Rick likes to watch Dr. Phil. He finds the drama of other people's issues to be relaxing since they allow his/ours to pale by comparison. Also, Dr. Phil is great for mocking. His downhome Texas sayings, which he passes off as Psychology For The Masses, allow us to riff on and on. Our favorite one to hybridize is always, "Just because the cat has her kittens in the oven, that don't make 'em biscuits." Go ahead, try it. Like this: Just because the dog has her puppies in the garage, that don't make 'em Volvos. The possibilities are endless, and you can make a great game out of it. Sometimes, we like to get a little R-rated, but you can always decide on your own rules.
But, I digress.
The other day, we tuned in well into one of Dr. Phil's earnest and sincere diatribes directed toward some blonde woman whose boyfriend was the problem. Here's an approximation of how the scene went:
Dr. Phil: (already in mid-lecture; stern and earnestly intense) ...but all those are relationship issues. Those we can deal with later. Right now, what I'm hearing you say is that he put his hands on you. In anger.
Blonde: Yes. (nods; looks down) Yes he did. But I love him, Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil: I don't care about anything else right now. I want you to hear me on this, loud and clear. You got that? You don't ever let a man put his hands on you in anger.
Nance: (in Dr. Phil voice) Now, if he's frustrated, that's different. That's a Frustration Issue. That we can deal with. Let him go ahead and put his hands on you then. Or if he's just crabby. He can put his hands on you then, too. But not. In. Anger!
Rick: Yeah, I don't get that. Isn't him beating her up a relationship issue, too?
Nance: And is it ever okay for a man to put his hands on a woman, so to speak? (again, a Dr. Phil voice) Now, if he puts his hands on you when he's just feelin' silly, why that's okay! Or when he's plumb nuts! Tell him go ahead!
Rick: (in a Dr. Phil voice) But never on the face. That's just Not Okay.
End Scene.
Um, okay. One to add. Do not put your hands on the cook in hunger while she is frying something in a hot pan. Or prepare to duck.
ReplyDelete"Just because you make lists all day,that don't make you Craig."
ReplyDeleteWait, so you only have coffee for breakfast, and then no lunch? So you only eat dinner? What? I've read about people like that, I've met people like that, but it makes no sense to me...I don't need a big meal, but I do need SOMETHING during the day...
ReplyDeleteI'm with J - I actually have to eat at least SIX times during the day :) I get uber cranky otherwise. And then I might put my hands on my spouse in anger, or in some other manner that isn't allowed...
ReplyDeleteDearest Bug and J@jj.com--Sigh. I realize that my Nutritional And Dietary Proclivities are...somewhat eccentric. But I have been This Way for quite some time. I don't know what to tell you. Will it come between us?
ReplyDeleteNancy--Do you think Dr. Phil knows what Craigslist is or, if he does, approves of it? I'm sure that he associates it only with its more...er...seedy offerings.
Mary G.--That reminds me of someone who once offered the advice about not frying bacon in the nude. Was that a comedian's routine or something? I remember the craziest stuff. At any rate, no fear there.
OK, try this one
ReplyDelete"Just because your name is Graham, that don't make you a cracker."
I LOVE how the seal actually looks like Dr. Phil!
ReplyDeleteGood 'ole Dr. Phil. Sometimes he makes me laugh, and other times he makes me more nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
ReplyDeleteI also wonder about people who use their first name only after a title. I get it with Dr. Phil; he was born in Oklahoma and raised in Texas. But "Dr. Drew"? Why is a California native getting all folksy on us? I had better stop right there. Otherwise I will go on about men who put Roman numerals after their names, such as "Edward Middleton Stewart IV." Seriously?! We went to so much trouble in this country to abolish royalty and the like, and yet this is the only place in the world I know of where people put these numbers after their names as if they were the 2nd, 3rd or 4th in a long line of Popes.
Howzat for being off-topic?!
No, if it doesn't bother you and make you cranky to have your blood sugar levels like that, it's fine by me. More food for me to eat if we're together, right? ;)
ReplyDeleteJ.@jj--Then why do I feel so scolded? As far as more food for you, that all goes By The Wayside if avos are served. Word to the wise.
ReplyDeleteOrtizzle--Oh, go ahead and get off topic! I think most Commenters did, and that's fine by me. Whatever my post gets all of you chatting about is what we'll chat about. I think the whole Dr. Firstname thing is to make them feel more accessible and friendly to the viewing audience while tapping into their Celebrity. You know, like "Dr. Cher."
Oh no. Please...no.
Karen--It's just wonderful to see you back here at the Dept.! I sent you an email; check your inbox. XXOO. (And that seal makes me giggle.)
Nancy--Just because you make me laugh don't make you a comedian. Wait...here at the Dept., it pretty much DOES!)
Dr. Cher. Snort. That's funny.
ReplyDeleteSorry if I made you feel scolded. People's different eating habits always amaze me, and I'll admit to being sensitive to it because we have eating disorders in my family...obese on one side, anorexic (not thin, hospitalized for anorexia) on the other. It's hard. So I try to look at things objectively, but there's always a cloud of wonder in my head when I hear of someone who eats a lot more or a lot less or somewhat obsessively (My stepmom only eats VERY healthy food, nothing else, EVER). Sorry to bring it here.