Thursday, March 12, 2020

Words For 2020: #2 Meditate/Reflect

It's my habit to park in a space distant from the entrance at the grocery store. It gives me a little more exercise, and I don't have to worry about finding a place to park or some distracted driver backing out and hitting me. Today, however, I had no choice; those were the only spots left. As I pulled in, the woman in front of me, whose hatch was facing me, was unloading a cart full of Kleenex boxes. I'd guess she had at least fifteen single boxes, and she was tossing them into the back of her car with a grim face.

In no way was I prepared for what I walked into. People were steering carts that were overflowing. The line at the deli was across the length of counter and three customers deep. I checked my list and tried to pick up a little speed. I was starting to feel tense and uncomfortable.

"Attention shoppers. We apologize, but we've just received the following instructions from our corporate office and must place limits on the following items. Isopropyl alcohol 70% to 90%, one bottle per customer. Bleach, one bottle per customer. Sanitizing wipes containing antibacterial or bleach..." and I stopped listening. I started to feel like I was in a Stephen King novel--like The Stand. Stores had been out of hand sanitizer for days and days now. (Even though every single healthcare professional has said that washing your hands was far more effective, there has not been a run on soap.)

I finished my shopping--and encountered several hastily made signs listing the limited products once I got to the cleaning supplies aisle--and realized that I was starting to feel panicky and almost sick. Another announcement was added, this one apologizing for the long checkout lines.

They weren't kidding. Part of the reason was that many people had two carts. I looked down at my cart and wondered again if I was being foolish for not stocking up. I keep a pretty good pantry and freezer as it is, but who knows? The governor has shut down schools for three weeks beginning on Monday. All shows, sporting events, and large expositions (Sam's Piston Powered Show this weekend!) are cancelled. I could feel this struggle begin welling up in me, this fight against the surreal.

I couldn't wait to get home. I needed a walk and some time to decompress and breathe. And then I needed to Meditate and Reflect.

Walking helps a great deal. The physical activity, the reconnection with Nature, the breathing of fresh air--all of that recenters me and grounds me again. But I also need some time for Meditation/Reflection. I use that quiet time to check in with myself and relax my tension. I'm not a Traditional Meditator in that I don't sit cross-legged or use a mantra or any accoutrements. I don't get all jazzed about Clearing All Thoughts From My Mind or all that. For me, that's nearly impossible. I'm a Chain Thinker. One thought leads to another to another to another and pretty soon I'm thinking about the time many years ago that I forgot a bag of frozen peas in the car for like two weeks.

No, usually, I listen carefully to any sounds in my environment and/or my breathing. If a thought comes in, I go ahead and think it. If a thought endangers my Zen, I just give it the Scarlett O'Hara--"I'll think about that tomorrow." Today, my stomach growled a lot while I was Meditating and Reflecting. It made me laugh, which I really needed. I Reflect a great deal on how grateful I am; how so many things in my life are Good; how many things I have to look forward to. And I make sure I take an inventory of how I've been doing that day: how do I feel? what did I accomplish? am I tensed up anyplace?

Some days I can take my time; other days I do a shorter version. Some busy days, this is actually done in bed! For me, Meditation/Reflection is some important Me Work. And I feel like I'm worth the effort.

So in 2020 and beyond, Meditate/Reflect are two of my Words.

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34 comments:

  1. "In no way was I prepared for what I walked into."

    Same experience for me today. I just kind of watched in utter amazement as people grabbed things off the shelves, seemingly not knowing what they were buying. I had a list, I looked for those things, but I wondered if I was the wacko one for not panicking more.

    My word for the year is simplify. This virus is not helping me with that idea.

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    1. Ally Bean--No, nothing seems Simple these days, yet Simplifying is still possible, I think.

      I am not meaning to imply that those stocking up are wackos or even completely overreacting. The point is I HAVE NO IDEA. This whole thing is so enormous and unfamiliar that I have no idea. I am feeling like I'm on a rolling log and trying to keep my footing. I'm no fan of Drama.

