17. The virus lies dormant forever, like chicken pox. It can resurface anytime and cause E-B in some people the way the chicken pox virus causes shingles. My E-B is severe and accompanied by unusual stress, leading to ME.
I can't go into much detail about the unusual stress, but I'll just say this: in late August and half of September, we helped Sam look for, find, and buy a house. For him and Zydrunas. In all of October, we have helped him clean, refurbish, and furnish the house, move into it, and provide whatever support we could throughout. Jared and his family have been monumental support as well. All this had to be because someone's social media wasn't as fun as it used to be.
In November I'm going to try to post every single day and ignore all that stupid, unfair bullshit about my health situation and everything. I have to live it, but I don't have to talk about it ad nauseum here in my blog. I always appreciate your kind comments and any advice or support; I'm just not going to make it a topic here. I trust that you'll be grateful.
Before I go, I want you to check out this passage from Meet Me in Another Life by Catriona Silvey. I read this a while ago and greatly enjoyed it, even though its genre is not usually one I enjoy. Julie reviewed it and I was immediately drawn in. Anyway, I was reading intensely when I was jolted by this passage:
Maybe you're not a knitter or a crocheter, so this went right by you. When you knit, you use two needles. But when you crochet, you use one, and those who crochet almost universally call them hooks, not needles. Did this interfere with my enjoyment of the book? No, it did not. Do I wish that my brain didn't constantly notice these things? Yes, I do. Sigh.
Right now, I'm only reading our CBBC book, The Joy Luck Club, even though I have several books in my TBR pile. And let's not even talk about my stack of The New Yorker magazines. As I said, I'm looking to November for some fresh, renewed time. Maybe that will be more reading time. Maybe that will be less rain and possible short walk time. And for sure I'm going to try for more blogpost time.
Thanks for showing up, both at your spot and here in Comments. You make my days.
I'm glad you are sharing all of this with us, I mean what else are friends for? I'm so sorry for the diagnosis but so happy you have some answers. I'm glad you have such a wonderful relationship with your sons. One of min e is pretty distant so I cherish every small encounter I have with him. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteMeredith--I'm always so happy to see you here in Comments. I hope you are well.
DeleteThank you for your kind words; I'm glad to have answers, too, even though they aren't the ones I want.
I'm constantly grateful for the relationship I have with Sam and Jared, and continually proud of the men that they have become. I hope the distance between you and your son shortens bit by bit as he grows older. I cannot imagine how difficult that must be.
Let's both promise to take care of ourselves. We have a lot of life left to live well.
I'm looking forward to a mellow November for you, Nance... reading, walks, and posts sound just the thing after the past couple of months. (I'm so mad about all the anxieties, annoyances, inconveniences, and injustices.)
ReplyDeleteRe. your book... Isn't it annoying when our brains catch these things, it does affect the author's credibility for me. (I guess a charitable reading would be to think she was so discombobulated, Thora fumbled among her several crochet needles/hooks while she was waiting to meet Sami or whatever.)
maya--Thank you for commenting here. I know your energies are limited, and I appreciate your kind attention.
DeleteA Mellow November--what a perfect way to put it. Mellow was one of my father's favourite adjectives, especially to describe fall days. I would love a Mellow November, and I'm going to set my sights on just that.
I did think about the prospect of Thora fumbling around several crochet needles/hooks. I also did some research and Spanish people do call crochet hooks needles. But Thora was not Spanish. Did I go back and look at the context again of the entire page? No, I did not. I photographed that page immediately after I read it, so I trusted my initial instinct.
As far as it affecting the author's credibility, I tend to give the author a bit more of a pass than her editor, being one myself. I mean, *I* caught it. Lesson here is, more people need to hire me as an editor! LOL
Oh Nance! I'm so sorry about your health. I guess it's good that you have an answer, but what a frustrating thing to live with, day after day. Stress can be such a trigger, I'm sorry that you had a stressful time of it (I assume those are your sons, I'm still pretty new here!)
