Last week was one of The Longest Weeks In The History Of Education. My colleagues and I put in two twelve-hour days, thanks to the dreaded Parent-Teacher Conferences, which are held from 3:30-7:00 pm. We call them The Hostage Crisis--among other things. As a result, on the days following, we are delirious and incoherent in the workroom, which begins to take on the atmosphere of the old lounge back at The Rock. (Ah, those were the days!)
Scene opens in the teacher workroom. It is crowded and, uncharacteristically, noisy. Some teachers are at computer stations, others eat lunch at the long tables.
Sue: (from computer station) Remind me to go to the bathroom.
Kerrie: (looks up from her lunch, wide-eyed) Oh! Oh! That reminds me! Nance! Now I know why You-know-who is your arch-nemesis. I was standing in front of the bathroom, with my hand practically on the door handle, and she just tottered right in front of me and went on in! I was furious! Just because she has that thing on her foot or whatever.
Nance: (peers around from computer) She's horrid. And she would have done that without that plastic cast on her foot. She's just rude.
Sue: Remember Sharon? She did that all the time with the bathroom. You could be standing there at the door with your hand on the knob and she'd just sneak right past you.
Nance: I know! Angie called her "The Zephyr." She blew past you like a breeze. Sometimes, you didn't even know you'd been Zephyred, and you'd walk on in, and there would be Sharon! It was her superpower!
Nance: That, and disdain. Disdain was her other superpower. Remember when she said to me at her retirement party last year, "Moving into a new school and doing all that unpacking and settling in to a new place just doesn't interest me. I don't know why anyone would do it."? As if we all had a choice?! Like the rest of us could just retire too and avoid it? Gotta love Sharon.
Kerrie: I know! All year last year she kept barging into my desk in the bookroom and grabbing my three-hole punch and using it and calling it "The Department Three-Hole Punch." I didn't have the heart to tell her No, it's MY THREE-HOLE PUNCH ON MY DESK THAT I BOUGHT WITH MY OWN MONEY AND I'M LETTING YOU USE IT.
Nance: Hey. It's getting awfully cold in here. Why is it belching ice-cold air all of a sudden? Sue! Did you turn down the thermostat over there?
Sue: Huh? No. I haven't touched it.
Nance: (sighs loudly) I bet. You know, you menopausal women in here...
Sue: (interrupts and shakes finger at Nance) Watch it, now. Watch what you say! I have the thermostat over here! I have it right above my desk. That's my superpower!