Hello.
I've been away an awfully long time, and I hardly know how to start in again. First, let me say a grateful and slightly embarrassed Thank You to the Kind Readers who reached out to express concern. I'm perfectly healthy. I had no falls and no illnesses. I am again so astonished at the kindness of my community here.
I will say, however, that after feeling entirely Fed Up With March, I was Quite Dismayed With April. It didn't get any better, really, and Spring was capricious and slow in her arrival. I know that so many of you had the same sort of rollercoaster weather. Daffodils rose, bloomed, and were bowed with ice and snow. One day, I could take a long and lovely walk; the next, I watched in desperation as it poured buckets of rain and my furnace kicked on. What a mess.
May arrived, I turned 63, and Mother's Day was a gloriously sunny day in which my husband and sons set out my porch and patio furniture. They also got my pond mucked out, the waterfall falling, and reset the basketball hoop so that they could play Around The World and shake off some rust. Zydrunas came over and happily chewed a huge stick. Rick and Jared made dinner. It was simply The Best Day.
But I am constantly reminded of the William Wordsworth quote "The world is too much with us" and I know many of you are, too. My life continues in its orbit, more or less, but I cannot help but be affected by the suffering and madness that is outside my small perimeter. I feel outrage, helplessness, sorrow, and worry. It's a challenge to be informed and involved without sacrificing my mental health. I am so thankful not to be in the classroom anymore, but I despair for friends, family, and colleagues who are. Actually, my heart goes out to anyone who is in the classroom now; I cannot imagine that life for any of you--teacher, student, administrator, janitors--at this terrible time in our history.
Even though I say "outside my small perimeter", all of these things affect me because I live in this world. I want it to be better. I want safety from too many guns. I want women to have control over their own bodies and their own destinies. I want people to have equal access to the ballot. I want lower drug prices. I want better access to child care for working parents. I want fair representation free from gerrymandering. I want the people who are responsible for the January 6th Insurrection at all levels to be held responsible. I want Putin to leave Ukraine alone. I want republicans to just stop it. I want the majority to matter again.
It's wearying and tiring to care. I still find Joy in so many things. We are enjoying the lakehouse and boating. Our time there is relaxing and rejuvenating. There is a bald eagle there that thrills me every time it swoops low over our shoreline, sometimes with a fish in its talons. The mallards glide so smoothly and look so dignified on the surface, like little maitre d's in a banquet hall. Now and then a bluebird will alight on the tree by the deck, and that never stops being wonderful.
I'll try and write here much more often, starting now, and starting small. Thanks for sticking around.
You were missed. So glad you are back.
ReplyDeleteOh hasn't the world gone crazy. Thankfully, there are little bits that keep us from going over the edge into depression, rage, or apathy. I think many of us have felt ALL those things in the past few months.
Eagles, bluebirds, knitting ...........even just a really great brewed cup of tea, give us at least a few moments of peace.
Dee--Thank you. And you're right: there are many, many moments--even days--of peace and joy among the grey. I have noticed and celebrated them. Now I just have to get back to sharing them here, among other things. Thanks for being here.
DeleteWe all get worn down by the battle society is presenting to us lately. Over Memorial Day I was with two active teachers and two retired teachers and the stories they told about how scared kids are getting just with drills that's its hard to understand how anyone cannot see what our lack of common sense gun controls is doing to a whole generation.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back!
Jean--Thanks. Bless those active teachers. How on earth they are doing their jobs in these times is beyond me. And to think I thought cell phones and bomb scares were the Worst Things Ever. I had no idea, obviously.
DeleteI do feel like I'm fighting the republicans' culture war. More than that, though, is the battle for the very life of our democracy. It seems so urgent, yet right action seems to be nonexistent or in slow motion.
"I want the majority to matter again" says it all. So many, many, many of us feel the same way...yet things just seem to go from horribly wrong to impossibly worse. I'm glad to read your thoughts again - thanks for popping back in.
ReplyDeleteVera--I'm glad you're here with me. It's good to know that my Readers are still around after all this time.
DeleteIt's disheartening to know that our so-called representative government really just isn't. Real damage is being done by those who are on the ignorant extremist fringe. I'm appalled.
Add one to your list. We have large and once valuable trees down and draped across the trails all over our property. Firewood forever. Hastening to add - we do have electricity, and so does our daughter's house in the city, although ten days after the storm, some parts of her city still do not. It was one hell of a storm. Hello, weather in a global warming world.
ReplyDeleteI, too, am in pain whenever I listen to or read the news. In fact, I am shirking it mostly. Between the world situation and your poor country's shooter situation, there is no light, it seems, anywhere.