ReplyDeleteI am also just finishing up rereading The Joy Luck Club - I read it in 2017 but I didn't remember much about it other than the twins. Wow, I love it so much. It is a real look into the complicated, often fraught mother-daughter relationship.
I don't do any of the fibre arts but my mom crochets and my MIL knits, and do you think I knew that only one of them uses one hook? I did not! Lol! So that would have gone right over my head.
Nicole--Thank you. You get it--I'm glad to have a diagnosis, but it sucks, to be honest. I'm angry that this is my life.
DeleteI'm sorry that I didn't make it clearer for my newer readers. Jared and Sam are my sons. Zydrunas is my granddog. Sam was formerly engaged to a longtime live-in gf.
The Joy Luck Club is one of those books that I kept lingering over back in 2017, but never pulled the trigger to buy it. There were always other books that interested me just a little bit more. I won't say I love this book, but I am enjoying it. There is definitely a dynamic to the mother-daughter relationship that lingers and festers.
Have you ever tried knitting or crocheting? I vastly prefer knitting and find it therapeutic. It's a problem for me now (I've also developed carpal tunnel--oh yay!), but in the past, I really enjoyed it. I never made anything very complicated, and I kept the entire family in dishcloths!
My stepmom once had a cat that was picky with water, and when they got it a flowing water dish the cat was happy. I guess the water is continually moving? Interesting.
ReplyDeleteI’m so sorry for your diagnosis, and I will say that it is some serious bullshit. I hope that a mellow November will help, as well as whatever treatment there is for E-B etc.
I think the reason you couldn’t find Engie’s review is that it was my blog where you found the book? Maybe? I know I read it a few months ago, my sister pointed it out to me when we were book shopping in Portland this summer. So often, I will read a book, and when I write about it on my blog, I cannot remember WHO suggested it. I tend to think Engie, Nicole, Stephany, and then I give up, though of course it could have been anyone. Jenny, Suzanne, Melissa….so many reader friends! I really want someone to write a computer program that will find this information for me. I would use the dreaded AI, because this is worth boiling the ocean for. (OK, not really…better to just not give credit.)
I read Joy Luck Club way back when it came out in the early 90s, and I remember loving it, though all of the dead babies was SO sad. I’m enjoying reading it for CBBC for sure, and have the DVD of the film version on hold at the library as my reward for when I finish.
I’m so glad you are going to post every day in November! Get those brain juices flowing! I like how my brain starts to look at everything as blog fodder when I’m writing a lot. And of course when I don’t post for months, my brain looks at nothing as blog fodder.
Oh, my! It was YOUR blog. I'm linking to it here, right now, and I will update my post. Thank you, and I'm sorry for the error. You're right, of course, that it is SO HARD to remember when we read so many good book reviews.
DeleteCats are just weird. A previous cat of Sam's used to paddle all the water out of his dish, so he had to have one of those fountain dishes. TravisCat used to never eat if he could see the bottom of his dish; he'd yell until I scrabbled the food all in one place. Each one seems to have a quirk.
Thank you for your kind words and continued support. I keep looking for ways to ameliorate the symptoms I have. And I'm hoping that writing short posts each day next month will give me something to do/look forward to each day. That can only help!
Dearest Nance,
ReplyDeleteI have been hovering around your blog frequently lately, hoping for an update on your mystery illness. I’m glad that you finally know what it is, but I was so sad to hear the diagnosis. I imagine that, besides what doctors have told you, that you are looking into anything and everything to alleviate the symptoms. A lot of folks say that “googling” medical questions is not the path to take, but I disagree: I have found very good advice and information on the net for conditions that Luis and I are currently facing. It’s a question of being discriminating and seeking out remedies and solutions that have worked for others in the same situation. Everyone’s experience is bound to be different, but when someone with the same or very similar diagnosis gives advice on what has helped them, there is often more value in that than in a lot of standard, pat responses from doctors. (Not disparaging your doctor at all, of course.)
