Wednesday, March 30, 2022

In Which I Give March The Boot And Discuss Its Fallout


M
arch is blustering off, and I say Good Riddance. You were a bit of a bitch, March, and I didn't appreciate it. At all. About the best thing I can say for you is You Were Not February. Now get moving and don't even think about giving April any advice.

Over the weekend, we had two inches of heavy, wet snow dumped on us very unceremoniously. It was not the Dept.'s fault; we had our snow shovels prominently displayed next to the door as custom demands in NEO until mid-April at least. We know how this works. No, Dear Readers, I blame these people:

Taken on March 24th

Do you see the dead, deflated Christmas Thing there flanked by blooming daffodils? On March 24th? That is, right there, the reason we got hit with shitful snow last weekend--Climatological Confusion caused by Seasonal Dissonance. These individuals have a lot to answer for. A. Lot.

Because of that lousy snow, I forced myself to take the whole day Saturday (after shovelling) and complete some projects. One of those was The Dreaded Cat Brushing. The cats have become so belligerent about it that I now shut myself and one of them at a time in the small hallway. All the doors to the rooms are also shut. I sit on the floor and rotate like a child on a Sit 'n' Spin, wielding a brush, taking swipes as a cat deigns to pass. During a break in the action, I paused to take a photo of my new shoes--bought at Target on clearance for only nine bucks:

Remember when vegan leather was just vinyl?

I sent it to Jared and Sam, bragging about my bargain.
 
Me:  These are my 9$ shoes!
Jared: What a bargain!
Sam:  Why are you on the floor?

Now that I look at the picture, my ankles look terrible and hairy. They are not, honest. Just in need of lotion.

Finally, one last photo. March has been cruel, and my dear BFF Leanne in Maryland knows it. She decided to send me my birthday present very early, and I am so glad she did. My tears were happy and grateful ones when I opened it. It's a day late for Tiny Needle Tuesday, but she made me this beautiful sampler. We share its sentiment so very, very deeply:

Sorry it's skewed. It's so hard to photograph glass in any light.

It's not March's fault that my friends live so far away, but it did nothing to help it, either. So, screw you, March. Hit the road. You were even devastating for my fantasy basketball team (SIX players on the Injured Reserved at once! Steph Curry out. Damontas Sabonis out for five games in a row. I can't even go on.) 

Join me in saying So Long to March. Let's have High Hopes for April. Certainly more Christmas decorations will be gone...won't they? (Tell me what I want to hear in Comments.)


45 comments:

  1. Sorry, you won't hear complaints from me here in South Texas. March is one of the better months. All too soon June will be here and hurricane season begins. Hot, humid, summers. But at least no snow.
    Awesome sampler.

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    1. Anni--No complaints needed. I've seen proof of your beautiful March in your many photos. I wish you could share some of the weather up here.

      We have the heat and humidity in NEO, especially in the past several years' summers. Last year, we didn't have much of a spring, just went right into summer and its heat. I hope we have a real spring this year. I don't envy your hurricanes, either. Would I trade them even up for snow? Hmmmmmm.

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  2. While reading this post, I flipped my calendar page over to APRIL in your honor. I hope that helps.
    What the hell with the Christmas decor in March? There should be a law and a very steep fine for those people.

    Your vegan leather shoes are lovely! I always giggle when I see something that says: Vegan Leather. Ummm...who are we trying to fool?

    I Love LOVE LOVE the needlepoint gift; that is such a lovely sentiment. Really, isn't it the best compliment ever? What a dear friend Leanne is. You've inspired me to find some gifts with that saying for my dear friends who don't live next door.

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    1. Suz--Thank you. Just knowing you did that does make me feel better. COME AT ME, APRIL!

      I'm going to start referring to all plastic as Vegan Leather. And all paper as Vegan China, as in "When we're only at the lake for a day, sometimes we just use Vegan China for a quick sandwich so we don't have to run the dishwasher." Are stuffed animals just Vegan Pets? WHERE DOES IT END?

      I agree that the sentiment on the sampler is the best compliment ever. Leanne and I often create scenarios about what it would be like if we were next-door neighbors. It's always wonderful (for me, especially; she has a gorgeous pool). Our time together in person and on the phone is always comforting and fun.

      I hope you find what you're looking for. Let me know.

