Sunday, August 12, 2007

Time To Purge: Of Fireflies, Shoes, Politics, And, Of Course, Brian Williams

I'm so full of it lately.

Not that--I'm always full of that; didn't you see that adverb "lately?" The "it" I'm referring to now is random junk that I keep giving thought time to in spite of my best efforts not to. So it's time for another one of my purgative posts wherein I set free these pesky little Thought Nerfuls that keep tickling the grooves and twists of my grey matter. Now they're yours.

In no particular order:

~#~Man, if pointed-toe shoes go out of style soon, I am in a world of hurt. Oh, I know the round-toe babydoll look sneaked in there briefly, but I let it pass. I knew it wasn't For Real.

~#~I think I'm watching waaaay too much Food Network. I've noticed that when I'm prepping and cooking, I sometimes keep an internal narrative going inside my head: Okay, now when chopping up the red peppers, it's best to chop skin side down so that the knife goes more easily through the vegetable. And, add the cheese last when making pesto so that it doesn't process into paste. I don't do it all the time, but often enough that I'm definitely starting to become concerned.

~#~Hey, I'm here to tell you: It is the humidity.
~#~I've noticed something this summer. Not so many lightning bugs. At least that's what we NE Ohioans call them. You may call them "fireflies" in your location, but whatever you call them, I've seen precious few of them here. I used to have a running contest with the little kid who lived next door as to who would see the first lightning bug of the summer. They were always the harbinger of the season. This summer, there have been very few, and as with most things, I blame the Republicans. Which brings me to...

~#~The fact that I can pretty much boil down every environmental, economical, and societal ill to a Republican failing. Actually, I shouldn't say "Republican" without qualifying it by saying "The Angel of Death's Administration and Its Policies" which basically, for me, typifies what Republicans are. It's like the father in My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding who can trace every single benefit of civilization back to the Greeks. My son, a diehard liberal Democrat who says that only Dennis Kucinich truly stands for everything he (my son, Jared) believes in, said to me once, "Mom, there are some good Republicans." I said, "I doubt it." But I digress. My point is, there are probably fewer lightning bugs due to the outrageously poor environmental policies of the current administration which favor big polluters. See what I mean?

~#~Which brings me to this very useful visual aid, sent to me by my dear VBF, Leanne of Maryland. Not only are her (infrequent) emails often humorous, as I mentioned in an earlier post, but sometimes they contain valuable political info. Here is a wonderful site where you can view a comprehensive but easy to read chart that shows you every presidential candidate's current position on all the big issues from Abortion, Capital Punishment and the Iraq war to No Child Left Behind, Universal Health Care and Same-Sex Marriage. Thank you, Leanne.

~#~All Dept. of Nance readers are well-acquainted with my fascination for Brian Williams. I do, however, watch other news programs and have noticed something. See what you think:

I find these three men facially similar. Especially Chris Hansen, of Dateline's Catch a Predator fame, and dear Brian. It's almost a...Newsman Triptych of sorts! And don't you think that Stone Phillips, with very little major makeup, could play Ronald Reagan in a biopic of same? Take a long look now, and think about it.

~#~And while I'm playing Separated at Birth, here's another good one.

That's William Schneider of CNN and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew of Muppet Labs. I told you that I was full of it. And believe it or not, there's something I'm forgetting, but it'll just have to wait. In the meantime, set your own Nerfuls free in the comments. I've got some extra room now.
Last Year at The Dept. of Nance: The Alaskan Adventure Part VII


  1. Anonymous8:58 PM

    After 15 years, I'm glad I FINALLY sent you something you could use that wasn't black with spots!!!
    aka SoMdPrincess

  2. Anonymous11:05 PM

    Great chart! (Thanks, Leanne!) Might be the deciding factor for me. Although if it's a man, there's always the cute factor.
    :-) [Kidding... JUST KIDDING.]

    O.K. Shoes. I never got my feet to grow pointed.

    What a shame about the lightning bugs. (I wonder if cell phones are partially responsible, too. They say it's affecting the bee population.)

    Stone Phillips as Ronald Reagan?? You might just have something there, although I had to stare for a long, long time, and... I think it has something to do with the jet black color that Stone is dying his hair these days... or is it just the photo? (I have a hard time reconciling this thought because I was never attracted to RR, not even in his heydey. But Stone Phillips? Well, he's cuter that BW in my book, and I think he probably has better taste in ties, LOL. (O.K., O.K., I really WAS kidding this time. About the ties, anyway.)

    I couldn't find Nerfuls in the urban dictionary and had to google them. Are they related to smurfs?

    p.s. Did you watch Paula on Larry King?!!

  3. Leanne--You usually only send the cow-related items via snail-mail.

    Ortizzle--First off, "nerfuls" is, as far as I know, a nonsense term of my own invention. Sorry to send you scurrying unnecessarily.

    I think that photo is a rather early or airbrushed one of Stone. I,too was surprised to see the dark hue of his hair. On his last broadcast special, his hair looked much lighter. I've always found him attractive and, of the three, think he's most classically handsome. But BW has such a winsome aura and latent boyishness about him...he just does something for me. I'm not attracted to Chris Hansen in any way whatsoever.

    Finally, I caught just a few minutes of Paula on LK. My family have a low tolerance of her, and since I cannot seem to get away from them this summer for more than a few minutes at a time, I was unable to see much. If you caught it and there was anything worth reporting on, email me.

