Like The Day I Lost My Chapstick.
This winter has been taxing on my skin, hair, eyes, and lips. I'm trying everything to stay hydrated, and I've never gone through lip balm like this before. I've taken to having three tubes at the ready: one in my purse, one on my nightstand, and one in the living room on the table next to my chair and couch corner. I've finally found one that works great for me, and I'm hanging onto it like Grim Death because I know damn well it is Destined To Be Discontinued like every single other product I have ever loved and gotten attached to.
But I digress.
Last week, I must have retrieved my Livingroom Lip Balm eleventy hundred times from the floor (and under furniture) because it suddenly became a Cat Toy for Marlowe, the grey cat who, every once in a while, knocks stuff down that belongs only to me. It was largely okay, until the day that I really needed my chapstick. And couldn't find it. I had been folding laundry, and I reached over for it, and...not there. I looked over on the table. Nope.
With a heavy sigh, I took Marlowe's name in vain and got down on the floor. I searched under the couch. Nothing. I grabbed my phone for a flashlight and looked again. I looked under both chairs, the huge ottoman, and the coffee table. Nothing. By this time, I was just outright aggravated. Because now I knew that it wasn't Marlowe's fault anymore. It was my own. I had probably grabbed it and put it in a coat pocket when I went out for a walk or something.
In the closet I went through the pockets of both coats I wore--twice. "God. Damn. It," I said, carefully raising the level of my voice after each word. I dropped to my knees on the floor of the closet and looked around. It wasn't there.
I was outraged. I was incredulous. My lips were chapped! This was becoming a Sanity Challenge, and I had to win.
I emptied my purse onto the table in the breakfast nook. Not there. I rooted through the drawer in my bedside table. Not there. (But did I use the lip balm in that drawer? HELL NO! I AM NOT A QUITTER! I AM NOT THE KIND OF PERSON WHO BOWS TO EXPEDIENCE IN TIMES OF CRISIS! I HAVE INTEGRITY!) Next up, my clothes closet: all garments with pockets yielded nothing. Ditto the dresser drawers.
Throughout most of this search, I was talking to myself--loudly--but not in encouraging terms. "Where in the hell IS it? I only put it ONE PLACE! This could not BE any more FU**ING ridiculous! I am losing my goddam mind!" Finally, I admitted defeat. I dragged my shameful, chapped-lipped, weary sadness into the living room and plopped on the couch like the addle-brained loser I was. Piper immediately jumped into my lap. I felt somewhat comforted, despite the shower of hair that came with him.
I was exhausted. I leaned over and grabbed my huge tumbler of ice water and gratefully drank several gulps. When I turned to put the water glass back on the coaster, I saw it, my chapstick. It had been there, hidden by my bigass waterglass the whole time.
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I'm laughing at your dismay. Is that wrong? I, too, attach myself to the Destined To Be Discontinued items in this world-- and then, like you, hang onto them like they're gold. I can imagine myself doing the exact same search as you did... and then finding the lost item in the exact same place as you did.
ReplyDeleteAlly Bean--Oh, please do! I wrote it to be funny, so I'm glad it is.
DeleteI'm also glad to know that I Am Not The Only One, even if you only perform such feats of frustration only in your head.
Oh, gosh! I have done that so many times with things I have misplaced. And they always end up being found:
ReplyDelete(1) Right under your nose, but not precisely visible from all angles; or
(2) If it’s your reading glasses, they are in the classic place on top of your head; or
(3) In the most absurd place where you have not set anything down in decades, if ever, but somehow plonked it there in a moment of distraction. Such as behind a plant, in the medicine cabinet, or … near/under *anything* that slightly covers it up
*sigh* This makes me think of the horrid Alzheimer’s commercial where the woman tells her husband she can’t find her keys. And the husband says, “I’ll help you look.” And he goes to the fridge to get something and sees her keys sitting on the fridge shelf next to the milk. Or whatever. https://tinyurl.com/y89tep2x
So far, I have not left anything in the fridge that shouldn’t actually be there, but…
Ortizzle--Yes, it was a Case of (1) precisely. Since I had already looked on the table, it didn't occur to me to look again. And SAD makes me more than a little compulsive and obsessive about things.
DeleteAs you could discern from my narrative. Sigh.
It would be far better if I'd just settle down, relax, and wait to find things. But I get into this Outraged Mode wherein I simply cannot believe that it cannot be found. My house is teensy. I am the only one home all day. HOW FAR CAN IT HAVE GONE? etc. Often, I am just spoiling for a fight. ;-)
I've had the same kinds of searches for things that ended up right where I started the searches in the first place. Makes me crazy and I wonder if there's a ghost in the house playing games with my sanity. Chap Stick is addictive.
ReplyDeleteJean--I don't normally use anything on my lips until they start cracking and getting huge patches of yucky dried skin. Then I feel like I have no choice. I've tried all kinds of stuff, but have to use something.
DeleteI was embarrassed the other day after looking extensively for a box of negatives, I expressed exasperation to all present as I pointed
ReplyDeleteand said "I LEFT IT RIGHT THERE!" and that's where it was....
