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Monday, April 11, 2011

I Make A Superhuman Effort To Return To The Interwebs And Make You Think About Your Own Superpower

Last week was one of The Longest Weeks In The History Of Education.  My colleagues and I put in two twelve-hour days, thanks to the dreaded Parent-Teacher Conferences, which are held from 3:30-7:00 pm.  We call them The Hostage Crisis--among other things.  As a result, on the days following, we are delirious and incoherent in the workroom, which begins to take on the atmosphere of the old lounge back at The Rock.   (Ah, those were the days!)

Scene opens in the teacher workroom.  It is crowded and, uncharacteristically, noisy.  Some teachers are at computer stations, others eat lunch at the long tables.

Sue (from computer station)  Remind me to go to the bathroom.

Kerrie(looks up from her lunch, wide-eyed) Oh!  Oh!  That reminds me!  Nance! Now I know why You-know-who is your arch-nemesis.  I was standing in front of the bathroom, with my hand practically on the door handle, and she just tottered right in front of me and went on in!  I was furious!  Just because she has that thing on her foot or whatever.

Nance(peers around from computer) She's horrid. And she would have done that without that plastic cast on her foot.  She's just rude.

Sue:  Remember Sharon?  She did that all the time with the bathroom.  You could be standing there at the door with your hand on the knob and she'd just sneak right past you.

Nance:  I know!  Angie called her "The Zephyr."  She blew past you like a breeze. Sometimes, you didn't even know you'd been Zephyred, and you'd walk on in, and there would be Sharon!  It was her superpower!

(everyone laughs)

Nance: That, and disdain.  Disdain was her other superpower.  Remember when she said to me at her retirement party last year, "Moving into a new school and doing all that unpacking and settling in to a new place just doesn't interest me. I don't know why anyone would do it."?  As if we all had a choice?!   Like the rest of us could just retire too and avoid it?  Gotta love Sharon.

Kerrie:  I know!  All year last year she kept barging into my desk in the bookroom and grabbing my three-hole punch and using it and calling it "The Department Three-Hole Punch."  I didn't have the heart to tell her No, it's MY THREE-HOLE PUNCH ON MY DESK THAT I BOUGHT WITH MY OWN MONEY AND I'M LETTING YOU USE IT.

Nance:  Hey.  It's getting awfully cold in here.  Why is it belching ice-cold air all of a sudden?  Sue!  Did you turn down the thermostat over there?

Sue:  Huh?  No.  I haven't touched it.

Nance(sighs loudly)  I bet.  You know, you menopausal women in here...

Sue: (interrupts and shakes finger at Nance) Watch it, now. Watch what you say! I have the thermostat over here!  I have it right above my desk.  That's my superpower!

End Scene.

15 comments:

  1. Mine is quick one liners/recognition of unintended puns. Guaranteed to draw a groan!

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  2. We had a soon-to-be retiree with a superpower. Cozying up to one's face and then talking behind one's back. I didn't attend her retirement party.

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  3. LOL - Dr. M will tell you that no one is happy unless I'm in charge of the temperature in our house. And by no one I mean me. Heh.

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  4. P.S. Thanks for your kind offer - I couldn't find an email address for you. But I have a few people who've recommended the same place in Cincinnati (which is where I work) so I'll probably go with them.

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  5. Mikey G.2:50 PM

    In the last place I lived, there were four of us sharing one bathroom, and one of the four would always be in the bathroom whenever anyone else needed to use it. In the morning he would take an hour or more in there, which isn't terribly abnormal except for the fact that he doesn't take a break and let someone else use it. He heads in, has his relaxing time with the toilet, takes a long shower, brushes his teeth, shaves, etc., all in a row. If he'd just give it up for five minutes in the middle, the rest of us could go in and not be so angry with him later.

    Then in the evening, whenever anyone had to use the bathroom, he was always in it. I almost never tried to use it when one of the other two housemates was there. It was always the one. *raises fist in his general direction*

    I have a lot of superpowers, not the least of which is humility. I'm joking. Maybe.

