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Monday, November 24, 2014

We Only Have Time For A Few Of Your Questions Before The Entertainment Part Of Our Show


Good Day, Readers. In today's installment of Ask Nance, we'll be following up on a few previous topics and taking questions on some new ones. We hope you find it informative.

Question: Nance, are you any further along in your Thanksgiving Preparations?
Nanceswer: In addition to the two bags of cranberries in my freezer, I now have my fresh turkey and two bags of fresh cranberries in the basement refrigerator, and the remaining ingredients for Thanksgiving Dinner residing in various cupboards, freezers, refrigerators, and pantry. While it was 64 degrees today, I wisely harvested the last of my sage, rosemary, and parsley. And I grocery-shopped at 8 AM today, which might be the Smartest Move I Have Ever Made.

Q: Does this give you time to consider Decorating for Thanksgiving?
N: This gives me time to dog-proof the house and figure out whether or not I can afford a therapist for Piper once Zydrunas has scared the crap out of him for the day.

Q:  Have you thus far escaped an Appliance Betrayal, unlike in years past when on the Cusp Of A Major Holiday?
N:  Surely you jest.  Just this evening, the stove threw an F1 error code accompanied by an obnoxious beep. Additionally, the oven would not turn off.  Was this sort of occurrence mentioned anyplace at all in the literature that came with the stove?  Of course not.  Rick threw the breaker, waited for a moment, then flipped it back on and went into Cleveland to watch professional basketball.  I will be calling the appliance store tomorrow to beg for a repair slot before Thanksgiving.  And hoping like hell that it doesn't happen again tonight when I'm home alone.

Q: But, are you feeling better?
N: Marginally, and with no thanks to homeopathy and natural cold remedies. Here are the Tree-Hugging Rainbow Methods I tried:
homemade chicken soup; hot water with honey and lemon; hot shower; hot bath; apple cider vinegar and honey; drink plenty of water; Vicks VapOrub on the soles of feet; Vicks VapOrub on the chest; SinusBlast hot pepper nasal spray; resting; keeping warm; megadosing Vitamin C; propping up to sleep.

Finally, I said Screw This. I bought Alka Seltzer Severe Cold and Flu Formula Night And Day (or something) and started knocking that stuff back. Now I can sleep without hacking up Huge Phlegm Wads and choking and gagging like a ten-pack-a-day smoker. Soon, I hope to get My Life back.

Q: Can we salvage November?
N: No. Not this year. It sucks. Ask Buffalo. Ask President Obama. Ask anyone in NEO who wants to listen to FM radio and not hear Christmas music. It's hopeless. I have been hard pressed not to open up the Industrial-Sized Can Of Whoopass on The Politics this month. It's killing me. Did you hear that Lindsey Graham--Lindsey "Senator Old Lady Fussypants" Graham is considering a run for the presidency? Of the United States? OF AMERICA?

Q: Is someone A Little Bit Crabby?
N: Yes. Someone really is. And here's what I'm going to do about it. I'm going to watch this and laugh. Join me.



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5 comments:

  1. Our stove once decided that one burner would not turn off. Turned out it was a tiny plastic part in the stupid dial. Of course, it broke RIGHT AFTER the warranty ran out. So we had to turn off the breaker when we weren't using it, until someone came to fix it. Stupid appliances made in China. I mean, Really. Do I sound grumpy? GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

    Sometimes drug medicines are what is required. Blech. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better at least.

    I need to go to the grocery store for Thanksgiving stuff. 8am does sound like a good idea.

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  2. Hey Nance, first, I'm glad you're starting to feel better. I'm all for OTC meds when it comes to that type of illness! Suffering is not my thing either.

    I do hope you can get your stove back in tip top shape. I'm kind of glad I don't have a stove that has error codes, but that doesn't mean that ours hasn't had to have parts replaced from time to time. The timing is never good it seems. For some reason, I'm now remembering a tiny stove that we had in the old farmhouse we rented when we were first married. It only had three burners and one never worked. I was lucky to fit a chicken in that oven. Sending good appliance vibes your way, dear!

    Lindsey AND Jeb? Good Lord.

    My only Thanksgiving decorations may be a trans-season wreath (with some dried blooms of an African flower that a squirrel was trying to eat this morning) and the food on the table on Thursday. I think pumpkin pie completely from scratch is a pretty good decoration. ;-)

    I've got most of my necessary food items, but am going to the store tomorrow. I want some things as fresh as possible, but I'll probably be buying the same stuff that was there today so my plans might not be too wise.

    Hoping that there will be a pre-Christmas miracle, Nance, and you'll wake up feeling terrific on Thursday! Happy Thanksgiving!

    Shirley

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  3. Love that video - and my "bass" is plenty big enough to pull that dance off. I might try it. :)

    My boss has been sick for about as long as you have. She went to the doctor after her z pack didn't work & got cough syrup with codeine. After one night of good sleep she already feels better.

    I can't figure out how to pronounce your grandogger's name - I think you should post an audio blurb to help me with this problem.

    We head south tomorrow. They're calling for a high of 46 in Hickory NC for Thanksgiving day, and frankly, that is NOT warm enough for me to be driving south all that way! (But yes, the family. The family....)

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  4. Bug--That video is so ridiculous and silly that it never fails to crack me up. I found it on Boingboing.

    I broke down and saw a doctor, who diagnosed me with a sinus infection and ear infections. I wasn't surprised. I am on Augmentin--can't take mycins, so no Zpacks for me. I'm still waiting for a restful night, and right now Thanksgiving seems like Everest to me.

    Posting an audio blurb is Out Of The Question when my voice is so raspy and hoarse. But I found a page that says it for you! Go here and click the Play arrow next to the big green Zydrunas!

    Have a nice drive to NC, and enjoy Thanksgiving. Do wear The Hat!

    Shirley--The appliance place told me that they no longer make the control panel/circuit board for my stove, so we are keeping our fingers crossed that it keeps on keeping on.

    My health rally was short-lived. I feel like crap, and if I could, I'd cancel Thanksgiving. But somehow, I have to get it together. It's amazing how an illness can wipe one completely out.

    I don't envy you battling the crowds at the market(s) today. It's going to be crazy. Have a serene and restful Thanksgiving with your lovely family. Sneak Sonny a little dark meat from me!

    J@jj--Don't even get me started on the poor quality of parts in these monolithic appliances we have and their planned obsolescence. My stove cost $1500 and is duel fuel--an electric oven and gas burners. It's not even 10 years old! But because FRIGIDAIRE decides they won't make parts anymore, oh well. That's that. You and I could go on and on about why America is getting what they deserve with cheapo parts from China so we can get cheap crap from WalMart, yada yada yada. Sigh.

    But let's don't go there. I'm too tired.

    Have another pleasant Thanksgiving, dearie. Make sure you check in and let me know how it all went without half the fam.

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  5. Oh Nance, a sinus AND ear infections? That blows. Any chance of delegating some of the dishes to Rick or the boys? I've been sick on Thanksgiving, and even with the bit of cooking I do, it sucks. I hope the antibiotics kick in and have you feeling much better tomorrow.

    Amen on the goddamned appliances. I mainly hate my fridge right now, and it hasn't even done anything wrong. It's a matter of principal.

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