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Sunday, July 22, 2007

Disaster Averted, With Chuckles On The Side


Ever since the election of 2000, I have terrible moments when I wish horrid misfortunes on You Know Who. But I never wish anything too malicious, too...final. Because that, dear readers, would give us Darth Vader in The Big Chair, finger on The Button.

And no one, no one in the known universe, wants that.

But it happened. On Saturday, July 21st, 2007, The Angel of Death underwent a colonoscopy and, while he was anesthetized, handed the reins of absolute power over to Mr. Shoot 'Em In The Face Brand Of Crazy himself. Thank goodness he didn't get the urge to do anything sinister, and all was uneventful. I was relieved. I think we all were.

The worldwide media reported the event with all due diligence, as I found out today while Googling another medical story of earthshaking importance, at least to Jared--the fact that the research has confirmed the link between laptop usage and low sperm count--but I digress. My point, and I do have one, is this: the headlines of these stories carried by the various worldwide outlets are extremely entertaining. Here are some of the best:

Polyps Removed, Bush Reclaims Power--Economic Times, India
(doesn't this sound almost like a reverse Samson effect? now that those darn growths are gone, he can feel his super-strength return! what were they--kryptonite?)

Cheney To Be In Charge During Bush Colonoscopy--CNN.com
(wow. I had no idea Darth was a medical guy! he just wants to boss EVERYBODY around!)

Bush Will Cede Powers To VP Cheney During Colonoscopy Exam--International Herald Tribune, France
(geeze...won' t he have other stuff on his mind at the time...?)

Polyps Removed During Bush Exam--The Spokesman Review, WA
(er...okay, but good luck finding...er, never mind.)

Bush Goes Under; Cheney Takes Over--Brisbane Times, Australia
(those Aussies! they're just fun people. no misreading here, just creative!)

Doctors Remove 5 Polyps From Bush's Brain--The Spoof, UK
(I like--no LOVE--how these people think. you know so many other legit press wanted to use this but didn't dare.)

And finally, from a blue state with some obviously creative headline writers:

Bush's Bottom Breached; Cheney Takes Top Position--OpEdNews, PA
(oh hell--you're all plenty smart enough to appreciate this without snide commentary from me!)
Last Year at the Dept. of Nance--The Alaskan Adventure Part II

12 comments:

  1. Bush's Bottom Breached; Cheney Takes Top Position--OpEdNews, PA
    (oh hell--you're all plenty smart enough to appreciate this without snide commentary from me!)


    Enjoyed your blog.

    Thanks

    Ron

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hate to be so pessimistic, but Cheney could have done a whole lot during those few hours without any of us knowing about it. God knows what he signed or may have put into motion. Then again, he's been doing all sorts of this stuff for years anyway. *sigh* But this time, he was President.

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  3. For a man who's always got his head up his arse, you'd think GWB would have spotted those polyps himself. *g*

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  4. Further evidence that he's FULL OF SHIT!

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  5. Thanks, these were good! But "Cheney to be in charge"? Uhm, I thought he already was. Also, such a shame that removing the polyps from his BRAIN (hee) isn't going to help much!

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  6. I like the spoof the best. Too funny!

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  7. ron--welcome to the Dept! thanks for stopping by and commenting. hope you'll come by often.

    anali--your pessimism is, unfortunately, understandable. given the underhandedness and secrecy of this administration, your concern is not far-fetched.

    ortizzle--LOL! here's a virtual rimshot for you! *\/*

    tera--among other things.

    sputnik--sigh. i know, i know....

    nina--those brits. when it comes to humour, they really can slam it around.

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  8. Oh, that last one is fabulous.

    Thanks for the laughs, even from such a depressing topic.

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  9. The symbolism of Cheney asking for the oil can is perfect. He has been...well..."lubing" as Bush's right hand man for quite some time. Plus, if one is going to be in charge during a colonoscopy, one would want some sort of lubrication.

    --Donnage out.

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  10. gina--sometimes, laughing is all we can do! glad to do my patriotic duty!

    donnage--i think your comment marks the first time anyone has used the word "lubrication" at the Dept.--for anything. lol.

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  11. V-Grrrl8:36 PM

    This post was so so funny, and the comments were the best. The Department is better than Salon.com.

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  12. v-grrrl--wow. high praise! thank you.

    ReplyDelete

Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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