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    2. friday at Grocery Outlet here was "typical" said cashier to me. I only wanted milk and was surprised at the crowd in south central pa. Maybe normal but I just do not grocery shop on a Friday at 9:30 am during a coronavirus outbreak. Limit 2 toilet paper. thanks donald;(

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    3. susan q--Typical now during coronavirus, or typical for a Friday morning? Hmmm.

      I'm sure the next thing we'll see on TV is 45* tossing rolls of TP to his adoring constituents, proving that Everything Is OK. Ugh.

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  2. I went to the pIggly wiggly for the purpose of getting us a good 10 days of cat food and food for Fireman and I. It was relatively normal there. No announcements. Only one man saying :Where is the PURR Rrell you say you have here?
    I love how you say you have Chain Thinking. That is so me , as well! Im a chain thinker!
    Be well. Keep walking . Flowers are coming up here in Wisconsin Finally. The first flowers. The daffy's

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    1. kathy b--I just realized that I need to get to the pet store for cat food! Thanks for the reminder.

      On my walk yesterday, suddenly there were crocuses. Everywhere! It's like they came up literally in one day. I noticed, however, that they all looked a little frail, on skinny little stems. And the colour was a bit pale. Do they get brighter and heartier as they hang around?

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  3. Hubby and I went to an area Marc's. As we were preparing to enter the store two of my Sister-in-Loves were leaving. As we chatted a bit, they explained the bedlam that was inside the store. They weren't exaggerating, in the least; wall to wall people acting like the blizzard of 78 was happening any minute. I went past an elderly lady who informed me that the line started way back over there. Thankfully, I wasn't ready to get in line yet. Also thankfully, by the time I did get in line, more cashiers had been called and getting through was easy peasy.
    We use precautions when we go out in public, regardless of flu season, or any season.
    We are not young anymore, and must take that fact into consideration.
    Best wishes and good health to you and yours,
    Happy Spring

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    1. Denise--I was at a Marc's as well. They only had four checkouts open. Sigh. Why do they even have 13 lanes? I've never, ever seen more than four open at a time. Ever.

      Ever since my Vitamin D concerns and all that testing, I've been a maniac with keeping germs at bay. Like you, I use precautions at all times. Rick works out in the field in all kinds of schools, banks, and public areas all over the state and in PA as well. I told him he is the Germ Wild Card. I have been nagging at him about hyping his hygiene now. FOR MY SAKE, TOO.

      Stay well and Happy Spring to you as well.

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  4. Yep. Went to get dish washing liquid the other day. Which is usually next to the detergents and a lot of anti-bacterial products (bleach, etc.) ZERO. Empty shelves. Same with the toilet paper. And yeah, it did feel exactly like being in a movie like The Stand. A couple of elderly women (even more elderly than me) walked past as I was gazing in wonder at the shelves, and I heard them mumbling to each other about a Deep State conspiracy. Not sure which reaction is more exaggerated.

    Meantime: today we got official news from the university that Spring Break is extended for another week. Students will continue to stay away from campus until at least mid-April, but faculty need to come in next week to get up to snuff on synchronous teaching... like uh, holding live classes online. So... excuse me while I have a tiny little melt down of my own while I wonder if the 15 adjuncts I am in charge of are going to have a handle on this.

    Take care, my dear... and thanks for your words of wisdom. I definitely need some space right now to meditate and reflect!

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    1. Ortizzle--I understand your meltdown. It's occurring everywhere here in OH as all schools and universities struggle to figure out how to put content online for who-knows-how-long. And how to approximate lab hours. And how to deal with feeding kids whose only hot meals come from the schools twice a day. And what about day care? The trickle down is massive.

      And it's all exhausting to everyone. Even Sam, who stops by here for lunch every day, said, "If I have to hear one more customer quote statistics about how many more people die from the flu while they bitch about how this coronavirus is a media hoax, I might punch someone in the face." Ohio is even more Texas than Texas is anymore, I'm sorry to say.

