Sunday, March 27, 2011

Why Is My Life So Hard? How Corporations Have Ignored My Loyalty And Stolen From Me (Shamelessly, No Less!)

Boy oh boy, there is nothing that frosts my cupcakes like finding a product that works for me and staying loyal to it for years and years, only to have the Geniuses At Corporate decide--on a whim--to yank it out from under me with no warning whatsoever. Here is a brief sampling of specific items that have been capriciously and callously stolen from me:

1. Reynolds Plastic Wrap

2. Bath & Body Lavender Vanilla Body Spray

3. Flex Extra Body Shampoo

4. Fructis Body Boost Styling Gel

5. PurinaOne Healthy Weight Formula Cat Food

Allow me to

1.Reynolds Plastic Wrap was the most brilliantly conceived product ever in the history of kitchen conveniences. This food wrap came in a box with a sliding cutter attachment, which completely rendered obsolete the treacherous and hazardous metal serrated cutting Edge Of Death. It also allowed you to avoid wrangling the plastic film, which automatically sticks to itself rather than the surface you are trying to cover. I actually emailed and called Reynolds, and begged them to find me a Secret Stash in a warehouse someplace in Area 51. They informed me that they had no more and had no plans to revive this product, for which there had been "insufficient sales overall." My heart is still broken.

2. Every single fragrance I have ever loved from this store has been discontinued. Every single one. Now, I know that they constantly add new ones and "retire" scents. But their Lavender Vanilla "Sleep" fragrance was an all-time fave that was almost immediately pulled as a body spray. It stuck around as a candle, lotion, and some idiotic thing called a "pillow spray," but within the space of several months was gonzo as a perfume. I wanted to smack someone. I don't like strong perfumes or ridiculously expensive colognes. What a racket. But so much for having a "signature scent." Mine is always discontinued.

3. Did you know that Flex is no longer? Me, either! Like many products, it simply disappeared. Rick used this shampoo for eleventy years, and it smelled wonderful and did great things for his hair. Tough shit. It's gone now, and forever.

4. Longtime Dept. readers know that My Hair is an epic battle/journey, and that I prefer to spend my money on shoes. I had finally found an inexpensive and reliable styling gel that was not sticky but gave my hair nice volume. About a month ago, I noticed that I was having trouble finding it. I began buying two or three tubes at a time. Now, it's nowhere, and I've discovered why. Fructis has gone all pseudo-natural and organic and is making hair gel with some tree sap. I'm screwed again. Can I go back to Pantene Volumizing Gel? No, I cannot because they no longer make THAT, either.

5. Piper's flabknot is an ongoing source of concern and mortification for me. Marlowe, less so, but I am having success with Purina's Healthy Weight formula. Both cattens are friskier and it has 15% fewer calories. The last time I went to buy some, I had to go to three stores to find it. This weekend, I went to SIX and none of them had it. Apparently, Purina is discontinuing it and I have to figure out something else. Those of you with pets know that you cannot just fill the bowl with a new food and move on. Especially with cats. And have any of you seen the price of pet food lately? It's all premium unless you just sling in an off-brand and call it a day. The cattens will, in effect, be eating prime rib and filet, so to speak. It's ridiculous.

Let me just say this: I am resentful and irked. Who the hell do these people think they are? Why did they not consult with Me first? Why can't stuff I like be left alone? Is that too much to ask? And I bet you've had things stolen out from under you as well. Go ahead; vent in Comments.


  1. I've had that happen a number of times. Most recently, my stepmother had been using the same Max Factor foundation for something like 40 years (I might be exaggerating, but she's over 80 so probably not). After it had been discontinued she asked me to go online to find some, and I did - at over $100 a pop!

  2. Grrr, Nance, I have had many of the same annoyances. An inexpensive drug store perfume I'd worn since childhood went missing. The last bottle I bought in England in 1996--it's long gone--now there's something else masquerading under its name, but it's NOT the same fragrance at all. FLEX--mmmm, I can still smell it in my imagination. Also, a specific type of purple refillable stick pen (I hoarded it online when it started getting hard to find. And my son likes only ONE specific scent of cheap Suave shampoo because his girlfriend loves it. Of COURSE it is the only one I can't find unless I go to six stores, and it will only be found at the most expensive price.

