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Because, really, the point is Love means a lot of things. And don't you just hate that stupid quote from the book/movie Love Story: "Love means never having to say you're sorry"? What in the hell does that even mean? Does that mean that if you love someone, you're automatically forgiven for all of your boneheaded screwups, so no "I'm Sorry" is necessary? Or, does it mean that if you love someone, you automatically don't screw up where he/she is concerned? Either way--STUPID AND NOT ACCURATE, so...what a waste of Ali McGraw's eyebrows and all of our time.
Anyway.
Love means a lot of things. Let's think of some.
Love Means
I put his slippers on to warm before he comes home.
I buy his favourite cookies at the store.
I carry dog biscuits in my car even though I don't own a dog.
I don't say to St. Patsy, "You already told me this."
I don't care that Piper weighs 20 pounds.
I cry when Jared and Sam are sad.
I bought Zydrunas a coat for Christmas.
I still want him to sing to me even though he can't carry a tune.
I don't say It.
I cry with you.
I let the Past stay there.
I make the cream sauce once a month.
I shovel the driveway as a surprise.
I bring chai tea for St. Patsy.
I meet him on the deck with wine.
I laugh with you.
I put up with the dog and cat hair.
My heart is full when the boys are here.
I sometimes have to be The Bad Guy.
I cook and bake with less salt.
I take the fish off Sam's hook.
I always answer their calls and texts.
I call you on your shit.
I am always, always within a call or drive.
You can tell me anything and I keep it close.
I try to help.
I don't say I'm Sorry--I try to fix it.
Tell me what Love Means to you in Comments.
(PS. Today, I put out a nice thank you note for my mailman and a bottle of water in celebration of Thank A Mailman Day.)
I think real love is a lot more than just one word. It should have kindness, honesty, white lies, firmness, generosity, consideration, ass-licking, support, silence, and a lot of other things, all in turn, as needed by the receiving party. Given with as much thought as possible, usually at light-speed, and never perfect, but with your whole heart. It's hard but the return on investment is almost always worth it. Doesn't it make everything worthwhile? Don't you build your life with it? Don't you have the best stories because of it? Yes, and yes, and yes for me. I wouldn't want it to be any other way.
ReplyDeleteass-kicking, not licking. Oh dear... that was an epic typo.
ReplyDeleteLife at the Funny Farm--Welcome Back! (And that is an Epic Typo!)
DeleteLove makes things MORE worthwhile, but I have to say that even with Love, some things are still just shit. That sounds absolutely terrible, but there it is; that's the Reality. There have been lots of things that Rick and I have been part of together that, despite our Love, have been pure crap.
I like your point that Love often travels at lightspeed. That is so true. If someone we love needs us, we don't stop to think too awfully much. We respond. Or at least we should. I sure hope Jared or Sam never needs a kidney because I really don't think I can blurt a big YES right out of the gate on that one; I really don't. I think my fear of hospital infection might trump love in that case.
Girl, I wish I were retired and could hang out with you! Thanks for a great list! With my husband and I in counseling, it's something I've thought about a lot and I agree with so many of your examples. I'll give this more thought and come back soon!
ReplyDeleteRose--Why, thank you! What a nice thing to say! We'd be far more likely to do that hanging out down at your place since mine is covered in 18 inches of snow right now.
DeleteCome back anytime. I'm eager to know your thoughts.
What a fantastic list! I'll join in with some.
ReplyDeleteLove Means
Making Oatmeal Raisin Cookies for Mr. GFE at least once a year even if I believe that "anything with raisins in it would be better with chocolate chips instead. For example: A box of raisins." Similarly, I also cook fried oysters at least once a year.
I make all of Son's favorite foods when he comes home. Finding affordable, delicious, and safe gluten-free and dairy-free food is not always easy so this kind of love is really appreciated.
"Holding my mom's hand" and giving her lots of hugs as we go through some difficult tasks right now.
Neverending lovies for Sonny, our collie.
Being willing to accept the help of others who love you even when it makes you feel vulnerable.
Being as gracious to others you love about their silly "faults" as they are to you about yours.
Being there for Son. Always. Sometimes to simply listen, sometimes to agree, and sometimes to disagree.
Helping Mr. GFE unload and stack firewood when he least expects it.
Always having OJ (his "elixir of Gods") for Mr. GFE.
I love that you honored your mailman today. (I first read your gift as a bottle of wine!) I need to remember my mail ladies as well (they vary), special day or not. I'm better about remembering my newspaper lady as I have just one and she's the best.
Goodnight, Nance.
Shirley
Shirley--I laughed and laughed and laughed at your Raisins Comment. BEST EVER comment regarding raisins and SO TRUE.
DeleteStill laughing.
I know how Sonny encourages those neverending lovies. And he deserves them!
My mail carriers also vary at an alarming rate. And no one wears a uniform with any regularity anymore. It's very disconcerting. I don't understand it at all, but I still get my mail trudged right up to my door six days a week. It's the best deal ever.
Thank you for your list. It is very Loving and Generous, just like you.
As always, you are so sweet to me, Nance. Thank you! The raisin comment came from a Someecards.com. It has resonated with many! Never enough love for Sonny for sure. I do like it when the mail carriers wear uniforms, but I wouldn't want to wear one myself!