      You take care, too. Even a few minutes can be helpful to Meditate and Reflect. I find it so helpful.

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  5. P.S. Love your snazzy new wall paper + wine-sipping kitty cat!

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    1. Ortizzle--Thanks! I was in the mood for a change. It's hilarious that the wallpaper is mostly cat butts. Just the way it turned out.

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  6. Oh, heck, I meant the *novel* The Stand. Which I did read many moons ago. Never saw the movie...

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    1. Ortizzle--No big deal. The Stand was made into a miniseries for television. It was unremarkable.

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  7. I don't get the panic about toilet paper. I was at the store two days ago and I didn't see any heavy hoarding or tons of people shopping but we've only got three cases of the virus in the state (probably more if they could test).

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    1. Jean--I don't either! I guess it's not something you can use something else for...?

      The governor has shut down so many things in the state to prevent further community spread, which we already have one case of (as of yesterday).

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  8. Fortunately, in the stores near me (which are very small local markets) no one seems to be panicking. Not so in the 'burbs around here. I had already planned to take Monday through Wednesday of next week off work, so I plan to do lots of walking because it always helps me with perspective.

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    1. Bridget--PANIC IN THE BURBS! Sounds like a NY POST headline.

      I completely agree about Perspective. It's so important to take a step or two back and gain some honest vision of what any situation is. Walking is great for that. It's a Meditation in and of itself.

      I know you'll enjoy your days off so much. I'm glad you have them to look forward to.

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  9. your message today was timely for me. I have been making list of ideas for 3 weeks of school shutdown with my 11 year ADHD child. Museums and kid centers closed down. I've got a wonderful list started & am actually excited about possibilities. Regret we won't get to spend the travel trips we had planned for traditional spring break but we will make this work! Went to local small store yesterday for kitty litter and was amazed at empty shelves and the anxiety of many. Bless all the parents, small kids, school personnel, community workers, ... well, everybody in our world right now. This is such an experience!!

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    1. JanL--Hello, and welcome to the Dept.! You make a great point about WHAT THE HECK TO DO WITH THESE KIDS WITH EVERYTHING SHUT DOWN?! Kudos to you for adapting and having such a terrific positive attitude.

      There's still the great outdoors, Nature Walks, and ideas from other sources who are happy to share online. Moms in general are great sharers.

      Take time to care for yourself, JanL. And thanks for chiming in here. I hope you do so often.

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  10. Ontario just got the picture and shut down. My grandkid is delighted at two extra weeks without chemistry and physics problems. We are still more or less Covid19 free here, except for the PM's wife who picked it up, they think, in the UK on a trip. But we are expecting it to roll out soon. No panic buying locally, although the grocery stores were a bit busier than usual earlier in the week. I have been stocking up a bit for the last three weeks, a few items at a time and I think many people here are doing much the same. toilet paper readily available.
    That is so weird.
    I find I am having to fight panic because I am totally in the vulnerable range. Heart surgery, compromised lungs and age 78. I read that in Italy people in my category are not getting treated; you have to be 60 or under to qualify for a respirator. Not sure if this is true.
    I wish I could be disciplined enough to quiet my mind. I envy you the practice. Stay well!

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    1. Mary--I just got an email from my favourite Ontario winery telling me that they are practicing stringent hygiene in their tasting rooms. Sigh. I am worried that our cellar will be empty/dry before we are allowed to fill it again from Big Head Wines in May or July.

      Please do all you can to stay well. And remember the phrase is "to practice meditation". You have to keep at it and be kind to yourself as you continue to try. As I said, I don't control my mind: I simply focus on my breathing and releasing muscle tension bit by bit. Go ahead and let your mind wander all over the place as you focus on breathing. Sometimes, I tour my grandma's old house while I do it!

