What has become of me?
I am the girl who used to wash her face with whatever soap was available in the dish back on E. 38th Street: Safeguard, Ivory, Caress, Irish Spring, or Dove. My skin was constantly oily. I used to use straight rubbing alcohol on a wad of toilet paper dabbed on my nose and forehead to rid myself of the shine and the greasy feeling. All of us had that skin, a gift from our Croatian father whose own swarthy complexion never got a wrinkle as he aged. I abused my skin for years, according to dermatologists, using harsh soaps and astringents, Laying Out for a tan and using baby oil. Even well into my thirties, forties, and fifties, I never understood all the Women Who Lotion religiously.
I am also the girl who had storybook-worthy thick hair. I wore it long, and I had to shampoo it every single day or it would look greasy and stringy, especially at the scalp. It was incredibly frustrating. At times, I even washed my hair with dishwashing liquid, again using whatever was available at the kitchen sink, where all hairwashing was done since we had no shower. (You try washing long, long hair while taking a tub bath.) Forget conditioner because it made my hair lie flat and look--you guessed it--oily. On date nights, I washed my hair in the morning and again when I was getting ready to go out.
Now, I have dry skin and wash my hair about twice a week. My skin drinks in even the richest, most emollient creams and lotions like water. My lips are as dry as that old-fashioned onionskin typing paper. My gorgeous thick hair is a shadow of its former self, and I condition the ends. I also use a volumizing spray at its roots. It all seems incredibly cruel to me. And terribly unfair.
Perhaps there should be a product for us, The Extremely Dry, that is Industrial Strength. It could come in a huge drum, and we could put on a bathing suit and merely stand in it, up to our nostrils, for about a half-hour each day. We could conveniently locate it near a television so that we could be occupied for that time and not be fidgety. When our time is up, we'd carefully emerge fully moisturized and ready for our day or for our restful night's sleep. Certainly, there are Safety Considerations, and Sanitary Ones as well, but that's for other people to figure out. I cannot be bothered with those sorts of Engineering and Science-y details.
I feel a little better now, having thought of a Possible Solution. Do you have one? Share it--and your feelings about all this Unfairness--in Comments.
Ooo I like your solution! When I lived in Ohio I was religious about applying lotion EVERYWHERE as soon as I got out of the shower (sometimes I didn't even towel off - just put the lotion on my wet skin). We had "hard" water and of course Ohio was a lot less humid than here in NC. But even so my skin would appreciate it if I'd get back to that regimen.
ReplyDeleteI was a little more particular than you about face stuff because my mom was big into Avon and Mary Kay and Clinique, so that trickled down to me. Something for us to Do Together. I've used eye cream since I was in my 30s. I can't say whether or not it helped, but it felt nice.
As you know, my hair is still plenty thick, despite my paranoia over the years about it thinning like my grandmother's hair did. So far so good. But it means that even though I'm trying to grow it out it's about to start being too hot on my neck (& it's not long enough to pull up off the neck). Will I chop it or endure? Stay tuned!
Goodness - I had a lot to say on this subject!
Bug--Ah, yes, the hard water of Ohio that leaves its orangey glow on my shower curtain liner and around my drains. Sigh. So special. But we in NEO do have plenty of humidity in the spring, summer, and early fall. It's downright tropical. That contributed to my oily skin and hair.
DeleteYou should be able to tell if all that Eye Creaming helped; do you have crow's feet or wrinkles around/under your eyes? If not, thank your mother and all that moisturizing. If so, then everyone needs to know that we're doing all this stuff for nothing.
I hope you retain all your glorious, thick hair forever, whatever you decide to do with it.
Oh my golly, you made me laugh. This winter has been brutal on my skin. I don't mind the dry so much as the ITCH! I think I have tried every lotion at the CVS.
ReplyDeleteI do a mixture of Trader Joe's coconut body butter and Palmer's cocoa butter. Works great, but I smell like a Mounds candy bar. Not that that is a BAD thing. LOL
Dee--Oh, good! If only it were true that Laughter Is The Best Medicine. Or maybe it is, but it's just not the best Moisturizer. Honestly, I'm right there with you. I don't necessarily itch, but I just feel uncomfortable. I've never noticed it so much as I do this winter.
DeleteI've found Palmer's coconut something or other, and it's very good. I also love their cocoa butter. I don't care what I smell like as long as it's not some old lady floral thing. I'd much rather smell like a candy bar or a day at the beach!
A vat of cream in front of the television, perfect solution. I have not been kind to my skin as I'm not big on sunscreen, but so far my dermatologists have no complaints. My skin is not all that typical for an Irish person. I think I inherited my grandmother's Hungarian blood/skin.