  3. Heather3:26 PM

    Ugh... I'm in the procurement process for a new lotion for the same reason. I have super sensitive and dry skin; it's crazy that it's so difficult to find something that works well that doesn't make me itchy and/or stinky! Neutrogena had a Swiss Formula body cream in a jar that I used for years - discontinued without warning. I used the body lotion version until they recently changed the formula to add an overpowering scent that made me break into an immediate rash. I've had to completely abandon the brand.

  4. I about lost my marbles when OB tampons went missing off store shelves in December and January. I was utterly lost. Of all products to develop a personal connection to, I can't think of any I take more seriously than my "feminine needs" products. Fortunately, my bff had a stockpile of them and lent me some to get through January and then all was right with the world again when ob went back into production by February. It was all just a manufacturing glitch. But see if I ever get caught without my own stockpile again!

  5. S.--Oh, I can think of about eleventy hundred things I take far more seriously than FHPs (Feminine Hygiene Products). The fact that I still have to BUY FHPs at almost-52 makes me physically ill/calisthenic, but I know, TMI. I do, however, feel your pain. At least your item came back. My stuff always stays gone.

    Heather--I'm so conflicted about lotion/cream for my skin in general. I do have terrible dry alligatory skin, but I detest the way lotion feels on my body. Anyplace. Any lotion. I don't want to end up like those leathery old Florida women you see who look like an ancient purse,but the whole lotion feeling is ucky. Good luck in your search, and I wish I could help you. My mother would say, "Put some Vaseline on."

    Sputnik--Honestly, I am going to go back to vanilla extract for my perfume. I used to wear cheap vanilla extract for perfume when I was in college, and my now-husband loved it. My mother still says that it's the reason he asked me to marry him: he loved that I smelled like cake. No way the world will ever discontinue vanilla.

    The Bug--Oh, I know!! How about how Revlon screws around with lipstick colors? It changes the freaking NUMBERS on the shades, changes the shades slightly, or stops making the shade you wear? All the cosmetic companies do this, and I hate it. Revlon has stabbed me in the back just like Max Factor did your stepmom, and because I am a Revlon Groupie, I just keep going back for more. BUT NOT AT A HUNDRED BUCKS. NEVER. I gave up on Estee Lauder foundation because I found the price prohibitive at 30+ bucks a bottle for foundation, and I had less options for shades back in the nineties. Back to Revlon I went, and I've been there ever since, even though they push it.

  6. Oh god, I hate this. I hate when this happens. And it happens ALL THE TIME. For tiny things that mean very little, and BIG things that MEAN A LOT. Equally. It breaks my heart. We bought a very fancy mattress a few years ago, because my husband and I both liked cheaper mattresses, but never the SAME cheaper mattress. So we ended up with the best, most expensive mattress in all of the stores that we looked at, because we both loved it. And they folded. Now, that's not a big deal in some ways, because how often do we need a new mattress? Shampoo and dog food are much more time oriented. But it makes me sad.

    And there are a thousand (or at least 10) other tiny examples in our daily lives that bug the crap out of me, that are more important to me than my fancy mattress. Ugh.

    Oh, and I loved that plastic wrap.

  7. If it helps, my pets are *all* allergic to grain so I have to spend the unholy price for Taste of the Wild. Thankfully, it's okay because I love 'em. But I used to use Euk. You know. Back when it wasn't being recalled.

    And thankfully, or sadly (you decide), I can't wear anything with perfume anymore but I used to use Organza. I don't think it'll go outta style. However. I use Suave Lavender shampoo/conditioner and it doesn't bother me. Everyone knows when I enter a room because of the lavender smell. I'm like you. I don't like smelling like I walked through a vat of department store spritzers.

    For me, the biggest disappointment was the discontinuation of the size 14+ Always thin pads. Now I have to sit and squirm, pretending I'm not more than a little mildly embarrassed. TMI, but a big deal when you're not out of the 20s (yet!).

