Thursday, February 01, 2007

Fun with Politics: Oh, Yes, I Can!

Regardless of one's politics, we can all agree that a certain Sitter in The Big Chair at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. is... less than articulate. This, of course, is only one of his many, many shortcomings. (And certainly among his more harmless ones.) But, as my clock counts those dim days of his Reign of Terror down, we must needs make do. So, let's have a little fun whilst the Democrats try to make sense of it all, shall we?

Let's play a game. Read the statements below. Three of them were actually uttered by the Angel of Death. One is made up by me. Which one is fake? See if you can tell.

Round One

A. "You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror."
B. "It was not always certain that the U.S. and America would have a close relationship."
C. "Laura, before we were married, used to say that I should be committed."
D. "The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done."

Round Two

A. "I think—tide turning—see, as I remember—I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of—it's easy to see a tide turn—did I say those words?"

B. "The desk, where we'll have our picture taken in front of—is nine other Presidents used it. This was given to us by Queen Victoria in the 1870s, I think it was. President Roosevelt put the door in so people would not know he was in a wheelchair. John Kennedy put his head out the door."

C. "I think it's really important for this great state of baseball to reach out to people of all walks of life to make sure that the sport is inclusive. The best way to do it is to convince little kids how to—the beauty of playing baseball."

D. "And Social Security is not the safety net to encompass the needs and medical whys and wherefores of an aging society. The government is, I think, not in the business of telling the American elderly what to do with their money in a time of personal crisis at such a time."

Round Three

A. "I'm the decider."
B. "I use the Google."
C. "When the final history is written on Iraq, it will look just like a comma."
D. "I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend."

Oooh! Do you think you have them down? Let's see. Here come the answers.

In Round One, C. was my effort. In Round Two, D. was the fake. And finally, in Round Three...Aha! I cheated. ALL OF THEM were said by GWB. Honest, they were. Here are the links to my sources: The Complete Bushisms and Taegan's Political Wire .

You know, it's really pathetic that the man just cannot talk. But, if I dwell on it, much the same as if I dwell only on the shortcomings of my students each and every day, I'll end up sick, sad, and reeking of vodka.

And he's just not worth it. So, let's laugh, shall we? Laugh and laugh and laugh whenever we can. And keep an eye on that countdown. And those Democrats.


  1. Anonymous2:01 AM

    "I use the Google"? Wasn't that supposed to be "I am a Goofball"?

    Goofball is capitalized because he is the President. ; )

  2. I was going to say C, D, C. You cheat! I want more.

  3. W has a career in standup. Wait, that already is happening. Everytime that joke goes to a podeum, I feel like I should have some popcorn and a Sprite. With gin. The gin makes it easier to lauhg at the parts that really make me angry.


  4. Anonymous2:42 AM

    I discovered that Bush-isms site a few years back. I remember thinking at the time that I would find hilarious bloopers there, stunning examples of this man putting his foot in his mouth. And there was plenty of that. But the most amazing thing for me was the fact that there were so many utterly incomprehensible statements made by GWB. It's not just that the man can't talk: his thought process is non-existent, which explains why he can't get to the end of a sentence very often. And when he does, he has no idea where he started. And forget the grammar. (That's for people who didn't go to Ivy League schools.)

  5. Too scary for me to laugh at. But something I can laugh at... Your tie report! I have to tell you that I look forward to it everyday! : )

  6. v--like me, you capitalize out of respect for the office, not the person.

    ih--i cheated because it was too hard for me to make up stuff! he's shockingly incompetent when it comes to spoken syntax. i just cannot replicate it.

    donnage--as you well know, my alcoholic intake has risen since W's been in office.

    O'tizz--you are absolutely right on the money. he cannot speak coherently because, unless he is reciting from text written by an intelligent person well-versed in the subject at hand, his ADD and ego kick in. Both render him unable to finish a thought not completely devoted to himself or something HE cares about.

    anali--thanks for the feedback on my Tie Report! I've already heard from readers who want to be able to comment on it, but because it's in my sidebar, that's not an option. I'm technically still on "Old Blogger", too, so I have to modify my template every night to update it! Feel free to piggyback on the comments on whatever post is up at the time if you want to comment on the TR; no biggie. I just hate the fact that I can't save them.

  7. I think you'd still have to update your template every night on the new Blogger. It must be a pain, but if you think about not doing it one night, think about all the joy and glee it brings to your fellow bloggers! : )

  8. I had already given up on him when he was running for the first term. Shortly after he took office, I had the "news" (sic?) on and my whole family was in attendance. He was interviewed and said the word "subliminable." (Like the "abominimable" snowman.) I dropped my cooking utensils and started jumping up and down. "Did you HEAR that? Did he not just say 'subliminable'?" I cried. The others just stared at me as if to say, "He does that all the time. What did you expect? Why do you bother listening?"


Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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