ReplyDeleteMy hair was never thick, but it is crazy thin now. It won't come back. It's a result of undiagnosed celiac disease. I had it for years before anyone figured it out, despite my regular issues and trips to the gastro. Anyway, I tend to wear in shortish (like a bob), light layers and that helps give it a little umpf. A new product my hair dresser gave me has been awesome at giving me back the curl.
Ernie--I've never seen a dermatologist in my life except once for a strange rash on my face forty years ago. And heaven knows I'd never confess all those sins to one. You and I are one about sunscreen, and I'm well aware of how that goes over among the general public. I do wear long sleeves year round, however, so I feel pretty okay about that. (The Hungarian blood is a natural shield, yes!)
DeleteI'm all about layers as well. I love the texture and framing around my face. Prolonged illness and stress caused my initial hair loss, and it never came back, either. Oh well, right? We just work what we've got!
I'm so glad to know someone else who has broken the sunscreen rules. I do think having non-typical Irish skin type helps. I am crazy about my hair dresser and I love what she's doing with my hair lately. Thank goodness, because Yes - work with what we've got, that's all we can do.
DeleteIt is SO unfair! Even living here - which isn't as humid as Texas; but still fairly humid in the summer - my skin is SO dry. That vat of cream sounds like a dream!
ReplyDeleteCurrently, I slap on lotion as soon as I step out of the shower. By then my face/neck area is in no shape to slather on a moisturizer, so I have to re-wet it and slap on all the moisturizers/creams/lotions & potions as quickly as possible.
Back then, we had no idea that one day we'd miss that skin, did we?
Gigi--That's good to know only because Misery Loves Company. Even you Southern Ladies still have that dry skin, and in summertime too.
DeleteHonestly, no--I had no idea that I'd ever end up with dry skin and miss my abundantly oily skin. Never. As I said, I was astonished at all the lotions and moisturizers and people who used them. I thought it was a racket. Boy, now I get it. I sure do.
Nance, I keep saying that the older I get, the more dried I am. My skin. My mouth. My lips. My hair. My personality. 🤣
ReplyDelete(I was reminiscing today about when I used to use those Buf-Puf's on my face, followed with Sea Breeze astringent. Do you remember Buf-Puf's? They were basically Brillo pads; I can't imagine using anything that harsh on my skin now...I'd probably bleed!)
It's much worse when we're in GA and it's wintertime. I suppose I should be thankful I'm in the most humid place in the U.S for most of my life.
My hair was always 'fine', but I had a good amount of it. That changed when I hit 52; menopause took away half the density, so now it's dry and thin.
BB Suz--LOL on the dry personality!
DeleteAnd holy cow, the Buf Puf! I used those religiously. And for those of us in NEO, we eschewed Sea Breeze in favour of Bonne Bell 10-0-6, a brown astringent that came in huge bottles. The brand was eventually bought by a subsidiary of Ulta, repackaged as So Clean, and now it's gone, I think.
Good point about that villain, Menopause. That robber takes away so many things, starting with our estrogen, the life-giving fount of moisture and youth. What a sonofabitch it is.
Oh, the tanning...I did so much tanning when I was young, and my skin was so perfect. I wish I had appreciated it more. Now I collect face creams the way I used to collect high heels. I have at least 6 going on right now, and I sometimes put on more than one at a time. And by sometimes, I mean almost always. Sigh. Do they help? Who knows. They make me feel better at least.
ReplyDeleteSo far I'm lucky with my hair...it's still thick and healthy, though I've always needed conditioner.
J--I wonder if tanning did any real damage to my skin after all. To my face, perhaps, but the rest of me? Not so sure. I tan so beautifully.
DeleteLove your analogy for collecting face creams and heels. Heaven forbid if that were ever true for me.
I do know that my face creams help. My skin looks and feels a lot better there. What I really need is a Magical Neck Cream. Actually, it's not even my neck so much as it is the area right under my chin and leading back TO my neck. WTF IS GOING ON THERE? And why?
Your hair is lovely. GUARD IT WITH YOUR LIFE.
We did not use baby oil, but my friend's mom did! We used Bain de Soliel, which was not much better, and I think it was factor 2 spf? Definitely not enough, and I got lots of pretty bad burns when I was a kid. I am sure it will kick me in the butt one of these days. Where I live, it is humid but cool (right now it is 88% and 50 degrees) so that luckily keeps my skin a little moist. However, if I go to the mountains or anywhere less humid, I have to lotion up like crazy. It is hard though, as I do not have a lot of lotion products since I don't normally need them at home. I like your vat idea, or maybe it could be a lay down version, with just your nose sticking out and a TV on the ceiling?
ReplyDeleteKyria--Yours is the kind of Innovative And Creative Thinking that we need around here. Of course the Reclining Moisture Capsule is exactly what is called for! That way, we can also moisturize our faces, too. We can wear little goggles to protect our eyes and leave them free to watch our ceiling televisions. We could even use a sort of snorkeling contraption.