One thing I am sure of: stress does make a huge difference, and it’s such a shame that you also had to shoulder that burden of everything that was also happening in your life over the last few months. I am also sorry to hear about what I imagine happened with Sam, but hopefully being a homeowner will at least get rid of some of the stress that he must be feeling, and consequently calm the waters a bit for you now that it is all settled. Crossing fingers that it is so. As for “trying to post every single day and ignore all that stupid, unfair bullshit about your health situation and everything,” that sounds very therapeutic for a start. We'll be reading and cheering you on!
On to more trivial matters (distraction also helps a lot, lol) —
I also had to laugh at the hooks vs. needles in the book reference to crocheting. I am not very good at either one, but I do know which one uses a hook and which one uses needles, lol.
Re: The Joy Luck Club — I remember reading that book in the 90s, and loved it. I’m inspired to re-read it now, as it’s been so long. Lately I find that re-reading books from decades ago gives me an even greater appreciation of them. Life lessons, I suppose.
Huge hugs from down in Texas,
Ortizzle XXOO
Ortizzle--Thank you, my friend. I'm sorry to hear that you and Luis are facing down some health concerns as well. That was not our plan upon retirement! Who did not get the memo!?
DeleteAs I always say, I am no Pollyanna and I never have been, but I'm determined to move forward and focus on positive things. Like you, I do pursue information and possibilities when it comes to medical things. I don't second guess my doctors, but I do like to be informed and they expect me to be an active part of my treatment.
Stress is lessening a great deal here now as things settle and a new normal is established. I have more time now to rest and there is less worry, too. My symptoms are not as severe as a result.
The Joy Luck Club, while enjoyable, is not a book I think I'll read again. I'll likely donate it to the Little Free Library after it spends a bit of time on my shelf after book club. It's interesting and the writing is good, but I am losing track of who is who and which girl belongs to which mother. I've decided to simply let all that go and hope it doesn't truly matter in the end.
Fingers crossed that I can show up here every day in November. I'm looking at it as therapy. Thank you for your support and encouragement. XXOO
I do love katsup. Ice in the cat's dish? I did that in the summers when I was keeping the YD's animals for her. They did seem to like it, but it was her food dish that Maria Callicat monitored. If she could see the bottom, she sang an aria until I refilled it.
ReplyDeleteSickening (eh?) about your diagnosis and prognosis and all that. I hope you are pampering yourself. A lot. And I will take Dep't of Nance whenever I can get it which means when you feel like writing it. Every day in November? And unreachable shore.
Kids cause stress. Their kids and animals cause stress. But would we be without them and have a quieter life? Not a chance. I hope your mountain is now behind you or that you are at least descending it.
Maybe she kept breaking her hook?
Mary--No, I would not be without my sons or my grandson, ever. Your question is a valuable one, and I think of it all the time. As I tell Rick when he tells me to Stop! Rest!, "We do what we have to do to be there for our kids, no matter what." It's an incontrovertible truth.
DeleteThank you for giving me some grace as I try to reach my goal in November. They won't be long posts, but I want to see if I can get Something Good up each day.
A broken hook is still one hook. And I think if she kept breaking a hook, it would be worth noting, even a nice bit of character development to say so.
Oh Nance. I'm so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. But at least now you know, I guess? Are there any treatments worth pursuing? I'm sending prayers for a mellow and soothing November for you; you deserve it desperately.
ReplyDeleteI'm also thinking someone should hire me as an editor, I just found one glaring error in a book where the one person is talking to the significant other and they mixed up the names. I had to laugh though because someone who had checked out the book prior to me had also noticed the error and underlined it! So glad to know I'm not the only one who catches these kinds of things.
I read the Joy Luck Club years and years ago and cannot remember anything about it. I suppose I should give it a re-read soon.