However, you are back and I am so heartened to hear your voice and share your pleasure in family and festivities. And the word picture of the ducks is a fine one.
Our province votes today on that level of government. I am torn. We have a fine, skilled candidate here, whom I have worked with, extensively and admire a lot, but he is running as a member of a political party I distrust. And so, what do I do? After a lot of hand-wringing, I am going to vote for him, I believe. Picture my hand hovering above the ballot, twitching, as I begin to make my mark. That rumble you hear? My father, revolving in his grave. Wait - he was cremated. A small and dusty whirlwind, then, expected later. But not, I hope, big enough to put the power out.
Yeah, very glad to hear from you. Very glad.
Mary--I'm so sorry about your beautiful trees. We had a brief but mighty storm blow through yesterday, and as I walked today I saw its aftermath on curb lawns throughout the neighborhood. Huge limbs are piled high everywhere. Our only casualty was a limb from the Japanese maple that was broken when the basketball hoop was blown over and it just grazed that tree as it landed.
ReplyDeleteYour hesitancy and hand-wringing is indicative of how difficult it is to vote sometimes. On the one hand, if the party is so distrustful and has not deserved its governing power, you have to vote for the party and not the person because that will, in the end, bring about the result you want. On the other hand, if you vote for the good person, you can hope that he/she will be a force of good and sanity, and may lead the charge for change within. It's a difficult choice.
In my situation here in the US, I will vote party, period. It has become apparent that there is no one strong enough within the republican party to stand up against the extremists and traitors. It's easier for me.
No whirlwind, dearest friend. The dead are peaceful and at rest, thankfully knowing nothing of this mess we're in.
I am hoping we get a lot of people to vote Democratic in November so we can move on and make the changes that are needed... I will really despair if the republicans get power.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back!
Ellen--I hope so, too. A great many unfair maps have been passed (Ohio included) that make that difficult. I'll never understand why so many groups (women, minorities) vote against their interests. And thank you. I am glad to be talking with all of you again.
DeleteSending hugs to you, Nance. While all of our lives have beauty and much to be grateful for - it is awfully hard not to spiral into despair over the state of things. Just today our son told his father that he is really not looking forward to the field day his school hosts (I think all the elementary schools converge for the day). My husband asked if he was worried about COVID. No. He's worried that what happened in Texas could happen here. And the scary thing is it COULD. Somehow, some way, we HAVE to get sensible about gun control because it's horrifying. And it galls me to think that some of the people in our government don't see any problem with having assault weapons available for sale to civilians. I'll get off the soap box before I completely go off on a rant.
ReplyDeleteSo happy to see you pop back up!
Gigi--Thank you for the virtual hugs; I'll take all I can get. Strength and kudos to your son in education. I cannot imagine his trepidation about a district-wide field day and all those children in these times. It's a legitimate concern.
DeleteThe republican legislators are in the deep pockets of the gun lobby and their most extreme constituencies now, and they're simply afraid to lose their jobs. So, they've lost their morals and integrity instead. I've never seen anything like it, ever.
Thanks for being here after all this time. It's much appreciated.
New reader here, but I feel exactly the same way. I oscillate be anger, disgust and sadness. I hate what I’m seeing in our country now, but more bothersome are the regular people who are Ok with all this..I just don’t get it. I keep up with the news, but have my outlets of painting and a little gardening…and a few like minded friends who make it all worthwhile.
ReplyDeleteMary--Welcome to the Dept., and I'm glad you are here. You'll find a warm and witty bunch of Commenters who like to discuss and piggyback on each other's thoughts. Comments here are their own blog community.
DeleteYou bring up some interesting points in your Comment. Times such as these make having an Outlet important. In the winter I shovel snow like a maniac; in fair weather I walk and take special notice of Nature. I raise herbs organically, and I weekend at the lake. Likeminded friends and family help a great deal, but sometimes (for me) talking more about it merely raises my frustration. Getting involved in political action groups like Move On and others is also helpful.
Some "regular people" as you say have to be personally affected before they give a damn. It's the epitome of selfishness, and that's beyond sad. The fact that some of them call themselves christians is even worse. It is ever thus. I can't understand that mindset, and I'm glad. That would mean that I am, on some level, like them. I couldn't bear that.
