Friday, January 06, 2012

It's Time For A Public Service Announcement: Had To Be Said

We here at the Dept. would like to take a Time Out from (somewhat) Regularly (ha ha) Scheduled Programming in order to make a Public Service Announcement.

For the past, oh, what seemed to us...eleventy billion years, a variety of clutch-popping, Glen Beckistan-residing, NASCAR-watching, Walmart-shopping, double-digit-IQ-testing, Sarah Palin-fantasizing, War On Christmas-complaining, homophobic hee-haws have been gleefully hauling out their massive snowblowers during a frigid January blizzard and guffawing, "Whar's Al Gore's global warmin' now, huh?"

Oh, you sad twits.  Where are you now?

Allow me to quote from one of their favourite places, The Weather Channel, where it is noted that "record-breaking warmth engulfed portions of the Midwest Thursday afternoon. Temperatures have reached up to 40 degrees above early January averages in North Dakota. Minot, N.D. (61 degrees) and Williston, N.D. (58 degrees) have both set all-time record highs for the month of January! In Minot, 61 degrees is the average high for late April. "

And lest they think it is only North Dakota basking in such temperate bliss,"daily record highs have been set in Des Moines, Iowa (65 degrees), Rapid City, S.D. (73 degrees), International Falls, Minn. (46 degrees), St. Louis, Mo. (66 degrees) and Fargo, N.D. (55 degrees), to name a few locations" are also toasty this winter.  In fact, allow me to show you some pictures.

This map shows you the high temperatures expected for Friday, today, in the USA, aka The Greatest Country In The World (to the Climate Change Deniers, for whom "global" means the US anyway).  In my town in NEO today, we are currently at a screamin' hot 55.  As of today, I have only worn my winter coat ONE TIME.  And you know how I am. Tomorrow, the high is forecast to be 42. And except for Sunday, which is forecast to be 37, we will not be lower than the forties any day for the next five.  This is January, may I remind you, and in Ohio.

This map shows you how many degrees above average the temperatures forecast for today, Friday, will be.  Holy crap.  Look how hot Iowa is even though all the republicans have already left.  Even the Yoopers are feeling the heat up there.  They are probably in sandals and Bermuda shorts.

So, I'm waiting, all you Global Warming Self-Styled Experts.  You're awfully quiet.  And so is my snowblower.


  1. It was -26ºC on Wednesday. Our share of the hot spell is a quick dip above freezing tonight (+1ºC), then back down.
    Where is the Arctic air mass from Canada when you need it, eh?
    You do make a good point, though.

    And, I found a basement window that I can climb through to allow me to post on my blog. But still no word or proper fix from Google.

  2. It's not hot here, but it's dry as hell. We had so much rain last winter that we're not really worried about drought...but the air quality is crap, and the hills are all brown like it's October or something. I wish it would rain already.

  3. It hit 70 degrees is northern Virginia today.

    Also, I love your ass-kickin', truth-tellin', stupid-hatin' intro to this post.

  4. Well, uh, .... in Texas, it could just as well be 85 in January as 35, but if last summer was any indication, with over 70 straight days of temps above 100, I'm thinking we're headed for more hot than cold overall. In any case, global warming is also supposed to produce extremes in hot and cold, like a lot of the amazing snow storms we got last winter. Fall and Spring, wherefore art thou...(ye?)

  5. Ortizzle--That second map is pretty impressive for Friday. Last year, 70% or more of the US was under snowpack. This year, at least that percentage looks to be above normal temps. My point is that not one of the yahoos has come up and said, "Hoo boy howdy! That Al Gore shore did perdick this!" The very least they could do is turn Conspiracy Theorists and accuse him of having a real big sheet of mylar that he paid billions to attach to a Russian satellite and launch into space, strategically placing it to reflect the sun's rays back to Earth to buttress his hypotheses and validate his awards.

    V--Well, thank you. I felt like I had held back long enough. Retirement has made me mellow.

    J.@jj--Poor Cali. You guys just cannot catch a break. I heard that Maria is considering taking Ahnold back, too. Maybe you could lobby for a ballot initiative to exile a few reality celebs and boost your image at least. (Just kidding. I am planning at 2012 SF visit! Really!)