  4. Anonymous1:22 AM

    I feel your pain... When I cook, I keep hearing in my head things like "... now we stir our beautiful pasta sauce" and "look at this lovely basil". It's borderline annoying!

  5. Anonymous4:36 AM

    I know someone whose husband looks just like Dilbert. It pains me that I can tell NO ONE this fact, as it would be a snarky thing to say to the people who know him.

  6. I have not found a new news crush since my beloved Peter Jennings died. Man he made everything seem okay...even in traumatic times.

  7. Anonymous8:33 AM

    I was speaking 'metamorphically'. LOL

  8. Nance, Oh. My. Goodness. I was just thinking the SAME THING about pointed-toe shoes ceasing existence!!! What on earth would I do??? I'm wondering if I can start a protest...I can't find a nice pair of black pumps (with pointed-toe of course) ANYWHERE!!!

    You know, I have seen ONE...just ONE lightning bug all summer!!!

    I am going to leave the politics alone...

  9. I hate pointed toe shoes. Who and the hell likes their toes squished like that? I'm all about the rounded baby doll shoes... I have lots of those!

    All of the Brian Willams look-a-likes have square heads. I want to meet you husband. I bet he's got a square head too.

  10. Anonymous11:00 AM

    "Nerfuls" really do exist:
    That's why I asked you if they were related to smurfs, LOL.

    Paula: Can't email you nuttin'... I was hoping you had seen the whole interview, because Mr. O. could not take more than about 20 minutes of it. :-(

  11. Lightning bugs? What are those? Kidding, although we don't have them here at all.

    And that last comparison is perfect.

  12. girlanddog--at least I know I'm not the only one,

    v-grrrl--perhaps you could say to a kindred spirit, "you know, so-and-so's husband reminds me of someone, but I just can't seem to put my finger on it." Maybe that person would be itching at the chance to share his/her similar insight in a light, conspiratorial moment.

    mrsgrumpy--I, too, was a huge Peter Jennings fan. One of my earliest blogposts was about him. If you go to the archives of August 2005, it's the one titled "DoN Says RIP".

    anonymous aka Leanne--LOL. Hey, besides, I think cows are actually white with black spots.

    tera--Macy's? I got my perfect Nine West black heels there, pointy toes and all. Never leave politics alone. That's how we wound up where we are right now.

    nina--Rick isn't so much square-headed as he is large-faced. And he has a large nose. Very Welsh-nosed. Blunt. Yikes. I haven't made him very attractive-sounding, have I? Sigh.

    Ortizzle--I am astounded. I thought I invented the word, but when I googled them after reading your first comment, I was astonished to see something come up. And I think my sister got one of those long, long ago as a playtoy in a kid's meal because I distinctly recall one of them in a bunny suit. Maybe I subconsciously co-opted the word!

    gina--there is a place in the US of A that is bereft of lightning bugs/fireflies? I find that profoundly sad and unpatriotic. How can that even be?? It is unimaginable.

    And I miss the Muppet Show, especially Statler and Waldorf.

  13. Nance I would have loved to engage in the conversation, but I have blood pressure issues and wasn't in the mood to get all worked up and have a headache today!

  14. Oh yes, I have a cooking commentary in my head! I think what's worse is that I know all the little "helpful hints" they give on shows before they dose out the wisdom! (Pop that lemon in the microwave for 10 seconds for an easier time juicing! Salt the water for the pasta, it's the only time you can flavor the pasta itself! And so on.)

    Pointy toed shoes--so not a fan. I'm not a fan of shoes that fail to be comfortable after a few hours (or less) of wearing.

    I miss Peter Jennings. I was truly sad when he passed away.

  15. I thought nerfuls were like "nargles" of Harry Potter fame.

    That was actually kind of useful advice about chopping veggies skin side down, seems so logical...I'm a spazz in the kitchen. :)

  16. I could have sworn I commented here. I've read this three times and its fabulous. I think I'm distracted by the hot newsmen.

    How much do I love you for putting a picture of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew on your blog? Now we have to find Beaker's twin.

  17. tera--these days, politics do tend to raise the BP!

    jen--actually, I have lots of the pointy toed shoes that are plenty comfortable. make sure the point starts after the toe box. in a well-made shoe, that's where it should be.

    princess o.t.u.--never let it be said that the Dept. cannot be useful!

    scarlet--blogger is such a bitch sometimes. thank you for being so persistent and flattering as well! I am all about Bunsen, but I think Dilbert of comic strip fame may have been pilfered a bit from Beaker!

  18. Anonymous11:19 AM

    You are so right about Stone Phillips/RR--never noticed it before.

    My daughter moved to the East Coast this summer and saw fireflies for the first time. I was thrilled and told her that I felt it was one of my failings as a parent that she had a childhood bereft of fireflies.

  19. plain jane--I had absolutely no idea that west coasters had no lightning bugs/fireflies. I just assumed they were naturally-occurring insects of, at least, North America, and were universally experienced by all little US Children. I feel so dumb.

  20. Anonymous6:37 PM


    We have loads of "Lightening Bugs " in Pennsylvania.
    When we were kids and looking for things to do that would really irk the adults, we would catch a whole bunch of Lightening Bugs,put them in a mayonnaise jar, and let them loose in the movies.

    What fun!!!!!


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