Oh, dearest Nance! —So happy and relieved to hear you are O.K., i.e., that there was nothing catastrophic happening--- I was literally about to send you an email. I have been reading your posts all semester and felt bad about not commenting on anything since early January. I thought the spring semester would be a bit easier and slightly less insane than last fall when we returned to campus, but it was actually worse: tons more admin work, student absenteeism rampant, and a lot of chaos and drama with our department’s dwindling enrollment crisis. Modern languages are no longer valued in our university’s curriculum, and it’s pretty much a nationwide phenomena. We have been doing promo events all over the place, but the prospects are grim. The only bright spot in the whole spring semester was being promoted to distinguished lecturer status (about all you can get if you’re not a Ph.D.) There was a 10% raise that came with it, so that will be nice as I ease my way towards retirement, which is looking like 2024 if I can fight my way through the mounds of complicated paperwork in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteI think everyone is suffering from the syndrome of world weariness. And the fear that this country is slipping through the cracks at an alarming rate. It is depressing, frustrating, and it is wearing everyone down. I think the midterms this November will truly be the most important election in our history as a nation. We are at such a pivotal point, a place I never imagined we would or could be. I’m already in line to vote and give the boot to Abbott, Paxton and Patrick. Too bad we have to wait until 2024 to screw Cruz.
On a more personal front, Luis and I have had a traumatic time lately: A month ago someone stole the catalytic converter from his truck, and two weeks after that he was in a bad car accident. Thankfully he was not seriously injured, but so horrifying to get that call. I remembered you describing it in a post months ago when Rick had his accident, and it was the same for me: Luis gasping and saying to come get him. And then my cell phone battery cut out before he could say where he was. I was home, so I plugged it in quickly and dialed back. Someone picked up, left the phone on speaker, but didn’t speak to me! I was hearing medics in the ambulance asking about his vital signs. Then the phone cut out again. Luis finally came back on again and told me where he was. Thank God he just had bad cuts and bruises; it was not the awful head-on collision that Rick had. And by the way, I hope he is still doing well in his recovery! Luis was well enough after a week to go out car shopping. I don’t have to tell you what a nightmare that is nowadays. After 2 weeks of looking at a ton of options, we decided it was not worth paying the outlandish prices for even the cheapest new car (we did not want to have to be making payments forever, and the payout on his totaled truck was not great as it was 11 years old with 225K miles on it!) We got the best used car we could find as an interim car until the car market recovers from supply issues, etc.
Well, enough of gloom and doom! As you say, now more than ever we must find joy in the everyday opportunities and other rituals that are still in our lives. It’s wonderful that you have your lakehouse to retreat to. We are not planning to travel any great distances this summer, but I plan to finally get a more relaxing summer. The class I usually teach in the first 5 weeks was cancelled for under-enrollment. I will miss the extra income, but… I *did* get a raise, and I have not had a summer off from teaching in 12 years. Since the semester ended, I’ve started cleaning out piles of stuff that has been accumulating since the pandemic began. Also just *relaxing*, reading stuff that’s *not* for work, and taking walks in our favorite park (early in the morning when it is not 90 degrees!) It helps.
Take care care my dear. Looking forward to your future missives. XXOO (Sorry for yet again writing a novel in your comment section, lol.)
Ortizzle--Dear friend! How sorry I am to hear of Luis's car accident, and how terrible that you both had to go through that trauma. I understand so much of it, and I'm glad he came out of it with no serious injuries.
DeleteCongratulations on your new title and your raise, and even though it is due to somewhat negative circumstances, your summer off! First one in 12 years, wow! I don't have to tell you to make it count.
Traditional college course enrollments are down everywhere from what I'm reading. Technical training is up, and people are taking full advantage of the job market, putting college on hold (maybe forever) in this hot labor arena. I know Jared and Sam, who are both in charge of hiring people, are constantly on the lookout for good people to fill roles at their workplaces. Jared is usually looking for people with a degree (right now needs a head of marketing), but Sam is not--he's trying to find car techs, and the pay is incredible. You and I went into the wrong field. LOL.
You're right when you say that so many of us are feeling world weariness. I know I'm not the only one. The pandemic wore us down first, and then the rest of this just piled on. Those of us who give a damn and are aware of the world around us feel beleaguered, kicked when we're down. No one likes to feel helpless.
I really hope Beto prevails. Texas would be a beacon, then. Ohio is already taking its place, sadly, but it would give me real hope. As far as Rafael Cruz--at least we know that absolutely no one likes him. There is always that. XXOO
I always miss your posts, but I knew you were alive and well from your visits to my world...which is always appreciated.
ReplyDeleteThe world is heavy. People can be horrible. Somedays it seems we will never see the 'sun' again and then BAM, something, someone, somewhere makes a good thing happen to brighten our days and thoughts.