DeleteYou're on to something big.
Hm, so I am now picturing a kind of tanning bed form but with lotion on everything except for the eye google TV (and no tan!)
DeleteKyria--But I want the capsule filled full of lotion so that our bodies can drink in all they need. I don't want us merely slathered in it. An Immersive Moisture Experience is called for.
DeleteAh yes, aging can be such fun, non? I've religiously used moisturizer on my face for years. Sunscreen? Not so much and now I stay out of the sun. Too many skin cancer diagnoses. I used to use Neutrogena Sesame Oil which always made my skin smooth, now I just use whatever lotion I've picked up at the drug store. These days I do make sure my face moisturizer contains SPF.
ReplyDeleteVera--Sigh. Aging. UGH.
DeleteI've never even seen Neutrogena Sesame Oil. Do you smell like Chinese food after you use it, or what?
I am ambivalent about sunscreen because I wear longsleeves year round. I do wear facial moisturizers with SPF, too, and if we're going out on the boat, I wear a facial sunscreen when possible, or a visor.
These days, I want to look good for myself and not for anyone else. How things change, huh?
That vat is the perfect idea--I think you should patent it, Nance. But yes, growing older does make me wish I'd appreciated the gifts of youth better. I remember washing my face with the hand soap in public restrooms--my skin used to be that oily. I remember reaching for the "rest of my hair" in the shower one day and realizing that the handful I was shampooing was all that was left of my impossibly thick hair. I did wish for drier skin and less hair, so here we are.
ReplyDeleteTwo things that seem to help--moisturizing while still somewhat damp from my shower (skin) and using conditioner as shampoo (hair). I'll have to rely on these until your beauty vat is on the market...
maya--Thank you. I think if the sanitary and engineering things could be worked out, they'd be in spas everywhere. Women would kill to be so deeply moisturized!
DeleteAnd yes, who knew that we'd be wishing for the things we moaned and groaned about so long ago? I can remember trying to put my hair into a ponytail and having the elastic snap; I would get so irked. Now, if I tried that, I'd have to keep doubling the elastic so many times it would be disheartening.
Did we wish ourselves into our present state? Of course not, but we got them, nonetheless. The Universe has an almost masochistic sense of Irony.
I saw a dermatologist for the first time last week as my siblings have had skin cancer issues. I learned that using cream from a jar is better than lotion from a bottle for my skin and I should use sunscreen everyday on my face.
ReplyDeleteEllen--If only you had read this post before you went! Then you could have pitched my Industrial Strength Moisturizer In A Drum idea! Oh well.
DeleteI hope you don't have any incidences of skin cancer. And I'm assuming that the cream vs lotion is because a thick emollient is better than a thinner, more watery lotion.
Those dermatologists are all about their sunscreen. If everyone used it, they'd be out of a job in no time LOL.
My skin is So Dry. I have eczema, too, it's all a problem. I now take a shower at night, immediately moisturize with Cetaphil and put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried Vanicream? It is amazing and doesn't have a scent. I put Vanicream on my hands at night AND then put gloves on so that the moisturizing works all night. I am a sexy beast when I get into bed, as you can probably imagine.
Engie--Hey, sexy is as sexy does. I have pajamas with dogs all over them and cow print fuzzy socks that I sometimes wear to bed. Warmth is key.
DeleteI haven't even heard of Vanicream. Dry hands are not as much of a problem for me as dry arms and legs. (And face--always the face.) I'm pretty good about using hand cream throughout the day since it seems I'm always washing my hands.
My sympathies to you for your eczema. I know a few people who live with that, and I know it's no fun.
I could have written this post! I can get so obsessed with my skin it makes me cringe at how dry it gets and how I abused it for so many years and how I thought the women who lathed up when we were younger were wasting their time and money.
ReplyDeleteJean--Oh, how we blithely took advantage of The Good Skin Of Our Youth! I refuse to feel guilty about it. The only regret I have is the one we all have: that we didn't appreciate our singular Beauty back then. Are we women doomed to always find fault with ourselves for Time Immemorial? I made a resolution several years ago to Stop That Immediately and to appreciate the body I'm in; to love it and compliment it; and to minimize my complaints about its appearance. It's not always easy, but I'm getting better about it.
DeleteIt is deeply unfair. My skin is SO DRY. I have been slathering it with Bag Balm overnight for the past couple of months and that seems to help a bit. My lips are in constant need of Vaseline. My hair -- well. At least I only have to wash it once or twice a week. My hands and feet are a nightmare that only regular application of Working Hands cream seems to keep at bay. Why must age suck us dry?!
ReplyDeleteSuzanne--I searched high and low for a lip remedy, and the only one that works for me is Burt's Bees Ultra Conditioning Lip Balm With Kokum Butter (whatever that is). It's like magic for me.
