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Monday, September 26, 2011

Why Can't A 300 Pound Avocado Come Hurtling Down At Me From Outer Space? And Other Imponderables (Like How Mitt Is Middle Class)

Probably I should make this a terribly cerebral post.  After all, I have enormous amounts of time in which to think and become Deeply Informed.  My Plain Dealer is read thoughtfully and deliberately each morning, and I am following The Politics again, albeit somewhat haphazardly, lest they disrupt My Zen.

Oh, but let's not, as they say, Go There.

Instead, I think I'll just shake loose a few errant Thought Nerfuls and set them free.

~*~Back in 1979 when Skylab's doom was forecast and we all were warned of its imminent plunge to earth, I was a junior at Bowling Green State University.  This, as I am wont to constantly remind my children, was well before the Interwebs and Cellular Phones, but not before alcohol, so pretty much the entire university prepared for this event by hosting dorm parties.  We all designed and wore hats--ostensibly for protection ha ha--and made huge targets and Welcome Skylab! signs.  This week's recent overhyped Newsworthy Event regarding the entrance of space junk the size of a bus into our atmosphere held no cache or thrill for me. I didn't even wear a headband.  On a related note, here are some places that I wish the NASA Space Junk had hit:  1. WalMart HQ; 2. republican National Committee HQ; 3. Atlanta's airport (the only place to lose my luggage and delay me, twice) 4. Congress (but get Sherrod Brown out first).

~*~Avocados, The World's Most Perfect Fruit and my Culinary Crush, are a ridiculous $2.50 each at the local grocery store.  At a warehouse club, you can get five for about eight bucks. Still insane.  I was reading a food blog the other day and saw a farmer's market sign in California that said "Hass Avocados $1 EACH" and almost wept. I feel like part of the reason avos are so unreasonable is because of Beneful Dog Food.  This brand includes a variety called "Healthy Fiesta" which includes avocadoes.  How ridiculous. No dog, even if it is a Mexican hairless or a chihuahua, eats avocadoes or needs them. The Beneful people are buying up avocadoes, thus needlessly creating a demand which, in turn, is raising prices for me.  Hey, Beneful. Knock it the hell off!  Who the hell do you think you are?  Dogs eat meat and, in the case of the Golden Retriever who lived here for six weeks, the occasional door. Lay off my avos.

~*~Okay, I lied.  I am going to get A Little Political.  But just a teensy bit.  You know, Mitt Romney has been running for president professionally now for, what, eight years? Ten? Whatever.  He wants It really bad. He also has the John McCain Disease of being whomever and whatever the situation calls for at the time. He just cannot help it.  Even though Mitt said, "I think the American people recognize that we're at a point of crisis and they want to hear the truth. And they can tell when people are being phony and are pandering to an audience, and you'll see that in politics. You're not going to see that in my campaign"; he also turned right around and said this, calling for a tax policy that will help "the middle class. It's not those in the low end; it's certainly not those in the very high end. It's for the great middle class -- the 80 to 90 percent of us in this country."  There's just one problem:  Mitt really isn't one "of us" as he said.  His net worth is estimated at between $190 million and $250 million.  That one is right up there with his "I'm also unemployed" joke. Speaking of jokes, (fill in name of republican debater here).

~*~I read a blog yesterday in which someone used the following in the same post:  I could loose a lot of blood.  and  "Are you going rouge?" (said to someone doing something against the rules).  I almost screamed.  Seriously.

I'll let Nancy pun her head off with that last one.  

16 comments:

  1. Lipsticks on pigs, rouge on rogues - it all makes sense to me!

    Mitt Romney needs to spend a little more time with some normal people (do normal people even exist anymore?). I always think it's funny when politicians try to pretend they're like us. Well, except Sherrod Brown - I like him :) Or may it's his wife I have a crush on. Hmmm...

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  2. A TEABAGGER BLOGGER NAMED SALLY

    SAID WORD GAMES WERE RIGHT UP HER
    ALLEY

    SO WHEN ROGUE BECAME ROUGE,THE CHEERING WAS HUGE

    AND THEY MADE THAT HER SIGN FOR THE RALLY.....

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  3. I think you need to read more avocado blogs, and fewer 'loose' for 'lose' blogs. You have control. ;)

    I live in California, and I have never seen avocados for $1 each. I pay $2.50 just like you. I have seen them for $2 at the Farmers' Market, but they sucked. However, a friend of mine bought some amazing ones at a Farmers' Market in Berkeley. I don't know how much they cost. I blame the Southern California folks. We up in NorCal like to blame the SoCal folks for everything. Just like the folks up in Oregon blame us for everything.

    Gah, now I'm craving avocados. I might want one in my eggs tomorrow morning.

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  4. MischiefFarm12:39 PM

    I just bought avocados for $1 a piece at our local Von's/Pavilions last week, as they were on sale so I stocked up. I usually get them for free, as they grow in the orchards around where we have our horses, and they're just laying on the ground. One of the veterinary hospitals a few minutes from us has a basket they keep at their front desk, full of avocados from the trees on the property. They're free for the taking. If these aren't reasons to move to southern California, I don't know what are...

