At the start of this, let me say two things:
1. I am an unabashed admirer and user of The English Language. I also defend it passionately.
2. Having been the constant companion of a carpenter/home builder/project manager for almost forty years, my knowledge of construction and its associated tools and hardware is incredibly extensive. I don't watch HGTV; I have lived it most of my life (much of it against my will).
Now then, let's Get On.
One evening Rick and I were having some wine, sitting looking out over the lake, remarking on how many people had their boats in, who had new boats, whose properties were spiffed up--just neighborhood chat in general. In order to do this, however, we had to resort to our nicknames for these neighbors since we have no idea who everyone is.
"I wonder if the Green Fence House will even have a boat this year," I said. "I can't remember the last time I saw one at their dock."
"The Ninja's boat cover doesn't match his patio umbrellas now, but they look better," Rick said. "They match his house."
"I'm just glad the Portcullis House has a boat in," I said, with a sigh of satisfaction.
Rick looked at me warily. Then he shook his head slowly with a sad and disapproving look. "Nance," he said. "I know who you mean, but I keep telling you: that thing you keep calling a Portcullis is not a Portcullis. It's just not."
"Oh, hell. Then what is it?"
"It's an arbor. That's all it is."
"Then what the hell is a Portcullis? And how did I come up with it? I'm going to google it."
It was at that point that I lost all faith in The English Language, because here, Dear Readers, is a Portcullis:
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| By Kevin King from Pensacola, FL, US of A - Ireland 2009, Cahir Castle Portcullis |
I'm sorry, English Language, but you cannot be serious. The word Portcullis sounds far too gentle and sweet and...gardeny to be that. I mean, can't you just hear Scarlett O'Hara flirting with her many suitors and saying, "Fiddle dee dee! Now why don't you all bring your mint juleps and join me down by the portcullis where it's nice and cool?"
Right? I call for a Do Over, English Language.
original image
What? That sharp terrifying door has a beautiful name? ?I love your neighbor names.
ReplyDeletekathy b--Isn't it such a silly name for a heavy, brutal castle door?
DeleteWe also refer to some of our neighbors at home by the original homeowner's name, even though those people have been dead and/or gone for ages. It's hard to keep up!
Hey, we all make mistakes. They just look better on you than on others. LOL
ReplyDeleteJean--Oh, thanks! Hee hee.
DeleteAgreed. Portcullus sounds far too innocuous to represent one of those Scary Gates. Looks like something a Certain Person would install in the Oval Office, lol. And now I'm curious to know how such a word entered your vocabulary in the first place... did you ever figure it out?
ReplyDeleteOops! "Portcullis."
DeleteOrtizzle--That's really a great question. I have no idea how I landed on Portcullis. I certainly read widely enough, and it's a fun word. Obviously, the definition didn't stick, wherever I picked it up.
DeleteForgot to say: I *did* see your previous TGIF post. It got eaten up by the spam filter again, although this one came through. Go figure.
DeleteDee--Exactly! Portcullis is far too stabby for its name. I don't get it.
ReplyDeleteI found out what a portcullis was when I worked at a penitentiary, so I would never confuse it with anything ever again!
ReplyDeleteBTW, I'm glad we are not the only ones who name people we don't know. :-)
Bridget--Is there simply NO END to the cool jobs you do/have done? You are a fount of great work stories, I bet.
DeleteOh gosh, we have all kinds of names and they're nuts. I think I could do a post just about that! (And I'm sure you could, too.)
I love that Rick is the one who corrected your word usage. That would be like if I were to explain to Mike how, no, it was such-&-such general that led that charge at Bull Run. Ha!
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree - the word sounds way too elegant for its actual meaning!
Bug--Rick is getting very good with The Language, and I'm happy to let him correct me on Jargon Within His Expertise. I just wish he'd give me my Props when I bust out with Jargon Outside My Expertise, like when I identify a mansard roof or identify an NBA player out of uniform or stuff like that.
