I wish I could say that I noticed these things because I was meticulously cleaning my bathroom, carefully wiping away each speck of dried soapsuds or polishing the porcelain and chrome knobs of the vanity faucet. Oh, I wish. Actually, what I really wish is that Someone Else came in once a week to clean my bathroom. Hell, while I'm at it, I wish that Someone would come in and clean my whole house. Yes, I'm retired, but housework holds no charm for me.
But, I digress.
Here are a couple of things in my bathroom that snagged my Normal Filter. Let's see if It's Just Me.
1. I Am A Lousy Mother.
This tag is on my blowdryer. As you can see, I am a Rule Follower and DID NOT REMOVE IT! I did not, however, ever warn my children about the risk of death by electric shock. Ever. By some miracle, both Jared and Sam are still alive more than thirty years later. And I had blowdryers in the house the entire time! And bathtubs! By the way, neither my blowdryer nor my bathtub looks like the one pictured in the tag. I'd have to consult Rick, but I'm pretty sure that building codes do not allow an outlet right there by a bathtub. I'm absolutely positive, however, that Rules Of The English Language do not dictate that set of quotation marks. Just sayin'.
2. What Kind Of Mixed Messaging Is Happening Here?
This is my shower curtain liner. We have incredibly hard water, so I end up getting a new one about every four months. No amount of washing/soaking in various solutions will completely take out the ugly orangey residue. I just replace the liner, and I get nice cloth ones at my wondrous grocery store for two bucks. This one made me laugh. I'm pretty sure no sultan ever got his linens from China, and if he somehow did, they were not 100% polyester. I think about all the beautiful fibers and textiles made in the geographic areas of the Ottoman Empire, and then I look at my $1.99 shower curtain liner. I imagine entire desert tents, perhaps, made of shower curtain liners flapping in the warm nighttime breezes as the sultans clap for a servant. "Send to the Chinese for more of these polyester linens!" they command. "They are durable and cheap, and lightweight for easy travel." Of course, there is the Sultan of Brunei. He could certainly get his linens from China, but he is worth about 28 billion dollars, so I doubt he'd be surrounding himself with 100% polyester anything, let alone polyester shower curtain liners. He probably has a Himalayan Pink Salt cavern shower, no curtains needed.
My bathroom has nothing like that, just a death trap blowdryer and a wannabe royal shower curtain liner, both good for a couple of laughs. Thank goodness I noticed them both.
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You are so funny! I was cracking up about The Sultan's Linens. I can't say that I ever warned my kids about the the risk of death by electric shock either, I guess I have to join you in the lousy mother club. The tag reminded me of something I saw on a box of Christmas lights last year. It said, in quotations, For indoor or outdoor use only. I'm still kind of scratching my head over that one :D
ReplyDeleteMartha--I have a feeling our club is one with many members. You can be VP since you're first commenter on this post!
DeleteAND since you appreciated the humour of it and I'm a sucker for flattery always.
Love your example of goofy packaging. If you ever find yourself in some weird In-Between World, DO NOT--UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!--USE THOSE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.
Read a mystery book once where there was a death by a hair dryer. Now I have to go see if mine still has its tag. It's so old I keep thinking I should replace it.
ReplyDeleteJean--Oh my goodness, did you really? And it wasn't a comedy? Heavens.
DeleteI don't replace a blowdryer until it drops dead. The one exception to that is now my Spare Blowdryer.
I was more of a paranoid mom, so yeah, I warned my daughter about electronics around water. I love the polyester linen, that’s hilarious. Seems almost like they should spell it “linyn” just to free themselves up a bit...
ReplyDeleteJ--Bless your heart. Maybe if I'd had daughters, I'd have been more inclined to be on top of such things. Sam and Jared--to my recollection--never did use a blowdryer. Maybe to speed dry a damp shirt.
DeleteI agree that the Sultan's Linens people should have employed a little device to get some wiggle room there. But perhaps they didn't appreciate the irony of their tag like we do.
Dee--If I were a Sultan, I'd eschew polyester for almost anything else.
ReplyDeleteRick had buzzcuts as a kid, too, and he now has long, flowing locks. Silver ones. I sure hope he has read that tag.