Gigi--If you can't recall anything about it, it's probably not worth your time to reread it. I'm not going to. It's kind of like a collection of short stories, each one about a different Chinese or Chinese-American woman relating a significant time in her life. I cannot keep them straight, but I enjoy each story for what it is.
DeleteI LOVE that another reader was so irritated by the book's error that he/she underlined it for the next reader! And you saw it, too. It's fun to imagine how many people JUST HAD TO SEE IT. So great. Way to stick it to the author/editor/printer. Someone should have caught that, for sure.
Thanks for your kind words, and yes, at least now I know. That is definitely better than the Not Knowing. When I didn't have any idea, I started wondering 'Was I imagining it all? Is something wrong with my brain/mental health?' At least now I know that it wasn't all in my head somehow.
And I appreciate your help for my Mellow November very much.
Oh, brother. Sorry about the diagnosis, but maybe knowing makes it easier - or at least takes the mystery out of it. In times when you have less stress, will the symptoms lesson? I sure hope so.
ReplyDeleteWow, that was a busy few months getting the house ready. I'm sure your boys are grateful for all you do for them. Your cat demanding ice water cracked me up. I do not have pets, as you know, so I have nothing to compare this to. I did enjoy the close up of the sleeping cat face. Hooray that you're posting daily in November. I sure hope the month is the perfect mix of short walks and blog posts and reading. Take care of yourself.
Ernie--The Unknown is always worse. And as far as I know, yes; the symptoms can ease somewhat as the stress does, and I can hope for a sort of recovery after 6 mos. to a year, but it isn't always the case. Some people don't get recovery, and some who do still aren't the same as they were. But I'm not thinking that far ahead yet.
DeleteSam is now in the house with his dog. Some painting has to be done, and one room still has to be put in order: cables run, lighting put in, furniture assembled for an office/computer room. His brother and SIL are coming to paint next week. Sam is beyond grateful. Everyone has really stepped up.
Thanks for your kind words and encouragement for November. It's so helpful to have things to look forward to and friends like you to cheer me up/on.
Oh dear, I am sorry to hear about the double whammy of a diagnosis. It is a relief in a way to have a diagnosis so you can figure out next steps. I can see how the stress in your life have contributed to these illnesses and prompted that dormant virus to come to life. They theorize that the same is free for some autoimmune diseases like RA. They lay dormant until spending causes them to come to life. For me, it was a stressful, unwanted move to Charlotte for work in 2013. So all that is to say, it’s a real kick in the gut to be dealing with a complex medical diagnosis on top of the grief of watching your son go through something difficult.
ReplyDeleteI think you need an ‘I’m not your bitch, bitch’ shirt. That was a catch phrase from a season of Top Chef many years ago. Our cat liked to lick the condensation off a sweating glass of cold water or she would like a drink from a barely running kitchen tap. Soooo high maintenance.
The crochet/needle comment would have caught my eye. I used to be a bit knitter (which inspired the title of my blog) and I dabbled in crocheting. Sometimes when I read books, it’s like I am looking for grammatical errors. I will stop mid-sentence and question the structure and then realize it’s fine. Why do I go looking for these errors?? I can report them through my kindle so I guess there is some satisfaction in catching and correcting them. It’s not a great habit, though… and I’m not even an English major!!
I’ll be thinking of you and your family, Nance. I know from watching my parents that watching your child be in pain is one of the most painful experiences for a parent. I get just the smallest dose of this when Paul is mistreated at school by kids (ok, they are jocks, I am just going to say it). And that is just little friendship tiffs. I hate to think of witnessing more pain and suffering.
Lisa--Your last paragraph touched my heart so deeply. That, indeed, was my whole September and October. My son may be an adult, but he will always be my youngest child, and I will never, ever stop being his mother and feeling his pain right along with him. It is an emotion that is born of carrying him within me, of literally growing his heart and soul inside me. You feel it, too, and you always will, like your parents. Thank you for this profound understanding.