    I decided to start hating the things I loved so they'd stop discontinuing them. Still not working for me. Can't win to lose.

    Just ask my love of BBC America News.

  8. Indeed. All I have to do is get fond of a product, and it gets pulled. Or improved, and that is almost worse.
    Just don't make the comments about vanilla extract too loudly, okay, or we will be stuck with cardamon or somthing.
    Anyone know a source of plain clear nail polish? Without the added silk threads or tint or whatever. Sigh.

  9. Oh Nance, I do feel your pain. I have too many of these--including grocery items--to name in one comment, so I will leave it be and continue my futile quest to find replacements for said things. Sigh.

  10. Poor Nance! But after a good cry you must cheer up..

    After all, It's not as if something wonderful is gone forever like..well.. if Judge Judy should be cancelled or something really horrible like that.....

  11. Nancy--You know, I haven't watched Judy for ages now. I wonder why? Maybe she's on during a cheffy show that I have fallen in with, like Secrets of a Restaurant Chef.

    Tera--I hear you. Do NOT get me started on Mr. Yoshida's Teriyaki. The day they stopped carrying that everywhere is another Rueful Day in my life.

    Mary G.--I know, right? I should keep my big mouth shut. I cannot help you with nail polish. I now keep my nails very short, or they bend and peel. Another lovely side effect of my migraine prevention med. NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING. I'd rather have short nails and NO MIGRAINES, thanks.

    HellCat--How terribly disappointing has the BBCAmerica channel become? I used to love it, and now they do nothing more than show Dr. Who, Top Gear, and a bunch of Gordon Ramsey and Star Trek or Battlestar or whatever (I can't tell the difference between the two because I don't watch either of them.) I find 99% of cable vapid and dismaying. I have started watching old B&W films: Mildred Pierce, Gaslight, The Heiress, etc. Whatever is on. Rick and I get a big charge out of them. I think I have become my mother. And, on another note***TMI WARNING***good heavens, switch to tampons.

    j.@jj--re: the Reynolds plastic wrap. Had I known it would be rudely ripped from my life, I'd have at least SAVED THE BOX. That cutter bar WAS GENIUS. Why didn't anyone else jump on that? And, why are the boxes for plastic film so damn flimsy? When I go to tear a piece off, I twist the entire box. I tell you, it's brutal.

  12. This happened to me recently too. I've been using Corn Silk Powder for years and suddenly I can't find it. I can't quite find anything like it. I liked the no color translucent version, which was perfect. Oh well. On another random note, a product which I had assumed had disappeared except online, suddenly reappeared. I saw Love's Baby Soft perfume in CVS. Instantly I flashed back to 6th grade! : )

  13. Lisa--I remember Love's Baby Soft. Wow, that's a blast from the past. Remember LemonUp shampoo? The lid looked like a lemon. It was really great, and smelled just like fresh lemons. I loved it. Maybe that will come back, too.

  14. Pepper the Cat has the same problema as your kitty, Piper. I fear there is no resolution, diet kitty food or not. She gets her exercise from sleeping 22.4 hours per day. Someone once told me that sleeping burns calories, but I think this statement was just part of the conspiracy of the corporates. I'm not sure why, but if you give me a little bit, I'll come up with a justification. In the meantime, I think you should send your concerns to Gov. Kaisich. He seems like the kind of man who could solve any frustration, with the stroke of a pen, no less!

  15. Melissa--I sure hope your reference to Ohio's gov. is an attempt at humor. Rather than solving frustrations, he has created an avalanche of them. He is a bombastic idiot who has been flying under the national radar, thanks to Wisconsin. Every mention of his name is a blade through my heart and the heart of every educator, police and fireman, and every union wage-earner. What he has done to this state already is criminal.

  16. Anonymous11:20 PM

    Nance, you can still order your fave scent online. I just got some for my sister :) My favorite scent is no longer sold in stores either. But I learned a few years ago that you can order lots of "retired" B&BW itemes from the online store :) Stock up!!



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