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  3. A Florida friend and I once had a bet how long blow up Christmas Homer (w/donut box) would be outside my office window that looked over the house of the crazy people next door. Homer was there through New Year, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, and well neigh onto Memorial Day. Not only was Homer still out there, but he was still blown up and standing tall with his stupid box of DOnuts. If a wind storm hadn't taken him out between Easter and Memorial Day, I have no doubt he would be there to this day (and we've been gone from Orlando for five years). I won't say that is WHY we moved, but it sure was another peg in the "gotta go" log.

    So good luck with your blow ups. Maybe (just maybe) they could go missing one dark night?

    Hope your April is oh-so-much better.

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    1. Dee--That has to be the worst Christmas inflatable ever, even worse than the Santa on a Harley that took my top spot years ago. You poor thing. And its longevity! That is The Contest Winner. Still inflated, too. I'd have looked longingly at my BB gun every single day, let me tell you. You are a saint. I'd have had to be medicated.

      Back when I was teaching, I could have merely spoken about such things and how they upset me. A few days later, a student would casually tell me that things had been taken care of. Those were the days.

      Here's to April and your unobstructed view!

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  4. March came in like a lamb so it is going out like a lion. April showers bring May flowers. That's all of the cliches (or idioms?) I've got at the moment.

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    1. Ellen--It's funny you mentioned the lion/lamb one. I was trying to remember how March started so as to prove or disprove the old adage. I didn't come up with it, and I found I didn't care enough to research it even though it would have been easy to do. I'll just look forward to May flowers and hope that all our showers in April are rain and not snow.

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  5. I adore that sampler, it's absolutely perfect. I'm glad she sent it to you early as well.

    Those deflated Christmas decorations are stupid indeed. I mean, what the hell?

    March was stupid here, too, though as I am sure you know, for opposite reasons. Mostly beautiful and warm. One or two days in the 80s I think. A few nights that were VERY cold. Rain maybe 2 days, neither day much of it. Once it rained just enough to keep Mulder from getting his morning walk before work started, which he did not appreciate AT ALL. And now we're done. I'm guessing no more rain until November. Sigh. We need to move.

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    1. J--Would you really move from California, or are you just speaking of the Bay Area? I cannot think of it. I understand the challenges (as much as I can from here), but you really do appreciate so much of the benefits of living there.

      Poor Mulder. Pets do love their routines, and an energetic boy like he is needs his walks. The rain wouldn't have bothered HIM, you know. LOL.

      Monday, we started the day at 17 degrees and hit 21. Yesterday, we started at 34 and hit 70. Today, we started at 64 and will steadily drop with winds gusting up to 50 mph, until we bottom out at 34 degrees. It's migraine season, for sure. Sigh.

      On the plus side, our snow is all melted. Yay.

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    2. Oh goodness, extremes like that would have me in bed with a serious sinus headache, to be sure. You have my sympathies. It’s supposed to be 90 here next Thursday, which I am in NO WAY READY FOR, but at least it will build somewhat gradually.

      Mulder hates the rain. He doesn’t even want to go out to pee in the yard when it’s raining. I often wonder how he would like the snow? Some dogs ADORE it, others, not so much.

      We would move from California. We are so tired of the hot dry summers and smoke from wildfires and insanely high prices. A realtor friend just posted a 3 bedroom townhouse down the road for $739k. Plus monthly homeowners dues, usually between $400 - $600 a month. We could sell our place and probably pay cash in a lot of places, but WHERE TO GO? I would go to Portland, but Ted’s not really onboard with that. Oregon is SO WHITE. We’re not fans of humidity. We’re not thrilled with the idea of living in conservative areas. Being an interracial couple means nothing here, but we suspect that may not be the case in many places. So here we sit, not leaving, dealing with the stupid wildfires and increasing congestion in our area. Sigh. Oh, also (and much more cheerfully), Ted just got a really good new job, one where he has to be in the office every day, so a move is much less likely than it may have been a year ago. Now if we were to move, it would likely be just to find a slightly bigger place if we could manage it. Maybe a 3 bedroom condo down the road…

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    3. J--It really does sound like you could make a change. Where to go, indeed. Rick and I had pondered that same question years ago, and it's a tough one. Weather leads you to places that perhaps your politics/philosophies don't match; budget sends you elsewhere; politics leads you to places where the weather or your wallet isn't the most comfy year round. And now Ted has gone and found a good job, darn him! (Congratulations to Ted, by the way. And that should make your lives all easier during the day. Hooray!)