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  5. MischiefFarm--Free? AVOCADOES?!!?! How do you stop yourself from devising plans and/or disguises and going to the vet EVERY SINGLE DAY with a bag, waiting for reception to look away for a moment so that you can EMPTY SAID BASKET AND ABSCOND WITH THE AVOCADOES? Your comment makes me weep. It really, really does. Oh, and thank you so much for commenting. (Even though it made me emotional. Honest.)

    J.@jj--You know, I had no idea such Prejudices existed among the California People, let alone that Oregonians looked askance at you. I thought all the Left Coasters were very laid-back and Zen, the product of years and years of love-ins and key parties and Grunge and general coolness. I'm so disillusioned. BTW, the site with the sign is here. Scroll down a while. They were even organic!

    Nancy--Too bad that "Sarah" doesn't rhyme with "alley!" LOL.

    The Bug--You know, I had no idea that Connie Schultz was Sherrod's wife until my sister told me. I had been reading CS for eons! She's terrific, and I'm so aggravated that she left the PD. What a loss. They'll be sorry. (I already am.)

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  6. Mikey G.11:13 PM

    Avocados are sold inexpensively and fresh at California's farmers' markets. You should come and buy some! Forget the cost of airfare ;-)

    We also have wine!

    I'm going to be in Ohio for about 2.5 days during Thanksgiving. If you'll be around, we absolutely must get together, even if only for a half an hour. I'll bring my iPad and show you pictures from this summer's trip to Africa, and my upcoming long weekend in Belize (because that's how I roll).

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well, Nance, how about this one then?

    A TEABAGGER BLOGGER NAMED PALIN
    SAID," TODD,OH PLEASE LET'S GO SAILIN'
    I'LL PUT TRIG ON MY BACK,YOU PUT TRAC IN YOUR PACK
    AND WILLOW WILL DO ALL THE BAILIN".


    SAID PIPER,"SUPPOSE THERE'S A FLOOD
    DO YOU THINK I WILL LOOSE ANY BLOOD?
    AND BRISTOL SAID,"NO,WE'LL JUST GO WITH THE FLOW
    AND LEVI CAN STILL SLING THE MUD."

    ReplyDelete
  8. @Nancy: You are the Goddess of Limericks, woman!

    OK. Here's my little humble haiku-lament:

    Hail, mighty green fruit
    with prices not quite so hale
    Can I afford you?


    Just saw some large avos in the Mexican super for $1.99. But they were a bright green variety from Florida, rock hard, and... frankly the kind that taste very watery, and pretty much devoid of flavor.

    My Mexican in-laws who came for a visit a few years back were shocked to see even the old price for avos in Gringolandia. Life in Tulancingo ain't cheap, but at least you can get an aguacate without having to take out a second mortgage on the house.

    Maybe Mitt should propose kinder, gentler immigration laws. Like, uh, we pass the Dream Act, you supply cheaper aguacates. I am sure there must be some Republican aguacate-lovers who would support that.

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  9. Ortizzle--I have always looked curiously--and askance--at the "Florida avos" and wondered about them. Never bought any, but was sorely tempted when they were a dollar apiece. Now I'm glad.

    Nancy--Sigh. You just HAD to sneak in the dreaded error, didn't you? And I prefer to think that you had to Google for all of the family names. Good job, though, and entertaining as usual!

    Mikey--Of course I want to see you when you come in November. I hope we can work it out. Belize, now? You are such a Gallivanter And Traipser Extraordinaire. XXOO

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  10. And you, Madame, are the Empress of Haikus.

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  11. My comment,of course, should have been addressed to Ortizzle.

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  12. My family all love avocado(e)s(???), but to me they are green and slim(e)y.
    Will you still want to be my friend?

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  13. Mary--Certainly. More for me!

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  14. Mary G, I'll be your friend, too, if it means I can eat your share of the avocados when we go out to lunch!

    Seeing the comments of other Californians talking about their cheap, plentiful avocados makes me think maybe I should move a couple of hours south. I have two avocado trees in pots in my back yard, and my mother in law has some in her yard as well. They're very pretty. But we don't get fruit. I guess we're too far north. Sigh.

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  15. And by the way, you mentioned key parties...funny because I had never heard of them before, but my mother in law was JUST telling me about them way back in the late 60s, early 70s. She said she was lucky because she was from another country, and so she could just claim that her culture was different and not participate. HA!

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  16. J.@jj--Or just go on a road trip, grab a bunch of cheap avos and zip back home. Hell, I'd just start driving through neighborhoods and gather them off of curb lawns and such. Carry a clipboard and a pen on a string and make intermittent notes. Tell anyone who asks that you are taking samples for an Environmental Impact Study.

    Now, regarding the key parties, that whole deal just gives me, as Mary would say, The Grues.

    ReplyDelete

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