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Thursday, January 13, 2011

Et Tu, Teachers? The Ides Of Education (It's All Here In Black And White)


Scene opens in teacher workroom. Some teachers are at computer stations, others are at long tables either eating lunch or grading papers. All would rather be someplace else, so no real names will be used here, except for mine.

Elaine: (tiredly) I may not even show the movie. I mean, it's in black and white. The regular kids just make such a big deal over it. I can't deal with their comments. (whiny, mocking voice) This is in black and white? Is the whole movie like this? How old is this movie? ( deep sigh.) Ugh. It's just not worth it.

Nance: You know...(leans over conspiriatorially) you might want to do what I did when I used to show the original Julius Caesar with Brando, James Mason, and Sir John Gielgud. The newer color version is crap, as you know--

Elaine:--Oh, God. That thing is such a piece of shit. Jason Robards is asleep during the whole entire thing. Anything is better than that. Has to be!

Nance: Exactly. Well, the original is wonderful, but it's ancient and in black and white. So, I used to tell the kids that some now-famous stars or celebrities were in the crowd scenes--you know, as extras. They'd sit there, eyes glued to that film, waiting to spot that person. Now, this was back in the early 80s, so I think I said, like, the actor who played Greg Brady or maybe, oh, I don't know, some hair band singer or someone. I used to even offer bonus points, and--

Jennifer: (rubbernecking from behind her monitor) Now that is so mean! Are you serious?

Nance: Absolutely I am! I'd even stop the film and the kid would walk up to the screen, all proud and authoritative, and point out the person. A lot of the time, I'd say, "Yep! Good eye! You got it!" And I'd give him five points. Why the hell not?

Tina: I love it. But didn't anyone ever figure it out?

Nance: Oh, once or twice I'd catch the eye of one of the brighter kids who could do the math and realize that there was no effing way that the Mystery Celebrity could have been in that movie. But they were always satisfied with being "in the know" and just sort of rolled their eyes and smiled.

Elaine: I should try that. I really should. I have this one kid who is such a complete and total jerk. I'm talking all the time. No, wait. I take that back. Actually, he's been really quiet lately. A relative who moved in with them is really sick and is dying. Or died. Either way, he's completely different. Is it awful of me to wish that he had other relatives in a bad way so that he stays quiet and does all of his work?

Lori: (suddenly piping up from the back table where she's been smothered by a stack of literary analysis papers) Maybe he could foster elderly pets. Then, everybody wins!
End scene.

13 comments:

  1. LMAO Okay, that last part does sound mean, but having taught 100 years ago, I do get it! That kind of student can wear one down so much. And, as I've said before, a teacher's lounge offers both compatriot relief and cynicism, most of which is very needed to just get through. I guess I'm equally warped that I don't consider the enticement on spotting the walk-on/cameo character to be mean at all. Gosh, if they fall for that ... go for it! And, you were brilliant to just go along with whatever the eager beaver student said. I love that the bright kids stayed quiet ... amused that Mrs. D has pulled another good one over on the nitwits.

    Shirley

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  2. Nance is that REALLY what goes on in there?? Hmmm, I never knew...LOL! And yeah, that's a good one (as I picture Damoe as one of the smart kids, smiling thinking the others a idiots)!

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  3. Me, too. Both LMAO and seconding gfe's comments.
    Tsk!
    There is now, I am told, software that can spot faces in crowds. Another skill the little monsters will now probably lose.

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  4. Mary G--Oh, but they can't use it in my room, now can they!? HA!

    Tera--Think of what goes on in your break room, cafeteria, "water cooler area", etc. at your workplace about your clients. It's not any different, I assure you.

    Shirley--Thanks. And as I've so often said (like many of my co-workers), no one really knows what it's like In The Trenches unless they've been there. You've been there and you can really appreciate it.

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  5. Oh, ugh, gallows humor at its best. None of us really wish for someone to hurt. Maybe. But we do wish they'd just BEHAVE.

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  6. I miss teaching secondary!!!

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  7. aplo--But, you know what they say about parenting, too: "Bigger kids, bigger problems." There are trade-offs, believe me.

    j@jj.com--Obv. But have you ever heard any other professions let loose? Just listen to doctors when they get on a roll!

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  8. Nance, you're a genius? I wonder...could we implement a similar plan to get Sarah Palin to just shut the hell up?

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  9. Hi, Melissa! You know, I was just answering an email from a reader who wondered why I haven't written anything political in a while, especially about S. Palin, etc. Among other things, I just don't want to give her any more media discussion/space, is basically what I said. Like you, I wish she'd just stfu, but as long as the various media outlets keep giving her attention, she keeps providing them with fodder, and her pups keep lapping it up. Most of them, like her, are not the least bit distracted by facts, so they can't be reasoned with or even talked WITH rationally to perhaps get their actual VIEW on anything. Sad to say, right now I'm sort of "detaching with love" from politics in general. Not to be immodest or self=aggrandizing, but I'm just better than that right now. I don't want to "get any on me". Now, as far as you calling me a genius...I like the interrogative after it. Noticed that right away. LOL.

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  10. Awwww Nance, you said, "stfu!" Anywho, you don't have to post about S. Palin, but post SOMETHING...puh-lease! Thanks! :-) It wouldn't hurt you to high-tail over to P&P either...you might rather enjoy my last post (or two...or three :-)

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  11. Always enjoy a good batch of gallows humor :>)!!

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  12. Tera--"Something" as in "political" or just a post in general because I haven't updated? I've been reading over at P&P, but honestly haven't felt able to contribute due to the oblique nature of the posts. I did jump in with the whole Name Thing, though!

    dbso--I know that you , as a member of the healthcare profession, understand well the nature of this type of humor to break up the tension and frustration in the workplace. Right!?

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  13. Nance I was talking about a post in general. And no biggie on my comment about my blog...I just thought you'd get a kick out of the name thing, that's all.

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Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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