DeleteAnd age really is sucking us dry, along with the dryness of winter. A humidifier does nothing to help, truly. And when the humidity of summer comes, I'll be annoyed about that and what it does to my hair. Sigh.
How is it that men don't have these problems? Is testosterone a moisture-providing hormone? If so, why aren't we given it post-menopause?
As a teenager, I was pretty much an oil factory. I had zits galore and was forever dabbing on Clearasil which I tried to blend in with make-up base. This made me look absurdly clownish, of course, and didn't do a damn thing for my zits, which were sometimes volcanic eruptions. Also very oily hair. A hairdresser once told me I had nice thick hair, but I couldn’t see it. She self-corrected a bit and said, "Well, not super thick but you have LOTS of it!"
ReplyDeleteMenopause sent me into the same dry, dry, dry scenario as you, and to top it off, my “abundant hair” started seriously thinning out. The dermo did a patch test on my scalp and said I had alopecia. So far, it’s thinning down to almost nothing at the temples, which I cover when possible, and the rest is… well, a lot thinner.
Maybe I’ll explore moisturizers when I have some leisure time (and money? lol). For now, I use a pretty good body lotion after showers called CeraVe that my doctor recommended. Makes my skin feel softer for sure, but there’s no cure for the wrinkles that come with age. And let’s not even talk about *my neck.* I a wide variety of scarves for the winter, but the summer is unforgiving. (Starting to get reminded of Nora Ephron’s book “I feel bad about my neck… “ ) lol. Funny, but not.
Ortizzle--So nice to see you here in Comments, mi amiga.
DeleteI was lucky in that I didn't have to worry too much about pimples as a teenager. How I escaped that, I'll never know, but I was grateful. I had other battles (weight) to fight at that time.
Menopause truly is the gift that keeps on giving, is it not? If men had to go through it, there'd be no such thing anymore. As I said before, I wish it was the style for mature women to merely shave their heads and write pithy quotes on them in Sharpie markers. We'd save so much time and money in our lives! Not to mention angst.
CeraVe is a name I hear a lot from fellow Dry Skin Sufferers who have derms. Probably I should get some.
Scarves--I used to wear them. Not sure why I stopped, but I do know I hate the way I look in profile when I wear them. Too bundled up and no-necked. However, I am, as you know, incredibly vain, and I do feel bad about my neck on occasion. But I get over it, you know? I figure, hey! I survived 30+ years in public education in a tough school, two natural childbirths, and a host of other things. I still look damn good.
AS DO YOU.
I find that in some ways I feel like and look like a dried husk of my former self. I mean I'm all in with the moisturizers, facial and body, and I use sunscreen by the gallons, but I am old. And overall grateful to be such.
ReplyDeleteAlly--I get it. There's only so much we can do; there's no Magic Youth Potion. This is the Skin We're In. Like you, I accept my age. I'm grateful to be in good shape and in a good spot in my life. But--sigh--MY SKIN IS SO DRY! And it feels like that problem came out of nowhere.
DeleteLate to the party, but I was busy pasting my skin back onto my bones. It is a sad necessity at my age. I used to have really good, tough skin. Got compliments on it. It is now dry, comes up in weird bumps, wrinkles all over and is discoloured, even, in spots. Past its best before date for sure. Creams and potions do very little to help. I know this is Not Good News, but there it is.
ReplyDeleteMary--You're never late. I'm always glad to see you here in Comments whenever you appear.
DeleteAre you trying to tell me that I'm Just Aging? Sigh. You're right: that's not Good News. Still, I do know that it's The Truth. I guess it's better than the alternative (the Natural one and the Surgical one, both).
God, does this bring back memories of my years at Penn State! The thing to do, laying out, slathered in baby oil, trying to get a tan. And I have the typical Irish skin, so I have no idea why I thought it would work. (The thing we all did, maybe?) I do remember, though, looking slightly healthier than my normal ghostly self.
ReplyDeleteI wrote of my daughter, Megan, in one of your earlier posts about students/schools here. She is moving; will be teaching in the Bronx. Very excited. We are from the East Coast originally, so this will be nice for her. Both she and my son (in Philly) are back there now. Will be quite the adjustment being on my own. I am lucky to have friends here; no family now but my friends are dear to me. Aging comes w/so many different worries, I think. And that is the last of my pity party.
Elle--So many of us did things we had no idea were Bad For Us. I will say, however, that I have no sign of skin cancer or precancerous lesions (lucky lucky me). Laying Out was almost a religious rite, wasn't it? Even radio DJs would tell us when it was Time To Turn.
DeleteCongratulations to Megan and her Bronx adventure. That's a big move, but certainly she will feel as if she's having a sort of homecoming. Now you are really an Empty Nester, but you're fortunate to have good friends (Chosen Family!) to keep you company. Thanks for sharing your good news about your daughter here.