Sillyak--Oh, thank you. That makes me feel much better! ;-)
DeleteOh thank you for that laugh - I had a really hard week & laughing at (I mean with) you helped a lot! My particular brand of depression means that I just give up after a cursory look. Today I found the calcium tablet that I dropped last week - it was like a gift from above! Ha!
ReplyDeleteAnd speaking of things being discontinued - I'm afraid my favorite mascara (Cover Girl professional in the pink tube) is going away. I had a hard time finding it last time. Very annoying!
Bug--Oh, I'm so glad that I was able to help you with a good Laugh! I'm sorry that it was a bad week, and I hope things smooth out for you.
DeleteI wish I were a little less obsessive compulsive when it comes to things, especially during the wintertime. On Friday, I took a swipe at the stovetop with a soapy rag and the next thing I knew, I had the entire thing disassembled and in a sink full of hot dishwater, and I was hunting under the sink for my can of Barkeeper's Friend. And any dropped med warrants an all-out search because Cats.
Here's a list of all of Cover Girl's mascaras from their website. If your fave is actually Professional Super Thick Lash, you're okay.
That is my mascara! Nice to know I can quit panicking now.
DeleteOh Nance, my heart is with you on both counts--the perfect product that disappears for no freaking reason; and the search for lost things. I live with my adult daughter, who is ADD and loses things routinely. Often, when she's looking for something, all I have to do is stand up and get ready to help her look and the missing object jumps up and says "hi!"
ReplyDeleteSometimes, in a somewhat miraculous way, the missing object just appears in a place I'm sure neither of us left it, as if the gods decided they had tortured us enough and were tired of the game. Once, we lost the car keys, looked everywhere, and eventually found them in the middle of the front passenger seat in the car. It's not likely we overlooked them there, and I love the idea that some sort of universal power for good gave them back to us. To be honest, I didn't love it at the time.
And, I'm pretty sure you aren't losing your mind, because I don't want to think that I'm losing mine. I hope you can tell that I'm laughing with you, and thankful for your wonderful post and the perfect image of my headache in your sidebar--yeah, I can deal with that!
Kate--Oh my, yes! Do laugh. I was laughing at myself a great deal after I got over the initial disgrace and frustration. As I related the incident to my husband, we both laughed.
DeleteFor the record, he loses stuff a lot as well. Sometimes, we lose each other, and the sound of our voices hollering out our names/nicknames in our little house is truly silly.
I think we all, in this Strange And Unsettling Time, have a sort of ADD. It's hard to fully relax our minds and, as a result, we are distracted all day, every day. If you find a way to cope, please share it any old time.
At least you are sensible enough to blame yourself, or the cat, since you are the ones that are there and most likely shoulder the blame. When anything goes missing around here, I assume that Ted has thrown it away. Not that my blame is completely merit less, because sometimes he decides something has outlived its usefulness, and throws it away. Like the charger to my camera (he didn't know what it was, but didn't ask me, so out it went in one of his bouts of cleaning frenzy), or the one attachment for the vacuum cleaner that he didn't see a use for, but which I found to be the perfect shape and size for vacuuming the carpet on the stairs. Sigh. But generally, he has NOT thrown whatever I am looking for away, I have myself misplaced it. Luckily, I do not generally blame him out loud, only in my head. And I have found my keys in the most unlikely of places (like in my hand), or in the fridge. It's stupid.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, your picture for this post is perfect, as always.
DeleteJ@jj--Oh, I'm actually shocked that I didn't blame Rick. It's his name that I usually Take In Vain when something goes awry, mainly because he's not here and cannot defend himself and since I'm Perfect It Certainly Could Not Possibly Be Me.
DeleteAround here, playing the part of Ted would be me. I often toss things that look useless to me or that have been lying around forever that I've not seen anyone lay claim to (or move). Later, Rick will ask me about something, I'll ask him what it looks like, and then there will be a rather tense moment as I tell him I threw it out (and why). Again, winters here are tough for everyone.
Thanks for the compliment on my selections for post images. I do work awfully hard on that. XO
Well, you and Ted DO share a birthday, so that's one vote for astrology.
DeleteLaughing with sympathy/understanding. This happens to me as well, but only when it is URGENT that I find something IMMEDIATELY. Sometimes I think it's a conspiracy.
ReplyDeleteVera--Oh, that's the Worst. Needing to find something in a hurry, especially when it's a Necessity/Important Thing is supremely frustrating. I'm glad you laughed, and I'm happy for the sympathy. Anytime!
DeleteOh my goodness you just gave me a laugh. I have done this so many times, but usually it is with a crochet hook or knitting needle. I am chap stick obsessed myself. I use Boom stick by Boom. It is expensive but lasts forever. I have one in my bathroom, next to my bed, next to my computer and in my car.
ReplyDeleteMereknits--Glad I could make you laugh. It's terrible when you're living it, but funny later, isn't it, when you lose things so ridiculously? Thankfully, I've never lost a knitting needle (I knit like it's a life or death situation, sigh), but lip balm and my phone are the usual candidates. (Thankfully, just in the house for both!)
Delete