Oh, the dreaded air quotes. I never thought of that. ;-)
Isn't it amazing where we're getting our kicks these days? I certainly look forward to coming here to get some of mine!! Thanks for the morning chuckle.
ReplyDeletesteph--You're welcome, and I'm glad to have given you a laugh.
DeleteSadly, this is nothing new for me, not just a result of a Pandemic Lifestyle. It's Just Me, as usual. ;-)
I have that exact tag on my blow dryer which is a hand-me-down from my Mom who died several years ago. I keep it near my sink which is probably a dangerous spot to keep it. Yikes!
ReplyDeleteI picture you sitting on the can trying to get ideas of what to write about! :)
Thanks for the laughs!
Ellen D.--My blowdryer is safely cloistered in a cabinet, nice and dry. I do plug it in right at my sink, however; I like to Live Dangerously.
DeleteThat you picture me...ahem...that way discomfits me just a little. Do I have the kitty-with-sunglasses head? Am I wearing shoes that match my outfit?
More importantly, are there two enormous cats milling about, voicing their irritation? Because there always, always are. Sigh. My life is so weird.
My dad made sure we understood the danger of water & electricity. For MANY YEARS (like, from 1982 until 2006) there was a label on the bathroom mirror that said "Electricity + Water = Death." He made it using a label-maker like the one here. It was alarming & informative!
ReplyDeleteI really need to switch out Mike's shower liner. I've tried washing it and that didn't help AT ALL.
I would also like to put in a bid for someone to clean my house for me!
Bug--Now I really feel like a Terrible Mother. Was your dad a shop teacher or an electrician or something that made him so conscientious about it?
DeleteI remember labelmakers being gift items for a while there. They came in all different colours and even mini sizes. I had one for ages. Kinda fun.
Nope - he was a UPS driver! I think he was just horrified by my mom & me. Ha! Although he did grow up on a dairy farm so maybe there was some horrible incident involving an electric milking machine (ouch!).
DeleteWell you accomplished making me laugh, .. Thanks. Im tired for a number of reasons, not th least of which is housework. Guests coming in for 3 nights. A friend who is just about family, making a long distance LA to Chicago car trip to visit her very ill brother . So this CoVID thing is bad enough day to day. But all the wiping by us all in just over 24 hours has my brain and my hands worn down. Fireman and I Wear masks while the 2 guests, who had 9, really 9 COVID tests over the last few months are mask free unless we go in the car together . I am so glad my pal came and trusts us. But I had no idea the double serving dishes, their and ours, etc etc etc would be so taxing. Whine whine whine. Right?
ReplyDeletekathy b--Glad I was able to make you laugh after all you've been going through. It sounds like plenty, for sure.
DeleteThe whole house is probably full of such traps. Tsk. The really amusing thing is that what my grown children blame me for the most is not protecting them from death but inflicting lousy haircuts. Who knew.
ReplyDeleteMary--Can you just imagine the unholy killing machines we had in our homes back when our kids were little? Oh, well. We did the best we could. As far as haircuts, I haven't heard those complaints and neither has their father, who took over the haircutting once they were old enough to care. Stay strong!
DeleteMine are girls. Or maybe it is a genetic thing as their father is fanatic about his hair as well. Does the 'Dorothy Hamil' cut ring any bells for you? That is what my girls had, in public school, for a while. They now sound off whenever they see a photo from that time. Maybe I should have dropped a hair dryer into the tub with them.
DeleteMary--I remember the Dorothy Hamill cut being a big deal. Everyone wanted one! Your girls should be thanking you that they had such a trendy cut.
DeleteKudos to you that you let them live. Hee hee!
You gave me a much needed smile, thank you.
ReplyDeleteMereknits--You're welcome.
DeleteI love it when seeing the obvious, becomes just hilarity. Last week, (don't tell anyone!) I did cut the tag off my blowdryer and I'm hoping I don't forget and try to dry my hair while bathing.
ReplyDeleteBBSuz--You are such a rebel. I wonder if I can get up the nerve to try and cut the tag off mine!
DeleteThere are NO sockets at all allowed in an English bathroom, you couldn’t possibly dry your hair in the bath or shower. Bedrooms are meant to supply electricity. Or, if you are rich (not even as rich as the SofB) you may have a dressing room I hear. Shower curtains? They are totally yucky in no time and I have got rid of mine and replaced the over-bath-shower curtain with a movable pane of (plastic)-glass sort of screen.