DeleteOff to catch up with your posts ...
Such a lovly list. Love does mean being considerate and kind and helpful to those we adore. And loving them when they're not all of those things, just as they love you when you fall short, as we all do all too often.
ReplyDeleteOh, I hate seeing a typo right after I hit 'publish'. Tiny ipad screen. I meant to say your list is lovely.
ReplyDeleteJ@jj--First things first: HOW MUCH RAIN ARE YOU GETTING????
DeleteI hate typos, too, and even though I don't care a bit if anyone else commits them, I absolutely have to correct mine. So, I get it.
Such a good addition, the idea of loving someone when he/she is not acting very lovable. So hard to do sometimes! That is when I practice my Patience, very hard. I must admit, however, that I am starting to feel an awful lot like a Practicing Buddhist; I am constantly on a Path To Self-Improvement, and I don't see an end to this Journey.
As is often the case, the comments are almost as much fun as the post (ass-licking - and I thought it made perfect sense too - ha! - and YES about the raisins!!).
ReplyDeleteI hope that I do loving things for Mike regularly - & I'm sure he could name some - but mostly I think about the loving things he does for ME. Most recently, on a day he didn't feel very well, he went by the furniture store & jumped through all the hoops to buy & bring home the very chair I'm sitting in right now. He does stuff like that All The Time. Yep - I know how lucky I am!
Bug--Gosh, I hope you do, too, even though you can't name any here. Hmmm...! ;-)
DeleteI thought you liked raisins! I remember well your Breakfast Attempt with same. Ugh.
I LOVE raisins, but they are no substitute for chocolate - especially in a cookie!!
DeleteOh, Gawd. Do you remember those awful “Love is...” cartoons that were an offshoot of the “Love means...” from the Love Story movie?!!
ReplyDeleteSo. Love means...
*I get up at 5 a.m. to make his coffee if he has get to a job site really early, even though I could sleep in.
*He drives me to work and picks me up again when the roads are covered in black ice.
*I make him enchiladas de pollo, which are a bit worky, even when I am dog tired and really could use a nap.
*He brings take-out for dinner because he knows I hardly slept the night before.
*I do pretty much anything I can for my friends and...
* ... they do the same for me.
Love means you appreciate what love is and give at least as good as you get. And sometimes, even if you don’t “get.” It means what the wonderful late Kurt Vonnegut said in Cat’s Cradle: “There is love enough in this world for everybody, if people will just look.”
Were those really in response to the movie? Holy crap. As if it could not have been worse.
DeleteI am hoping so fervently that you have a chance to cook for me one day. I truly, truly am.
Well, I always assumed the cartoon came from the film, but as it turns out, it seems the OPPOSITE is true! Just read about it in the Wiki. Go figure.
DeleteI would love to cook for you one day, although I fear I would not come anywhere near your personal standards for cooking. Regardless, it would be fun to be in a kitchen together, sipping some wine and sharing thoughts on cooking.
How silly. My "personal standards for cooking". You are likely a wonderful and intuitive cook, and I enjoy trying ethnic dishes. When you talk about your various Spanish and Mexican recipes, they always sound so good. Let's eat!
DeleteI give my husband the gift of not ever hopping on a one-way flight to Brazil EVERY SINGLE DAY.
ReplyDeleteYou think that I am joking, and this would only be a slight exaggeration.
Of course I love my husband and my kids, and I try to be as present and "there" for them as often as humanly possible which is honestly pretty draining most of the time.
My daughter requires a level of care that makes me want to run away from home every day and it is because I am basically doing everything on my own and it gets just so hard sometimes to never get a break. Or that my "break" is going to work.
Meh, this was supposed to be about what I do for my loved ones, and I would like to think that even though I am not perfect, I love them all dearly. I really do a lot of similar things listed by everyone else, so I'm not going to beat myself up too hard.
Sorry Nance, I've just had a long day and I'm venting here! I'll be quiet now!
Gina--Hey, listen. Let me know about Brazil. I might go with you, and I don't have any other reason other than the fact that it sounds like fun in the sun.
DeleteDon't ever be sorry for zipping in here and having a bit of Catharsis. I'm happy to provide the space. Sticking around and Being The One IS your gift of Love to your husband. There are plenty of cases where people have had to bail. It's not a fun job, and the stress is crushing. And no one truly understands unless he or she is in there doing it with you. Not your mom, not your best friend, not your therapist, not even your husband. Being The One is completely, totally different than anything else. It can be isolating, heartbreaking, and lonesome.
The lousy thing is, you just have to do it because no one else will. It's on you. That's just the Reality. This is Your Life.
The good thing is, you are the Maker. You make things happen. You take charge, you set the tone, you call the shots. Because if you don't, no one else will. And have a new Family Motto immediately. We Choose Joy. When all else fails, look at that motto. Trust me. It will help.
Don't ever, ever be quiet, Gina. That's when I'll start to worry the most. XXOO
Commitment. And staying with any promises you make.
ReplyDeleteMary G--How true. The sense of permanence has to be there.
Delete