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Thursday, March 27, 2014

Sorry, Walgreens--More Like The Corner Of Confused And Crabby

Sometimes, when a bunch of people gather, I can't help but listen for Blog Fodder. It's not that I'm looking for something to criticize or poke fun at so much as I am--in a Seinfeldian manner--observing things that I can comment upon from a "did you ever notice" perspective. It's like looking at an ordinary drop of rainwater under a highpowered microscope. So much more there than the first look affords.

I belong to two retiree lunch bunches because I taught at two schools in my district. Even though I taught at a junior high only one year, they are gracious enough to include me in their monthly group, and I like their company. Of course, I also attend my high school's monthly lunches. At both, I generally order a bloody mary and settle in for some chatting. In addition to gossip about colleagues or district business, the conversation always comes down to two familiar topics: travel and what everyone is doing to promote health and longevity. If there was such a thing as a Dr. Oz Cruise, these groups would book immediately. I know who is taking flaxseed and chia seed every day, who is using only gluten free products, who is swearing by glucosamine, and who orders everything online from Puritan's Pride. I know that Dr. Bragg's Raw Apple Cider Vinegar With The Mother is the only apple cider vinegar with true health benefits. Oh, and do you want to take a river cruise? Well, forget it. They book so far out now, that it's impossible to plan one any earlier than 2015, and you had better forget the "Downton Abbey" one. That one is sold out for the foreseeable future. Carnival Cruises are just so noisy--too many kids and young people--but you can book a quieter one on Princess or Holland America. But--sigh--it's just sad how some lines treat their employees, who are all foreign nationals. Try to tip them well, if you can. There are horror stories out there that are just awful.

Listening to travel stories is one of my joys. If I can't go, then I want to hear about when you went, and if you have some pictures, even better. My colleagues are generous with their travel stories, and they give good recommendations regarding cruise lines, travel agents, places to see, and places that aren't really worth a stop. They will even give you their guides, books, or anything else that they have that might be of help. The problem is, they never sound very impressed or happy about where they went. I always get the idea that they went in order to have gone, to simply cross it off their list or something.

They get far more exercised when talking about their use of wellness products. I understand. Ten years ago, I didn't think twice about any of that. Now, however, my hair keeps getting greyer. My hands and knees truly hurt with arthritis. My vision prescription changed for the worse, and I have a hard time driving at night. It all seems very unfair to me. That stuff is for Old People. I'm not Old. Then I think about the Simple Arithmetic of it. I have far more years behind me than I am likely to have ahead of me. It's natural to want to tip the scales more in the other direction.

The whole thing makes me feel confused and guilty. Should I be taking supplements, chia, flax, wheat germ, green tea, fiber powder, and shots of vinegar (With The Mother)? How do I know? Every time I watch a little of Dr. Oz, he tells me to eat something else to lose weight. If I ate all of that stuff, I'd weigh 200 pounds. Should I get a Neti pot, or will I collapse and die from a brain-eating fungus? Rick and I eat very little meat now compared with how much we used to eat, and at least three days a week, we eat vegetarian. I start my day with Greek yogurt or a spinach and strawberry smoothie. I use olive oil only. Should I start oil pulling?

Let me say this: I liked it so much better when I was young and talked about makeup and boys. Or when I was a mom and talked about sleep habits and spit-up. Or even when I was in my thirties and talked about work, teenage attitude, and my shoes. And let me also say this: I am deep-bone tired of this winter. It has made me old. Older. Elderly. Aged. Aged and in need of Spring.

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15 comments:

  1. Hmmm... I have tahini in the house because I love to make hummus. But that's a sesame seed paste, so I imagine I would need the pure oil for this. I am going to read up on it, but it sounds really interesting.

    I have a healthy fear of Neti pots for precisely the reasons stated in that article. But maybe if one used distilled water? ---I dunno.

    Apple Cider Vinegar: My Hero. But far to much to put in your comment section. I sent you an email.

    Hope your cold is under control and on its way out. That plus a change in the weather would probably do wonders. :-)

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  2. to much = too much.
    (I just hate typos.)