ReplyDeleteI haven’t looked at my bathroom for ages, perhaps I had better check for mouldy bits. The thing is, if I see any, I shall feel obliged to clean them, so maybe leave it for now?
Friko--Ah, yes, the shower doors. Soon covered in the dreaded Soap Scum. We can't win, can we? There is always something to clean, no matter what. We pick our poison.
DeleteIgnoring it makes us happy for a while, but you know what really happens, right? ;-)
I believe I'm an even worse Mother in that I have removed those pesky tags from hair dryers. And nope, never warned my son of the dangers. Now I want to find a cloth shower curtain liner...all I ever see are the plastic ones. They get moldy and I wash them in bleach and then they get moldy again and I wash again and eventually they rip or tear.
ReplyDeleteVera--Welcome to our club. How did our kids ever make it to adulthood with us as parents? They were at risk ALL THE TIME.
DeleteI hate vinyl shower curtain liners. They get slimy and icky way faster than cloth, and they don't wash nearly as nicely. Taking them out of the washer is such a pain; I get wetter than they are, and dragging them up to hang is a chore. The fabric ones spin out to be barely damp at all, and I hang them that way, letting them dry naturally. I bet you can find them on Amazon, too.
What is happening? I've typed a reply here twice now, only to have it suddenly disappear before I finished. Trying again to say — Very funny! You have been a very negligent mother if you did not lecture your children about keeping the hair dryer out of the water-filled bathtub. You must live with the knowledge of this guilt for the rest of your life. Perhaps it’s not too late to redeem yourself as the label does not specify age limitations on children.
ReplyDeleteAs for the Sultan’s linen polyester liners, I’m at a loss to explain his confusion or what he’s doing in China. Perhaps the labor is cheaper there, and he’s become a bit discombobulated as he relocates in our mobile world of today. Surely you don't chastise him for desiring to modernize his products in keeping up with the rest of the world?
Joared--For some reason, Blogger is slow to load the elements in my sidebar. Sometimes, when they finally load, on tablets and phones especially, it may reload then the entire page. That may account for your disappearing comment. Thank you for sticking with it.
DeleteThank you also for providing me that loophole! I can still warn my sons and feel absolved of my guilt. Good one! ;-)
oh my goodness, oh my goodness. you have me rolling!! (don't correct me for no capital lettering as I type, I have mt phone texting set that way). anyway, I saw your name in martha's comment form, and clicked! hmmm, profile states you like to read about Abraham Lincoln & Mary Todd...me too. (I guess I should type also instead of too?) we're both retired tho I live in south Texas & you live just north of me, a bit. our movie likes? hmmmm, yes. Very similar until I read your last favorite movie...Napoleon Dynamite? Too funny. I giggled at the thought.
ReplyDeletenow, to get to your post I read. what's lurking in your bathroom. lol and as for shower curtains, I change mine often too, but for the simple reason I DON'T wanna wash, and re-hang.
Hootin' Anni--Hello, and welcome to the Dept.! I used to respond to comments in all lower-case, too. Then I just got taken over by habit. Feel free to use all little letters, no judgement here.
DeleteI haven't given my profile an update in ages, but I'm sure it's still accurate. Yes, I still love Napoleon Dynamite. Its absurdity makes me laugh and laugh. For years, my sons and I sneaked in pieces of its dialogue in our normal communication. We still answer the phone with Napoleon's signature Hello, in his odd voice.
Enjoy your visits here. And have fun poking around in my archives if you get bored some days.
You made me laugh. The whole sultan with Chinese polyester linens is the stuff of SNL skits. As for your mothering skillz, I'd not feel guilty about what you didn't do. They grew up, they're fine. No need to look back with despair!
ReplyDeleteAlly Bean--Glad you had a chuckle. I'm taking that as a win in these troubled times.
DeleteAnd I will take the compliments as well. All writers live for them, and mothers too. Moms especially get precious few of them. Our grown children are supposed to be it, I guess. ;-)
Actually, they're a pretty big one. (Just a long time in coming.)