Sending you a virtual hug that is full of kindness to your corner of the world.
Suz--I'll take that hug. Yes, the world is heavy with horrible people that are making terrible, terrible choices and decisions that are affecting us all in ways that will become more and more apparent as time goes on. We are all connected whether we see those ties or not.
DeleteIt's incumbent upon us each to be one another's bright spots as often as we can. Thank you for that reminder. And thank you for being here. I appreciate your voice.
You certainly wrote what just about everyone is thinking and feeling! This madness must stop, but how do we control it? Wars, hate, violence has gone on for centuries, eons...it's still difficult to fathom it all while we live in the turmoil. Continue to enjoy the lake house and find some comfort there with family and loved ones.
ReplyDeleteAnni--I am reminded of the quote "The only thing necessary for the triumph of Evil is for good men to do nothing." Because something has gone on for a long time does not mean we must allow it to continue, else we'd still have slavery, witch-burning, and child labour. This is perhaps over-simplified, but I think you understand.
DeleteI can't just cocoon. But I do find comfort as you say in those places.
I'm sneaking on here at work (which has been SO CRAZY BUSY that I haven't been able to read blogs, and then when I get home I just Collapse), so I will just briefly (that ship has sailed, Bug, admit it) say AMEN to all the things you wish for! And Amen again!!
ReplyDeleteBug--Thanks for taking the time. I mean it.
DeleteYes. There isn't time to process one thing before the next happens. It's exhausting. But the joyous keeps us from completely given up. Some days it's just hard to find it.
ReplyDeleteBridget--So true! It feels unrelenting. The Joy is still there, and I do make sure to take notice of it and remind myself of it. Patience is not my Virtue, as you know. I want to trust that things are going to land right side up, but Ohio especially (passing looser gun laws, arming teachers, and most recently now a law that takes away rights for transgendered female athletes) is making that incredibly difficult. I've never seen it so bad. Thank you for being here.
Delete"It's wearying and tiring to care." No truer words have I read today. People suck, systems are broken, common sense is elusive, and I stand in the middle watching the world shatter all around me. Write when you can, sip wine when you must. I always enjoy reading what you have to say.
ReplyDeleteAlly--Thank you. I find that talking things over with my friends here is often so rewarding.
DeleteI, like you, feel In The Middle of the chaos and like a helpless bystander. I do what I can and try to make my voice heard via letters, phone calls, donations, etc. to key people and groups. I make sure I'm only adding good to the world as much as possible. If that means cocooning sometimes to rejuvenate, then that's what I do. Thanks for being here.
As others have written, I did have a few times when I wondered if all was okay in your household but came to the conclusion that it was or I would have heard otherwise. I'm relieved to know that is indeed the case.
ReplyDeleteIt's all truly so much; isn't it? Words are usually insufficient to convey it all. I want to have hope but so much that is devastating has already happened and continues to happen that shows that we've lost so much ground. Giving up completely would mean not being able to get up every day though so I'm not giving up. I just think most--even lots of good people--in our country are deluded (or in denial?) about where we truly stand. Time with Dozer, time with like-minded friends and family members, time in nature, etc. makes it all bearable.
Tomorrow is another day where I'll be at the Dems table at our local farmer's market but I don't know of anyone whose mind we have changed. In a red county, most of the attendees look at us with disdain but perhaps there are "quiet" folks who we are reminding to vote blue simply by our presence there. I'd like to think so.
I'm so glad you're still finding peace and joy at your lakehouse. It reminds me of how much our time at the river always made such a difference to use. Also, I love your imagery with the mallards--"like little maitre d's in a banquet hall."
Heading to bed because that farmer's market comes early on Saturday mornings. I am thankful for the break from real life that sleep always provides.
Love and hugs, my friend,
Shirley
Shirley--Thank you for being an activist presence in your community. That's important. We need to show up and vote. I'm glad you and your colleagues are there as a reminder and as a show of strength.
DeleteMy tardiness in responding to your comment is due to a quick jaunt up to Canada--our first since the pandemic. It was an almost idyllic weekend of perfect weather and reconnecting with friends and our favourite winery. We are restocked a bit now, and plan to go back as soon as we can.
Conversations with the people there were poignant. The Canadians I spoke with feel pity for the US: for our gun violence, for the Insurrection and the lack of accountability for those who perpetrated it, for the damage being done by the republicans and the SCOTUS. They are astonished. I tell them that so many of us are, too.