      Take care, my friend. XO

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    2. I certainly hope you do not have to institute rationing in the wine cellar. And I suspect that the vintages you like do not ship. Well, if these measures, distressing as they are, will flatten the curve enough to allow us to be freed up by May, I can see you heading for Niagara ventre a terre. Thanks for the info on meditation. I do work on my breathing.
      We are being very careful. And our local health authority is working well. So far, all is good and I hope it remains so for us all.

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    3. Mary--Ohio doesn't allow any shipments of wine in the state from anyplace, almost, in its efforts to prop up its own wine industry. (Which is...well, let's just say that we do not "appreciate" Ohio wines.) And Ontario doesn't ship to the US.

      I am hoping like hell that we can get past this pandemic speedily, the most selfishly trivial reason being to restock the cellar.

      Ohio's cases continue to increase. The dreaded community spread. Our governor is being very proactive and leaning on medical professionals and SCIENCE. (And he is a republican!) I, like you, am being cautious and risk averse. And daring to be hopeful.

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  11. I've been saying that I felt like I was living in The Stand. I already think that God is probably an older woman of color, so I have that going for me. But I have no survival skills.

    I'm the kind of person who goes from A to Z. That helps calm my mind - I've already imagined the worst and so I can just relax & see what happens. Probably meditation would be more helpful though - no adrenaline spikes with it!

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    1. Bug--I think we all have more survival skills than we realize. But let's hope we don't have to find out.

      I've given up the Worst Case Scenario Thinking. It was bad for me. It made me a Stress Junkie. I was happy to give that up, and I'm happier since I've done so.

      Now I'm wondering if I want to read The Stand again. What about you?

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    2. I think I might - although parts it are hard for me (Moon - that spells moon - sob!). But it was such a good book! I actually liked parts of the miniseries too - fell in love with Gary Sinise (who is of course the polar opposite of me, politically). Molly Ringwald needed to shut UP though. :)

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    3. Bug--My ultimate Gary Sinise is his role as George in "Of Mice and Men", which he also directed. It's also a gorgeous film to look at. That's another wonderful book/film that's also a tough one because of things that happen to characters we grow to love.

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  12. That sounds like the PERFECT way to meditate.

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    1. Dee--It is, at least for me. I hope you try it and see if you have any positive results.

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  13. I try to meditate as soon as I wake up but have been having a hard time this week due to the anxiety of all that is going on. I have hit the stores, have my toilet paper and as many groceries as I can get in the house, still it feels like I am not prepared. My family is making fun of me, my husband saying the stores are ope....but still I am not about to take a chance. I have three adults to feed, one little boy and possibly two more adults if my son comes back home with his girlfriend. It is so unnerving. I am trying to stay calm and just be, even knitting is difficult right now. Stay safe.

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    1. Meredith--It's true the stores are open, but there are empty shelves for many items (and not just the much in demant toilet paper). The governor of Ohio has closed bars and restaurants now, and has implied that day cares are next. Schools have been warned that they may not open again until next fall. People are aware that things will get worse before they get better.

      A steady undercurrent of anxiety is definitely present. Being prepared is hard to separate from being scared. My meditation will be difficult, too. But I'm going to stay with it. It's important to check in with myself and find some calm within myself.

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  14. I keep thinking about meditating, but I haven’t really tried. I need to give it a try. I remember my dad telling me that he didn’t find anything specific about meditation, but that he felt like days when he would meditate just turned out better than days that he didn’t. That seems like it should be motivation enough, doesn’t it?

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    1. J@jj.com--That does seem like a reason to give it a try.

      I've simply made myself more of a priority in the last year or so: my mental health, my physical health, my Zen. Part of that is checking in with Me, making sure I'm aware of how I'm feeling. I do it for everyone else, so why not myself?

      My home is very quiet throughout the day, but often, my mind would not be. Or I'd notice that I was breathing so shallowly or even holding my breath off and on. Meditating and focusing on my breathing was the beginning, and it became a real help to me.

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