      I'd love you both to come here, but of course I cannot advocate for the politics nor the weather. I'm just being selfish. XO

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    4. Living on your street, near you and Rick, and the boys and Z, and your grandkids, would indeed be wonderful. And we could do our part to turn your town bluer. You don’t make the weather sound very tempting, though, because while I would love to have the lush green that I assume comes with all of that rain, I’m not sure I want all that humidity and snow!

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  6. Love the sampler. Perfect. Hate the blow up things. At any season. Also don't like the eggs (colorful) hanging from trees. Here's hoping April is a kinder month.

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    1. Vera--It's a cherished gift, that sampler. And you know very well how I feel about cross-stitch. That makes it even more special to me, beyond the poignant sentiment.

      I've had a long-standing antipathy concerning those dumb inflatables which people, for some reason, only leave inflated at night. I don't get that. During the whole day, we get to look at a mess of fabric on lawns, like the encampment of homeless people or a hot-air balloon accident or something. If I had my choice, I'd rather see the plastic eggs hanging off tree branches. At least it's neater even though it makes zero sense at all.

      Thank you for your sentiment regarding April. I hope so too.

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  7. Shoo March! I am DONE with you! I would like to feel my toes again.

    I love that sampler and would have been so very touched to receive such a sweet gift.

    And if those damn Christmas decorations aren't gone soon...I'm thinking someone may need to take matters into their hands to get it done. ;-)

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    1. Gigi--Thank you for your unqualified support in showing March the door.

      I have had naughty thoughts about constructing a sign to place in that yard. What should I put on it? WE KILLED CHRISTMAS or THIS IS HOW LAZY WE ARE or GODZILLA'S CONDOM are a few I thought of. I'd love to hear your ideas.

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  8. There's a house in my neighborhood that just keeps adding to its decorations. There's a Halloween flag with a witch on it that's been there since October, a deflated inflatable turkey that's been there since November, some Christmas lights that light up every night, and some hearts on their picture window that have been there since Valentine's Day. A small part of me was eager to see what they would do for St. Patrick's Day and I was disappointed that nothing new appeared.

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    1. NGS--I remember you telling me of this house in a previous post. I'm devastated to know that it is still like this.

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  9. Where did the month go honestly. I'm just glad March is over and I do hope the coming months are going to be better.

    I'm really in awe of how fashion is evolving. I hope more and more brands go sustainable. Those are really cute shoes.

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    1. Lux--You're right; the month did go by quickly, but it was impactful, at least for me. Here in Northeast Ohio (NEO), it's a month of weather extremes, and I find that unsettling and irritating. (Probably the shoes were a private little sunshine boost...glad you like them.)

      Sometimes, vegan leather/vinyl/pleather = fast fashion. Cheap shoes don't last nearly as long as real leather ones do, nor are they as comfortable, at least to me. I keep stuff forever, however; I'm not one for trends overall. I've settled into my Personal Style.

      I agree with you that more and more brands need to be responsible and sustainable. I also feel fashion is evolving, especially with size normalizing on runways and in ads. It's about time.

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  10. I'm sorry your March was so awful. I can't hate March because it is my birthday month and so many other good things as far as I'm concerned. But the weather sure was confused. They said last night on the weather report that we had seven days of 70 degrees or above. That's just wrong during March.

    P.S. I LOVE those shoes!

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    1. Bridget--March is Jared's birthday month as well. And two of my sisters'. This March was out of control for me and unpredictable. I can't take a lot of that sort of thing. After all these years, I still have Control Issues.

      I like those shoes, too. Let's face it--for 9 bucks, they're pretty darn great. At the original price of $29, I'd not have given them a look at all.

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  11. Okay. It's down. And the red bow is languishing in a basket in the hall closet, waiting to be taken downstairs and stored in the Harry Potter cupboard.
    Yes, we are Done With March up here too. We had a 'band of freezing rain' predicted for us yesterday and we are getting a miserable weepy Lamb Leaving day. I'm looking for that warm west wind.

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    1. Mary--Hooray! You are de-Yuled up in Ontario, and now if you generous Canadians would keep your frigid blasts to yourselves, we'd be all set. Funny how no one ever talks about Building The Wall to keep that sort of Immigration under control. ;-)

      I shall dream of warmer winds (although less gusty than the ones we have now) with you.