This is a busy, busy week for me. I know we need to have a chat very soon. I promise we will. Take care and give Dozer a hug for me. XO
Nance--It's fabulous to hear that you all got away to your magical spot. I wish that you could have escaped totally and had a break from thinking about our country's dire situation. However, I don't think any of us who take the threat to our democracy seriously can. Plus, I know that you greatly appreciated the support of your Canadian friends and other citizens. Sometimes it's just helpful to know that others see the reality.
DeleteOn a positive note, we had more folks coming up to us at our Dems table than ever. It was VERY encouraging!
Hope your extremely busy week goes well. Please don't worry about me. We'll catch up on the other side (as your old "buddy," BW used to say on his late-night show).
Dozer is going through a particularly needy stage so he'll love the extra hug! :-)
Your "Wants" are so very many of those I too feel the heaviness of, no matter our exposure or insulation, what goes on outside our Orbits do matter so very much. It can be so disheartening and our small Voice sometimes feels so insignificant, but we must be a Voice, collectively perhaps it will make a difference.
ReplyDeleteBohemian--There are so many of us, yet we feel underrepresented and unheard. (I had a slip of the finger just now, and typed "unfeard", so similar to "unfeared", which is also what we are, to a great extent. Sort of a Freudian Slip, I'd say.)
DeleteYou're right to say that the feeling is a heaviness. I do feel that burden in my neck and shoulders, yoked with care and so much frustration.
Let's hang in there and do whatever we can; as you say, we must make a difference.
Glad you can have outings to the lake since nature can offer some necessary respite from the world, I think. Glad you have some bald eagles there, too. As unpleasant as so much is, it could be so much worse as we head toward Nov. and then 2024. We best take pleasure we can find now -- that's our challenge.
ReplyDeleteJoared--I understand what you mean. The midterms and 2024 could be a bigger nightmare than 2016. These could well be our halcyon days.
DeleteOh yes, I’m in Florida and I see the surge of DeSantis running either against trump or as his veep to simply bide his time. Florida, unfortunately, is a very red state. The pleads of children and parents from Uvalde changed no republican minds, nor will these hearings that start today. I am very worried for the future, even though I will not be around long.
DeleteOh look, your commenting feature appears to have changed! Obviously I have not been blogging, or even reading blogs, since June is half gone before I came by. Sigh. I agree, the world is exhausting. The war, the economy, women's rights, the Supreme Court, and GAH, frikkin shootings all of the time. I feel so helpless. Of course I am not, and the most powerful things I can do are: 1. VOTE. Every election, especially the small ones. 2. Get involved, with letters, money, phone calls, etc. Trying to elect and encourage people with common sense and kind hearts. 3. Find simple pleasures in my own life and those of others. Your time at the lake sounds like that, as was your birthday. I'm glad to see you here. I have had a couple of thoughts recently (none huge) that almost got me to open up wordpress and write a blog post, but not quite.
ReplyDeleteJ--I have no idea what Blogger did to Comments or why. I had nothing to do with it whatsoever, as usual. As always, I'm just glad that people can (and do) still comment.
DeleteTotally agree with your assessment of the World At Large and what we small denizens of it can do. It's so tempting to hibernate and say, "It's someone else's turn now; I've done my part," but that's dangerous and shortsighted. Each and every one of us must get in there and take a stand.
My birthday was The Best Day, and a sorely needed one. And our time at the lake continues to be exactly what I need every weekend. I'm not a beachy girl at all, but sitting and overlooking a calm and quiet lake and listening to boat chatter, birdsong, and even Canada goose honks is a balm for my soul.
It's been beastly hot and humid here; we've one more day of it today, so I may actually write a post today. It won't be wonderful, but I've got to get back into it, you know? Do not, however, let my philosophy influence you in any way. I'll catch up with you whenever you're ready.
Nance - I always enjoy what you have to say on over at Busy Bee Suz' blog. I'm stopping by a little bit late, but I agree. The world is heavy. The things those in the school system have to concern themselves with - goodness, how has this not been more seriously addressed yet?
ReplyDeleteHappy to hear about your wonderful lake house. Sounds relaxing.
Ernie--Welcome to the Dept.
DeleteEducation is an arena that is always most blamed and last served. Here in Ohio, school funding is based upon property taxes, a system declared unconstitutional in 1997. That system still stands, however; no action has been taken to address it and the state Supreme Court abandoned its own responsibility. The latest legislation signed by our republican governor to "help" schools was to allow teachers to carry firearms after only 24 hours of training. I've never been so glad to be out of the classroom in my life.
I'm looking forward to another weekend at the lake. Thank you for sharing my Joy. It means a lot.