    My word verification is refor. That just sounds wrong.

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  6. When we build our retirement home, we built two side-by-side bathrooms. His. And mine. He uses his. Everyone else uses mine, sometimes even me.
    It's been a long time, but I clearly remember staff rooms like that.
    Don't get me started on temperature control.

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  7. Mary G.--Put a lock on that bathroom! And as far as temp. control, it's a constant battle if I'm in the room. I freely admit that I'm not normal. I am constantly cold, even in summer, unless it's 85 degrees. And I hate having to dress indoors as if I'm on a Boy Scout campout. Back in the day, I hated women like me, and now I am one. Karma really IS a bitch.

    Mikey G--Your superpower is adventure. You always call me from the most wonderful places. I live vicariously through you. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

    The Bug--Sounds like MY house! When did I get this old and set in my ways? (And my email link is in my sidebar, under my "About Me". How hard did you look? LOL)

    Melissa B.--Every staff has a few of those. And when they retire, others simply take their places. Funny, huh?

    Silliyak--You and my reader/commenter Nancy should get along great! She sneaks in here every now and again and unleashes her punny wit in Comments to varying degrees of success. Usually admiration and chuckles, really.

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  8. Nance,

    Really, I have no punny wit to share with you this time.

    I want to talk about Sharon. I had a Sharon in my work life,too, and she was as slippery as an eel on ice.

    She was the only person I knew who could enter a revolving door behind you and come out in front of you..

    I have been retired for years and I still do not miss Sharon....

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  9. Wait....you have COMPUTER stations in your teacher's loung? Holy crap! We're lucky to have 1/1/2 microwaves just to cut down on waiting. Now I'm depressed.

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  10. aplo--well, remember, it is a brand new school. with over 200 teachers, none of whom have their own classroom. everything is computerized: our gradebooks, our student information, our communication with the various offices, our report cards and progress reports, etc. before you get too excited, none of us has a printer in his or her classroom, and at least two copiers break down every day because our new state-of-the-art building got all the elderly crappy copiers that no one else wanted from all the other buildings in the district. when i want A COPY that i printed from my computer, i have to walk half a city block to the closest printer. (and hope it's got paper in it, or it's back to my room, hit print again, AFTER i've loaded the printer and hope no one else has hit print in the meantime.) good times.

    Nancy--Our Sharon used to also be the Queen Of Careless Remarks, such as this one when observing a colleague eating a fast food breakfast: "Oh, that looks so delicious. I wish I could be like you and not care what that would do to my hips." And that was one of her Milder Salvos.

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  11. Our Sharon once said to an associate."That's a nice dress. Too bad they didn't have it in your size."

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  12. Nance, you have no idea how greatly it pains me to do this. But I have to now uninvite you to visit me in California. Unless you're willing to be outside and at the MERCY OF THE GODS OF TEMPERATURE. Because I can't handle anything above 70. Though really, if you're willing to put on a sweater or two, I can do 79 in summer when it's 110 outside and I need the A/C inside. Oh, wait, I know! You could sit by the pool, where it's 110 or so, and I'll come out for short visits. You can come visit me in my 80 degree house for short visits as well. I'll serve you avocado and white wine, if that helps.

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  13. @J at jellyjules.com,

    I'll Come,I'll Come! And to sweeten the pot a little, I'll dig up Sharon and bring her,too....

    Sharon likes avacado and white wine and so do I.....

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  14. Nancy--:-p like Sharon is a draw!

    j.@jj.com--I will not mind being outdoors unless it is to eat. I do not, as you know, eat outdoors. I am happy to put on a sweater indoors or outdoors occasionally, but 70 in the airconditioning is, I think, frigid. 79 indoors is pleasant at all times. 110 outdoors is warm, even for me, and unbearable if it is humid. I do love sitting by a pool, and will even have wine and nibblies by said pool. AND--I will go almost anyplace for avocados. How delightful!

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  15. Ah! Complete lounge/The Rock nostalgia! I cannot wait for Sue's retirement party.

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