    Mary G.--Oh, Canada! (That sounds familiar....) I am thankful that Alberta is--so far--keeping its clippers. There is no phrase I detest more during the winter than "lake effect" and it's thanks to Canada that we cower when we hear it. So you just hold on to the winter Up There, dearie. Keep it safe. Thanks.

    And as far as Blogger--go back to the Old Template and don't look back. Or start a whole new blog and leave a Last Post at the old place directing us there. We'll find you.

  6. Raining here too. What's up with that?

  7. TTR--And there you are. Send some of that rain to J. in Cali. Meantime, I'm popping by.

  8. Mikey G.5:53 PM

    What global warming??? According to your map, it's two degrees colder here than it's supposed to be!

  9. Well you know how hot I was this past weekend - Windy City my White A$$. Sorry. I get cranky when I'm hot...

  10. My daughter lives in NE Wisconsin. She was striding across campus barefoot today! I even kicked off my pumps for awhile, although my feet were clad in tasteful tights. Al Gore is a pompous ass, but I'm willing to admit that he's been right so far!

  11. Al Gore's pilot/gardener9:13 PM

    Thanks for the comic relief. Less the twenty days into this winter and you've already defined it.

    In the 62 winters I have experienced no two have been the same. There is no normal. Its called weather. Constantly changing.

    The ice caps will melt and reform like the always have. We have no power to stop it or even alter it. You are naive for even thinking we can.

    I check in on this blog occasionally for a good laugh. Thanks for not disappointing me. I admire your open mindedness and non-judgmental nature. It is refreshing after watching all that name-calling on FoxNews.

  12. AG p/g--You're so welcome. Fair and balanced, that's the Dept. all the way. And please, do not hesitate to seek joy at this URL whenever your cloudy old days seem particularly dark or devoid of intelligent discourse on any topic, perhaps even something as mundane as usage or spelling. I do it all here.

    Melissa B.--I love Al Gore. I can be pompous myself on many things about which I feel strongly, so I find it forgivable. Re: Wisconsin. I love that their song is a prepositional phrase. Cracks me up.

    Bug--I was so jealous of you! Did you walk Michigan Ave? Did you stop into "my" Crate&Barrel? Isn't the architecture splendid?

    Mikey G--Were you standing too long in front of the fridge with the door open again? Tsk tsk!

  13. Sore Loserman3:47 PM

    "I love Al Gore"

    Wow, Nance, you did it again! My stomach hurts! Whew...I can't catch my breath.

    Keep up the good work.

  14. Its amazing what a difference a week makes, huh?

    I hope you didn't sell your longjohns and snowblower!

  15. Put your earplugs in Nance, and turn OFF the Weather Channel!

    I heard the first hint of the dreaded "Lake effect" snow today and saw Seidel standing in his L.L.Bean Jacket on the banks if Lake Erie.Ominous!

    Sorry to be the one to break the bad news but somebody had to tell you and I'm old and can take the heat (Pardon the pun).

    Of course,being in Florida helps....

  16. The sudden onset of snow and frigid temperatures caused Davinia's ears to snap behind her head, giving her a rather chipmunk-like appearance, and causing no end of embarrassment at the January Lady Leporidae Luncheon.

  17. Ortizzle--Isn't she something!

    Nancy--The Lake Erie Snow Machine is cranking, but thanks to wind gusts, we have a modest 2-3", nowhere near what we would normally have had. This is the first significant snowfall (or shovelable, for that matter) of the winter here. And Monday and Tuesday call for temps in the 40s. The Primary Snowbelt, east of me, are hammered, yet still not like they have been in the past.

    Regardless of what the calendar says, our winter here starts sometimes as early as October and we have had snow well into late April--often cancelling Opening Day for Indians Baseball. So I'm still awfully happy for a Jan. 13 start to snow and a Jan 15 rainout of same to get things rolling.

    Enjoy Florida, and hey! Where was my invite!? (Retired, remember???)

  18. Geez, Nance, I would invite you down except that there was a Seidel sighting at Lake Okechobee this morning.

    I'm afraid that means "lake effect" snow in Palm Beach later today. Sorry!

  19. Anonymous10:27 PM

    hee hee hee


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