Tuesday, June 12, 2012

If You Want To Date My Son, You'll Have To Take A Quiz

Jared and Sam are wonderful individuals, but like most of the people in whose lives I take great interest, they often don't give a damn about what I say.  This is Irksome at the level of, say, their taste in clothing or their driving habits, but it becomes something more Momentous when it involves A Young Woman.  It is one matter when Jared wears only Christmas-themed boxers as his underwear of choice and Sam cannot stop speeding on Route 480; it is quite another when they start Getting Serious with The Wrong Women.

It does no good to remind them that I certified as a marksman with a .22 caliber rifle, either.  They know that A) I do not own any gun but a BB gun, and B) that was back in my freshman year of college.  (Neither of those is any comfort to the Robber Squirrels at my bird feeder, though! Ha!)


In order to assist them--and me--in their quest for An Acceptable Woman, I developed a quiz.  I urged them to administer the Quiz to any and all prospective girlfriends before they got too terribly serious with them.  It's easy, I reminded them, to be bewitched by a lovely smile, cute figure, and ready laugh.  But it's vastly more critical to be able to relate to, talk with, and be interested by her.  Some things can be overlooked (she calls it "fro-yo", wears PINK across her butt, hates cats), but the young woman has got to have some brains, after all.

I've published my Acceptable Woman Quiz here, for you to see.  The Quiz and its Scoring Guide are available as separate pages on the blog simply by clicking the tabs up top.  Let me know what you think. 

Sam's current girlfriend passed with a good score.  Jared didn't administer the Quiz to his girlfriend...yet.  He said, "I think she'd do pretty well." 

I hope so!  ;-)


  1. New digs: http://booneandkatie.blogspot.com

    Formerly A. Lounge

  2. Well here we go again at odds with one another - I do actually LIKE some country music. But I'm from NC so do I get a by (bye?) on that one? But I did pretty well on the other questions. Too bad I'm not on the market (or a cougar - ha!).

    Here's my answer for #4 (a tongue-in-cheek response to a Magpie Tale prompt last September):


    I lift my arms to feel
    the power of the deluge -
    my face turned up
    into driving rain.

    Well, I feel…wet.
    Sort of drippy.
    And I can’t really see.
    My dress is plastered
    and my hair -
    well the less said
    about my hair
    the better.

    So, the power
    isn’t in the deluge
    or in the discomfort.

    The power is in
    my winged mind
    as it hastens through
    the pouring rain
    toward the sun.


  3. Just delightful. :)

  4. My daughter could pass the test...but she's too young (only 16), and I'm currently working on a test of my own. ;)

    We do like walking in the rain. We live in California, and it's dry dry dry here. A rainy day with the pitter pitter on the umbrella is lovely. Also, when my daughter was little, she was very into snails, and that's the best time to find them. :)

  5. J@jj--The "little girl" walking in the rain does not count. I am talking about all those goofy, gothy, hyper-romantic girls who get all moony-eyed and say, "Oh, I love walking in the rain" while imagining French Lieutenant Woman-type cloaks and movie-set kisses and NO UMBRELLAS, when the reality is truly running mascara and squishy shoes and mud and ickiness. Walking in the rain gets you WET. Have fun with your Quiz! Will I see it at your space?

    Mage--Oh, thanks. But, really, you know what I mean with the intent there? Sometimes I worry that some young women out there aren't...oh, I don't know...making the most of themselves, or at least making sure people know it.

    Bug--As I said, no one is perfect. LOL. As to the Walking In The Rain thing, see my comment to j above. I blame cinema/movies. And with the tattoo thing, I know it's become far more accepted culturally in that generation, but I keep thinking of all these young ladies who will someday be 50-60 with all this body ink. Sigh. I can draw on them with a Sharpie: it's pretty, only semi-permanent, and they can change their minds as often as they like.

  6. Yep. Even if I ever considered getting a tatoo, this would stop me in a heartbeat:

    As far as the quiz--- 2 thoughts on that:

    (a) Probably no woman will ever be quite good enough. I think that's built into the Parent Gene.

    (b) You raised 'em. I'm betting that when they decide on The One, she'll pass with flying colours.


  7. Oops! "Tattoo" Shows you how much I am in to tats!

  8. Ortizzle--Sigh. Thanks awfully for that photo, which I saw at 8 AM after a sleepless night (due to raccoons again raiding the garbage cans and yet another mysterious stranger animal wreaking havoc in our garage). Urk.

    Here's the thing with her as the example, though. She's so terribly extreme, that any young woman who gets, say, 2-3 tattoos will simply tell me, "But these are just small tattoos on my wrist and shoulder. I'm not getting crazy like that old bat. That's gross." Even if said girlfriend goes and, inevitably (because my experience is that no one stops at just one or two tattoos, really) gets two more small tattoos, she will still be nowhere near that loony lady.

    My offer of Sharpie Body Art, fully customizable and full-colour, still stands for anyone. I can draw and freehand letter/script calligraphy pretty well. So much saner, really, than such a Final, Irrevocable (unless you want the pain and poverty) Decision.

  9. I would add a question to your quiz: Is your mother as hateful and judgemental as this quiz's author?

    If she answers yes, then run, run like the wind!

  10. Nance,

    I think Ortizzle may have it right when she says that no girl will ever be good enough.

    Two ladies meet in the store.

    " Hello,Myrtle, how is your daughter, Mary Lou?"

    "She is fine, thank you. Married to the most wonderful guy. He runs the vacuum for her and does the dishes and helps with the baby. She is very happy."

    "That's nice. How is your son,Henry?"

    "Oh, not so good. His wife is a real nag and bosses him around something fierce. Makes him run the vacuum, do the dishes, and take care of the baby all the time.
    I really feel sorry for him."

  11. Nancy--LOL. And that's what we call Perspective.

    As to any woman ever being good enough for my sons, good heavens. Just as I've tried to raise my sons to be good people, and thereby good husbands and, should they choose, good fathers, there are slews of parents who have made the effort with their daughters in kind. I have met many extraordinary young women whose parents can probably make an Acceptable Man Quiz that my sons might never pass! How it pains me to even contemplate it.

    Joe--Hello, and welcome to the Dept. Thank you for contributing to the comments forum and for your suggestions for adding to my Quiz. To judge a young woman based upon the proclivities of her mother, however, seems to me to be a little...hateful, so I don't think I'll include that question. But I'm always interested in hearing the thoughts of others, so thanks for chiming in!

  12. I salute you for refraining from telling "Joe" to go fuck himself...

    Really, does he NOT read the Dept regularly? What did he expect? You've long surpassed Girl Scout status...

    ltb (r.e.t.i.r.e.d., you know...)

  13. LTB--YAY! WELCOME TO BLISS! I hope I see more of you now that we are free. Call or email as soon as you feel like it.

    As to the rest, thanks for that, too, and I wondered about whether or not this was his first go-round here. I mean...oh, never mind.

    Let's get together soon and have some fun and a good talk.

  14. Wait - how old are these young men. I have at least one smart, sharp young woman who is eligible and could certainly pass your quiz. I'll be in touch.

  15. Melissa B--Hey! There you are! My sons are both twenty-somethings. Currently, they are off the market, but it's awfully nice to know that you can readily identify an acceptable young woman. I'd say enjoy your summer, but I know that's unnecessary. LOL.


Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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