DeleteStress is such a bitch. Your unfortunate--and ongoing--experience with RA is so relatable. I often wonder how much of this is specific to women, especially. We often deal with so much more emotional and mental stress in our everyday lives as we navigate the world. You are a perfect example. Even in 2025, the world expects more from women than from men, yet we continue to be undervalued.
Thanks for being here in Comments. I know all you have on your plate right now. It means a great deal.
I'm so sorry to hear about your health diagnosis. I mean, knowledge is power, but it also kind of sucks, right. I was going back through some of my old posts & came across my ABCs of Gratitude that I did back in 2011. That was...interesting... And I thought I might do it again, but maybe I'll just read your blog instead. I hope Sam likes his house even if the reasons for moving must have been stressful for everyone.
ReplyDeleteOh! And yes, I would DEFINITELY have caught that error in the book! Crafting errors are so annoying to me, especially because it would take about one minute of research to get it right.
DeleteBug--Thank you. It really does suck, but I'm glad to finally know I wasn't losing my mind or something. When blood tests kept coming back normal, I started questioning if I was imagining everything.
DeleteMy November posts will NOT be posts of gratitude. It's not that I don't have anything to be grateful for, but right now, I'm just not There; however, please do drop in anytime!
I figured you might take special exception to that particular error. If I think of it later, I'll send you a more cogent extract of it. Still a good book.
I can relate to being bossed around by a small animal.
ReplyDeleteI don't know whether to say "I'm glad you have an answer" or "that answer sucks" - but both things are true. Here is hoping that the stress goes down.
Birchie--I think all pet owners get bossed by their buddies, truth be told. Mostly, it's worth it.
DeleteBoth things most definitely are true, that's for sure. And thank you--the stress level has lessened already, and November is looking better (unless I just jinxed it).
I'm sorry to hear about the health stuff, but hopefully having the diagnosis will be useful in some way. I know my mother was relieved when my father got a diagnosis because at least there was a name for it! From my point of view, you can always write about it here if that serves you, but you don't have to if you don't want to. The blog is yours!
ReplyDeleteI totally would have caught the crafting error in that book, and it would have thrown me out of the story for at least a while.
ccr--Having a name is very helpful. It takes the Unknown away and settles my nerves. I now know that I wasn't imagining things somehow.
DeleteAnd thanks for the grace re: getting a catharsis here once in a while. I may have to, and it's nice to know at least one person won't hold me to that statement.
I know you'd hit on that error even faster than I did!
I am sorry about the diagnosis and yet kind of glad that you HAVE a diagnosis? My doctor suspects I have EB but said that there is no point in testing anything because you can't get an actual diagnosis, so we should just treat the symptoms which, ?? But okay. I hope some rest and focusing on self care (and hopefully the unusual stress has subsided, but maybe not?) will lead to a dramatic improvement.
ReplyDeleteI do catch every spelling, punctuation and usage area (if I'm aware of it, which I would not have been here) in books - it's like a snag that my eyes can't slide past. I also catch when an author uses the same word many times (Lisa Moore, February, the word "spank" three times in fairly quick succession) and wonder if the editor didn't catch it or just didn't thing it mattered, which it probably doesn't for less neurotic readers). I would have been a killer proofreader.
I have not been here long enough to catch the ketchup reference, but I will say we went to an Oktoberfest party last week and I tried curry ketchup for the first time and I am a fan.
I also plan to devote November to weird, idiosyncratic, unimportant posts. Solidarity!
Bibliomama--Ketchup = Catch Up (just some fairly childish wordplay)
DeleteYes, I'm glad I have a diagnosis so that I know how to proceed. And my neurologist said there's no definitive test for EB, either, because about 85% of the population has had some form of a virus (like mono) that will give a positive test. I have all the symptoms (lucky me) and the EMGs confirmed muscle weakness and hypertonic reflexes. And yes, we're treating symptoms.
SAME! I hate word repetition like that! It was something I harped on when I taught creative writing and style.