DeleteSometimes I feel like words let me down. Not that often, but when they do, it's upsetting.
The provenance of portcullis is Old French, according to the Oxford reference dictionary. Port is door, obviously.
ReplyDeleteWhat is weird is that when I looked up cullis, I got this ... cullis (plural cullises) (architecture) A gutter in a roof. (architecture) A channel or groove, as for a side-scene in a theatre. A strong broth of meat, strained and made clear for someone who is ill or infirm; also, a savoury jelly.
So, either a sliding door, or a door made out of jelly. Off to consult Cassells. Maybe. Somewhat hungry, thinking of the savoury jelly.
Do you miss restaurants? Civilized eating with someone else clearing up the mess. Sigh.
Mary--I knew port was part of the provenance. The sliding channel for a side-scene in a theatre seems to come far later than the actual portcullis itself, however, doesn't it? I don't know. I'll trust your source and intellectual acumen on this one.
DeleteI miss my favourite restaurant a great deal. It is open now, but I am not comfortable going even though it is small and we know all the staff. I can get carryout, but it is worky, what with transferring the food to our own dishes, etc. Here in OH, we can get carryout liquor with our restaurant orders now, too, as an added incentive. We are doing what we can to support them until we do feel ready to go out.
I wondered about the scenery myself, but it appears to go right back to travelling troupes in wagons. Oxford Reference Dictionary is usually pretty reliable.
DeleteNone of our restaurants can open except for takeout and Premier Ford has just added another ten days to the lockdown. We are half an hour both ways from any takeout except pizza, and fifteen minutes both ways from that.
The annoying thing about the Ontario experience is that the bulk of all cases are in Toronto and environs. Up here in Eastern Ontario we have had a couple of outbreaks in long term care facilities, one very bad, but not much otherwise. Ottawa, even, is fairly low in numbers as is Kingston. Sorry to note that the Niagara region is one of the high spots. I hope you are making your wine last.
I think they are also called murder gates. ? More looking up to do. Love you.
ReplyDeleteMary G--Love you too. And please do what you can to open the border to us. My wine cellar is horrifically low. We are drinking Domestic, and we miss your good wines.
Deletethat's hilarious! I saw a portcullis at the Tower of London. Maybe they could start using it as an arbor.
ReplyDeleteMinerva--LOL. I think Arbor sounds far more dire than Portcullis. "Knights! Lower the Arbor! The enemy approaches!"
DeleteI thought a portcullis was a covered entry way/ I am way off.
ReplyDeleteMeredith--Oh, yay! It's not just me! We prove that Portcullis is being wrongly used to define that horrifying murder gate (as Mary called it). I like our interpretations much better.
DeleteHuh. That thing has a name. It's wicked looking, with the wrong name, obviously.
ReplyDeleteAlly Bean--Right? We learn something new every day, as They say.
DeleteThat just looks plain evil!
ReplyDeleteVera--I think it's supposed to. It would keep me from feeling welcomed at that castle.
DeleteFirst of all I love that you speak to each other in your own (neighbor) language. I thought we were the only ones.
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of a Portcullis, but I now know that I won't forget it. Thank you for that scary image!
Busy Bee Suz--Glad to expand your vocabulary albeit in a scary way.
DeleteIt's hard to know who is who when we're only at the lake on weekends during the season and when we don't see people that often. (We do it "at home" as well, though, but that's for a different reason. Some of the people, we prefer not to get to know. ;-) )
I don’t think I have ever heard that term before, and I would certainly not have pictured it as something from Game of Thrones. Wow!
ReplyDeleteJ@jj--I've never even watched Game of Thrones. Perhaps if I had, I'd have learned it from there and not used it incorrectly. Regardless, it's a poor word for what it describes.
DeleteFunny post! And hi! I'm back after a 9 month blogging hiatus. Hope you are well, all world things considering!
ReplyDeleteSilver Willow--Thank you. I am well; hope you are too.
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