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    2. That would be one hell of a wall. Funny, we name winds and weather from the USA, but right now I can't think of an example.
      There are buds on my lily bed, the one that is about 50% out of the snow. And I have to confess that JG finally took the wreath down because he was bumping his head on it. Thus, no doubt, the half of my flower bed still under snow.

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  12. Love the shoes and the ankles look just fine to me. Even with the odd cat hair. Do not moisturize until you have done brushing or you will have a layer of it.

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    1. Mary--Thank you. They are also patterned with the cold in that photo. LOL on the dangers of moisturizing pre-grooming. I can't even imagine the mess. I already keep the lint roller manufacturers in business since I refuse to stop wearing black leggings.

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  13. I am so sick of being cold@ I want March to leave, too, with its tail between its legs, marching out in shame for the snow it keeps coughing up.

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    1. Jean--Yes! My sentiments exactly, and I appreciate your metaphor. March is like a sick cat retching up hairballs of lousy weather.

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  14. I'll admit that I had high hopes for March. I embraced it on day one like we were going to be fast friends, but alas the month turned a cold shoulder toward me. And I am one to hold a grudge when a month disses me. While I'm on record for not liking the pollen of April, it least I know what I'm getting into.

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    1. Ally Bean--I hear that! I was more than willing to be patient as well, but March was relentlessly terrible. You make an excellent point in saying that the worst part of March was the constant unpredictability. April might be rainy and sneezy, but you expect it and plan for it. March was a hellride of who-knows-what, and that made it unbearable.

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  15. Im so done with March. Every year it is tough. We have fresh snow today. Im shutting the drapes. I cannot see it anymore!

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    1. kathy b--I am so very sorry about your new snow. That is insult added to injury on the last day of March. I'd be searching for flamethrowers on Amazon out of desperation. Certainly shutting the drapes is far more mature and reasonable. Good for you.

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  16. That sampler is simply wonderful. Such friendship is a gift that surpasses all the rest. Along those lines, March has closed out particularly brutally here. My best friend was diagnosed with ALS earlier this week. I am gutted and heartbroken. Understatement. I'd like to go back to only being able to bitch about the weather, politics, etc.

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    1. Shirley--I'm so sorry to hear about your dear friend's diagnosis. Something like that can put so many things into perspective along with knocking you breathless. How terribly unfair. I know you're feeling the value of that friendship so keenly right now. My love to you.

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  17. Thanks so very much, Nance. You definitely have captured all my feelings. I visited with my amazing friend yesterday. We had a lovely visit, albeit a very emotional one at times. Understandably so.

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  18. I'm reading this post several days late and here we are in APRIL HALLELUJAH! I finally cleaned my house today and put away the Christmas village church that I've been using as a nightlight. I left it until the time changed, and then I left it because I was too trifling to put it away. But it's gone now until next Christmas.

    Here's hoping for more reasonable weather for both of us!

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    1. Bug--I woke up this morning to snow. Again. I'm still blaming the same individuals who are stubbornly leaving their Christmas inflatable out.

      I'm glad you have finally admitted that Christmas is truly Over. Embrace Spring and all its wonders. I plan to, if it ever arrives and stays.

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  19. The sampler your friend sent you is brilliant, I love it. Funnily enough I have just bought a little ornament with the same wording, for my BFF who lives several hundred miles away
    Jillxo

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    1. Jill--I think that sentiment is one of the nicest things a friend can say. I love the idea of having it on an ornament.

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  20. I know that feeling about wishing a dear friend lived next door.

    I do hope your expectations for April materialize and March has taken with it any unwelcome weather. I think you're quite correct to place the blame on that leftover plastic Christmas deflated creature. What's wrong with those people? Don't hold your breath -- there may be a storm coming east.

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    1. Joared--April has proven thus far to be as much as a mixed bag as March, but I am trying to be patient. Yesterday was lovely and sunny, and my walk was rewarding. Today, I'll be able to beat the rain and enjoy some sunshine and mild temperatures until the showers fall. I've seen the weekend forecast...SIGH. Let's just say that Those People are still On My List.

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  21. Great post. The line, 'remember when vegan leather was just vinyl' made me laugh out loud!
    Around My Kitchen Table

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Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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