Looking forward to your posts in November, sistah!
I hate this diangoisis. I mean, it's good to have answers, but what can you do with this now? Keep your stress levels as low as possible? That's a good goal to have. I pray that you can do that and alleviate the symptoms. Sending you virtual hugs and love.
ReplyDeleteDang it about Sam and having to move! I hope he's settling into his new start with a fresh perspective.
I'm laughing at your cat, who prefers her water on the rocks. Nance, you created the monster; now you must live with your choices. 🤣 I would assume the more vocals you're hearing from Piper are her grieving her sister? I remember our dogs always grieved the loss of the other in various ways.
The needles thing would have flown over my head quicker than a jet plane.
I'm enjoying The Joy Luck Club too, and it's my first time reading it, although I'd heard about it for many years.
BB Suz--
DeleteThank you. You've got it exactly. Good to have answers, good to try for less stress. Rick is helping to keep me at rest as much as possible.
Sam is my superhero. He has soldiered through this with so much strength and grace. I honestly don't know how he's done it. Right now, he's doing so well, and I'm so very proud.
It's so true that I created this beastly behaviour in Piper. Rick reminds me of this constantly. And yes, Piper is still missing Marlowe, but he is our Last Cat Forever, so a real-live companion is not in his future. He has to make do with his new kitty condo and his emotional support stuffed puppy.
I was late to book club today, yikes! We had Theo. I am still recovering LOL.
Oh Nance. The stress (I hope Sam is okay???) sounds extreme all around, and to exacerbate your health issues seems wildly unfair. And your diagnosis -- well. I'm sorry you're dealing with this double barreled illness.
ReplyDeleteI am neither a knitter nor a crocheter, so I just assumed "needles" was right. Thank you for pointing it out! Now I will be able to spot whether the terms are used correctly!
My cat will only drink filtered water. Ridiculous. (We have tried to give him regular old tap water; he makes pawing motions at his water dish like his burying something distasteful.) Cats can be so persnickety. (Purr-snickety?)
Suzanne--Your cat is beautiful. He was born to be a snob, I guess. Every cat has his quirk; be glad Lenny deigns to drink filtered water and doesn't insist on Evian. Purrsnickety LOL!
DeleteSam is doing so well, and better each day. Thank you for asking. He has overcome so much in the past months with such strength and grace. I'm so glad we can be there for him.
Unfair--boy have I tossed that word around in my mind a million times lately. I've realized that I just can't do it to myself anymore. Is it true? Yes. Is it true for millions and millions of other people in so many situations? Yes. That's why I just can't Go There anymore. Thank you for your very kind words here, Suzanne. I appreciate them.
Your cat is so adorable, and I laughed out loud when you said you're the cat's bitch. I'm pretty sure I'm my dogs' bitch too- good to know I'm in good company.
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad you got some answers to your health questions. I had a similar experience in my 20s with chronic fatigue due to mono, so I understand some of what you're describing. It means a lot when someone shares openly about that. This is what I love about our blogging community- it's such a safe space to be real.
I hope November brings you all those things and more. I was so happy to see your post pop up in my feed this morning. Big hugs and love to you. 😘🩷
Kari--Pet owners (is that even the right word? don't they own us?) always end up being the Pet's Bitch if we really, truly love our pets. That's just Fact.
DeleteDo you still have chronic fatigue or bouts of it? I hope I can look forward to a recovery of my own if you no longer have active cf.
Thank you for your love and support and kind wishes. I love our blog community!
Nance, I’m glad you have a diagnosis because it’s horrible not knowing what might be wrong. I didn’t know this was a thing that could happen. I went down a rabbit hole of research on the subject, and it’s wild that almost everyone has the virus lurking in their bodies. (And other viruses as well!) I hope you can recover over time, or at least learn how to manage the symptoms. Sending you hugs and good wishes. I’m looking forward to your November posts!
ReplyDelete