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  3. I am just now starting to put wrinkle cream under my eyes, but I am saying a big no to gluten-free diets and chia seeds. Yech. Yeah yeah, I know I can blend the chia seeds into almost anything, but they are the new acai berry as far as I'm concerned. Nobody eats/drinks/whatever the hell you're supposed to do with them any more.

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  4. Gina--Does your wrinkle cream really work? I listen so closely to the commercials, and it always says that people "perceive" fewer wrinkles. It doesn't get rid of wrinkles, but gives the appearance of fewer lines and wrinkles. I guess that's good enough.

    Ortizzle--I have responded to your lovely email.

    No, tahini won't work. It has to be liquid for all that swishing. Jared has a Neti and swears by it, but I don't think he is using it religiously. He is lazy--wonder where he gets it?--and can't commit to an everyday anything.

    My aunt swears by hers.

    My cold/sinusy thing is gone. Hooray. But the weather here remains changeable and horrid. Because, Ohio.

    Bookster One--gotcha.

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  5. I know a few women who are like the ones you describe here. All conversations revolve around being old now. It's like they're salivating at the prospect of having more problems, more chances to be a victim, more things to whine about. Drive me nuts, they do.

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  6. Ally Bean--This is a bit different. These individuals aren't acting like victims; in fact, they are actively working against being the victims of the stereotype of Old Age. They are avidly pursuing a longer, healthier life. And sharing whatever they know/find that might make that happen. I must have erred in getting that across.

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  7. Hi Nance,

    Okay! You all know I'm old..

    Someone asked me the other day if I would rather have Parkinsons or Alzheimers.

    I said,"Parkinsons, of course. I would rather spill half of my bottle of wine, than forget where I put it."

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  8. Nancy--Not to mention that you can always have someone else put it in a sippy cup for you!

    Let's hope neither one of us has to deal with either one. I'd hate to think of my cellar going to waste, or even half of it.

    Is there any Spring in Philly yet?

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  9. Well, Spring is TRYING to break through and,as the cat said when he backed into the electric fan, "It won't be long now."

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  10. Anonymous5:22 PM

    hi, it's Mary G from the babysitting venue. I AM old, but I am not very proactive about anti-aging strategies. Except exercise and sunscreen.
    I used to try various remedies for arthritis, but none of them were very useful.
    and if I get into the kind of conversation you describe, I either get the topic changed or I leave. travel advice is far more fun.
    what kind of grump that makes me, I don't really care.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Mary G--Babysitting venue? Are you at your Granddog's house?

    So you tried the Raw Apple Cider Vinegar and did not get any relief, then. I was hoping that it would be my cure. I will still try it, I think.

    Nancy--Hee hee. Poor kitty! That joke still gets me. We're seeing two whole days of springlike weather in a row! Hope it's a trend.

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  12. The Bug, catching up here :)

    I just bought chia seeds the other day in the hope that they would make me feel fuller longer when I added them to my oatmeal. And after three bowls of oatmeal (on three different days - just to be clear!) the answer is NO, although I kind of enjoy the little pop they give when I bite into them. But they're pricey little buggers - I won't buy more when I run out of these.

    I had my annual physical yesterday & apparently I'm VERY healthy. My doctor was practically gushing over my vitamin D count (I mentioned on facebook that I was absurdly thrilled about this). It must be the vitamins I take - I don't do anything else that would be considered extra healthy :)

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  13. Anonymous1:36 PM

    The grandkid's house. Their computer is an apple and I can't get my passwords to work, thus temporary anonymity. So, s'me is indeed me.
    Pretty well every arthritis aid I have tried tears up my gut, including raw apple with skin. Wish pie with cinnamon was indicated.

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  14. Mary G--Oh, pie! If only pie were indicated for any condition I had! And lemon pie at that. Sigh. Why is life so unfair?

    The Bug--My brother, an acolyte of Dr. Oz, is a chia seed devotee. I have no idea what they are good for or supposed to do. And I don't care either, for the same reason you are off them after you use up your present supply. $$$$$!!!

    Congratulations on your Sexy Vitamin D levels. Oh Baby!

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